For CoffeeBanana on Ao3, Happy Birthday! 🎉🎉🎉🎉

Ziel, this fic lives
thanks to our haiku pun fight
which really helped out. 😊

I still don't own Miraculous, but I do own this story so don't be shy and R&R!


It was just another day in Paris. Sunny, warm weather, fashionable people ambling about, children playing in the parks, romantic couples sharing crepes and André's ice cream.

Oh, and there was an akuma about, too.

An akuma that, in fact, was zapping everyone with a weird beam and causing them to speak in haikus.

You know, the Japanese poetic form made up of three lines, with five syllables in the first line, seven in the second, and five in the third, otherwise known as Apollo's favorite literary form of communication.

Anyway, this akuma, known as Haiku Master, was happily blasting anyone within a three mile radius distance, causing to speak haikus and only in haiku.

It was kinda funny and irritating at the same time.

At least, that was what Ladybug thought when she finally arrived at the scene of the crime, with her partner in tow. Chat Noir, of course, thought differently, if the wide grin on his face and the gleeful glint in his eyes had anything to indicate.

Naturally, being the lovable dork that he was, Chat wasted no time in making fun of Shadow Moth's newest akuma in the best manner possible—in haikus.

"Shadow Moth, you suck!

Your Akumas butterfly.

You are not so cool ."

Chat mocked Shadow Moth.


Elsewhere, somewhere far away from the battle (but not too far away, because this was Paris), a supervillain with an atrocious name and even more atrocious fashion sense gaped at the mangy black cat's insolence.

"That little…!" Shadow Moth bit out through gritted teeth. No one insulted his akumas.

No one .

So, like any major supervillain whose villainy relied on awful naming sense and even more awful power choices, Shadow Moth took control of his akuma and said (in perfect haiku for, I might add):

"How dare you say that.

My akumas are perfect

Akuma, get him!"

Chat Noir gasped in mock outrage, before staring down the akuma.

Haiku Pun Battle?

Challenge Accepted.

"And how would you know?

Are you trying to wing it?

Hah! Claw ful for you!"

Chat stuck his tongue at and blew a raspberry.

Haiku Master's face lit up with Shadow Moth's mask.

"Claw ful? You dare pun?

Please, the pun master is me.

Not some overgrown cat."

Shadow Moth scoffed.

And even though Shadow Moth was nowhere in sight, you could literally see him turn his nose up at the thought of an impudent teenager defeating him in a haiku battle.

(Nevermind that the impudent teenager in question also possessed the ring of Destruction that could take out the whole of Paris, much less the entire world.)

Chat Noir seethed.

"M'lady would disagree

Do you want mew to tell you

The one in spun dex?"

Haiku Master's face lit up again—this time in glee.

"...Chat Noir, am I wrong?

Or did you make an extra

Syllable, black cat?"

Shadow Moth smirked evilly.

Chat widened his eyes, and frantically started counting the syllables on his fingers. Then he cleared his throat and repeated:

"...M'lady would disagree

The pun meow ster is

The one in spun dex."

Chat puffed up his chest, thinking he had outsmarted Shadow Moth.

Except he hadn't.

"Still, I may be wrong,

But "M'lady" is extra

for our haiku fight."

Shadow Moth crooned.

(You could literally feel the smugness oozing off his words as he said that.)

Chat's eyes bulged out, horrified that his favorite endearment for his lady ruined haiku. He counted his fingers again and said, angrily:

"I would disagree !

The pun meow ster is

The one in spun dex—"

But by then, Ladybug had had enough.

"...kitty, that's enough!

I can take so many puns

before I yeet you."

And because Chat Noir was a very good kitty who did not feel like getting yeeted into a trash can again, he shut up.

Well, not before he turned to her and said, with sad kitty eyes and all:

"Bu-but Bugaboo—

This poor Kitty must defend

His Lady's honor!"

Ladybug frowned at him, unimpressed. "Down, kitty."

"Okay." Chat Noir obeyed.

Shadow Moth, on the other hand, was not ready to throw in the towel. With an evil grin on his face, he commanded:

"Now here is my chance.

Nothing can go wrong forthwith.

Akuma, attack!"

Immediately, Haiku Master began charging up a haiku-empowered beam, aimed directly at Ladybug and Chat Noir.

Chat Noir, like the good-natured but hasty feline he was, managed to grunt out a "Cataclysm!" right before he dodged the blast.

His lady, on the other hand, was not so lucky, and, hit by the beam, was forced to add to the haiku: " Why did you activate it!? "

"... Paw sitivity?" A sheepish Cat Noir finished the haiku.

(Hey, he may be in the middle of a battle, but a gentle cat never leaves his lady's haiku hanging.)

Ladybug sighed:

"What is done is done

Good thing we can rely on my

Lucky Charm! A book?"

Indeed, a book fell into her hand.

(At least it wasn't a scooter this time. Or a car.)

(Or a fire truck.)

Ladybug narrowed her eyes at the book.

"Hey, wait just a minute!

Is this book about making

haikus properly?"

Ladybug exclaimed. Then she gasped in realization.

"Of course! The answer

is right here in front of us

Chat Noir, distract him!"

Chat Noir eyes widened in glee. He spun around towards the akuma and started taunting him.

"Hey, Haiku Faker!

The book says you're no master.

That's why your lines suck!"

"Akumas, haikus,

Know what they have in common?

Shadow Moth, lamer !"

"This cat erpillar

Knows how to wing against you,

in puns, raps, and poems!

Chat Noir continued to hurl insults at Haiku Master, all the while dodging his increasingly erratic attacks.

It wasn't just Shadow Moth who was ticked off at Chat Noir; Haiku Master no longer needed to be prompted by Shadow Moth to take down the annoyingly heroic, well, heroes.

"Take that, mangy cat!

How dare you insult haikus,

I will rip your tail!"

Haiku Master hissed.

"You and your lady

Give up your Miraculous

Or I will destroy you!"

"With what? Haikus? Hah!

M'lady, our friend here is

all yours to defeat!"

Chat gestured at Haiku Master and winked at something behind him.

Haiku Master whipped around but it was too late.

With a "Haiku Master! Master this!" Ladybug threw a bucket filled with water at the akuma.

THUNK! The bucket hit the ground, but the water managed to splash all over Haiku Master, soaking him thoroughly.

"Now that is a true haiku,

Nature's best work at best."

Ladybug said, satisfied.

Haiku Master spat out some water. He sneered,

" Water ?! You dare, bug?!

Useless puns and terrible poems

Will not help you win!"

Ladybug smirked.

"Maybe not, but you

You just made one bad mistake,

Chat Noir, let him know."

"Haikus are three lines

Five-seven-five syllables

Not five- eight -five sounds."

Chat Noir chimed as he snuck up behind the unsuspecting akuma and cataclysmed the akuma-possessed object.

"NOOOO! No, no, no, no!"

Haiku Master (and Shadow Moth who saw the whole thing) screamed as he turned back to normal.

Chat Noir pumped his fist. "Yes! Now, Ladybug, your charm!"

Ladybug tossed her lucky charm into the air, shouting "MIRACULOUS BUG!"

(She was still under the effects of the haiku blast, so she had to change her words a bit.)


Once Ladybug turned back to normal, she quickly captured the akuma and purified it.

"Phew! Glad that's done with." Ladybug was ready to call it a day.

Chat Noir did not agree.

"This cat had more puns to say,

What a claw ful end."

Chat Noir pouted.

Ladybug gave him a wary look. "Kitty, no haikus." She pleaded.

Chat merely grinned.

"But Bugaboo, my haikus

are meowvelous!"


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