Author's notes: I know, I know, I haven't updated in forever. But here is a new chapter with more forthcoming. I finally have decent computer access again. And I know a lot of this is not canon, but that's the whole point of fanfic. It's a do-over.

AN 2: I'd like to point out that I am not a mental health professional and that nothing written in this story comes from any place but my mind. I have no idea how therapy works. Don't take my stuff as the Holy Writ please.

"I don't want to be here." These were the first words Rory uttered to Dr. Katherine 'Kat' Riley, M.D. "I don't need to be here."

"I don't think you're crazy Rory," was the non-committal reply. "I think you're a young woman who's angry and hurting from events beyond your control. You don't want to be here, but you are and that has to mean something."

"It means my mother thinks I'm crazy and suicidal."

"Can I tell you what I think?" Dr. Riley didn't wait for a response. "I think you find the very idea of therapy to be offensive, because it means you have to admit that you can't handle something all by yourself. You've only come to reassure your mother and to prove her wrong. You have no intention of participating in these sessions; instead you plan to sit here until I get tired of talking to you and getting no response." She leaned forward. "Let me tell you something Rory. I've been doing this for a long time. I specialize in the treatment of victims of sexual assault. There is no horror story I have not heard. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I was able to help every single one of those women but I will tell you that I helped most of them. They were able to reclaim their lives and go back to living, without letting a horrific event control them. I'd like to be able to do that for you as well."

"You don't know anything." Rory's reply was just as bitter as before. She folded her arms across her chest and refused to look at the psychiatrist.

"I know some. You're the only child of single mother. She had you at 16 and you've spent most of your life trying to make for all things she didn't get to do when she was your age. You've been a good girl for almost your entire life, an excellent student, a good friend and damned near perfect daughter and granddaughter. You've managed to achieve just about every goal you set for yourself and just when you're on the cusp of flying free to reap your rewards, it all comes crashing down through absolutely no fault of your own. You didn't do anything wrong and yet you're being punished. You feel bad inside, dirty and used as though you aren't a person anymore. And to top everything off, you're now responsible for the child of the bastard that did this to you. Am I at all close here?"

For the first time Rory felt a flicker of emotion in her that wasn't just anger. Not any of the few people who knew what had happened to her had spoken to this way to her over her increasingly erratic behavior. Instead, they all preferred to offer sympathy and let her do whatever she wanted, telling her that everything would be okay. "I get it. You're a psychic. Well call Miss Cleo; I'm sure she could use the help." But the rancor in Rory's voice was just a little softer than it had been before.

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Rancor, venom, bitterness. Kat Riley had been working with victims of sexual assault and abuse since she'd earned her MD. She hadn't been lying when she told Rory she'd heard it all. In response, Dr. Riley had developed a very thick armor over the years which enabled her to treat her patients without becoming emotionally involved. She'd learned long ago not to take her cases personally and to leave everything at the office when she ended her working day. She could go home to her husband and children and not dwell on the pain she'd learned about that day.

A tall woman who's Mediterranean looks belied her Irish surname, Dr. Riley had known from the age of 14 that she would be a psychiatrist, one that helped women. At that same age, Kat had become a rape victim, grabbed by a stranger on her way home from school. He had never been caught. Years in therapy to move past the assault had left wanting to do the same for other women. To heal herself, she worked to heal others.

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"Are you allowed to be telling me any of this? Rory's 18, doesn't doctor-patient privilege apply here?" Lorelai asked.

"Rory signed a release allowing me to discuss her condition with you." Dr. Riley was quick to reassure her patients' mother. "My initial diagnosis is that Rory is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD for short. Her symptoms are classic: mood swings, irritability, nightmares, panic attacks, trouble sleeping. She's also showing signs of mild depression."

"My God." Lorelai sank down on the sofa, feeling like she'd been punched in the gut. "I knew there was something wrong, but panic attacks? Nightmares? I didn't know. How did I not see it?"

"She was hiding her symptoms from you. Rory didn't want you see that anything was wrong. And when you did realize that her behavior was becoming extreme, you recognized that you didn't know how to help her so you brought her someone who could. You haven't done anything wrong here Lorelai. You can't blame yourself."

"Do you have kids Dr. Riley?"

"Yes, I have four of them. Two girls, two boys."

"Then you know."

"Getting back to Rory." Dr. Riley wasn't a cold woman, but her experienced eyes told her that if permitted, Lorelai would allow her own strength to falter and therefore reinforce to her daughter that the world had forever crumbled. To save Rory, Lorelai had to keep her own painful emotions well hidden, at least around the younger girl. "The usual course of treatment is to start the patient on anti-depressants and combine the medication with regular therapy appointments. But the pregnancy precludes the use of drugs."

"Right, it's bad for the baby." Lorelai felt herself forcing back the familiar feelings of guilt and kept her mind focused on the matters at hand. Helping Rory. "So what needs to happen now?"

"While Rory is suffering from emotional trauma, I don't see any evidence that she is a danger to herself or others. She's not non- functioning. So right now, we stick to therapy only. If this changes, then medication will have to be considered, despite the baby. I want to see her twice a week to begin with and we'll see how it goes from there." Dr. Riley spoke in her most straightforward manner. She'd picked up immediately that Lorelai had to be told everything as plainly as possible, to prevent her from imagination in check.

"Two sessions a week? She's that bad?" And there was the guilt again.

"Mental and emotional trauma is not something that can be measured in terms of bad or good. Right now Rory is emotionally tied up in knots. My job is to help her untie those knots so she can resume her life. I can't tell you how long that process will take, or how easy or difficult it may be. I can tell you that I'm very good at what I do and I will do my very best to help Rory."

"What can I do?" The parent instinct was kicking in now.

"Try to keep her life as normal as possible. Don't treat her with kid gloves. Do your best to pry her out of the house and encourage interaction with other people. Allowing her to continue hiding will hurt her progress. Be smart though. Don't force her to do anything against her will. She'll come around eventually. You might start by stopping somewhere on the way home, just to run an errand. Don't ask her to come in with you, just act like you assume she that she will. She'll get the idea in time."

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Once again, the car ride home was silent save for the radio. Rory stared out the window, watching the scenery slip by while Lorelai concentrated on driving.

"Why are we stopping here?" Rory shook herself out of her reverie to find the jeep parked in front of the diner.

"We need dinner; there's no food in the house. Come on." Lorelai got out the car before Rory could protest and forced herself not to look behind to see if her daughter was following. Just as she opened the door to the diner, she heard the car door slam. Lorelai let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

"Luke, can I get a couple of burgers and fries to go?" The diner was pretty slow at the moment and they could easily have eaten in, but Lorelai didn't want to push her luck with Rory.

"No problem." Luke's eyes has slightly bugged out of his head when he saw Rory walk in, but he didn't say anything. "You want coffee with that?"

"For me, yes."

"Could I have milk instead please?" Rory's voice was so quiet Luke almost didn't hear her. She'd very carefully seated herself at the counter, allowing it to shield her belly from casual view.

"Sure. I'll have your order ready in about 10 minutes."

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The quick stop at the diner didn't bring about an immediate change in Rory. She still remained in the house during the day, watching daytime TV and re-reading favorite books. But ever so slowly, she began to interact more with her mother. She resumed going to Hartford for dinner at her grandparents house and made more of an effort to participate in the evenings, rather than remaining silent the way she had been in the past. Lorelai hadn't told her parents that Rory was seeing a psychiatrist, but had instead given them a creative version of 'Rory's doctor recommended' when asking them to help her in bringing the girl back out of her shell. The pregnancy wasn't mentioned unless Rory brought it up, but other than that, conversation returned to normal and mainly centered on the month Emily and Richard were planning to spend in London to settle Trix's affairs there. The formal property transfers had to be taken care of before year end for tax purposes. Hopefully, the money left to Rory and Lorelai would be transferred by Christmas, giving Lorelai plenty of time to have the Dragonfly opened by her goal date of July 4th.

By the time a month had passed, Rory had adjusted to seeing Dr. Riley twice a week and had even mentioned in passing to Lorelai that it did help to be able to talk to the doctor. Of course, therapy didn't work overnight miracles and Rory was still silent and reclusive a great deal of the time, but there was light at the end of the tunnel.

"I'm still having bad dreams," Rory said at her next session. "They're different though. I don't dream about Him anymore," 'Him' was the code word for the rapist, "but more about the baby."

"What happens in those dreams?"

"Different stuff. Sometimes I'll put the baby down and forget where I left it. Or that it drowns when I'm giving it a bath." Rory tried to ignore her gyrating abdomen as she spoke. The baby always got really active during the sessions, probably because he or she could sense the tension in Rory's body. "I keep hurting Thumper and I'm powerless to stop it."

"Thumper?"

"That's what Mom calls it. She said the baby kicks so much that it must be like carrying around Thumper from Bambi."

"Sound like your mother is excited about the baby."

"More than I am at least." Rory looked away, still ashamed that she couldn't seem to summon up excitement over the impending birth. "It's funny, I hate these dreams where the baby gets hurt, but at the same time I don't really want the baby. I don't wish it any harm and I'll do what I have to for a save delivery, but I don't feel maternal at all."

"A lot of expectant mothers feel this way. You're going through something huge, both physically and emotionally. Your hormones are going haywire as well. Dreams like these are very common. It doesn't mean you're going to be a bad mother."

"That's just it. I don't know if I want to be a mother. I'm really leaning towards putting the baby up for adoption. I just haven't made up my mind yet."

"You have about four months to go." Dr. Riley decided then to change the subject a little bit. Giving the baby up had to be Rory's choice and discussing it in therapy, when she was already vulnerable wasn't a good idea. She might end up allowing herself to be influenced. "How's your journal going? Is it helping you to put your thoughts down on paper?"

"A little," Rory admitted. "I didn't realize my father bothered me so much."

"Why do you think he bothers you?"

"For a really long time he was kind of this non-entity. He'd call every so often or even more rarely I'd see him. Those are the only times I really thought about him. It's not like I missed him, you know? Mom did such a good job being both parents that I really never felt neglected or shortchanged."

"But now your feelings have changed."

"A couple of years ago. He started coming around more often. He even moved to Boston and got a real, steady job. He grew up and started making serious noises about us being a real family." Rory let out a bitter laugh. "I actually believed him. How stupid was I? The day he told me that he and Mom were going to try to really make it work, his girlfriend told him she was pregnant. Georgia Hayden will be one in January. My ½ sister. Dad and Sherry got married right after she was born."

"Did you go to the wedding?"

"Against my better judgment. I felt really guilty too, the whole time, like I was being disloyal to Mom. She wasn't there. She was invited but said no. And then said that I should go, that Chris was my dad and that I should be at his wedding, despite any problems *she* was having with him."

"What happened while you were there?"

"Chris's parents were in attendance, cooing over the baby and showing her around as their 'first grandchild'."

"That must have hurt you terribly."

Rory frowned. "That's the weird part. I didn't care what they thought. I'd only seen them once before that and I learned then that they are judgmental, snobby people that I really don't care about. The part that hurt was that Chris knew what they were saying and didn't do anything. It felt like he secretly agreed with them."

"How did that make you feel?"

"Like there's something wrong with me." Rory stared off into space, lost in her thoughts. "He couldn't grow up enough to be *my* father, but he could for Georgia. What's so wrong with me? I know he was young when Mom got pregnant but so she and she managed to get herself together."

"Does your mother know what happened at the wedding?"

Rory shook her head. "I don't see the point in telling her. I know what will happen if I do. She'll get really angry at Dad, he'll apologize to settle her down and Mom will feel guilty for not going to the wedding with me and standing up to the Haydens. I don't want her to feel that way. Telling Mom won't undo anything and will just cause more problems."

"Does your father know you're pregnant?"

"No. I asked Mom not to tell him and she said that she can't hide something this huge, but then it never came up again. I haven't seen him since the wedding. Traveling with the baby is 'difficult' and the apartment they live in is 'crammed to the gills'. We don't talk very often either. I keep thinking I should tell him but I don't want to deal with the consequences."

"What would the consequences be?"

"He'll rush down here to play the concerned daddy, the same way he did when I broke my arm, and when I came out."

Dr. Riley's eyebrows rose a bit. "Came out?"

"Not that kind. I mean came out to society. White dress, official debut, that kind of came out. I was so thrilled at the time that he came but now that I look back it should have been Mom presenting me. God knows she earned it. He's not here for the day-to-day stuff and she is. Chris just rides in on his white horse every so often, thinking that should be enough. I think he's finally figured out that he never did enough and that it might just be too late to fix our relationship. I don't need him. I don't think I ever did and he knows it. I'm pretty sure that's why he's stopped making the little effort he used to. Chris knows it's useless. At least maybe he'll have learned with me and won't do the same thing to Georgia."

"How do you feel about your sister?"

Rory sighed impatiently. "She's just a baby. I can't blame her for any of this. It's not her fault that her father never learned the meaning of 'birth control' and 'how to be a decent human being'."

"You're blaming your father for many things here. Why don't you blame your mother? You told me a couple of weeks ago that Chris did propose when she told him she was pregnant and that she had refused. You've also said that your mother wasn't forced to leave her parents house when you were born. It was her choice to move to Stars Hollow and support you on your own. Both of those choices that *she* made effected the way *you* grew up."

"Are you trying to drive me crazy? I've asked myself that stuff a million times. You're right; Mom did make choices that affected me greatly. And the conclusion I reach every time I think about them is that she made the right ones. She wasn't ready for marriage and given the way they get along now, I'm glad she didn't marry Chris. I may not have grown- up in a two parent household, but it was stable. Mom didn't even start dating again until I was 11, and then only because I told her it would be okay. Our house was always filled with love and laughter. We did things our way, a team. My mom is my best friend. I don't think anyone knows me better than she does. My mother has never made me feel bad about myself or pressured me to be anyone but me. She has always supported the decisions I've made and at the same time, kept me from acting crazy or letting me do something dangerous or stupid. I do the exact same things for her. Because she raised me as an equal, I've never felt like I had to keep secrets from her or rebel against her. Grandma and Grandpa did the exact opposite raising Mom. Her opinion was never consulted, not even to the clothes that were purchased for her or what college she wanted to attend. She was only allowed to socialize with children of their friends, kids with the exact same upbringing. She had no control over her life growing up, so that when she hit her teens and rebelled, she really rebelled. She did everything that she knew my grandparents wouldn't approve up, up until the day she found out I was on the way. Even then, she had to be the kind of parent she thought I deserved, not the parent Grandma and Grandpa thought she should be. She moved to Stars Hollow and worked to support us because she felt it was wrong to live off her parents. She didn't want me growing up the way she had. I'm not saying my grandparents aren't wonderful people. They love Mom and me very much. But they and Mom have very different personalities, which made her growing up years difficult for all of them." Rory took a breath, aware that she was ranting. Another deep breath helped calm her down a bit. "If she and Chris had married, I would have been dragged through a divorce at a young age. Mom may act very immature but on the stuff that matters, she is an adult in every sense of the word. Chris was not at all mature then and he may not be now. They wouldn't have made it. As for staying in Hartford, Mom would have been miserable along with my grandparents and those bad feelings would have spilled onto me. She did the right thing."