Trigger Warning: attempted suicide, depiction of panic attack
The moment Gon joined Kite, everything had just seemed to click into place.
All of a sudden, his life held meaning again. Kite bought Gon some new clothes, and together they set out on an important journey. That's where Gon had gotten his favorite jacket. Kite had bought it for him on that first day.
To Gon, the jacket was his reminder of everything he'd been through, and everything he'd been able to move forward from.
Kite explained to Gon that the job he was being offered consisted of helping Kite with his work. His last apprentice - Spinner - had already moved on, making her own place in the world. Gon would fill that empty slot at Kite's side.
Gon soon discovered that Kite was good friends with Ging. Ging had actually been the one to teach Kite how to fight, how to hunt. Which was what Kite was now going to pass along to Gon, since Ging was clearly nowhere to be seen.
Kite worked as a Zodiac.
The Zodiacs were the members of a powerful organization, founded to keep the peace on this chaotic planet of theirs. Ever since the Blood Wars had finally ended, the Zodiacs had placed themselves in charge of keeping all the opposing species in line. Gon was not aware at the time, but Ging was also a Zodiac. He would learn that much later on, when he would win a reading from a psychic Witch. Gon also was not aware of the truth of the Blood Wars at that time, and the history of Sorcery rooted deep within them… and the Zodiacs in turn.
Kite's current job was to eliminate an anarchist uprising. They flew a banner of their own, calling themselves the Second Army. The First Army had been the army of the Unseelie Fae during the first set of Blood Wars, and this new anarchist group was modeling their goals after that ancient organization's ways.
Luckily, the Second Army was nowhere near in top form. They were spread thin, and relatively weak. None of them were Sorcerers, though at the time Gon did not understand why that was so crucial.
For six months, Gon traveled with Kite, training in the art of the Zodiac's job, and slowly destroying the Second Army.
Kite became a father figure to Gon, and helped him fully move past all the awful things that had happened to him, and all the awful things that he'd done.
Kite showed Gon the side of the world that he'd forgotten about. This world of adventures, the world that Gon had fallen in love with the second he'd stepped foot outside his island. Gon loved traveling with Kite, when he was with Kite, he felt like he belonged. Like he'd found his true family.
The Zodiac's weapon of choice was an enormous black scythe, and he trained Gon how to fight with a scythe as well. Gon had always been skilled in hand to hand, but under Kite's tutelage he was near undefeatable with a scythe in his hands.
The Second Army learned to fear the Kite and Gon duo, but no matter how they schemed, Kite would always outsmart him. With Gon tagging along at his ankles. Traveling with Kite, Gon fully developed his hunter's sense. He learned how to predict an opponent's moves, and he learned how to investigate crime scenes and track down unsavory characters.
Gon might as well have been a Zodiac in training, he was, actually.
Though Kite would not tell him this.
Gon wasn't ready to be trained in Blood Magic. Kite refused to expose Gon to the truth until he knew the boy was ready. He had Ging's blood in his veins, and that reckless energy never mixed well with Blood Magic.
The Zodiacs were known worldwide as the strongest warriors of all. They were legendary on the other planets, and even had a name made for themselves on the Moon of Chimera. Knowing that Gon was not a part of that legacy, even if it was just him following a Zodiac around, filled Gon with a sense of purpose.
For the first time in his life, Gon was proud of who he was and what he had accomplished. Through Kite, Gon was able to fully grow up. He was able to set all his childhood trauma aside, and become the person he was meant to be.
Gon wanted to officially become Kite's student. He wanted to do what Spinner had done, and take the Exam required to become a Zodiac. Gon wanted to make the world a better place… he'd find Ging, sure. But after that? Gon wanted to be just like Kite.
This was a crucial change in Gon's perspective.
All his life, he'd wanted to be just like Ging. This was problematic, if you could imagine. Ging was a distant shadow on the horizon, an unrealistic goal that Gon chased after. He placed Ging on a pedestal, and strived to be just like him… even as he knew that Ging was a far cry from a good person.
However, now that had changed. Gon had a stable father figure in his life, not just some vague rumor of a man that happened to hold the answer to the mystery of his blood. Gon no longer wanted to be just like Ging, the guy who had walked out on him and dumped him into Mito's lap. Gon wanted to follow in Kite's footsteps. Kite, the respectable Zodiac who had saved him when he'd needed it most.
After months of grueling work, there was finally a single Second Army Base left. Gon and Kite were almost finished, and once that was done, Kite could start grooming Gon for the Zodiac Exam. Once Gon was a Zodiac, finding Ging would be child's play.
"That's it?" Gon had asked. The base was an enormous tunnel system carved into a set of mountains. It was huge. There would be quite a few Army members inside.
"Yep," Kite murmured. "There are more inside this base than there have been in all the rest. Do you remember the plan?"
"Hn," Gon nodded. "We split up, and follow the paths you laid out. Whoever makes it to the center first eliminates the leader. But you're way stronger so you'll definitely get there first!" Gon said, ending with a grin in Kite's direction.
The Wraith shook his head, hair swishing around his waist. The hint of a smile crept across his translucent features. "Exactly." He stood to his full height, and ruffled Gon's hair. "You'll do well, Gon. You've trained hard for this."
"Yes!" Gon chirped, standing up at his superior's side.
"On my mark," Kite murmured, drawing his scythe from where it lay across his back.
Gon lowered himself into a crouch, hand braced on the long hilt of his own scythe.
"Mark," Kite breathed, and with that the Zodiac and his apprentice were gone.
Gon slipped inside, scythe held at his side. He had a grin on his face, whenever he fought like this he felt just like Kite. Gon loved feeling just like Kite. If he could resemble even an ounce of his idol then he could be killed on spot and die happy.
The hybrid activated his biochemical, nice and slow. Just like Kite had taught him to do. It was impossible to control when he completely shifted, so Kite had helped him figure out how to only use a tiny bit at a time. It hurt once it was turned off when he wasn't using it all the way, but pain wasn't a problem.
Gon danced through the hallways, twirling his scythe around his body with ease. Its long black blade slipped through the air, silently eliminating every enemy before they even had a chance to scream.
On the other side of the base, Kite was doing the exact same thing. He had trained Gon to fight like a mirror version of himself. Kite would help Gon come up with his own fighting style in the form of his personal Hatsu once this was all over. Kite was incredibly proud of Gon.
He felt bad for him. Gon was a good kid, yet Ging just completely ignored his existence.
Whatever. If Ging wasn't gonna be there for Gon, then Kite would just do it for him.
Ging was a sucky father anyways.
A sucky person in general, if Kite was being honest.
Hm… something felt off. A tingling anxiety that wouldn't go away. This was taking longer than Kite had expected… why? The amount of troops was a whole lot denser on his side of the base. Had they… anticipated this? This wasn't good.
At this rate, Gon would make it to the center before Kite.
Kite didn't like this feeling.
He had faith in Gon, but at the same time…
He had the creeping suspicion that he'd gravely underestimated his enemy.
The leader of the Second Army… was clearly a lot more skilled in strategy than he'd been letting on all this time. Kite needed to finish this, and he needed to finish it fast.
Kite spun in a circle, the blade of his scythe cutting his every enemy in half. He bit his tongue, and activated his Ren. Kite pulled up his Ken, bracing himself to shift into Ryu if necessary. He didn't think he'd need Crazy Slots… no, the situation wasn't dire enough for that quite yet.
But he needed to be ready for anything.
He didn't know what he'd find once he made it to the center…
Meanwhile, Gon stalked down a long and winding hallway. He'd run out of enemies… had he really gotten that much stronger since the last base? This had taken no time at all! Kite would probably be proud of him for catching up so fast! With a spring in his step, Gon trotted along.
Gon found a pair of doors at the end of the hall, scythe held out at his side and dripping a trail of blood, he pushed on through.
"Kite! I made it–"
Gon trailed off.
This wasn't right.
Kite wasn't here…
Gon had rushed right into the room, and now found himself in the center of an enormous crowd of enemy soldiers. A man dressed in all black stepped forward from the sea of faces. His eyes glowed an awful yellow, and he stunk of rot.
A Skinwalker.
The creature grinned, and released a wave of aura.
Gon stumbled backwards.
Shit! He was insanely powerful! Skinwalkers didn't have a set aura… the more bodies they'd occupied, the stronger they got. And this man… he was in like, his 500th body! His aura was stronger than Gon's!
Gritting his teeth, Gon threw up a defensive aura around him. He didn't usually have to do that… and aside from that, it wasn't working very well.
This guy… outranked him.
"Welcome, little Zodiac," he purred. The Skinwalker paced in circles around Gon. The hybrid followed him with his eyes, not relaxing his stance. The army could pounce at any second. Gon didn't doubt he could beat all the regular soldiers, with a little trouble that was. But this Skinwalker dude? Gon wasn't so sure…
"It seems you've fallen right into my trap. I can't defeat Kite. But I can certainly defeat you. And what better way to lower his defenses than by taking the body of his precious student?" The creature chuckled darkly. "He'll be frozen on the spot. And I will be left to defeat him. You'll pay, for destroying us."
"What… are you talking about," Gon ground out, tightening his grip on his scythe.
He'd messed up. He'd really messed up.
Gon had been so focused on how fast he was moving… that he hadn't realized he'd been walking straight into a trap. He'd been egotistical. He'd let his "power" go to his head. But in reality… he was weaker than ever before.
The Skinwalker snickered. "I'm the General of the Second Army. My name is Gyro." The man, Gyro, melted backwards into the crowd. "Kill him."
Gon gasped, as the entire crowd of soldiers descended upon him. He leapt into the air dodging from the first set of attacks. Dread crashed over Gon's head as time seemed to slow. He hovered in the air above the writhing sea of bodies… bodies lying in wait to kill him.
Gon's life flashed before his eyes.
This was… really bad.
But… he couldn't let it end here. Gyro was way more powerful than him, but he could handle these soldiers, then he could backtrack and help Kite! Gon didn't know what they'd done to stall Kite, but if he could get out of here and back him up then maybe they'd still have a chance.
Gon was so stupid… so immature.
If he'd just stopped to think for a second. Just a second.
He was nothing like Kite.
But… he could still fight.
Set with determination, Gon gritted his teeth. He activated his aura, forcing a dense cloud of it down upon his enemies. They shrunk backwards, giving him a place to land. Time resumed, his existential crisis over for the time being. Gon swung out with his scythe spinning in a circle and taking out everyone within reach.
The soldiers did not let up, and were back down on him the second he stopped his swing.
Gon fought with all his might. He indulged in that dance with the scythe, just how Kite had taught him. His steps were flawless, his swings impeccable. Gon was truly a master scythe wielder. He cut the army down one after the other.
But no matter how skilled he was… he was just a regular humanoid.
He had no Blood Magic to back him up.
And he wasn't strong enough to control the power lying in wait beneath his veins.
Blood splattered, raining down upon Gon as he slew his enemies. But they outnumbered him by far, and for every body that dropped, Gon took damage. He couldn't properly fight all these people at once, and soon his muscles began to strain.
His arms began to cramp.
His fingers trembled on the handle of the scythe, and slippery blood made his hands slip.
He pushed more biochemical into his veins, and soon he hit that wall.
The wall himself and Kite had formed.
This was as much of it he knew how to control… this was it.
This was Gon's last stand.
He wasn't strong enough… to make it back to Kite.
Gon's face fell into an impassive mask. Fine. This had been his mistake anyways… but even in death, he'd do everything in his power to help Kite. With a raging cry, Gon eliminated the last of the soldiers in his path. He stumbled to a halt, legs trembling.
"Well done, little boy," Gyro growled. "It seems that even the runts in the Zodiac litter are freaks of nature. But it doesn't matter. This is the end for you."
Gon snarled, eyes flashing against the dark of the center cavern. He whipped around, holding his scythe out in front of him. The blade trembled, Gon was way past his limit.
Gyro grinned, the yellow teeth of his current corpse flashing in the light that trickled down through the ceiling. The moon was a cheshire grin over head, watching as Gon paid for his missight.
The Skinwalker drew a pair of twin swords, and casually approached Gon.
"HuuuuaaaAAHHHH!" Gon screamed, dashing forward. He jumped off one foot, flipping through the air to pick up momentum. He swung his scythe, the flawless technique just like Kite had taught him.
But it wasn't enough.
There just wasn't any strength left in Gon's body.
Gyro slammed his swords against the blade of Gon's scythe, brutally shoving him back. Gon crashed to the ground, crying out as his right shoulder was snapped out of place. With a snarl he was back on his feet. Gon steeled himself, and then jerked his body.
His limp arm thrashed, popping back into the socket.
Gon winced, but bit back his cry of pain.
Tears biting in the backs of his eyes, Gon darted back forward.
Gyro knocked him back once again.
Gon got up again. And again. And again.
Gyro was… playing with him.
He knew he was stronger.
He'd loose tiny bursts of his aura every time Gon made a pass. Not enough to freeze him up, but enough that his nose would bleed from the strain of resisting that which was superior.
Gon choked back a sob, swaying on his feet. He'd cracked his head hard against the cold rock of the floor, and half his face was drenched in his own blood. His wounds steamed weakly, the meager amount of biochemical at his disposal struggling to keep him alive.
But this was it.
Gon knew this would be his final attack.
He couldn't… hold onto the scythe anymore.
"RRRAAAHHH!" Gon shrieked, lurching forward.
Gyro cracked a laugh. "Are you kidding me? What's that supposed to be?" He merely stepped out of Gon's way, kicking him in the back as Gon stumbled past him. Gon gagged as he tumbled to the ground, the blade of his own scythe slicing up his arms. Its handle socking him in the gut, knocking the wind out of him.
Gon lay dazed for a moment. He couldn't… move.
Gon whimpered, struggling to push himself up. His arms gave out. He tried again, the echoing of Gyro's footsteps in the cavern like war drums. With a sob, Gon shoved himself to a sitting position. He tried to lift his scythe… but he just couldn't do it.
He could feel Gyro behind him. Looming.
"Look at you. You're just some damned kid. A dirty blooded hybrid," Gyro taunted, his voice warping as he shed his corpse. "But not to worry," his true form hissed. "Soon, you will be strong once more. Or at least, your body will."
Gon braced himself for the impact, a single tear squeezing its way out of the corner of his eye. Kite. I'm so sorry–
"GON!"
No.
Gon gasped, jerking around to face the other way–
It was Kite, face set, eyes blown wide in horror. He flung himself across the room, Gyro's spindley body arching upwards and towards Gon.
"Kite, STOP!" Gon screamed, knowing exactly what was about to happen.
Kite landed down before him, a split second before Gyro. The Wraith frantically kicked Gon across the room–
Right before Gyro crashed into Kite's body. Instead of Gon's.
Gon heard the impact… but didn't see it.
He rolled across the floor, unable to stop himself. But as he rolled… he heard that awful sound. Kite's gurgling as Gyro wormed his way into Kite's very much still alive body. Gyro was strong. Hundreds of bodies under his belt. He was strong enough to penetrate even Kite before killing him first.
Gon finally stopped, and with a shrill squeal of determination, managed to lug himself around to face where Kite and…
The hybrid looked on in horror, as Kite's body spasmed.
He watched as the light left his idol's eyes… as his beloved blue hat crashed to the ground… he watched Kite's body fall limp… and then jerk back up.
He watched him stand… but not with that usual grace. He moved like a… like a puppet. Like a monster. His eyes flashed that horrible yellow hue, and then slowly turned to meet Gon's tear stricken gaze.
"No–"
Kite– Gyro. Started to laugh. Cackle. He sounded completely insane.
"Yes!" he screamed. "The body of a full fledged Zodiac! My 500th body, I have reached the peak of Skinwalker form! My power is LIMITLESS now! No one can stand before me! I will rule all! All thanks… to you," he declared, suddenly pointing at Gon. "You and your little friend."
"...Kite? Are you…"
Gyro snorted. "The hell are you talking to, kid? Kite is dead. His body? Is mine."
No. This couldn't be happening.
Gon couldn't believe it.
He refused to accept this.
Not Kite.
No, not him.
Trembling all over, Gon rose to his feet. A pitiful choking of steam rising from the bloody gash on his forehead. He stumbled, barely managing to catch his balance. Gyro barked a laugh. Look at this idiot boy. Why did he even bother? He was already knocking at Death's door. This was just sad. He'd bleed out within a matter of seconds. His skull was visibly cracked through that gash in his head.
"Hey… put Kite back." Gon ground out, voice wavering. Tears gathering in his eyes.
"Excuse me?"
"You fix Kite right now!" He was completely hysterical. Delusional. The utterings of a half-dead kid. He wasn't even fully conscious.
Gyro giggled, bending over. Arms wrapping around his stomach. Kite's… stomach.
It looked so… so wrong.
Kite would never laugh at Gon like that.
At anyone.
Kite would never make that face.
Kite would never be so… incredibly… Derogatory.
Dismissive.
Disrespectful.
"What are you talking about, kid?" Gyro asked. "Kite's dead! He's gone! This?" He raised up Kite's fist. "Is all that's left. And this, is mine." In a flash, Gyro punched his extended forearm with the other hand. The elbow shattered, swinging around like a pinwheel. The Skinwalker snickered, catching it on its next pass, and snapping it back into place.
A rancid gray ooze seeped from the blackened flesh on Kite's elbow as the Skinwalker fused the limb back together.
It was like… paper mache.
Kite was nothing more than a puppet… at the hands of a sadist.
Gon gagged, it was horrible.
Black tinged at the edges of Gon's vision. Gyro watched on in glee. He wouldn't even have to do anything! All he had to do was stand here and occupy the former Zodiac's body, and this idiot kid would die in the most unimaginable pain! It was a spectacular show!
No.
No!
This couldn't, this couldn't end like this!
This guy… he killed Kite. He killed Kite!
Gon gurgled, throwing what could only be described as a tantrum. He could hardly stand. He couldn't even move his body. He was just gonna fucking die here, when Kite… Kite, who had done EVERYTHING for him, was being flaunted around. Gyro might as well have been waving Kite's head around on a stick.
Gon screamed in rage.
His voice echoing against the walls of the cavern.
He was so… he was so… mad! Sad! He fucking hated this! Why was he so weak?!
Gon's emotions echoed against his skull, shivering against his mind. His emotions were powerful, the brain waves strong enough to make a Woman in a far off land pause. It was just a faint tickle in the back of Her mind… but it was irrefutable.
Oh. That child lived? And on top of that he was Partial?
She had expected a bastard child, at the very least.
Just his existence was a shock all on its own. The fact that Ging had actually tolerated this…
That he had been born in the first place.
She chuckled to Herself.
This was certainly a surprise.
Oh, how She loved surprises.
As well as the thought of Ging's reaction when he had realized.
Echoes of an endless pain whispered in the back of Her skull.
"Such rage," She sighed to herself, a crooked smirk crossing her features. "He really is one of my own, it seems. Now then, shall we throw him a bone?"
The Unseelie Queen snapped Her fingers, granting this child access to Her power.
He had earned it.
It was about time She granted him full control, though She wouldn't bestow him with Her mark. Not just yet. She'd simply give him a bit of a boost. He was Her own, after all. His enraged wails were endearing, She had to admit. She might as well give into Her maternal instinct at least once in Her life.
Back in the bloodied cavern, a phantom touch warmed Gon's back. Like… the encouraging hand of a mother steadying the back of her baby as it took its first steps.
Just a split second before he drifted into the cold claws of Death, a fire sparked to life in Gon's veins. The biochemical suddenly raged and sang, his body exploded in a cloud of steam as his fatal wounds were wiped away, with the snap of Her fingers.
Gyro's eyes blew wide.
What? What the hell was this?
Gon's screams turned from screams of rage to screams of unimaginable pain, and in the span of a few seconds, his body transformed at lightning speed, crushing his escaping soul in its powerful grip and tugging it back where it belonged.
The boy's body grew, his bones audible cracked and reshaped. His skin turned black as a starless night, his eyes glowing like magma. Shatter marks zig zagged across his body, looking like gaping chasms in volcanic rock as they glowed with the same savage light as his eyes. Those horns curled out of his skull, and his legs bent and reshaped. He grew claws and fangs, his back hunched forward, like his body was meant to run on all fours. For a finishing touch, his ears turned sharp and elongated.
No tail yet. No crown of markings across his forehead. But still… Gyro swore he heard the echoing laugh of a Woman…
A horrifying growl rumbled from the depths of Gon's throat, and Gyro forgot about the Woman, focusing on the task at hand. This was… unexpected. He couldn't not have imagined that this runt would have possessed a second form–
"You killed Kite."
Aura, choking and black, shot through with glows of magma amber, exploded around Gon. It shot up for the sky, crashing through the roof of the cavern and busting through the ceiling.
Gyro choked on air, frozen on the spot.
Wait–
But how.
He– his enhanced aura outranked this kid's. He'd– he'd killed 500 for this power. Why was it suddenly reduced to nothing? What creature, what species could possibly outrank him so far? Who was– who sat at the top of them all like this?
At the top…
The… Fae.
Unseelie…
Was he… a bastard child? He held no mark but…
In a flash, Gon was in front of Gyro. Before the Skinwalker could even think to move, Gon had punched him. His body flew back, breaking the sound barrier as it crashed through the walls of the base, not slowing down until it was outside and sailing out and over the surrounding trees.
Gyro couldn't even process what was happening, all he knew was that one second he was flailing through the air–
And the next moment someone had appeared over him, punching him into the ground.
Gyro hit the ground hard, Kite's body collided with the forest floor in an awful explosion of Gon's aura as it clung from the blow. In a radius of 100 feet, all of the trees were destroyed when Gyro hit the ground. When he fell, every single bone was shattered. The gray ooze leached from his true form, hurrying to heal his puppet but–
Gon was back.
Rage.
There was nothing but this…
Blinding rage.
Like the first night he had shifted… when Meleoron, Knuckle, and Shoot had…
How was it back to this again?!
How was it the same as before?!
He'd thought he had changed?!
HE'D THOUGHT HE WAS DIFFERENT?!
Oh, he was different alright.
This, this feeling.
This body.
This power.
Gon needed to… destroy.
With a thunderous roar, Gon punched Gyro's skull in. He punched again and again and again. He didn't stop. Not when Kite's face was nothing more than pulp. Not when Gyro's true form was splattered against Kite's insides.
Gon kept going.
He kept raging.
He destroyed, and he destroyed, and he destroyed.
With every blow, the ground shook.
And with every blow, the Unseelie Queen, sensing his rage from afar, became more assured that Gon was indeed Her son.
Eventually… the biochemical fizzled out, sensing victory in battle.
In a sudden explosion of steam and aura, Gon's body deflated. His bones cracked and reshaped. He rose back up from that daze to find–
Kite.
Kite's face. Broken and shattered.
Gon gasped, and the re-transformation glitched. Shuddering to a halt. His ankles ground together, the mismatching bones fusing with an awful burst of pain.
Gon's knees shook, and gave out. He fell to the ground, collapsing onto Kite's chest.
He placed his hands over his mouth.
What had he–
It was all starting to catch up with him. Now that his rage had subsided… and he saw the consequences of his rage.
No.
Of his failure.
This was all Gon's fault.
This was all because he hadn't slowed down to think.
This was because… he hadn't been able to beat Gyro. If he'd been smarter… if he'd fought harder…
What was…
What had he…
Gon sat, trembling. Cold.
Was it over?
Yes.
It was over.
It felt like it had been forever but… no.
It couldn't have lasted more than an hour.
He looked down at his hands, stained in blood with knuckles tattered and ripped from punching through skull and bone. Repeatedly. Each blow had broken Gon a little more… but he hadn't been able to stop. He had been drowning in that feeling, and unable to control himself.
The blood was thick and gray. Appearing lifeless in color… oh, but in no way was that the case.
The sticky warmth of it against his skin and the still twitching corpse before him were indication enough that this was no nightmare.
Gods… he sure wished it were, though.
Because then he could wake up.
Then he could go back.
There was no going back.
Gon forced himself to look forward. He forced himself to look at that face. He choked, gagging. He threw up to the side. Over and over again. He retched until there was nothing left but air and a burning and bleeding throat.
"No," he thought to himself. He had to look. He had to.
These were the consequences of his actions.
These were the consequences of his failure.
He needed to look.
Gon turned back to the tattered corpse, and managed not to gag. His breath was fast and ragged in his throat, barely managing to slip through all the blood yet fast and uncontrollable all the same. His heart felt like it was convulsing in his chest, and oh god he was breathing so fast.
Calm down–
Calm down–
He couldn't breathe yet he was breathing so much–
With a shuddering gasp, Gon jerked to action and stabbed a finger directly into his own chest. His nail hit the bone of his ribcage, and the red of his blood mixed with the steely gray of the corpse. He calmed down. Pain always calmed him down.
He removed his finger from inside his own flesh, and his arms went limp at his sides.
Staring at the mutilated pile of goop that had used to be–
That had used to be…
He started crying.
Slowly at first, but it was inevitable.
He had done this. He had done this. It was all Gon. It was all his fault.
Because he was stupid and weak.
But… he was already as strong as he could possibly be. H-he had said it himself–
Gon was at the peak of his growth. He was at his most powerful form.
And yet–
"I-I didn't realize that being weak was this painful," the hybrid choked out, bloodied and beaten. Sitting alone in the empty battlefield. Corpse splayed out beneath him, getting colder with each minute Gon spent sobbing.
…
After that…
Gon buried Kite's body.
It was… horrible.
He'd had to bury Gyro along with him. That disgusting creature, now lay eternally with Kite. The truth of the matter was… Gon had destroyed Gyro so badly that there was no separating the two corpses. Gon had already tried that.
Standing at Kite's grave… Gon had never felt so useless.
So broken. So alone.
He missed Kite so much… he hadn't even gotten to say goodbye.
What should he… what should Gon do now?
Kite was gonna… Kite was supposed to have trained him to be a Zodiac. Gon was supposed to be in Zodiac training right now, not leaving Kite's body behind… buried in a messy grave. Marked by a couple of sticks tied together to make a cross.
Kite deserved so much better… but the truth of the matter was… Gon had absolutely no way to contact anyone who could get him better. Because Gon hadn't been trustworthy enough to be told how to contact the Zodiacs.
Gon didn't even know how… to report the death.
The hybrid had walked for three days. Never stopping. Not for water, not for food, not for sleep. He stumbled into a town, looking half dead. Gon spent the last of his money… Kite had always been the one… to pay for stuff. But… Gon hadn't been able to stand the thought of stealing from him. So Gon had buried all of Kite's belongings with him. From his hat to his scythe.
Gon choked back a sob…
Remembering when he'd clutched Kite's hat against his chest… before finally letting it go. Dropping it down into the 6 foot deep hole never to be seen again. The least Gon could have done was rest it on Kite's head. But no, Gon had obliterated his skull in his blind rage… in his temper tantrum.
That power was… wrong.
Gon wouldn't… he wouldn't use the biochemical like that ever again.
He could sense that… now he could fully control it.
Could transform at will, even.
But he didn't like that.
He hated it. Why did he deserve a power up after all that?
Kite was dead because of him.
He hadn't earned anything.
Gon swore off use of the biochemical. He'd use it to fight… he'd have to. But he'd never transform again. His ankles hadn't healed right, the bones were mixed up and warped. That would be his reminder. His reminder of his failure. Of what he'd done to Kite.
Gon also re-swore off drugs, alcohol, and sex.
He wouldn't be going back to that place he was before Kite saved him.
That would be an utter disregard for everything Kite had lived for. Everything Kite had done.
That night… Gon sat in a rickety room in a rundown inn. The only place he'd been able to afford. He sat on the bed… staring into the blade of his scythe. He could see his reflection… as well as the fight. It had been on constant replay ever since…
Gon's mood turned.
Soured.
Suddenly he was trembling with rage again. But not at the world.
Not at an enemy.
At himself.
He was the enemy here.
Kite was dead because of Gon… and here he was. Still fucking breathing.
How dare he.
How dare he make it out alive after all he had failed to do.
Fingers trembling, Gon lifted the blade of the scythe. He held it against his throat. It would be so easy. The blade was sharp. He'd remove his own head. It would only take a single tap against the handle.
Gon's face went emotionless. His eyes turned blank.
His mind completely emptied.
Yes.
He would die now.
Gon cranked back his hand, but before he could cut the blade through his throat, it was ripped from his hands.
Gon sat. Confused.
His mind woke back up.
Why was he still… alive.
He looked forward, someone was standing there.
Holding the scythe.
Gon frowned, reaching out–
They snapped the blade in half.
Then broke the handle against their leg.
"If you're really that bored, you could have just called~"
"...Hisoka."
From that time until a couple months after he'd turned 18, Gon tagged along with Hisoka. Not for extended periods of time. It would only be for several days. Two weeks at the most. Hisoka said that it would be a waste for a fruit such as Gon to rot while still on the tree.
He'd just… show up.
Always right when Gon was on the verge of either losing his mind or killing himself.
The only reason he'd lived past Kite's death was because of Hisoka thwarting his suicide attempts. That time had been dark, sure. But still. At least he wasn't back at the brothel? Gon was depressed, in grieving. But at least he was still aware.
Eventually… he got over it.
But suppressing all memories of Kite and what had happened while he was 17.
Once Gon turned 18, he decided to just… start over.
He eliminated those memories, just pretended that year had never happened.
Hisoka would bug him about it from time to time, but now that Gon had restabilized himself the magician stopped popping up so frequently and asking for assistance on jobs. The reason Gon had taken Hisoka up as an acquaintance had been because of his desperation in that time.
He was always weary of Hisoka, but just having someone else there… was nice.
Someone to fight with.
Someone to remind you that you were alive…
But Hisoka was still Hisoka. He was still twisted, sadistic. He still chased after Gon for his own selfish reasons, so a substantial friendship never arose. Just a general agreement that they'd help the other out, team up from time to time. But still, when the fight came, the fight would come.
And neither would hold back.
Once Gon was 18 and Hisoka had vanished once again, he fell back into a very old rhythm. One from when he'd been 16… when he'd first discovered this wonderful new world. Two years. Had it really been two years already? That was crazy.
Gon's determination to find Ging was relit underneath him, and armed with his new biochemical and Kite's training, he was able to blow through any obstacle in his path. Gon was strong, very strong. At the peak of his athletic form with no more improvements to possibly be made.
It was nice to know that Ging would see him at his best… but still.
Soon, Gon found himself getting… aimless again.
That empty feeling was edging at the corners of his mind again. He started getting a little reckless. He started being a whole lot more confrontational than necessary. He just wanted to feel something… that rush of adrenaline was just about the only thing that could drive off the darkness.
But no matter how hard he tried… he was losing himself. Losing sight of his goals. He was falling back into that place he'd been before he'd met Meleoron and the others… before he'd allowed himself to get lost. This was dangerous, Gon knew that. But he just… there was nothing he could do. It was out of his control.
Then, one day, Gon ran into a gang of poachers.
They were poaching foxbears, and the authorities weren't gonna do a damn thing about it. So Gon took matters into his own hands. Burning down all the carts had been a little too far… but Gon hadn't been thinking straight. Soon he found himself on the run, an enormous band of poachers on his tail.
That's when he found some random town in the middle of nowhere.
It had just… appeared.
Perfect. Gon needed to find some place to make his stand.
Gon slipped through the streets, quickly purchasing a cloak to conceal his presence. This town was pretty nice. Cozy. It was a good thing it wasn't on any maps, then it would likely lose its charm to the main roads and heavy travel traffic. Only certain people could find this place, and Gon liked that. Perhaps he'd stay here for a little bit while he planned his next move. Wouldn't hurt.
The town was smaller than Gon had anticipated… and soon he was at the very edge, at the end of a cul de sac and the bottom of a hill. Huh. He hadn't expected the road to just end off here…
But, luckily for him, built into the hill side, was a sketchy looking inn.
Clawthorne Inn and Tavern?
Perfect.
Gon walked in and planted himself at the bar, waiting for Tonpa to catch up and start a fight.
He couldn't have possibly predicted this, but that night? Gon would meet someone incredible.
Someone his age. Just like him. With the weight of the world visibly clinging to his shoulders. He had wild blue eyes, and even wilder hair. The lower half of his face covered by a black cloth mask.
And then… somehow… this random person, whom he'd met completely by chance… would wake Gon up. Seeing him everyday… brought Gon out of his stupor. All of a sudden… the world seemed to hold light once again. His life suddenly took on… meaning.
The reason Gon the way he was today, the reason he wasn't wandering aimlessly, was because of him.
When he'd hopped over the bar that night, Gon had expected him to be an enemy as well… but then he'd lined up next to Gon. And taken his side. It had felt like… they were meant to be.
Him… and this strange boy. This strange boy… who proved to be Gon's first real friend.
Him and…
Killua.
