What If I Never Get Over You? I recently found a few songs that really put me back in the Hil/Church camp and uh… this happened.


Timeline: Just after the final chapter (not epilogue) of Black (for the first segment); 9-10 years after the end of Black 2 (for the last 2 segments)

Setting: Unova

Notes: Mild angst, pining/unrequited love, fluff, mild language

Characters: Churchill (Church), Hilbert (Hil), Lacey (OC), N

Prerequisite Reading: Black, Black 2, Hidden Grottos: Need You Now, Hidden Grottos: One of Plasma's Many Faces


Interviews had never been Church's favorite part of the acting industry. He loved performing for a shot and getting into character; interviews required him to forgo all characters he knew, and just be himself. At least, that was what he had been told by many other actors he had spoken with. Yet, Church wasn't sure if he could be himself. What was there interesting or good about himself to present to the rest of the world?

Those glum thoughts might not have been so prevalent if it hadn't been just a painful month since Hil's disappearance. This interview in particular was one of the first he had been invited for in front of a live audience. He had apparently captured a good deal of attention by being such a young actor to work in such high-profile films alongside Brycen Haru, the ex-gym leader of Icirrus City and former award-winning action-adventure actor. Yet, despite knowing that himself, it felt as if it hadn't registered for Church. It was everything he could have ever hoped for at his age and stage of his soon-to-be acting career, and yet… it felt so pointless.

Almost skittishly shuffling onto that set, Church had awkwardly taken a seat at the hostess's insistence, on a plush, azure couch situated in front of a team of cameramen. He knew the recording was semi-live—delayed just enough to allow the editing team to keep anything too risqué from making it to the public eye, but more or less instantaneously broadcast to the rest of Unova—and that made him even more uncomfortable. The hostess had piercing green eyes and long, pristine, straight red hair that framed her freckled face. She looked uncannily familiar, and Church thought in private amusement, that was because she looked so similar to him. Yet, he couldn't shake the feeling she was looking through him or scanning him for weaknesses. Her grin was oddly hungry.

"Welcome to the show, Churchill Pines!" the woman exclaimed. A Lillipup jumped into her lap as she settled in on an adjacent, pale red couch, and she stroked its back lovingly. "It's such an honor to meet you, such a young, promising actor like yourself! But of course, with you being so new to the scene, everyone's wondering, 'Just who is this new guy?'"

Awkwardly laughing, Church glanced down at his fidgeting hands, attempting to still them. "Well, I'm… not that complicated," he lamely answered. What kind of answer was that? he thought bitterly. "Well… unless you want to count that I go by Church instead of my full name."

She laughed. He had forgotten her name. That made him feel even worse. He couldn't wait for this horrible interview to be over and they had barely just started! "Well, my apologies, Church," she giggled, emphasizing his shortened name. "So, Church, from what I've heard, you come from Nimbasa City and took up acting classes in Nacrene before finally settling in Virbank. That true? How's Nimbasa compared to here?"

Licking clammy lips, he answered her question, telling her that Nimbasa seemed busier and more worldly, but Virbank had a much homelier feel about it, even though it was their center for films. He almost lost track of his train of thought halfway through, still staring at his now-sweating palms. This was awful. What was there to tell her, anyway? It was just so… boring. He was so boring… She asked a few more questions like that, getting a general sense of where he had come from and his inspirations for acting. He phoned in the responses, almost zoning out of their conversation, until she started with a sly voice that immediately made him anxious.

"Now… I don't mean to pry."

He glanced up. Her wolfish, delighted grin told him differently than her words.

"But I have heard some rumors that you had affections for a lucky fella before settling into Virbank!"

His heart sank like a stone and it took everything in his power not to wrench his gaze away from her. "Not true," was all he managed to say and he forced the fakest smile ever, "I've been too busy with acting, I didn't even have time to…"

She waved a hand at him. "Oh, don't be so worried! I can see you blushing!" she giggled. She still looked borderline wolfish. "Who was the lucky guy, what happened?"

Feeling like he might faint from just how uncomfortably cruel this line of questioning felt, Church swallowed against a sandpaper tongue and looked back at his fidgeting hands. His thoughts swirled painfully as he wondered what such a discussion would mean for his career. Sure, he had not heard of any actors in Unova catching heat for admitting to being gay or lesbian or anything of the sort, but he couldn't help the immediate worry about the judgment that could come his way, on top of the hurt swimming through his chest at the painful reminders of Hil.

He noticed the hostess frown, but it was a performative frown. As fake as his own smile. "Aw, did he break your heart, honey?"

Crossing his arms and feeling a surge of anger out of the blue, Church set his jaw and shot her a scathing glare. "He was the best guy I have ever met," he retorted icily, warning her against treading such dangerous questions. His eyes stung painfully as he said the next part though. "He did nothing wrong. Circumstances just… didn't allow for it. And if I may, this seems very unprofessional. I don't want to talk about that."

Blinking as if stunned, the hostess embarrassedly nodded. "R-right, my apologies, Mr. Pines."


Curled up on his and N's sofa at their League home, Hil sighed and let his head fall against the armrest of the couch. It was dark in that room, the only source of light coming from the TV in front of him, where he had decided to dip into the bonus features of the movie he and N had just watched. N had fallen asleep on top of him throughout the movie, so Hil had an arm wrapped around him and they were cuddled up close to one another. It was Church's first theatrical movie he had ever starred in and so, Hil had found himself a bit curious about the bonus features since they touted multiple interviews with Church and Brycen both.

Yet, watching that interview had left him feeling guilty. He idly stroked N's long, fluffy green hair, wishing he was awake so he could cuddle closer to him. Admittedly, he didn't feel guilty for having such strong feelings for N over Church. He and Church had hashed that out a long time ago. He grimaced as he recalled the terrible memory of panicking after getting a call over the Xtransceiver from a drunken Church, of having found a half-empty liquor bottle in his quarters at the Elite Four chambers, and of the fateful conversation they had had after. No, Hil didn't regret his love for N, which burned stronger than his previous flame for Church, but he did feel guilty for all the pain and hurt he had clearly put Church through over the years. At least he could rest assured knowing that Church had someone to love nowadays… He was incredibly close with a girl named Lacey, and they lived together.

Yet, even though he didn't regret loving N and he most certainly did love that wonderful green-haired boy curled up on top of him, snoozing away peacefully, Hil couldn't help but wonder if he'd ever truly be free of his tangled past with Church. Sometimes, it felt like he and Church worked more like the push and pull of the tides… For a while, everything would seem fine, and he and Church were simply just good friends. Yet, other times, they'd have awkward exchanges and Hil would recognize that nervous uncertainty in Church's eyes, the same look he used to reserve for the gray period after Hil and N were named Consuls in which Hil wasn't sure what or who he wanted. Church seemed happy with Lacey, but what if that didn't end up working out? Would Church go back to endlessly pining after Hil?

Gnawing his lower lip, Hil recognized that he and Church were in low tide right then—he was happy with N, and Church seemed happy with Lacey, but he couldn't help wondering when the tide might come back in, as it always seemed to do. It almost scared him to think how he and Church weren't over… would they ever be truly over?

Clinging a bit tighter to N, he jolted as the other stirred. "Sorry," Hil immediately apologized, "I didn't mean to wake you…"

N softly laughed, and scooted closer, resting his head atop Hil's shoulder and wrapping an arm around him snugly. "Don't mind," he yawned, and Hil sighed in contented relief, a wide, lazy smile laying claim to his face, chasing away all those silly, momentary thoughts about Church in an instant. N barely had to do or say anything at all to flood him with such pleasant, warm feelings of love. He had never felt that way with Church. Perhaps it was cruel to think of it that way… but it wasn't like he had to tell Church that, was it? Of course he and Church were over. Gah, Hil could be such a bleeding heart, to let a practically ancient interview of Church's make him feel so guilty… He hugged N closer, earning a snicker from the other, and kissed him on the top of his head. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" N groggily asked, though he didn't dispute Hil's sweet advances.

"You are just too sweet curled up on top of me like that," Hil teased him playfully, kissing him again.

"Mm, I suppose that's something I can live with," N laughed, nuzzling Hil's shoulder.

Stroking his hair some more, Hil hummed happily. "I love you, N."

Lazily looking back up at him with a broad grin, N replied, "I love you too, Hil."


Church couldn't sleep that night. He almost scoffed to himself. His mother used to tell him (you know, back before she became a massive crackhead) that meant someone else was thinking about him. If that was the case, he really wished whoever it was would go the hell to bed, he thought amusedly to himself. Glancing over at the other side of the bed, he snickered to himself at how Lacey was sprawled unapologetically across the bed, her hair a mess. She could have slept through a tornado, he was sure, and she had no qualms with taking over his entire bed sometimes. He would have let her, of course, without so much as a peep. Shaking his head with a chuckle, he placed both of his hands behind his head and stared up at the ceiling. Further down the bed, a Poochyena was curled up annoyingly on top of his foot, but he didn't dare move it to try to make the pokémon find somewhere else to lay, lest he have a Poochyena attacking his foot from atop the blanket all night. Faith was funny like that.

As sleep continued to evade him and he eyed that ceiling, he had every reason in the world to be happy, especially with Lacey. Yet… he found his mind wandering a bit. He felt horrible for it, but he had to admit, he was feeling a bit exhausted. As much as he loved Lacey, sometimes… sometimes life with her was not perfect. Even all these years later, she still suffered fearful or angry outbursts, fueled by PTSD from her time with Neo Plasma, and sometimes… those episodes were just exhausting to deal with.

The previous day, she had melted down after mistakenly believing a voice she heard from a TV playing in another room was Ghetsis' Shadow Triad. She had curled into a ball against the kitchen floor, practically assumed the fetal position, and despite Church's attempts to talk her down, she had remained that way for quite some time. At one point, she kicked him for getting too close, squarely in the chest. He had toppled backward and hit the refrigerator on the other side of the room, hitting his head hard. That had snapped her out of it, and she had scrambled to her feet, rushing over to him, sobbing and apologizing profusely. He had told her it was okay, and he didn't hold it against her—truly, he didn't—but… the entire exchange had just left him feeling a bit tired.

Closing his eyes briefly, Church felt a deep pang of guilt as his mind wandered back to a time so, so many years ago, when Hil had woken up out of a dead sleep from beside him and told him he had had a sexy dream about him. Reminiscing on that wonderful night, Church sighed contentedly, then felt another rush of guilt for missing it so much. What did that make him if he missed that night? Yet, he quickly remembered all the heartache that had come with that whirlwind romance with Hil, and how they simply weren't right for one another.

He loved Lacey. He still didn't know when that had started, truly, but after years of helping her, he loved her so, so much. He weathered the storms of her meltdowns because he loved her. He wouldn't have changed her for anything.

Starting to get upset, he dug his fingers into his hair. If that was the case, then why, on the rare occasion, did thoughts of Hil come creeping back? Like the push and pull of the tides, he and Hil never really went away, they just sometimes were swept out to sea, far apart, only for something to come flooding those thoughts back to mind. Time was supposed to make old feelings fade and allow him to get over Hil and he went for so long without thinking of Hil in such romantic ways that he truly believed he had gotten over that boy… Yet, nights like tonight always made him doubt himself. What if he never truly got over Hil? What if he went another decade and still wasn't fully past him?

Guiltily, he clutched at his hair harder. He had told Hil he wouldn't wait for him, and that they would move on. It was supposed to have hurt at the start, but after ten years… wasn't it supposed to have gotten better? He felt like such a fraud, loving Lacey, but harboring feelings that were locked away behind walls and walls in his heart for Hil. Fraudulent was the only word he could think to describe it. So many believed him to be the angelic, saintly Churchill Pines, everyone's best friend and the best listener in the world, someone who could do almost no wrong—and yet none of them knew this side of him.

Starting to scare himself with such thoughts, he unraveled his fingers from his hair, and curled up close to Lacey. He wrapped an arm around her and nuzzled his head against her shoulder. "I'm sorry," he mumbled under his breath tiredly, his voice partially strangled. "I'm sorry I'm not who you deserve," he whispered.

He knew the next morning he would awake feeling ridiculous, telling himself that late-night demons had simply gotten the best of him… but it didn't make the painful thoughts that he was misleading Lacey or lying to himself any less bothersome right then. He just wanted to hug Lacey until they all went away—and so, he did. He eventually fell asleep curled up beside her like that, and just as he expected, the next morning, when she stirred, he felt much better. He hugged her tighter and kissed her, wishing her a good morning, telling her how beautiful she was. She did her usual giggle and denial of it, telling him he was a silly man, before getting up to go freshen up for the morning.

All those turbulent thoughts about Hil from the previous night were gone, forgotten in his happy stupor from waking up beside her, and in that moment, she was all that mattered.

The tide was low that day.


Strongly inspired by "P.S. I Hope You're Happy" by the Chainsmokers ft. Blink-182 (the first segment) and "What If I Never Get Over You?" by Lady Antebellum (the last two segments).