Gon stood in the living room, dancing from foot to foot. Killua had agreed! They were finally gonna be able to go on a date together for their official courtship!
The hybrid had been antsy to hurry and go on one, cause he wasn't sure when they'd actually get a chance to after this. They'd be going straight to the rendezvous point, and from there to Chimera to complete their mission. Then they'd go to Nirvana, and from there Gon and Killua would return to Overworld and immediately go to Kukuroo Mountain. Gon sincerely doubted that they'd get a chance to go on a date at all until Alluka was safe, maybe even a little after that. This was their one and only chance! Gon had to make it PERFECT!
He had a bunch of really fun stuff planned! Gon was gonna make Killua the happiest boyfriend in the world, and prove to him that Gon was worth pursuing a courtship with!
Ging, Pariston, and Ryder were all getting ready to go look at ships, which was super boring. That morning all five of them had purchased new space suits, picked up Killua's weapon, and refilled on Blood Magic gear.
The whole time Gon had been looking around for places to bring Killua! And he'd found so many great places to go! This was gonna be so fun!
"You ready to go already?"
Gon startled, turning to face Ryder, who was currently leaning against the wall. "Oh! Yeah, I am! Killua's taking forever though! Aren't you guys supposed to have left already?"
The Alien-hybrid blew his bangs out of his face, "Yeah, we were supposed to, but Ging and Pariston are being old men and taking a long fucking time to get ready. They're probably arguing about who gets to hold the gold or something stupid like that."
Gon grinned sheepishly, "Yeah, good luck with them, by the way!"
Ryder flicked an ear, "Good luck is right, you jerk! You and Killua have abandoned me to the two of them! They'll eat me alive!"
"Don't worry, the only one who would actually consider eating you is Pariston," Gon pointed out.
Ryder sighed, "Wow. I'm so incredibly reassured. A Demon being the only one who would eat me just gives me this sense of safety. There is only one person I'd consensually let eat me, and that person is Killua… but now you're the only person he'll ever take a bite out of."
Gon's face colored.
A pair of green eyes wracked Gon up and down. "Yeah, I'm just as surprised. Why would Killua ever settle for an idiot like you? I mean, look at what you're wearing!"
Gon winced, Ryder was hitting his deepest insecurities right on the head. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" he asked, suddenly very self conscious. He glanced down at his clothes. He had on khakis, his jacket, and his boots. What was wrong with that? Didn't khakis always make an outfit fancy?!
"Everything is wrong with what you're wearing!" Ryder complained, marching up to Gon and standing behind him. "I'm not letting Killua go on a date with an idiot who thinks that shade of green is ever a good choice, come on! We're changing your clothes!"
Gon startled as Ryder shoved him in the back, pushing him back down the bedroom hallway.
What?!
I thought he was being mean and trying to put me down–
But he's helping me?!
Ryder shoved Gon into his bedroom, and slammed the door behind them.
"Sit!" the raven commanded.
Gon quickly sat down on Ryder's bed, which was meticulously made. Huh, Gon hadn't expected Ryder to be the type to make his bed in the morning.
The purple skinned male stood before Gon, arms crossed and tail twitching behind him. His eyes were narrowed and clearly judging every inch of Gon's body… it was making the back of his head prickle…
"It'll be a challenge, but I'll take it," Ryder declared, turning sassily on his heel and flinging the closet open. Gon blinked in surprise, he had a surprisingly large collection of clothes. Where had he gotten the time to go buy all of those?! I mean, they'd stopped by the clothes store that morning for Killua, but they'd only been in there for like two seconds! Gon had picked out his khakis, and Ryder and Killua had already been done!
Gon watched as the other hybrid dug through his closet, flipping through hangers and messing up neatly folded stacks. He'd whip around every once in a while, holding up an item of clothing as if he was imagining it on Gon, and then he'd reject it and continue his search.
"Uh… what are you looking for?" Gon asked once five minutes of painful silence had passed. He'd never really gotten along that well with Ryder, they're entire relationship had been based off of the agreement that both of them were fighting over Killua… Ryder had stepped back, but now that Gon was actually courting Killua he wasn't sure how to act around the guy…
"I'm looking for something to make you look less like a circus performer," the raven responded shortly.
Gon winced, "How do I look like a circus performer?!"
"It's that damn green, man," Ryder sighed, "No one in their right mind would wear green and green exclusively. It's like you're some sort of color themed comic character or a clown or some shit."
Gon choked back a whine. His words were pure acid. Ryder was clearly upset…
"There it is!" the taller male suddenly exclaimed. He turned around victoriously, and tossed a bundle of cloth into Gon's chest. He then continued his hunt. Gon unfolded the thing, inspecting whatever he'd just had picked out for him.
It was a pair of black pants, the fabric was slippery to the touch, and was completely pitch. They also looked really tight, and Gon wasn't convinced he'd be able to fit them–
"Don't just stand there," Ryder complained, "Put them on! I can't pick out the rest unless I see what I'm working with as I go!"
Gon blinked, confused. Okay then…
He stood up off the bed, and went to stand in the corner near the nightstand. Ryder wasn't turning around, so he guessed it was fine. Gon pulled off his boots, and then traded one pair of pants for the other. They didn't exactly fit, the legs were bunched up at the bottom cause Ryder was taller, and they were super tight around Gon's ass and groin.
"Uh, they don't fit me very well," Gon admitted as he barely managed to get the zipper up.
Ryder turned around to inspect the problem. "No, they fit fine!" he announced, mouth turning up at the corners as if he was pleased with himself.
"But they're really tight," Gon pointed out.
"That's the point!"
"And they're too long at the bottom–"
"-We'll cover that up later," Ryder dismissed with a flop of his hand. "Here, put this on," he commanded, throwing another bundle of cloth over at Gon.
The horned male caught it, and found black mesh shirt. He blinked in confusion. What was this for? Should he really be trusting Ryder to dress him up…?
Gon shook himself, why would he not be able to trust Ryder? He was helping him out! Gon didn't wanna mess this date up, and if he really did look like a circus clown then there was no way he was going to look like that for Killua. Gon removed his jacket and black tank top, replacing them with Ryder's long sleeve mesh shirt.
The hybrid frowned, this shirt fit him like a glove too. But what was the point of wearing this shirt if it didn't cover anything up? He might as well have been topless, it was just fishnet!
"Haha! Now we're getting somewhere!" Ryder announced victoriously, marching over to Gon with an alarmingly large pile of clothes in his arms. Gon held still as the taller male held shirt after shirt up to his body, rejected them, and moved on.
Gon watched Ryder's hands, feeling too guilty to look at his face. He handled the fabric with care, black painted nails flashing in the lamplight as he sifted through so many shirts and jackets.
Why was Ryder helping him? Wasn't he mad at Gon for taking Killua from him? Gon was super proud of himself for getting Killua before Ryder could, but now that all was said and done… he was looking back at his actions and how angry he'd felt with a guilty mindset. Gon was in love with Killua… but so was Ryder. Would Gon have been able to step back and let another guy take Killua away from him.
No. Never.
So why had Ryder done something like that?
Why was he being so nice to Gon, when he had every right to wanna rip him apart?
That's what Gon would have done… if Ryder had gotten with Killua instead of him.
Gon looked up at Ryder's face. His expression was calm, empty, actually. He seemed really sad, with his eyebrows slightly drawn together, and his mouth turned down a little bit. He was usually so obnoxiously happy, and seeing him so blank like this was making Gon feel really guilty.
"Why are you… helping me?" Gon asked, voice hushed and hardly audible.
Ryder pulled a baggy tank top over Gon's head, silently adjusting the deep green fabric and tucking the hem into Gon's pants. His movements were gentle, methodical. He was silent for a few moments, before answering: "Because I want Killua to be happy."
Ryder adjusted the collar of the tank top, it was a v-neck, revealing Gon's mesh covered chest. He then grabbed a black cotton jacket from the pile on the bed, and pulled it over Gon's shoulders. He pulled Gon's arms through the sleeves himself, his touch feather light. Caring even.
He pushed on Gon's shoulders, sitting him down on the bed before kneeling before him and grabbing a pair of boots that had been tossed haphazardly onto the floor. He held one up to the light. They were leathery, lace up and to the mid-shin.
"You know, Killua and I met all because of these boots," he said. "I doubt he's told you how the two of us actually met… and I'll let him tell you the whole story." Ryder rolled the excess fabric of the pants up at Gon's ankles, and then slipped the boots over his feet, tucking the rolled up fabric inside.
"Killua wanted to buy these boots off me," Ryder murmured, clearly lost in thought. "He didn't end up taking them but… I've worn them ever since. I owed him these boots, he'd paid for them fair and square. I thought that if I wore them, he'd show up to take them back, for some stupid reason. But he never did… not even now, when we've been traveling through space together for weeks."
Ryder slowly tightened the laces, tying them nice and neat and moving onto the next shoe. "If I were the one going on a date with Killua, this is what I'd wear. So I'm giving you these boots, because I wore them for months, just to remind me of that one guy I'd met in the middle of the damned night on a random assed Lexterday…"
Ryder stood up, and then took Gon's hands, pulling him to his feet. He led Gon to the bathroom, where he positioned the shorter male before the mirror and started trying different necklaces and earrings against his skin tone.
"Aren't you mad at me?" Gon asked quietly. "I took Killua from you."
Ryder chuckled, looping a silver skater chain through Gon's left pocket. "That's assuming that Killua was ever mine to have in the first place." He held a chained necklace around Gon's neck, trying to decide if it matched or not. Ryder's chest was warm against Gon's back, his breath soft and tickling the little hairs on the back of his neck.
"I was infatuated with Killua from the second I laid eyes on him. He's been the only thing on my mind for months now, so… yeah. I'm pretty pissed that you got him instead of me. A part of me always knew that Killua was in love with someone else… but I just didn't wanna believe it. Then, when I first laid eyes on you back on that ship, I was just so… confused. This was the guy Killua was so down hard over?
"You're nothing special, just some human hybrid. You don't present Alien or Cryptid like I do, you're just a jumble of random genes. I could see in Killua's eyes how much he cared about you, and it really stung to know that I'd finally gotten Killua back after so many months… only to find that another guy had beaten me to the punch.
"I really hated you, Gon. I hated you so much. Because you were the person who'd broken Killua, you were the reason Killua was so broken when I first met him. But… you were also the reason he was so happy when I found him again. You were the reason he was still alive, and the reason his eyes held light again.
"I don't know what happened between the two of you, and I don't need to. I just know that Killua loves you, and you love him back. I… care about Killua, but I have no place getting between the two of you. Killua wants you, not me. If I want to call myself his friend, then I need to let him go, let him be happy. I couldn't forgive myself if I was the reason he didn't get to be with the one he loved."
Gon stayed silent. Because in that moment, Ryder was stronger than him. He possessed the strength that Gon never would, the strength to let go of Killua. If Gon let go of Killua… then he wouldn't be able to draw another breath. Gon couldn't live without Killua, and here Ryder was, loving Killua just as much, and able to step aside and put Killua's happiness over his own.
Gon felt that… if he had to fight Ryder right here, right now… he'd definitely lose.
Because if Ryder was strong enough to let Killua go… then Gon would never be able to beat him.
Ryder settled on a chain, looping it around Gon's neck and latching the clasp. It dangled at the hollow of Gon's throat, shimmering across his collar bones and catching the light from the vanity mirror.
The raven then picked up a mismatched pair of earrings. One was a plain silver stud, the other was a teardrop of sparkling silver, a piece that glimmered just like Killua's hair under the light of the moon.
Ryder held the stud before Gon's lobe, his face an empty mask, but his eyes a dark storm.
Gon stayed still, holding his gaze in the mirror.
He didn't move, he didn't tense up.
Ryder stabbed the earring through Gon's flesh, and then did the same on the other side.
Gon didn't move, he didn't even flinch.
The pain bit, but that didn't matter.
He'd use his biochemical later, to seal the new piercing holes, making them permanent, but not now. For now, he'd stand in pain. He owed it to Ryder, he owed him this pain. Pain at his hand.
The earrings twinkled in the light, silver and sparkling against the dark of Gon's skin and clothes. Ryder silently wet a brush and took it to Gon's hair, tugging through the wild spikes and dampening them until they lay flat and hung into Gon's eyes, tickling his shoulders and sticking to the sides of his neck.
Ryder slipped his fingers through Gon's hair, wrestling with the coarse strands and ruffling them about. He slicked his fingers with hair gel, and locked Gon's hair in place. It looked windblown and soft. It wasn't spiked up at the top of his head, but laying soft and tousled around his ears with the tips dangling against his eyebrows.
The taller male reached around Gon from behind, picking up a stick of black eyeliner and coloring delicately under Gon's lower lashes. Not much, just enough to make his eyes pop against his skin.
When he was done, Ryder braced his hands on either side of the counter, boxing Gon in from behind. He leaned over Gon's shoulder, tail just barely brushing around his legs and ankles.
Gon met Ryder's eyes in the mirror, keeping his features slackened and empty.
"I'm giving those shoes to you," Ryder finally continued, "Because from here on out, you're the one who needs to keep Killua present in their thoughts. I wore those boots to remind me of him… but I'm giving them to you, because it's about time I moved on. When you're feeling down or defeated, and you look down to your boots… think of Killua. Remember him, and remember why you fight. He's the reason you still draw breath, and he's the reason you have to keep going. But also… think of me. Put a thought in for ya boy, alright? Don't let my love for Killua die. Because it never will. But I won't be able to think of him anymore… so I need you to do it for me."
Gon nodded, his breath feeling shallow in his throat.
Ryder gave a ghost of a smile, his eyes turning down as he broke Gon's gaze… looking down to his boots.
"Besides… your old boots are ugly as fuck anyway, so it's about time you got a new pair."
Gon pouted, following Ryder out of the bathroom. "My boots are fine!"
"Platformed and green?" the taller male teased. "I seriously don't understand what Killua sees in you~"
"Well he sees a lot more than what he'd see in you," Gon retorted as he followed Ryder back to the living room. The two of them plopped down on the couch, bickering like a pair of magpies, but grinning all the same.
It felt like the water had been cleared. It felt like, all of a sudden, there was no tension between the two of them. Gon would never particularly like Ryder as a friend (or even a person, in most cases) but how that the heavy dark cloud from before was gone… everything just felt so much better.
