The Ghost of You and Me

Songfic to BBMak's 'The Ghost of You and Me'

Pairing: Harry/Cedric (aww)

"What am I supposed to do
With all these blues
Haunting me, everywhere, no matter what I do
Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow
I cant let go
When will this night be over"

Outside the Hogwarts grounds, Harry Potter sat beside the black lake, staring blankly across it. In one year, he'd both lost his best friend and gained him back, battled dragons, learned to dance, battled merpeople, gone through a crazy maze, lost his lover to a terribly tragedy, and battled his enemy. His face was tearstained every day now, because no matter what, he couldn't stop thinking about him. Every day, he blamed himself for the death.

"I just HAD to be the nice guy and share the cup…" he said to himself. "Harry, you idiot. If you had just taken the cup yourself, none of this would've happen. He'd be sitting beside you right now, in the Great Hall, talking about meeting up this summer. Damnit Harry."

"You okay, mate?" his best friend, Ron Weasley, asked from behind him.

Harry looked up and nodded. "Fine Ron… I just need to be alone."

"Harry…" Ron said, Harry sitting beside him. "You LOST the love of your life. No one is okay after that. You know you can talk to me, right?"

"Ron, you didn't exactly SUPPORT us, and now you're here to be my crying shoulder?"

Ron nodded. "Harry, it may have been weird, but you were happy. I know finding out about it the way I did wasn't your INTENTION…"

Harry smiled slightly and thought about when Ron first saw him and Cedric.

-Flashback-

It was the beginning of fourth year, and Harry sat in his bed impatiently.

"CEDRIC!" Harry shouted playfully.

"Yes?" Cedric said from the bathroom.

"Hurry up and get in your pajamas. I'm cold."

"Then get a blanket."

"Blankets don't smell like you though. PLEASE…"

Cedric sighed as he opened the door and got in bed beside Harry. Immediately, Harry smirked at him.

"What?" Cedric asked.

Instead of a reply, Harry scooted closer beside Cedric and rested his head on his shoulder. Cedric put his arm around him and kissed the top of his head.

Harry started closing the bed curtains with a smile when Cedric dragged him back down and kissed him.

Ron chose that VERY SECOND to walk into the dorm.

"BLOODY HELL, HARRY!" Ron shouted, covering his eyes.

In embarrassment, Harry took the blanket and covered himself up.

"Ron, what the hell are you doing? I thought you were studying with Seamus or something…"

"Yeah, I was… I forgot my Divination book and Dean was borrowing Seamus's and… oh god Harry."

Harry threw a pillow at Ron. "Shut up."

"You… you and DIGGORY! You two compete AGAINST each other in Quidditch… you're supposed to be like… ENEMIES or something."

Cedric shrugged. "What can I say? He's good in bed."

"I SO didn't need to know that!" Ron shouted, looking for his book.

"So, Harry. I'm thinking of putting my name for the Triwizard Tournament… should I?"

"Let's see… hot boyfriend as a Hogwarts Champion? I could handle that."

"Thought you could…" Cedric said, kissing Harry softly on the lips.

"Can you two at LEAST wait until I get out of the room or something!"

"Hurry up then…" Harry said jokingly, kissing Cedric.

Ron stormed out of the room with his eyes closed and ran into a wall.

-end flashback-

"Come on, Harry… you've done nothing but SULK for the past week. Just… come to Hogsmeade with me, Seamus and Dean. We're gonna see if we can sneak ourselves some firewhiskey."

Harry shook his head vigorously. "Sounds good… but I'm tired. I'm just gonna head up to bed."

Ron looked like he was going to fight back, but decided it'd be best not to.

Harry trudged through the school and up to the Gryffindor Common Room. Then he stormed up to his dorm and slammed the door.

"I didn't mean to fall in love with you
and baby there's a name for what you put me through
it isn't love, it's robbery
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me"

He lay down in bed and started to breakdown completely. He buried his head into his pillow and thought of how stupid he was. It seemed only yesterday he and Cedric were on that bed, cuddling together. It seemed only yesterday they were strategizing for the tasks. But now yesterday seemed like forever ago.

"WHY IN HELL DID YOU DO THIS TO ME!" Harry shouted into the pillow. "HOW COULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME LIKE THIS, ALONE? HUH? WHY DID YOU TAKE IT WITH ME? WHY DID YOU LISTEN TO ME? WHY DAMNIT!"

-Flashback-

"So… you have NO idea how your name came out of the Goblet?"

Harry shook his head. "No… I honestly don't. But Ron won't even believe me about it, and he's my best mate."

Cedric sighed heavily. "How're we going to handle this, Harry? Being against each other in Quidditch was bad enough. But NOW, we have to deal with competing against each other in a game being watched by not only our school, but other schools as well."

"I don't know, Ced. We'll get through it somehow."

"Well… at least I can see you more… with the meetings and all."

"Maybe…" Harry said, shrugging. "For now, we'll take it piece by piece."

Cedric kissed Harry's cheek and smiled at him. "I'm gonna head back to the Common Room. I think Ernie's waiting for a rematch in Wizard's Chess."

"Gotcha…" Harry said, kissing Cedric on the lips. "I love you, Ced."

"Love you too, HarryPottermus."

Harry snickered as he watched Cedric leave. "HarryPottermus… nice."

-End Flashback-

"Seen a lot of broken hearts go sailing by
Phantom ships, lost at sea
And one of them is mine
Raising my glass, I sing a toast to the midnight sky
I wonder why
The stars don't seem to guide me"

Harry wiped his eyes and sat up in bed. Having Cedric gone was still so surreal to him. He refused to believe it. Any second, Cedric would walk through that door with arms outstretched, and Harry would jump in them for warmth and comfort. Cedric would carry Harry to bed and lay beside him to go to sleep. He just KNEW, any SECOND, Cedric would walk through the door. He just KNEW it.

When the door opened, Harry's eyes bolted toward it. He had an 'I told you so' look plastered on his face. Then his mind snapped at him. 'Who the hell are you telling?'

"SHUT UP!" Harry snapped, smacking his forehead.

"Harry, what is it? Is it your scar again?" Hermione asked, rushing toward him.

"No, Hermione. I'm FINE." He snapped, scooting away from her.

"Harry, you're anything BUT fine right now. You know you can talk to me, right?"

He nodded. "Hermione, he's gone. But he isn't. He's still here… I know it."

Hermione sighed. "Harry, you know for a fact he's gone."

"NO!" Harry shouted, tears surging to his eyes. "IT'S NOT TRUE! HE'S ALIVE DAMNIT!"

"Harry…" Hermione said uneasily. "As hard as it may be to accept, Cedric is GONE. You watched him die. You brought his body back. You went to his funeral. You KNOW he's gone, Harry. Just please ACCEPT it."

Harry shook his head vigorously. "No, Hermione! NO! You can't tell me he's gone because he isn't! Any second now, he'll come through that door for me. Any second now, he'll be here. You don't know what you're talking about!" He shouted as tears streamed down his face.

Hermione wrapped her arms around her hurt friend. "Harry, you'll get through this. You know you will. But this is going to take time to accept for you. It's not easy, Harry. If I said it was, I would be lying. You just lost the love of your LIFE; no one can get over that easily. Just please, you just NEED to accept that he's gone, and he's not coming back."

Harry sniffled as more tears came to his face. "You're lying. He's coming back."

Hermione sighed again. "Harry, believe what you want to believe, I'm not stopping you. You just need to come around and see that he's gone and he's not coming back."

Harry sniffled again as tears spilled from his eyes uncontrollably.

-FLASHBACK-

Harry was in the graveyard, just transported by the Portkey. Cedric was roaming the graveyard curiously as Harry looked around in dread.

"Cedric, just get out!"

"Harry, the cup was a Portkey, we were brought here for a reason."

"Cedric, I don't care. If you take the cup back now, I'll say you won. Just PLEASE go back to the school!"

"Not without you!" Cedric shouted back.

All of a sudden, pain surged through the lightning bolt scar on Harry's forehead.

"Harry, what's wrong?"

"CEDRIC, GO TO THE CUP NOW!"

Cedric shook his head. "No. I'm not leaving without you."

"Cedric, PLEASE. Just listen to me. You need to go!"

Cedric looked up and saw a short, plump man walk out with a bundle in his arms. He stood bravely and tried to get their information.

The whisper of 'Kill the Spare' could be heard, and Harry looked up.

'AVADA KEDAVRA!' the man shouted, green light surging from his wand.

"NO!" Harry shouted, trying to dive in front of Cedric. It was too late. The spell had hit Cedric full blast. Harry just sat there in shock.

"Cedric… Cedric…" he gasped out, shaking the lifeless body. "Cedric it's me…"

The body just lay there, limp. Harry could feel tears moving up to his eyes and tried blinking them away as the short man bound him to a grave.

"Cedric… no… please… come back, Ced…" Harry whispered to himself, his scar searing.

-end flashback-

Harry lay back down on his bed silently. Hermione rubbed his back to comfort him.

"Harry, are you going to be okay?"

Harry shook his head. "No, Hermione. I'm not going to be okay. Just give me my space and leave me alone."

Hermione didn't need to be told twice. Without hesitation, she got up and left the room, closing the door behind her.

Harry lay flat on his back and looked up at the ceiling. It seemed that just yesterday, Cedric had told him there were approximately 126 boards that make up the ceiling and Harry debated. Cedric ended up winning that argument fair and square. Sadly, Harry slowly drifted to sleep.

He woke very late that night, and the moon was shining brightly into his bed. It was now impossible for him to get to sleep. He sighed and shuffled out of bed. He sat in the window closest to his bed and gazed outside. The stars were shining bright as the moon and sparkled down at him. Harry saw them getting blurry as tears started to form. Something as simple as stars even made him think of Cedric.

-Flashback-

It was extremely late at night, and everyone else was in bed. Everyone except Harry Potter and Cedric Diggory, of course.

"Cedric? Where are you?" Harry called out, not knowing where Cedric had run off to. "Cedric…?"

That second, Cedric jumped from in the tree and scared Harry stiff.

"Jesus Christ… trying to give me a heart attack or something!" Harry shouted breathlessly.

"Not exactly…" Cedric said, kissing him softly on the lips.

"Why'd you drag me out here, Ced?"

He shrugged. "It's a beautiful night. I don't want to waste it inside without you."

"Why do we have to sneak around so god damn much? Can't we just tell people?"

Cedric shook his head. "Not yet… you figured out who you're taking to Yule yet?"

Harry shook his head. "No… and I'm not sure I want to go if it's not with you."

"Harry…" Cedric said, sighing. "You know as well as I that we can't just TELL people 'Hey, we're two guys, we love each other, and fuck in the Quidditch stands'. It just doesn't work like that."

"It sounds good to me…"

Cedric smirked. "Me too, but my father wouldn't exactly be open to that."

"Nor would my aunt and uncle…" Harry said with a sigh. "So, who are you taking?"

"Oh, um… that Ravenclaw girl… she's really nice."

"Which one?"

"Um, Cho Chang I think her name is."

"Oh… guess that means I gotta find someone."

"Probably… but how about we sneak out at like, ten, and meet in the Room of Requirement?"

"The Room of what?"

"You'll see…" Cedric said, smirking.

-end flashback-

Harry found himself out on the grounds in his bath robe, barefoot. He walked through the cold grass and tried clearing his head. He passed a familiar tree and looked closely at it. Carved on the side, in one of those cheesy, awkward hearts, were the words: 'Ced and HPottermus."

-flashback-

"Why HPottermus?" Harry said, confused.

Cedric shrugged. "So it's not so obvious."

"How come you got 'CED' and I got 'HPottermus'?"

"Because I suck in the pet name department." Cedric said directly, finishing the heart. "Perfect."

"For you maybe. I'm a 'Pottermus' and you're something short and cool like 'Ced'."

"Well life sucks. Get used to it."

"Indeed."

Cedric tackled Harry to the ground and kissed him lovingly on the lips. Meanwhile, Harry returned the kiss and held Cedric close, never wanting to let go.

-end flashback-

"I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And baby there's a name for what you put me through
It isn't love, it's robbery
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me"

Harry, without realizing it, had zoned out in front of the tree. The wind against his face brought him back to reality, much to his dismay. He looked up to the sky and saw some color starting to rise. He wiped away some oncoming tears and made his way back into the school, and where no one would ever think to look for him, the library.

He sat in front of some random Hufflepuff second year girl, who gave him a faint smile, picked up her book, and left him alone again. Harry rested his head against the table and looked through the books on the shelf.

"Cedric liked to read…" he thought to himself. "He'd read stories to me all the time. I wouldn't care which ones, I would just enjoy the sound of his voice, speaking softly to me.

-Flashback-

Cedric looked down at Harry, who had his eyes closed.

"Should I stop?" Cedric asked, putting down the book.

Harry shook his head. "No. I like you reading to me."

"Harry, you're falling asleep."

"No I wasn't. I was just enjoying your presence and basking in the glory that is the voice of Cedric Diggory."

Cedric smirked at him. "Well, Mr. Potter, are you TRYING to flirt with me?"

Harry shrugged. "Depends, is it working?"

Cedric set the book aside and looked down at the boy resting in his lap. "Maybe…"

Harry raised his head and kissed Cedric softly on the lips. Cedric quickly returned it and kissed him with more vigor. Pretty soon, they were rolling on the floor, snogging like maniacs.

Madam Pince walked over and saw this, appalled. "Boys, this is a LIBRARY, not a MOTEL."

Harry snickered and stood up, picking up Cedric with him, who was blushing.

"Er, sorry, Madam Pince, it uh… won't happen again…" Cedric said, picking up the book.

"You bet it won't." she said, storming off.

"Where you can see…" Harry said under his breath, smiling.

Cedric looked at Harry, then grabbed his hand.

"Cedric, what-?" Harry started.

Cedric walked in the halls of Hogwarts, holding the hand of Harry Potter. To all people, students and faculty, this was a shock. They never knew that they had feelings or each other, nor did they think they would ever show something so simple, yet so loving.

"Cedric, people are looking…"

"Then let them look!" he shouted, pinning Harry against a wall and kissing him.

Harry's knees gave out on him, and he found himself victim to the kiss of the boy. He didn't dare reject it.

About five minutes later, Snape was called down to separate the two, then brought them to his office to give them detentions.

-end flashback-

Harry found himself crying again. He only wished that he could stop crying and face reality… but he didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to believe he was the reason his lover was dead. Didn't want to believe that he's really gone and not coming back. No, Harry Potter refused to accept it. He sat up in the library, just sitting there, for about an hour until Hermione came up.

"For Christ sake…" Harry whispered to himself. "Why won't they leave me the FUCK alone?"

"Because we CARE, Harry. We don't want you to be like this. We want you to accept it so you can move on."

"FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, HERMIONE. THERE IS NOTHING TO ACCEPT, DAMNIT! HE'S NOT GONE, HERMIONE! HE'S JUST NOT! SO STOP FEEDING ME ALL THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT THAT HE DIED, BECAUSE I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT HE'S STILL ALIVE!"

Harry started to breakdown again and removed his glasses. Hermione looked at him like an injured puppy or an abused child.

"Harry…" she said softly. "Losing someone is NEVER an easy thing. Look at… Neville. He lives with his grandma, probably because his parents died. You don't see him moping around, crying in libraries or breaking down in front of trees."

"Hermione, you don't know hat you're talking about, so just back off."

Harry grabbed a book from the ground, stormed past Hermione, and slowly made his way up to the Gryffindor Common Room.

"The ghost of you and me…
When will it set me free?
I hear the voices call, following footsteps down the hall
trying to save what's left of my heart and soul"

Harry walked the halls of Hogwarts silently. Tomorrow would be the end of fourth year, and he'd be on the Hogwarts Express home, stuck at the Dursleys for two months. Hadn't he been through torture enough?

He dropped the book unintentionally and bent down to grab it. When standing back up, he heard footsteps behind him.

-Flashback-

Harry had just gotten out of Divination, and was walking back to the Common Room alone. Cedric came from behind and grabbed his hand, swaying it back and forth.

Harry smirked at this. "Having fun?"

"LOADS!" Cedric said excitedly. "I just had Potions, you can imagine how much that sucked. And now, I'm off the rest of the day!"

"We all are. It's called the last class."

"So, anyway… I was wondering. Do you want to sit with me in the Great Hall?"

"At the Hufflepuff table?"

"Where else, HarryPottermus?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't know Ced… things are tight enough."

"Since when do we give a fuck what they care? I love you… c'mon."

Harry sighed. "Let me just go up to the Common Room, and I'll meet you at the entrance. Okay?"

Cedric nodded, kissed Harry on the cheek, and walked toward the Hufflepuff Common Room.

-end flashback-

Harry turned around sharply, pulling a muscle in his neck. He couldn't believe his eyes.

"Cedric! Cedric wait up!" he shouted, following where the 'person' had gone. He ran down the hall it had gone, then took a few turns.

"Cedric, wait up!" Harry shouted impatiently, dropping the book. "Damnit, Ced! WAIT UP!"

When Harry had finally caught up with it, it had disappeared.

"DAMNIT CEDRIC!" Harry shouted loudly, it echoing through the halls. Harry slowly walked back to the Common Room, picking up the book Cedric had read to him. After giving the password to the Fat Lady, he opened the book and was surprised to see an envelope inside it, addressed to him. He opened it and looked at the letter carefully. He heard Cedric speaking it when he read through.

'HarryPottermus…

I hope you know how much you mean to me. I'm sorry about everything I've done that would make me think I never loved you. I only took Cho to the ball because… well, I don't know why, but I regret it. Seeing you hurt made my heart weaken. You left the ball before I could get a chance to dance with you. They played our song, too.

Anyway, away from that stupid topic. Harry, I love you. You have no fucking IDEA how much I love you. My heart shatters every time I see you now, because I know how much I had hurt you. This letter really can't fit my whole apology. I need to see you, before the Third Task. Please meet me in the Great Hall. We haven't spoken in ages, and it's killing me.

If anything happens to either of us in the task, I will never forgive myself for not apologizing to you. Harry… you know how much I care for you. I know you do. I just need you to read this, and hopefully accept my apology. I can't wait to hold you in my arms after the Third Task, when we're free of all the stupid 'eternal glory' and the competition.

Love Always,

Ceddyboo.

P.S. I thought I should equal out the embarrassing pet names.'

Harry folded the letter gently and put it back in the envelope. He and Cedric had had a fight after the Second Task, and he regrets it completely.

-Flashback-

"Harry, tell me why you're so fucking pissed at me!"

"You wanna know?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Let's see… you FUCKED Cho Chang. Is that enough for you!"

"Harry, I never did that! I gave her an innocent kiss on the CHEEK. That was it."

"So you've just been feeding me BULLSHIT for the past year, have you? All the 'I love you's' and the midnight meetings were NOTHING!"

"Harry, I meant it and you fucking KNOW IT."

"Then why did you kiss her, huh? Why'd you take her to the Ball? If you loved me so goddamn much, you would've taken me yourself!"

"Harry, stop being such an unreasonable bastard! You're acting like a child!"

"What, I'm a child because my fucking boyfriend is out with chicks?"

"No, you're a child because you're an immature ass!"

"Cedric… stay the FUCK away from me. I never want to see you. I hope you fucking DIE!"

"Fine!" Cedric shouted, storming off, slamming the door behind him.

-end flashback-

"Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow
I can't let go..
When will the night be over?"

Harry wiped his tears away and stare at Cedric's handwriting. He never meant anything he had said, and regretted every single word. He remembered when he had finally told Cedric he forgave him.

-Flashback-

They were in the maze again, wind blowing against their faces. They were in the struggle for running to the cup together.

"Wait, Cedric…" Harry shouted.

"What the hell do you want from me!" Cedric shouted.

"Slow down and I'll tell you!"

Cedric kept running, ignoring him.

"Son of a bitch…" Harry said to himself, tackling Cedric to the ground.

"Damnit, Harry. And you're a Seeker!"

"Yes, now fucking listen to me!" he said, sitting on Cedric's stomach so he couldn't move.

Cedric sighed. "What?"

"Cedric… I never meant it. I really didn't. You know I didn't… Please, forgive me. Please."

"Harry, can't we discuss this LATER? We kinda have a competition going on here."

"NO IT CAN'T DAMNIT! Say you forgive me."

"Why would I forgive you? You were a PRICK."

"Because you want to, damnit! FUCKING forgive me!"

Cedric looked Harry in the eyes. "HarryPottermus…"

"Yes?"

"You know I love you. You know I forgive you. You know how much you matter to me. Why the hell would you think I don't care?"

"Because… we were saying all those things… and…"

"You were mad. I don't blame you…" Cedric said, kissing him softly on the lips. "Don't worry about it…"

Harry smiled and returned the kiss.

"Now about the cup…" Cedric said.

"Take it…" Harry said. "You deserve it."

Cedric shook his head. "No, you. You need the galleons more than I do."

"Trust me, I don't."

"We'll take it together…" Harry said triumphantly, standing up.

"Can we DO that?"

Harry nodded. "On three… one. two. three!" Harry shouted, grabbing the cup with Cedric for a shared victory.

-end flashback-

Harry found himself sobbing like a child into his knees.

"DAMNIT CED! DAMNIT! I NEVER MEANT IT! WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS TO ME? YOU LEFT ME DAMNIT! LEFT ME ALL ALONE. I HAVE NOTHING TO FUCKING LIVE FOR HERE! I MIGHT AS WELL JUST KILL MYSELF TO BE WITH YOU!"

"Harry, you don't want that!" Ron said to him, coming downstairs.

"Ron, go back to bed. This doesn't concern you."

"Yes it does. You're nearly going mental over something you couldn't stop and you can't change, Harry! For the last time I'm going to tell you this. He is GONE, Harry. It's not your fault. Blame yourself all you want. Kick and scream and throw a temper tantrum for all I care. Just try and realize that what happened has happened and you have to move on, hard as it may be."

Harry shook his head. "I can't Ron! I just fucking can't! You've never lost someone close to you! You've ALWAYS had your family with you! Me? I'm the boy who lived! People think it's so great! You get fame and glory all the time! Well, let me tell you something, Ron. It's not a fucking cakewalk. It's fucking HARD! I lost my fucking PARENTS and had to live with those WRETCHED people for the past THIRTEEN years! And I FINALLY met someone who made me feel that I was whole, and he fucking DIED! You don't know what it's like, Ron! BACK OFF!"

"No."

"You heard me Ron. BACK OFF!"

"NO!" Ron shouted at him. "Harry, you're the best mate I ever had! I'm not letting you go through this alone."

"There's nothing you can fucking do to make me feel better! You can't bring him back, and you can't FUCKING relate to it!"

Ron sighed. "Harry, you need me, I'm here for you. That's all I can say…"

Ron sat in a vacant armchair and looked at his best friend.

"Ron?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you please not watch me cry?"

Ron nodded. "I'll be up in the dorm if you need me."

Harry nodded. "Thanks…"

Ron slowly walked up the stairs and watched Harry from a balcony.

Harry curled up in front of the fire and gazed into it, thinking and sobbing.