Gon stood on the arena floor. The announcer was chattering on and on, introducing him and whatnot. Gon could have cared less. Lately he had been feeling so… unmotivated. Unmotivated to do anything. Because no matter what he'd do… he'd just keep remembering that Killua wasn't there anymore.

And then he'd keep thinking about what had happened, and how Leorio had just… forgiven Killua. Just like that.

As if he hadn't left him to die! As if he hadn't murdered hundreds of children!

And Gon… he didn't know.

If Leorio didn't care about Killua leaving him to die… then why did Gon?

Well, that was simple! Because it was wrong, and evil, and cruel, and Kurapika had already left them and Killua had promised to stick with them forever and Gon felt so betrayed and–

Yeah.

Gon didn't… he didn't like losing friends. He was really mad at Killua… and he wanted nothing more than to run off and beg him to return.

But he couldn't just excuse behavior like that!

Gon shook his head, dismissing all these awful thoughts. Killua had been the only thing on Gon's mind since he'd left… since Gon had thrown him out, actually. It hurt to think about… he missed Killua so much, and knowing that it was his fault that Killua was gone hurt. It hurt a lot. But at the same time Gon didn't want to see Killua, he didn't want to have to choose between Leorio and Killua!

Because really… that's what this was about.

To Gon, at least.

If he just forgave Killua… then it would be like brushing off Leorio's near death.

But if he pushed Killua off forever… then he'd lose his best friend.

He already… had… lost his best friend.

And that just made him so damn mad! Why had Killua pushed him away?! Gon had thought he cared about him! And there it was again. Another reason behind Gon's anger. He felt cast aside. He'd always been cast aside. His entire childhood. By everyone except Mito and Abe. Killua had been the first outside person to fully accept him like that… and he really hadn't been expecting a blow like this from Killua.

It hurt.

And Gon couldn't just let himself run back to Killua again, because that would just mean he'd get hurt all over again. He was mad at Killua! Really mad! And the fact that he missed him this much and couldn't properly function without him there made him even MORE mad!

Gon didn't want to think about this anymore.

And he didn't have to!

It was time for his final battle.

He could lose himself in violence. He wouldn't have to think about it anymore.

He could finally get a break.

"Gon's opponent on our 394th floor is…"

The hybrid lowered his stance, it was time. Who would his punching bag be?

"Killua!"

The announcer's cheer made Gon's heart skip a beat.

No.

A slender figure walked onto the arena. Buried in a nest of baggy clothes, haloed by a frame of silvery white hair. An ebony tail dragged on the floor behind him, and a pair of ears were pressed backwards in a signal of hostility.

No way. This isn't happening–

Gon's arms flopped down to his sides, his jaw slack and gapping in horror.

Killua glanced up from under his bangs, and tripped over the step up to the arena floor. He stumbled to a halt, expression mirroring Gon's.

"This can't be happening," Killua thought. This day was supposed to be his day of release! He'd been wandering the streets, fighting against the shadows in his own mind, for days. This was his only chance to clear his head! To free his mind off all the turmoil–

What the hell was Gon doing here?!

"What are you doing here," Gon breathed. Killua. Killua. Killua. That was all his mind could think. With every pump of his heart, it was always Killua, Killua, Killua. He didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to feel.

All the hybrid knew was that his heart was beating faster.

His chest was lurching.

Tears were burning at the back of his eyes.

His entire being screamed at him to rush over to the Valkyrie, to wrap him up in his arms and never let go ever again.

But a smaller part of him. A part of him that was growing, gaining more control.

A part of him that was much easier to give into.

That part of him turned bitter. Filled him with rage. All this pain… all this hurt… it had all been because of Killua. Who did he think he was, stepping in and ruining Gon's only chance to get away from him?! Away from the thoughts of him that were ALWAYS present in his mind?!

"I…" Killua opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. His mouth opened and closed like a fish. He had no idea what the fuck he was supposed to do. Gon. Gon! Gon was right here and he–

He was looking at Killua. Killua needed to run. He needed to hide!

Gon's eyes looked so hurt, so sad and horrified, but–

Now they were starting to get angry.

Killua shuddered, those were the eyes that had punctured his soul that night. The night Gon had tossed him aside. Yelled at him. Insulted him. Refused to listen. Refused to relent. Gotten all in his business asking first. Killua had been trying to let him in that night, but Gon had just trampled all over him.

Gon had thrown Killua onto the streets.

Gon had sent Killua spiraling into a vast pool of depression and pain.

And here he was… angry with Killua?

Shouldn't Killua be the angry one?

Wasn't Killua the one who had the right to be upset?

The two boys stood frozen on the spot, staring each other down. The boy across from them had put them through so much pain… the boy on the other side of the arena had refused to listen to them! They wanted nothing more than to rush over to that other boy… they just wanted to make up, wipe all of this away and move on…

But at the same time they couldn't do that. Their hearts were racing, they felt trapped and thrown on the spot. The crowd was in a frenzy, screaming and shrieking at them to tear the other apart.

Their hurt turned to rage. This was supposed to be their release, what was the other doing here? How could he stand there and look so surprised?! Hadn't he been the one to start all this mess?!

Wordlessly, the hybrid and the Valkyrie lowered into their fighting stances. They circled each other around the arena, drawing closer and closer together. They activated their Ren shields, a violent and powerful display of opposing Magical Energy. Their auras raged against each other, uncontrolled and seeping into the audience.

Kurapika and Leorio watched on in horror.

No way, this couldn't seriously be happening–

Gon growled, raising his lip to bare his serrated teeth. He pumped a generous amount of biochemical into his bloodstream. He'd need it, if he was about to fight a Dragonite Valkyrie. He'd never even sparred with Killua before… part of him was scared. But the rest of him just wanted to destroy. He just wanted to beat the sense into Killua, to make him see all the pain he'd caused!

Killua was thinking the exact same thing as he rolled his neck out, tendons popping as ever damper on his strength was released. He crouched low to the ground, claws extended and pupils no more than slits. His tail swished predatorily behind him. Gon had no idea. He had absolutely no place treating Killua this way. It was about time Killua taught him a serious lesson.

Neither made the first move, both leapt forward at the exact same time.

The Valkyrie and the hybrid met in the middle, forearms slamming together as they switched from offense to defense simultaneously. Magic sparked, and the two of them jumped backwards.

Their eyes were dark and violent, staring daggers at each other. Never breaking the other's gaze.

With a vicious snarl, Gon jumped back in, swinging his fist hard, directly at Killua's skull. The Valkyrie dodged easily, and swiped for Gon's stomach. The hybrid flipped out of the way, and came in for a sweep of Killua's legs from behind. The Valkyrie hopped gracefully up into the air, and swung his tail for Gon's face. The hybrid ducked, and propelled himself forward to headbutt the Valkyrie with his ever-growing horns.

The exchange continued as such, neither strong enough to overcome the other.

They were perfectly matched.

Killua's heart was in his throat. He'd never practiced any of his fighting techniques on Gon, and seeing the hybrid this close up in action was… terrifying to say the least. He couldn't stop thinking that this was Gon he was fighting. This was Gon he was attempting to scratch, disembowel, decapitate. This was Gon who was dodging and evading effortlessly, and Gon who viciously counterattacked.

Gon wasn't thinking such things, he was dead focused on landing the first blow. That feeling buzzed in his chest, a violent urge to destroy. He was mad at Killua, he just wanted to rip him to shreds.

Killua snarled, he was starting to get impatient. This had been going on for three entire minutes, and it was incredibly frustrating. He was angry with Gon alright, but he was mostly angry with himself. And as always when he drowned himself in violence, he projected all that self hatred onto his opponent.

The Valkyrie jumped forward with newfound light, he'd had enough.

Bracing his claws he dove in face first, directly for Gon's stomach. The hybrid moved to kick him away, and Killua bounced off his leg, throwing Gon off balance. Giving himself the perfect opportunity to strike.

His Dragonite instincts squirmed with glee when the opening presented itself, and Killua couldn't contain his grin when he swiped with his claws.

Killua scratched savagely down Gon's face and chest, drawing a flood of scarlet blood and tearing into his clothes.

Gon reacted quickly, kicking again, this time connecting with Killua's stomach and sending him tumbling across the arena. The Valkyrie quickly rolled to his feet, digging his bloodied claws into the cement floor to slow himself down. He glared back over at Gon, smirk on his face and ready to–

Gon panted as he lowered his leg, stumbling to regain his balance. He was bleeding profusely, right eye utterly obliterated by Killua's claws. His lips were torn in multiple places, and his jaw broken from the force of the blow. His mouth hung open, no longer capable of closing. The claw on Killua's index finger had slitted directly into Gon's nose, shredding it and leaving the bone exposed. The gashes on his chest were even worse, collar bone exposed and several rips peeking out for all to see. His skin was shredded and hanging off his body, and buckets of blood poured down his front to puddle on the ground before him.

Gon wiped his arm across his bloodied face, remaining eye burning brighter than ever.

Killua was jerked awake by the sight of Gon's tattered state.

Killua had done that–

Killua had lost himself in violence–

With Gon as the target–

Killua's mouth dropped, his eyes gaping wide in horror.

What have I done.

His eye, I took out his eye–

He's gonna bleed out–

I lost myself–

I lost control–

How could I let myself do this?!

Killua swore his soul left his body. That was a killing blow.

That was enough blood loss to take out a Gargoyle.

He'd killed Gon–

The hybrid spat a mouthful of blood, three teeth clacking against the cement tiles.

He stared Killua dead in the eyes, and the Valkyrie just about threw his guts up in a mixture of relief and disgust when the right eye started growing back. First the socket laced itself back together, then the nerves connecting the organ to the brain, and then the eye itself. Gon's eyelid flopped back into place, and the skin threaded back together.

The gashes on his chest closed back up, and his busted and shredded lips seemed to move in reverse motion, moving back together as if someone had pressed rewind. His lost teeth grew back in, and his demolished nose re-inflated.

Gon aggressively grabbed his free-hanging jaw, and snapped it back into place.

Killua winced, along with the entire audience.

The hybrid flexed his jaw as it healed itself, then shook his head.

Shit.

The biochemical.

Gon had just healed himself from the brink of death.

That must have hurt. So. Fucking. Much.

Killua released the breath he hadn't realized he was holding, and stumbled backwards. He lost his footing, and fell onto the ground. Gon was okay. Killua had almost killed Gon–

Still painted with blood but healed good as new, Gon stalked across the arena floor, eyes burning with a terrifying and bottomless rage.

Killua just watched him approach.

I hurt Gon.

I hurt Gon.

I–

I can't do it.

I can't do this.

I can't hurt him. No. I can't lay a single claw on him.

No.

Never again.

I don't know what I was thinking when this match started–

But I must have been insane. I could never hurt him. Never.

I've caused him enough pain–

"What are you doing?"

Killua jerked his head up, looking up to Gon. Who was standing over him, trembling with rage. Blood dripping down his chin and into Killua's face.

"Why'd you stop?" Gon snarled.

Killua closed his mouth, and his face changed.

Settling into one of acceptance.

And determination.

No.

He was not fighting Gon.

He couldn't do it.

He couldn't hurt him.

The hybrid barked like an enraged wolf, and kicked Killua savagely across the face.

The Valkyrie pinwheeled across the arena, slamming into the far wall.

The audience gasped in horror.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Gon screamed at him when Killua dropped like a rag doll to the floor. "Turn your fucking Ren back on!"

Killua took a shuddering breath, and picked himself up.

He walked back onto the arena, and stood before Gon.

Unmoving.

Waiting.

Patient.

He wasn't going to fight.

But…

With another ripping snarl, Gon punched him hard across the face, knocking him to the ground. "Fight!" the hybrid screamed.

Killua didn't move.

Gon picked him up by the collar, and punched him across the arena floor like a volleyball.

"The fuck are you doing?! Stop just sitting there!"

Gon stomped back over to him, and kicked Killua in the ribs.

"Get the fuck up!"

Killua didn't even curl into himself, making no move to block as Gon kicked him again and again.

He deserved this.

He deserved this pain.

He'd almost killed Gon.

He'd caused him all this pain.

Killua wouldn't allow himself to fight back.

He'd take this beating, and he'd take it with pleasure.

If he couldn't alleviate Gon of his pain… then he'd just have to be there for him in this way.

As a punching bag.

"Damn it!" Gon screamed, releasing a shrieking cry of rage. "FIGHT ME! I KNOW YOU FUCKING WANT TO! I SEE IT IN YOUR EYES!"

Gon pulled Killua up by the front of his shirt holding him up over his head.

"PUNCH ME! SLAP ME ACROSS THE FACE! IMPALE ME ON YOUR FUCKING TAIL! DON'T JUST SIT THERE AND LET THIS HAPPEN!"

Killua's eyes were squeezed shut, entire body bloody and bruised. He cracked his eyes open, and glanced down into Gon's eyes.

Begging him to read his mind.

Gon gasped, his eyes flashing with emotion.

He gritted his teeth.

"DAMN IT!" he screamed again, throwing Killua to the ground. The Valkyrie gasped as he got the wind knocked out of him, and then coughed up a mouthful of blood when Gon slammed himself down, sitting on Killua's chest and cracking multiple ribs.

He punched Killua across the face.

Killua took it.

He did it again, from the other side.

Killua just sat there and took it.

"How can you just fucking sit there and take all this pain?! Why do you always just take it upon yourself?! Why do you always force yourself to handle it alone?!" Gon was screaming directly into Killua's face, making his eardrums rattle and sending spittle flying all over his face.

Killua didn't answer, he just looked up at Gon again, that same look in his eyes:

Empty.

Accepting.

"Kill me."

Gon screamed through gritted teeth, and made to punch Killua straight down into his skull–

Only to miss on purpose.

Shattering the concrete right next to his head.

Killua started up at Gon, shock in his eyes.

Gon crumpled, falling slack on top of Killua. He slouched down, hunching over. His head fell down, cracking against Killua's. He just sat there, pressing their foreheads together and… crying.

He was sobbing.

Killua took a shuddering breath.

No–

No, he didn't want this to happen–

Gon was in pain, no–

The hybrid cracked his eyes open, amber depths desperate and pleading. He straightened back up, and dragged Killua along with him by the collar. "Please!" he sobbed.

Killua gasped, lips wobbling.

"Please, Killua! Just let me in!" his voice cracked. "Tell me what's going on! Don't push me away! Tell me what's wrong!"

Killua just stared up at him. Eyes wide and watery.

He tried to force himself to speak–

But he couldn't.

Gon was crying.

Gon was crying because of Killua.

Killua had almost killed him.

Killua was a danger to him.

Gon should have killed him.

Killua needed to be far far away from Gon, he was a danger to him.

The hybrid choked back a sob, glaring down at the Valkyrie. Who was refusing to say anything. He dropped Killua, slamming him back to the ground. He picked himself up from on top of the Valkyrie, and stalked off the arena floor.

Killua's fight had been over the second he'd froze up.

Kurapika watched on in horror as Gon stalked down the victor's tunnel, and Killua stumbled to his feet. The Elf shared a glance with Leorio, and when they looked back Killua was just gone.

"Shit!" Kurapika gasped, shooting to his feet. "KILLUA! WAIT!" he yelled, scrambling out of the stands and rushing up the stairs to the exit. He had to catch him! He had to catch Killua before he disappeared again!

"Kurapika!" Leorio called after his retreating form. "Wait up, I'm stuck in this damn wheel–"

Leorio's voice faded off into the distance. Kurapika sprinted out of the stadium, and busted through the doors to the lobby. He frantically looked back and forth, and then gasped when he saw a head of fluffy white hair disappearing into the elevator.

"Killua!" Kurapika breathed, sprinting for the other remaining elevator. He ran so fast he fell into it, not even apologizing to the family he had to knock to the ground to make it over. He prodded at the lobby button, likely breaking it. He jumped from foot to foot, desperate as ever.

He wiggled through the elevator door as it opened, and shot into the main lobby.

There were people everywhere.

Kurapika shot his head back and forth.

Come on–

Where was–

He was gone.

Kurapika deflated. Standing alone in a sea of people who weren't Killua.

How could Kurapika let this happen? He'd disappeared on him when Killua had needed him the most! Kurapika was supposed to be his mother… and now he was suffering because he had left him all alone… because Kurapika had been selfish and stupid.

Back at the apartment, Kurapika sat at the kitchen table with Gon and Leorio. Gon was cleaned up now. He'd exited the battle without a single scratch on him. Killua, however… wasn't so lucky. Kurapika was seriously worried. Valkyrie's healed fast… but still.

"Gon. Tell me what happened between you and Killua," Kurapika murmured.

The hybrid sighed, and slouched forward. "Yeah… It all started happening not long after you left. Killua was acting weird. He'd leave for hours, and then come home and just cry. He kept pushing me away… I tried to follow him, and I failed. I failed him so many times… until I finally decided to stay up and wait for him. He came home covered in blood… but wouldn't tell me what was up and I– I just let him do that. The next day we agreed to act like nothing was wrong… to just move on entirely and forget. We all three promised to stick together forever… cause we didn't wanna lose anyone else after you had walked out on us. Then… at Leorio's 300th floor battle that day… Killua just left. Right when Leorio needed to be taken to the hospital. Hisoka helped me track him down… and I found a massacre of dead children. I confronted Killua about it… and we had a massive argument. I called him a bad friend… and I kicked him out of the apartment… Out of my life."

"Killua… left Leorio and you, and was doing so to kill a bunch of children?" Kurapika asked slowly.

Gon nodded.

Kurapika sighed. "Gon. There is absolutely no way that you have the full story. I find this all hard to believe. I do not doubt that it happened, but it seems to me that you were jumping to conclusions. Did you allow Killua to explain to you what happened?"

Gon just stiffened.

"No he didn't," Leorio answered for him, clearly upset. "He just screamed at Killua and refused to listen."

"But he left you, Leorio–"

"-I don't care about that!" Leorio exclaimed. "I'm sorry, but I really don't! I've forgiven Killua, because I know Killua and I know that he'd never do all of this on purpose. And I know you know it too! You're just too damn stubborn to put aside your bruised ego and put yourself in Killua's shoes!"

Gon glared. "This isn't like that!"

"Then what is it about?" Kurapika asked, much softer than Leorio. "I can forgive Killua for whatever it is that he's done. I understand his pain. I understand his position. No one wants to fall to such low levels." Kurapika stood up. "I'm going out to look for Killua. I'm not confident that I will be able to locate him… if he wants to hide then he will be impossible to find. But I'm not letting him keep himself alone through all of this."

"You forgive him too?" Gon asked, sounding disbelieving.

"I know you're mad at Killua for not letting you in," Leorio sighed. "I know it really pisses you off that he's not trusting you with his feelings. But… honestly? You need to do some serious thinking, and figure out why the hell you feel that way. I know you want to forgive Killua, but for some reason you're not allowing yourself to do that. Now, I don't know what's happened to you in the past, but I can assure you that whatever that was is not what's happening now. I know you're hurting, kid… but you've gotta put that aside. I know that Killua did… horrible things. But we can't prosecute him until we know what really happened."

"But I asked him and he won't tell me!" Gon pleaded. "I don't want to– I don't want to believe Killua's like that more than anyone! But the only reason he wouldn't tell me is if he knows I wouldn't like what he has to say! He's guilty. And I… I hate that. He's pushing me away… and no matter what I do I can't hold on to him."

Kurapika and Leorio sighed. The Elf slipped his shoes on, "We understand exactly how you feel. But as it stands, we find it in our hearts to forgive Killua. We suggest that you do the same." Kurapika slipped off into the night. Leorio patted Gon on the head, and rolled himself into the living room to watch the news.

Gon sat with his face buried in his hands.

"Gon…" Leorio murmured on the way out. "You know… forgiving Killua, won't mean betraying me. I've already moved past what happened there. You don't have to defend me anymore. Forgiving Killua… doesn't mean choosing between the two of us."

The hybrid broke down into silent sobs.

Leorio sighed, and moved himself to the couch. Wherever Killua was… whatever Killua was doing… Leorio really hoped he was alright.