It was well past three in the morning. Killua hadn't stopped walking since… since Gon had kicked him out of his apartment. Out of his life. Was it really worth it? Was it really worth all the trouble? He'd saved Alluka, but he'd lost Gon in the process. Why would he sacrifice Gon for–

Killua snarled at himself, startling a couple of his fellow nighttime wanderers.

Tears spiked in his eyes.

I can't believe that I'm thinking that.

How could I ever consider sacrificing Alluka.

How could I ever regret saving her.

Gon means the world to me… but so does Alluka. I could never pick one over the other…

Though I guess that doesn't matter anymore.

I've lost Gon.

He's gone.

He's not my friend anymore.

I'm back to being… alone.

In a fit of rage Killua punched a nearby wall. The bricks cracked under the force of his blow, but all he managed to do was destroy private property. With this armor on, Killua could never take any damage. Not even from himself.

He had walked himself all the way to the bad part of town. Where the gangs and the mafia crept and played. Where the shady characters traded money, drugs, and trafficked humanoids in the shadows of the cracked and leaning buildings.

This was where Killua belonged, he supposed.

Damn it.

Fuck!

Of course Illumi was conveniently gone now. And right when Killua needed a job to get his mind off of things. When will I learn? Zoldyck blood runs thinner than water. Thinner than lies.

The Valkyrie ducked into a shady looking clothing store. The walls were white and unpainted, the wracks haphazardly organized, covered in mafia logos, tie dye, and graphics of alien world conquerors.

The cashier snorted himself awake, only to look Killua up and down and hold his hands up defensively before him.

Killua scrutinized him out of the corner of his eye.

He looked scared… but was far too high to truly be scared.

Killua supposed that he was the most terrifying thing in existence at that moment. A war ravaged Valkyrie, dripping with blood and dirtied from wandering the streets. His hair was greasy and matted with blood and sweat. Not to mention his eyes, which were empty and dark. He wanted nothing more than to lash out.

To drown in violence and the blood of others.

He knew he was regressing, but he couldn't find it in himself to care.

Killua grabbed the first pair of baggy black pants he saw, then some random red t-shirt and a black hoodie. It didn't matter if there were alien army logos, mafia sigils, or gang affiliations on it.

Who would be stupid enough to challenge Killua?

He tossed the bundle of clothing onto the counter, and then leaned back to peek under the desk at the cashier's shoes. His feet were the same size as Killua's. He had some pretty nice boots on. Leathery and to the mid-shin. They were caked with mud and what was likely powered drugs, but Killua didn't care.

"How much for the shoes?" he said, voice rough and jagged.

"How much you got?" the guy sneered, looking Killua up and down.

"I don't have any money on me… but what if I gave you this suit of armor?"

"Really, dude?! That'd be totally sick!" the guy shot to his feet, grinning and revealing a set of fangs. "Valkyrie armor? Like, dude! I'll be the coolest person ever! The dudes will be all over me!"

Killua just stared emptily at him.

"So I guess that's a deal?" the guy asked slowly, smile turning strained. When Killua still didn't respond, he shrugged and came out from behind the desk. "You can have whatever you want from in here, managers'll kill me but if they see what I got off'a ya they won't care one bit! Anyone would take this deal, ya know?"

Killua didn't say anything.

"The brooding type, eh?"

No response from the Valkyrie.

"Whaaaatever," the guy took a drag from his vape. "Come'ere, we can swap clothes in the back room." He blew a cloud of smoke from his nose, and led Killua into the recesses of the store.

Killua watched the guy's back as he walked. He was an Alien-Cryptid hybrid, with purple skin and a tattoo sleeve on each arm. He had a long and thin tail that swished behind him as he walked, and two little bat ears hanging back in a chilled out position behind his head. His hair was unevenly cut, a jagged mop of black shot through with a few bleached highlights. He was wearing a black t-shirt with the sleeves messily ripped off, and he had on a pair of tight, ripped jeans.

He reminded Killua… of Gon.

What with the goofy grin, the friendly attitude, and the tight pants.

Killua allowed his eyes to trace down the guy's back, he had a nice ass.

He even swung like Killua.

The Valkyrie's mind darkened, and he felt his mouth dry out.

The guy was attractive, he had to admit.

Killua latched onto these feelings of attraction, needing something that wasn't rage or self-hate. The feeling skyrocketed, and a heat began to pool in his lower belly. His broken and battered mind latched onto this distraction, and soon the deliciously tantalizing feeling was the only thing present in Killua's mind.

"Hereee, we go!" the guy chirped, opening a door painted black with a bunch of random stickers all over it. He led Killua into a darkly lit room. It had black cement brick walls, splotchy concrete flooring, and a couple strings of Christmas lights messily strung across the ceiling for light. There were a bunch of boxes flung about, and racks of unorganized clothing dotted the space.

The guy led Killua into a corner, so that if someone walked in they would be blocked from sight by a tower of boxes. He stood and crossed his arms, looking Killua up and down unabashedly. "I've always wondered how you get shit like that off. I'll need to know, if it'll be mine, huh?"

Killua's eyes were dark and hazy, the cloud over his mind such a welcomed bliss. The Valkyrie swished his tail slowly behind him, a signal of attraction towards another. The guy swished his tail back, and suddenly a thick tension spread out before them.

Killua reached up and unlatched his mask, it released with a hiss of air. He sighed against the fresh air against his cheeks, and carelessly dropped the mask to the floor beside him.

"Fuck, you're pretty hot, dude," the hybrid commented. "Do you talk, though?"

"Sometimes," Killua said, making sure his voice was low and rumbly. He locked eyes with the guy, they were the same height. A grin crawled onto that purple face.

"What's your name, beautiful?"

"None of your damn business," Killua growled. He didn't want small talk. He didn't want to make any friends. He just wanted to get off. He just wanted to feel something. Something good for once. He'd done it so many times in his dreams, it was about time he made those a reality.

The hybrid gave a throaty laugh, "So we're doing it that way, huh? I like it! S'more hot this way, you won't know who's name to moan out~"

Killua glared at him, he was talking too much. The Valkyrie watched as the guy slowly peeled off his shirt. He added a sensual lilt to his hips, and Killua's dick strained painfully against his armor.

That purple skin was corded with muscles and a litany of tattoos, the guy gave Killua a toothy smirk, and motioned with his fingers. Killua had no idea what he was doing, all he knew was that he was chasing that feeling. That feeling from his dreams. Something to pull him under and wipe everything away.

The assassin switched each of the hidden straps, they each released with a click. Once they were all free, the armor clanged unceremoniously to the ground, leaving Killua in just a baggy pair of shorts.

The purple guy's ears perked up, and his tail swished playfully behind him. "So aggressive!" he cooed. He walked up to Killua, and the Valkyrie held his ground. To attempt and keep his dominance, but also because he had no idea what the fuck to do. But somehow nothing felt awkward. Something about this guy… something about him made everything feel cool, relaxed. Right.

For the first time in months, Killua wasn't thinking about Gon.

He was thinking about himself. And about how he wanted that guy's hands on him.

The guy walked gracefully through the ocean of armor plates scattered across the floor. He walked in a strange pattern to avoid stepping on them, but somehow he was graceful. Composed. Hot as fucking hell.

He arrived before Killua, and placed his hands on his shoulders, shoving Killua up against the wall. The assassin was unable to suppress his gasp when his back hit the cold cement brick wall. The hybrid laughed, a melody laced with promises of sin and pleasure.

For the first time Killua noticed his eyes, which were a bright and expressive green. They showed his every emotion, and glowed against the moody lighting in the back room.

Eyes that were strikingly similar to a certain amber pair, though the similarities between the two males were not up front and center in Killua's mind at that moment.

Purple hands slid down Killua's shoulders and across his chest. Playful fingers gave a quick trace to his muscular stomach, before slipping around Killua's waist to climb back up his back. Killua shivered beneath his touch, his erection obvious and unhidden in his shorts.

"We've both got tattoos for days," the guy commented with a playground tone to his voice. A voice that belonged in a school yard, not in a bedroom. This guy's entire personality was a contradiction of itself. Everything he said was joking and light, nothing was serious or threatening or meant to pierce Killua's already broken heart. It made it even easier for Killua to get lost, to forget everything but what was happening right in that moment.

"But yours are way more serious than mine are," the guy continued, before leaning his his head down to trace his tongue along one of the thorny vines winding around Killua's collar bone. "Does anyone tell you what a badass you are? Valkyries are totally sick. Everybody tells me I should fear them, but personally, the stronger the humanoid the hotter they are to hook up with. Definitely a kink of mine, but who's judging, amirite?"

Killua choked down an embarrassing stream of noises as that hot tongue traced its way along that spiraling pattern, slowly licking his way up the side of Killua's neck.

"No, definitely not you," the purple skinned guy purred directly against Killua's pulse point. "If anything my weirdo preferences are benefiting you, Hottie. Is that a good name for you?" He traced his hands along the muscles in Killua's back, rubbing his thumbs in circles in between his shoulder blades where the wings would have been.

"No, I don't think so," he murmured against Killua's jawline. "Baby's too innocent for you, though. No, you're a Valkyrie. Gods, look at that tail of yours. Totally incredible." He twined their tails together, lacing his skinny appendage against Killua's muscular and sharp one. He tugged at Killua's with his own, finally dragging an audible moan from him.

"Doll, perhaps?" he whispered against the shell of Killua's ear, only to give a throaty chuckle that sent heat pulsing through his groin.

"No, too feminine," he murmured, licking along Killua's cheekbone. "You've got some serious curves, but a name like that wouldn't do you justice." He slipped his hands around Killua's waist, wrapping his lithe fingers almost all the way around.

"What about…" he breathed against Killua's lips. Their noses were pressed together, and he was looking directly into Killua's eyes, millimeters away from Killua's cracked and panting mouth. "Bae? I know it's totally cringe but…" he palmed Killua's throbbing hard on, dragging another moan from his lips. "I think it fits a stellar bottom like yourself."

Fuck.

Killua was putty beneath his hands, one bracing the back of his neck and the other rubbing against his groin, sending sparks flying all throughout Killua's body.

Killua was vaguely conscious of the fact that he'd never been kissed before in real life, but all those thoughts dissolved into nothing but steam when the hybrid pressed his mouth against Killua's. There was no holding back with the kiss at all, he dove right in. Killua groaned against his lips, not having any idea what he was supposed to be doing, but the lead the guy had on him was so strong that it didn't end up mattering.

Their lips molded together, and before Killua could remember to breathe that hot tongue he'd felt all over his chest and neck was slipping between his lips and shit, Killua had never experienced anything like this before, and now he was drowning in want.

The guy tasted like smoke and Killua's own sweat, all blended together with some phantom sweetness. Was that chocolate? Killua's knees buckled, and he looped his arms around the guy's neck. He moved his hand away from Killua's dick, unfortunately, but what he did instead was so much better.

He looped his hands under Killua's thighs, and hoisted the Valkyrie up so his legs were wrapped around that strong waist. Then he carried Killua off to the side - out of the pool of armor - to press him hard up against the wall.

The guy ground his hips into Killua's, and the feel of his hardened cock sliding up against his own through those cages of fabric was pure bliss. The friction was making Killua's head spin. Is this what he'd been missing out on all his teen years?! What the fuck, why hadn't he done something like this sooner.

The purple skinned guy slid his tongue under Killua's, exploring his entire mouth and sending Killua further and further into a tizzy. He was moaning and whimpering all out of control, now, and the guy was eating it up. He swallowed every single sound, grinning against Killua's saliva-coated mouth and rewarding him with sharp rolls of his hips.

He broke the kiss with a pop of suction, turning his attention back to Killua's neck. He sucked at that pulse point, biting and abusing the skin until Killua was clawing desperately at his back. The heat in his groin was growing, and it felt like he was about to explode. Fuck, he needed more.

Killua's tail was thrashing and twisting into itself, bringing the other guy's along for the ride. He moved away from Killua's neck to lick up the side of his face again, placing tiny kisses all along Killua's cheekbones and squeezed eyelids. The Valkyrie dragged his nails down the guy's back, earning a rumbling groan.

He tugged his tail, pulling the other guys hard and striking that bundle of nerves at the base. The guy moaned incoherently, pressing harder against Killua and for the first time getting too distracted by what he was feeling to abuse Killua with that sinful tongue of his.

Killua felt accomplished at getting the other guy to moan, wanting to do it again.

But then he pulled back, planting his hands on Killua's shoulders to keep him from chasing after. He met Killua's lustful glare with a grin. His purple face was flushed and his eyes were glowing brighter than ever.

"Hey, don't yell at me or anything," he ground out, punctuating with a rock of his hips that had Killua flinging his head back and squeezing his eyes shut tight. "Do you want me to make you feel really good, Bae? Like, better than now?"

"I don't… care," Killua gasped out.

The guy giggled, "Hah! I'll take that as a yes, I wouldn't want you to come for me before anything interesting happens."

How could anything be more interesting than this?

The guy placed Killua back on his feet, and the Valkyrie struggled to keep his balance. The guy laughed, steadying Killua by the waist as he regained his balance. He leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss against Killua's lips. "Damn, you're just begging to be fucked."

Killua moaned in response, a million dirty images flashing across his mind.

The guy laughed excitedly, too big of a ball of energy to keep from laughing this whole damn time. He knelt before Killua, and suddenly the Valkyrie's head felt completely hot. His face flushed even worse, and his dick twitched in anticipation of what he knew was about to happen to him.

Their tails untwined on the hybrid's way down, and Killua settled for wrapping his around the guy's wrist. He wrapped his own around Killua's ankle. Purple fingers slipped underneath Killua's waistband, and pulled those shorts down painfully slow. Killua hissed as his rock hard cock was bared to the chilly air of the dank room, and the green eyed hybrid laughed in excitement at the sight of Killua's length.

Killua panted as he leaned back against the wall, watching this play out was so incredibly erotic. He watched as a pair of black ears pressed against the hybrid's skull, and a dark haired head leaned in close. He gripped Killua's thighs for balance, his own dick visibly straining against those tight ass jeans.

Shit, it was so easy.

All of this was so easy.

This whole time, it was nothing at all to blend the fantasies from Killua's dreams with this reality. The longing in Killua's heart came to life with a blazing passion, and every time he shut his eyes he could just picture it.

Gon. It was Gon doing all this.

It was a different raven haired hybrid. A different shade of eyes. A different face making those oh so similar expressions, and it was Gon who leaned down in between Killua's legs, licking up the side of Killua's dick and sending him spiraling him into a blazing heat and–

Killua gagged.

Gon.

Fuck.

No.

He had to stop this.

He woke himself out of this hazy stupor with a gasp, and jumped fifteen feet across the room. He landed in a stumbling roll, staring back to the wall at the confused purple hybrid with a frantic look in his eyes.

What was he doing.

What the fuck was Killua thinking?!

"Hey, what's wro–" the hybrid asked, genuine concern in those green depths.

Killua was gone in a flash.

No.

He wouldn't use another man to further his own fantasies, his own hopeless longing. No one deserved that. Killua shouldn't use anyone as some… as some tool. He was nothing but a blur of pale skin and white hair, tossing on clothes on the way out. He ignored the agreement to take the guy's shoes, and left the store in a mad dash.

Tears streamed down his face as he sprinted barefoot down the soaked sidewalk. His feet were bitten by the cold, but that didn't matter. The second Killua had lost Gon, the second everything had gone under, he'd just fucking lost control.

What the fuck was wrong with him?!

Gon had thrown him out!

Cast him aside!

So why was Gon the only thing he could think of when he–

Killua stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, and screamed his rage up to the rolling clouds overhead. Raindrops pattered against his cheeks, mixing with the tears and washing the last of the blood away. His lust from moments ago was washed down the storm drains like the filth on the side of the road.

He crashed to his knees into a puddle, ruining the brand new pants that still had the tags attached. What was wrong with him. What the fuck was wrong with him.

Killua's mood suddenly whipped in the other direction.

His sadness and heartache turned to rage, and suddenly he was trembling with the need to destroy. If he couldn't lose himself in sex, than he'd just have to lose himself in violence.

Killua stood up and stalked down the sidewalk to the first person he crossed. He lashed out with his hand, shoving his bare hand directly through their face and bashing their skull in. He dragged the body down a nearby ally by the head, and slammed it against the dirty brick wall.

With a monstrous snarl, Killua ripped the body apart. He hadn't even seen if it was a man or a woman, hadn't even discerned the species before it was gone, nothing more than a pile of bloody and ripped clothing. Killua whipped his sleeve across his face, smearing the splattering of blood.

He hadn't eaten in almost 12 hours.

With his stomach full of blood and gristle rather than civilized for the first time in months, Killua found it funny that his entire life had fallen apart in under 12 hours. What the fuck. What the actual fuck?!

He tossed his head back in hysterical laughter, what was going on?!

What was life?!

Who was Killua?!

What was he even doing here?!

He stumbled to his feet, and continued stocking the streets. His skin was still buzzing for a fight, his fingers buzzing to kill. He latched onto that feeling, forcing it to be the only thing present in his mind.

It's okay.

He can wait.

His next battle is tomorrow.

He can let off some steam then.

He'll release all this pent up rage on whatever unfortunate soul the Arena throws his way.