A message from the author, Baum: Thank you all so much for reading and the wonderful reviews! Here goes the never-before-seen Deleted Scenes!


Deleted Scenes:

The first meeting after their four years of separation:

Version I

ENNIS

I'm going to present a weird philosophy on "cheating on your lover". The understanding of this philosophy is required for the understanding of this movie.

JACK

What is it?

ENNIS

You and I are free to have sex with women, but sex with men must be reserved for each other.

JACK

Well, I'd prefer to think that we reserve all sex activities for each other; that is, we live together. Tell me, what's the difference between sex with women and sex with men? They both present a kind of trusted intimacy, and I DON'T want to share the intimacy with you with any other person, men or women.

ENNIS

That is inconceivable in this movie, given the fact that we must try to fit in the traditional society (i.e. have many sexes with women).

JACK

Shit.

Version II

JACK

Are you bisexual?

ENNIS

Uh...

JACK

(sighs)

Well, you are.

ENNIS

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

JACK

(insistent)

You are; it is written in the script.

Version III:

JACK

(sarcastic)

It was incredibly intelligent of you to kiss me in front of your legal wife.

Secret Meeting I:

Version I:

JACK

I think I'm totally in love with you, Ennis. Can't you see that we just need to be together? Even on non-sexual-related occasions? How long does it take you to admit the fact that we are bonded by love?

ENNIS

I told you; I'm an asshole. I can only see you once a year. That's my limit of commitment.

JACK

I hate you.

ENNIS

Don't worry. You are an eye-candy. Uh, a bitter one. But that alone will get you a lesser Oscar.

JACK

(bitter)

You are NOT helping.

Secret Meeting II:

JACK

Ennis, I was wondering perhaps the script-writers should work more on the development of our relationship so that the audience won't mistake our love for lust.

ENNIS

Actually that's very reasonable. But the Oscar people won't appreciate that. They don't care about character development, which is also why we are getting Oscars from this movie.

Last Meeting:

Version I:

JACK

I don't like the way this movie is going.

Version II:

ENNIS

Look at me; even confused expressions can work effectively in this movie.

Version III:

JACK

(crying and screaming in a 19-yeal-old voice with a supposed 40-year-old face)

How can you ever say that! You are breaking my heart! I wish I knew how to quit you!

Version IV:

JACK

That sucks.

ENNIS

And in order to make them cry more, I think we need to postpone our next meeting to November.

JACK

What? That's unacceptable. You once said your limit of commitment was once a year; well, for your information, my limit of waiting is 12 months.

(pause)

Okay, request accepted. But only if you promise to visit Mexico with me.

ENNIS

Have you been to Mexico?

JACK

Not your business.

ENNIS

How dare you cheat on me!

JACK

What are you talking about? Under what theory can't male friends go for their own pleasure hunt? Who are you, my husband or something?

ENNIS

LOVE IS ABOUT COMMITMENT, JACK!

FILM CRITICS

LEDGER, LEDGER, LEDGER, LE…Wait a second, did he just mutter something undignified?

JACK

(smug)

Hopefully the audience is oblivious to the fact that this conversation hasn't so far made much sense. But I finally got you to admit we are in love, didn't I? Come to think of it, actually several trips to Mexico are a good strategy after all.

ENNIS

Oops, I slipped the tongue. Might lose my Oscar. May I take that back?

JACK

(extremely pissed)

Shit.

(pause)

You are one sad individual, Ennis. You are trying so hard to be a son of a whoreson bitch.

ENNIS

Well, you are Jack fuckin' Twist.

JACK

(annoyed)

What the hell does that mean?

ENNIS

It means…uh, you are a whore?

JACK

Ennis!

Original Version according to the Screenplay:

Last Meeting:

JACK

You can't ignore those gay movies if you are also watching fancy movies like The Empire Strikes Back. By the way, Luke Skywalker is gay as well. Can't you tell how remarkably similar our situation is to the situation between him and Han Solo?

THE AUTHOR'S FINAL NOTE/DISCLAIMER:

I DO NOT own the characters and ain't making money out of them. I watched the movie within the first week of its release in our area and after five weeks of abortive searching for a humorous script of it (which, to my great surprise, DID NOT EXIST ON THE INTERNET THEN!), I began to write the script myself. Feel free to distribute this version of the script as long as the contents remain intact. And for those of you who don't know who "Anthony Swofford" is, yes, he's one of the main characters in the movie Jarhead. Also, uh, so…did you enjoy the script? Please please please send me a review to tell me! That makes me happy and complete.