"Well shit, I didn't seriously mean for you to watch him sleep."

Killua jerked out of his trance with a gasp. He'd just been sitting there and staring at Gon for gods only knew how long. Shit, he was just as bad as he was at the Nikko-Village… if worse. If only he'd realized what he'd been feeling back then. He would have been able to experience Gon in full, rather than in a constant cloud of confusion and fear.

The Valkyrie frowned up at Ryder, who was leaning against the bed frame. Green eyes gazed playfully down at Killua, a soft smile on those purple lips.

"Shut up," Killua grumbled, face flushing as he stood up and walked towards the common area. The Valkyrie held the sliding door open for Ryder, and then gave Gon one last longing glance before shutting him inside so he could sleep in peace. Killua really wanted to stay with him… but there was something else he had to do.

"Shouldn't you be flying the ship?" Killua asked, walking with Ryder past the couches - where Ging and Pariston had passed out against each other's shoulders - to the cockpit.

"Autopilot exists, you know!" the hybrid teased, bumping Killua with his shoulder before leaping over the back of the pilot seat to take his place.

Killua blew his bangs out of his eyes, unceremoniously crashing into the copilot chair.

The two of them relaxed in their seats, just looking out at the darkness for a while. Every once in a while the ship would shoot forward, pulsing through a sparkling mix of flashing color before being encased in black again. In and out of wormholes, over and over again. Killua had no fucking clue how it worked, just the general idea that wormholes were in use.

Slowly, Ryder's tail brushed against Killua. He twined the two together, swaying their joined tails between them.

It was a romantic gesture, somewhere between hand holding and a kiss. Killua knew he should probably put a stop to it but…

"Hey, Ryder."

"Hm?"

"I… Just wanted to thank you."

The hybrid sat at attention, those bright green eyes boring into the side of Killua's face. "What for?"

Killua glanced over at Ryder out the corner of his eye. Gods… he looked like a little lost puppy. Gazing at Killua with those wide eyes… he was so incredibly kind. So incredibly accepting. Maybe he'd only tolerated Killua at first because of some wild kink of his… but still. The acceptance was still there. He'd proven time and again that he cared about Killua as a person, not just as a body.

The complete opposite of how Killua had felt…

But it was different now. Killua had worked through all his shit, and now that he was sitting here with Ryder… he was able to see the guy for who he truly was. And truly appreciate his kindness. His friendship. His help.

"For stopping me," Killua mumbled. Remembering that dark day in the alleyway. With the gun.

Ryder's eyes softened. "It's no big deal."

Killua tightened his tail around the hybrid's frowning. "Yes it is! You're the only reason I'm alive right now!"

He chuckled. "Yeah, and you're the only reason I'm alive right now!"

Killua gave him a look. "You're the one who chose to join us. All I did was open the door for you."

Ryder grinned. "You stopped, though. You could have killed me back there, but you stopped when you saw my face. So we're even!"

No. We're not even close… Does he not see that I was using him back then? Just… trying to fill the hole Gon left with him?

After Ryder had stopped Killua from killing himself that day, the two of them had met up often. For days on end, Killua would visit Ryder at that clothes shop. They'd talk, spar a little. Ryder would discuss the plan for getting off the planet.

But mostly, Killua would just use Ryder as a distraction.

He'd talk with him, sure. But all throughout those conversations, Killua had been just using him like some sort of drug. He'd watched as Ryder smoked less and less over the course of that week… and as Killua leaned on him more and more.

It wasn't fair.

Ryder had wanted to be friends with Killua. But Killua had only wanted him as a replacement for Gon.

He'd been so focused on using Ryder to distract himself from his own thoughts that he hadn't realized just how good of a friend he'd been all that time. While working through all the shit in his mind with Bisky, he'd realized just how much Ryder had helped him… as well as how little Killua had offered up in return.

He never would have imagined that they'd run into each other again. But now that they had, Killua wanted to make things right.

"Sure but…" Killua trailed off, gathering his thoughts. "I was leaning on you back in Yorknew City. I was using you like some… tool."

"Hey," Ryder murmured, quickly reaching out and grabbing Kilua's hand. "None of that, okay? I was glad to help you."

Killua glared into those green eyes. Why was he being so nice?! Even Gon had the heart to stand up for himself when he was being so blatantly mistreated… Did Ryder really like Killua that much?

"I'm trying to apologize to you," Killua said.

"And I'm trying to say that there's no apology needed!" Ryder chirped with one of those patented grins. A grin that Killua had chased for its resemblance of Gon's at first… but now Killua was starting to realize that Ryder's grins were different. Him and Gon may have been similar, but they were different people. It was almost like Killua's eyes had been opened, now that he wasn't trying to mold Ryder into Gon. He was able to see him for who he was, rather than what Killua wanted to force him to be.

"But–"

"-No buts! We're friends, right?"

"...Right." But I was only making friends with you to try and create a second Gon. Now that I have Gon back… it's not that I don't need you anymore but…

"Friends help each other out!" Ryder declared. "It was really douchey of you to ditch me, but I get it. You were going through a lot."

"Do you?" Killua asked skeptically. Annoyed that Ryder wasn't accepting his apologies… that he wasn't upset in any way or form. Though in reality Killua was mad at himself. For his past actions.

"I do," Ryder said softly, smile turning all dopey and light. "I can see it in your eyes… you're so much happier now. Whatever you were going through must have been really wild, but I can tell in the time we were apart you were able to heal. I'd rather you get better while away from me than suffer at my side."

Killua just blinked. Utterly speechless. What was he even supposed to say to such… light?

"I wanna be friends with you. I wanna have fun with you," Ryder murmured, leaning forward and taking Killua's other hand. "I really care about you, Killua. I wanted to fix you back then… but you were in too much pain, there was nothing I could do. It hurt being apart, but now that we're back, I wanna move forward as friends. You were able to move past your pain, so let's put all the baggage it's dug up behind us. Can we just keep being friends?"

Killua chuckled, breaking eye contact. Those eyes were too sincere. Those words were too kind. Killua really was a magnet for boys made of sunshine, wasn't he?

"Yeah, I'd like that."

I wanna make it up to you. I wanna… be friends with you too.

Ryder wriggled about like an excited puppy. "Dick Buddies?"

Killua cracked a laugh. "Fine, Dick Buddies."

"Yay!" the hybrid cheered, lurching forward and wrapping Killua up in a messy embrace. The Valkyrie chuckled, hugging him back. This was nice… He'd forgotten how weightless and carefree being with Ryder could make him feel.

The hybrid hummed, weaseling his way into Killua's lap. "I like you a whole lot, you know that?" he mumbled against Killua's hair.

Killua blinked. He'd forgotten how touchy Ryder was. He'd thought being around somebody as cuddly as Gon would make him impervious to physical contact, but apparently he was only used to Gon's frequent embrace.

"What have you been doing all this time?" Ryder asked, leaning back and looking down at the Valkyrie from his perch in his lap. "How'd you end up with The Lion, the Witch, and the Barf Boy?"

Killua snorted, "I assume Ging's the Lion?"

"Nope! Ging's the Witch! Cause he's nothing more than a no-good bitch!"

The assassin threw his head back laughing. Ryder giggled along with him, swishing their tails back and forth.

"Funny, so funny," Killua drawled. "But I thought I told you to stop calling Gon 'Barf Boy!'"

"So?" the hybrid snorted. "He's not around to hear it."

Killua frowned, poking Ryder in the forehead. "Exactly. But I'm around, and I'm hearing it, so I'm gonna tell you to stop being a dick."

Ryder pouted. "What's so good about Barf Boy, anyway? How come you'll watch him sleep but you won't sleep with me?"

Killua's smile waned. That's right. Ryder liked Killua… but Killua was in love with Gon.

"I never really told you why I was in Yorknew City, did I?"

"Yeah you did," Ryder said, retreating back to his chair, sensing story time. "To fight in the Heaven's Arena!"

"Not exactly," Killua sighed. "I traveled to Heaven's Arena with Gon, I've been traveling with him for over a year, actually. He's my best friend."

"Huh? Why didn't you tell me about him?! Have you been cheating on your Dick Buddy?!" Ryder was mocking offense, but Killua could see through the joking mask. Ryder was confused. Jealous, even.

"You like me… right?" Killua asked slowly, not quite able to meet Ryder's eyes.

"Yup!" the hybrid chirped, completely unashamed. "Yours is the only dick for me~"

Killua whined low in his throat, his tail squirming about. "Well I… I'm afraid that I'm uh… I like Gon."

Ryder was quiet for a second, processing. "Let me get this straight. You, fucking Dragonite Valkyrie Prince, like… Barf Boy?! And not this?!" he gestured to himself.

Killua gazed at Ryder with pleading eyes. "Ryder, I'm really sorry. But I like Gon."

"Is this a rejection?"

"..."

The hybrid gave Killua a soft smile. "Hey. Don't look all guilty and stuff! We can't control who we like… I'm sorry for your loss."

Killua choked on air, "For my what?"

"You're loss! It's sad, really," Ryder sighed, slouching dramatically in his chair with his hand tossed against his head. "I always saw it in your eyes that your heart belonged to another! Though I never could have imagined that your sparkling heart was being held captive by one such as Barf Boy. I am so deeply sorry for your misfortune."

"Quit being an asshole, asshole!" Killua snapped, reaching over to bat at one of Ryder's ears. "Gon's an incredible person! You just haven't met him yet! And… wait, you always knew I loved Gon?"

Ryder smiled sadly at Killua. "You really do love him, I can see it in your eyes."

Killua winced. He hadn't meant to say "love." He felt like that made the rejection so much worse…

"Honestly, I figured something was up when we almost fucked in the back room."

Killua's face flushed bright red.

"The way you were throwing yourself at me, I knew you were trying to forget somebody. Didn't stop me from getting infatuated with you though," Ryder chuckled. "I don't know what it is about you but I just… Barf Boy is a lucky guy."

"I'm really sorry, Ryder."

"No reason to be sorry, bae! People love who they love! When you were threatening the captain? And you were talking about Gon? I could see it in your eyes. And then when we came to save him? I always knew."

Killua looked down at his hands, fingers balled up in the fabric of his shirt.

"You wanna be friends though, right?" Ryder prodded.

"Yeah, I really do," Killua affirmed, looking back up to meet that wild green gaze.

The hybrid grinned. "Well we're still Dick Buddies! Nothing will ever change that. Don't let my feelings for you get in the way. And certainly not any feelings for Barf Boy. We can still be friends. I still wanna hang around you."

Killua smiled. "I'm really glad. I wouldn't wanna lose your friendship cause of something like that."

"Doesn't mean I'll stop hitting on you, but–"

Killua barked a laugh. "It wouldn't be the same if you didn't."

Ryder stuck his hand out, "So we're good?"

The Valkyrie took his hand with a grin, "Yup."

"Yay!" the hybrid cheered, shaking their hands up and down a couple of times. "Now, Ging told me we're going to the Moon of Chimera?"

"Yup," Killua drawled. "It's totally outlandish, but the job is to…"

Ryder watched the light sparkle in Killua's wild blue eyes. It was incredible. Before, those sapphire orbs had always been so dull. So empty. Ne never could have imagined that seeing Killua happy would make him this incredibly happy… but it did. It so did.

…Killua was in love with Gon, huh?

Ryder didn't really understand what was so great about him. But that was likely due to his jealousy. Killua and Gon were clearly incredibly close. Ryder didn't have the bond with Killua that Gon did.

Killua was completely head over heels for the guy…

And if the hostility coming off of him was any indication, Gon was just as down for Killua as Killua was for him.

Ryder supposed that he should tell Killua that Gon loved him back… but… he didn't really want to. Gon wasn't the only person in love with Killua. And even though Ryder wanted nothing more than for Killua to be happy, he wasn't just gonna sit by and watch Gon rip his chance away from him.

He wasn't giving up on Killua, not just yet.

He cared about him far too much for that.

Until Gon woke up and claimed his territory as he undoubtedly would, Ryder would have Killua all to himself. He'd make the most of it. It was a fool's hope, but he'd cling to the delusion that maybe he could get Killua to fall for him instead.

There was no reason not to try, right?

Ryder was an optimist, and if there was a chance, he'd always take it. No matter how small.