AN: gay panic Killua is and always will be my favorite


Killua frowned into the mirror, displeased with his appearance.

He'd been getting ready for three entire hours now, but it still wasn't perfect! This was his first date with Gon, and he would die if he didn't look completely flawless! Killua had been taking forever on purpose at first, but now that he'd heard Ging, Pariston, and Ryder leave… it was actually time to leave his room and come face to face with Gon…

And, of course, Killua's anxiety had decided that this was a perfect time to show its unwanted head.

The Valkyrie tugged his fingers through his hair for the millionth time. Why wouldn't it just stay put, dammit?! Where was Ryder when he needed him… that guy was the only person capable of getting Killua's hair to behave…

Killua grumpily blew his bangs out of his eyes, scrutinizing his reflection.

His outfit was pretty damn fine, he had to admit. He'd picked up a pair of gray trousers that were to die for, and paired them with a set of blocky platform boots (haha! Fuck you, Gon, now Killua was officially half a head taller!). Killua was wearing his favorite navy turtleneck for good luck, and had put a baggy black collared shirt over it.

Last (but NEVER least), Killua had added a black trench coat. Why? Because the answer to "trench coat" was always yes.

Hell, Killua had even put on fucking eye liner!

He wasn't a jewelry person, but he was starting to feel like maybe he should have grabbed at least a simple necklace, because there was just something missing and Killua didn't know what the fuck that could possibly be–

With an annoyed growl, Killua aggressively floofed up his hair, destroying his attempts at taming it.

It wanted to look like this? Fine! Look like shit, hair! See if Killua cared!

…he cared.

He cared a lot.

Killua whimpered to himself, feeling completely and utterly defeated. He hunched over the sink, wanting so desperately to just CRY, but it had taken thirty minutes to make the wings match on both eyes so that was not happening.

Why was he suddenly so self conscious?! Why was he suddenly so terrified to see Gon face to face?! It was just Gon! Just because they were dating now didn't mean that anything was different! So why the hell did Killua's stupid brain seem to think so?! They'd even slept together! Er, jerked off at the same time– but whatever! Same thing!

"What is wrong with me?" Killua whispered to his reflection, hands clasped over his face. "So I can endure hours of torture on end but I can't even manage to show my face to Gon now that we're courting?"

Damn it!

The others left forty-five minutes ago! Gon's just been sitting out there all on his own! I bet he thinks something is wrong–

He probably thinks I've changed my mind and that I don't wanna go any more–

Fuck.

Fuck!

"You know what?!" Killua snapped at his reflection, jabbing his finger at the mirror. "Fuck you! I'm going to walk out there, and I'm gonna do it right now! To hell with it! I wanna go on a date with Gon!"

With that, Killua turned on his heel and marched for the bedroom door. He whipped the door open and stepped out into the hallway–

Only for all of his confidence to shrivel up and die the moment he shut the door behind him.

Damn it, Killua whined to himself, I can't do this!

"Killua?" came a shy voice from the living area.

The Valkyrie winced.

Gon.

Killua slowly turned to face the hybrid, no running away now. "Uh, hey."

WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING AWKWARD OH MY GODS–

Killua was practically dizzy, the blood was rushing to his cheeks so fast, but when he finally turned to face Gon his breath was taken away.

"Gon?!" Killua squeaked, knees feeling weak all of a sudden.

He looked so–

He looked so–

"Yeah," the hybrid chuckled nervously. "Do I look alright? This wasn't what I'd planned to wear but Ryder kinda forced me too–"

"You look really hot!" Killua gasped. Why would I say that?! "I mean… good. You look– you look good."

I wanna d i e.

Gon blinked, color rushing to his cheeks and making him look absolutely adorable– "Aww, thanks Killuaa!" He chirped, wriggling like a puppy before scurrying down the hall towards the flustered Valkyrie.

Killua's brain short circuited, noooo, Gon was coming even closer, how was he gonna live now

Gon always looked attractive, to Killua at least. He had that beautiful shade of skin and this rugged handsomeness about him. He was jacked as all hell, even though it was hard to tell through all the stupid-assed green that he always insisted on wearing. And then he would smile, and it would be like the entire world just slowed down to compensate.

Usually Gon looked like an adorable little creature that Killua just wanted to smother to death with love and affection, but something about what he was wearing now was turning Killua's mind to mush.

FIRST of all, his pants were illegally tight, and highlighting… certain traits of his. And then there was his stupid assed shirt, with the stupid assed fishnet, showing off his stupid assed chest, and the whole dark color scheme was making him look like some sort of– some sort of model or something? Killua didn't know, okay?! His mind was barely functioning!

And of course Gon's hair was all loose and floppy; wet hair Gon had returned, but this time he wasn't blurred by a layer of water, no. He was fully dry and all done up and Killua was going to spontaneously combust because Gon was looking all nice like this for him and–

Gon grinned, hopping directly up to Killua and planting his hands on his shoulders to pull the Valkyrie down for a kiss.

For once, Killua was the one steaming at the ears.

"Killua, you look really good too!" Gon cheered, playing with the collar of the trench coat. "So pretty and crisp, you're like a prince!"

"Crisp? Like an apple?" Killua retorted… he then mentally shot himself in the leg, because here he went again, jumping to his stupid default setting of being a dick when he didn't know how to react.

"Yup!" Gon agreed with a laugh. Playful hands sifted through Killua's hair, and the Valkyrie shrank back in embarrassment, head still overrun with blushing and flustered nonsense. "I love your hair!"

The assassin sighed through his nose, shyly brushing his fingertips against the outer wisps of Gon's hair. "Yeah, I like yours too."

Gon looked Killua up and down, then stuck his bottom lip out in a pout. "Why are you wearing platformed boots?! Now you're taller than me!" he whined in defeat.

Killua chuckled, (calmed down a bit not that he had a victim, but still flustered as all hell) looping his arms lazily around Gon's shoulders, "I'm always taller than you, stupid~ I just gave myself a little boost so I can fully look down on you~"

Gon pouted some more, before stepping forward to stand on the toes of Killua's boots. "There!" he cried victoriously, "Now we're even!"

Killua threw his head back in laughter, placing his hands on Gon's hips as he waddled the two of them around in circles. "You're such an idiot, you know that?"

"Maybe," Gon sighed, nuzzling his nose against Killua's and making the Valkyrie blush all over again. "But I'm your idiot now, so you assume responsibility for my stupidness."

A soft smile crept its way across Killua's face. "Yeah… you're my idiot."

"Where are we going, Gon?" Killua asked, his smile still clinging to the corners of his mouth after half an hour of walking the streets and corridors of Hallah. His fingers were threaded with Gon's, the warmth of skin on skin making Killua's chest all bubbly and warm.

It was crazy how happy Killua was like this. And to think that they'd always be like this, from now until forever. Killua didn't think he'd ever stop smiling.

"Somewhere fun!" the hybrid chirped.

Killua snorted, "How elaborate."

"Well I can't tell you, that would ruin the surprise!" Gon scolded, deftly tugging Killua along through the crowd. They were walking along the floor level of the center space, where the crowds were the densest and the neon signs the brightest. It felt like they were in a dance club… even though Killua had never been to one.

Killua gave a fat eye roll, which Gon somehow picked up on.

"But don't worry!" the hybrid added, "We're almost there!"

"Where's 'there?'" Killua pried, tail swishing behind him in a mixture of impatience and endearment.

Gon peeked over his shoulder at Killua, flashing a blinding grin that sent the assassin's heart fluttering. The Valkyrie narrowed his eyes, suspicious–

And for good reason, at that! Because Gon leapt forward, scooping Killua into his arms and leaping up to a bridge overhead. The Valkyrie squeaked as he was sprinted across the platform. He clung to Gon's shoulders, tail locking instinctively around the hybrid's waist and face flushing at the proximity.

Gon cackled like a mad man, before busting through a set of double doors and arriving in a room that was freezing fucking cold. With a dramatic little twirl, Gon placed Killua back on his feet, somehow managing to slip in a kiss to his forehead. But before the assassin could complain, Gon was standing before him and motioning to their destination with that familiar childish glow all over his face.

"We're going ice skating!" Gon cheered, gesturing to the rink behind him.

The space was large and dome shaped, like the enormous fighting rings of the Heaven's Arena. The space was lit by thousands of string lights and decorative chandeliers, with warm, white bulbs rather than chilling blacklights and the bite of neon. The entirety of the vast cavern was occupied by a giant field of ice that sparkled white in the soft lighting. There were trees planted around the edges, their limbs adorned with fake candles and more string lights. There was a waist height wall wrapped around the ice rink, with a pathway bordering the entire circumference of the area.

A sparse dusting of humanoids slid across the ice on metal blades, while some leaned against the wall or walked circles around the outside of the rink. This place was a whole lot less crowded than the rest of what Killua had seen of Hallah, and it was nice.

"Ice skating?" Killua asked skeptically, struggling to keep up his nonchalant facade with Gon's blinding grin displayed before him.

"Yes! I've been a couple of times before and it was so fun! I just knew Killua would love it too!"

"How's it work?" Killua sputtered as he was once again dragged along after Gon.

Gon threw his head back and laughed, "That's simple, Killua! You just put the skates on and slide across the ice!"

The Valkyrie grumbled, "Don't shame me, why the hell would I know how this works?"

"You grew up in the freezing cold, didn't you?" Gon asked as the two of them joined the short line to rent a pair of skates.

"I grew up in the house of Dragonite Valkyries," Killua deadpanned. "If an activity did not involve violence or working then it might as well have not existed."

"Oh yeah," Gon said solemnly.

"It is what it is," Killua sighed as they moved forward.

"Your childhood was really no fun, huh?" Gon murmured, hugging Killua's arm and stepping in close.

"I– I guess not, no," the assassin stuttered, getting all flustered again because Gon was being adorable.

"Don't worry, Killua! Now that we're together we'll have so much fun that we'll make up for everything you missed out on times a million!"

Killua's face flushed. "I don't think you realize how that sounds," he grumbled as Gon paid and exchanged their shoes for ice skates.

"Says who?" Gon asked with a suggestive wink in Killua's direction.

The Valkyrie scoffed. "You're ridiculous!" he complained, marching over to a bench and trying to ignore the cackling Gon following along behind him. Killua plopped himself down, and snatched his pair of skates from Gon's hands.

"So you've never been ice skating before?" Gon prodded again.

"No," Killua complained, "What, are you really good at it or something?"

"Yup!" Gon chirped, expertly looping the extra lace length around his ankles and then tying neat little bows.

Killua rolled his eyes, feeling inferior. The skates felt super weird. They were pretty much just blocky lace up boots with metal blades attached. Like, seriously! Was it really a good idea to just hand out murder weapons to anyone who forked over a couple silvers?!

"Don't worry, Killua! I'll teach you!" the cheerful hybrid reassured, standing up and waiting for Killua to finish tying his skates.

Once he was finished, the Valkyrie just kinda sat up and… hesitated. He wiggled his ankles around, these stupid skates felt unsafe. The blades were like, a single millimeter thick! How the hell was Gon just walking around on them?!

"Need help?" Gon giggled, holding a hand out for Killua.

The silver haired male glared half-heartedly up at him, cheeks flushing, and not just from the cold. Killua begrudgingly took Gon's hands, and clung tightly as he was hauled to his feet.

Gon laughed good naturedly, "You got it?"

"No," Killua mumbled, glaring down at the stupid skates in distrust. He was standing and all, but he was scared to let go of Gon's hands! He was definitely gonna fall! This was literally balancing on the edge of a blade!

"Walking is the easy part!" Gon reassured, "Just walk like normal! It doesn't seem that way, but walking with ice skates is the same as walking with normal shoes!"

"Are you sure?" Killua asked skeptically, peeking down at Gon through silver lashes.

"Yup!" the shorter male encouraged. He released one of Killua's hands, and the Valkyrie quickly extended his tail to balance.

"Oh," he commented. "It is easy."

"Yeah!" Gon laughed, "Now come on! Let's hurry and get to the ice!" Killua stumbled after Gon as he was rushed to a nearby gap in the wall at an alarming pace.

The horned male was practically wriggling as he pulled his hand out of Killua's and stepped out onto the ice. Killua braced for a tale-bone bruising disaster, and you cannot imagine his shock when Gon gracefully slid across the ice. His movements were fluid and even, he spun in a little half circle like friction simply didn't exist anymore.

Killua gawked from where he still stood in the entryway, hands in a death grip on either side of the wall.

Gon grinned over at him, "Come on, Killua! It's super easy!"

"Absolutely not," Killua declared in a dark tone. "I'll most definitely die the second I step foot onto whatever the fuck this is."

"It's just ice!" Gon giggled, sliding up to Killua and holding his hands out. "Come on! I said I'd teach you, right?"

"Right," Killua grumbled, tail twisting behind him and betraying his affectionate feelings towards Gon's gesture.

"Ki-llu-a," the hybrid dragged out, "You trust me?"

"Yes," the Valkyrie answered immediately, cheeks burning a deeper shade of red when he heard how fast he'd responded.

Amber eyes swirled with encouragement and love. "Just take my hands."

Killua - the hopeless sap that he was - almost melted on the spot. With one last exaggerated groan of complaint, he moved his hands from the wall and placed them into Gon's outstretched palms. With an excited grin, Gon gripped onto Killua's hands, and slowly skated backwards.

The Valkyrie gasped in horror as Gon tugged him onto the ice. Shit! It was so fucking slippery! Killua's knees were shaking like crazy, he could hardly fucking balance! Damn tail, why wasn't it doing it's fucking job?!

"It's okay, just relax!" Gon encouraged, slowly skating backwards along with the flow of foot (or… skate?) traffic.

Killua blew his bangs out of his eyes, pouting a little as he watched Gon's movements. He began to mimic them, always one to pick up new skills fast.

"Yay! You're doing it!" Gon cheered, and Killua gasped in horror as the excitable male tugged him in a quick circle.

"Asshole!" the assassin accused once their positions were righted again, "You're gonna make me fall!"

Gon cackled, not guilty in the slightest. "Don't worry, I won't let that happen! No falling for Killua on my watch!" He then leaned in, and planted a chaste kiss across Killua's mouth. "Or at least, only when I don't want you falling."

Killua pulled away in a huff, blush crawling down his neck. "You're so embarrassing! You do realize we're in public, don't you?!"

"Yeah? So?" Gon laughed, "Look around you, Killua!"

The Valkyrie shakily looked around, not entirely trusting himself to keep on his feet when he wasn't looking where he was going. And sure enough, literally everyone on the ice was a couple. Save for a couple pairs of friends, everyone was being all romantic and gross. There were like five people making out! Right there on the ice! Hopefully Gon wasn't thinking about following in their example…

"Okay, fine," the Valkyrie grumbled in defeat.

Gon still hadn't stopped grinning, he hadn't taken his eyes off Killua once since they'd left the apartment. "Why so tense, Killua?"

"Cause I don't wanna fall, stupid!" the Valkyrie exclaimed, still holding Gon's hands in a death grip.

"But you're already so good!" the hybrid praised. "Here, I'll let one hand go–"

"No!" Killua exclaimed in terror, tightening his grip and wrapping his tail tightly around Gon's waist just for good measure.

"Come on, Killua, I believe in you!" the hybrid prodded, trying to convince the Valkyrie to loosen up a bit. Yeah right, that was NOT happening. The two of them finished their first lap of the rink, and Killua was starting to get the hang of the whole skating-instead-of-stepping thing, but still. He'd have to have his arms cut off before he let go of Gon. Something about skating without someone to balance on was terrifying!

"How are you so good at this?" Killua huffed as Gon pulled him along a little faster. He watched the sway of Gon's hips, mesmerized by the flex and pull of those muscles beneath the grip of his tail.

"Just practice! I headed straight north when I first started traveling, so when I came across a village in a super cold area and found them skating across a frozen pond I had to learn! I didn't pick it up anywhere near as quickly as you have, though." His smile turned all sappy, "You're really amazing, you know that?"

"Oh, hush," Killua scolded.

"But you're just sooo graceful!" Gon taunted. "I'm sure you'd be able to skate all on your own if I let go!"

"Don't you fucking dare–"

"-It would really be a shame if I happened to get separated from you–"

"-Gon, so help me–"

"-Whatever would Killua do if he didn't have me to lean on like this–"

"-Gon Freecss, you better not!"

"Oops!" Gon gasped in exaggerated surprise, deftly bending his knees and doing a spinny trick to get out of Killua's hold. He skated out of Killua's reach, watching on with a devilish grin as the Valkyrie hissed in horror now that his impromptu balance beam had been ripped away.

A shrill whine rose in Killua's throat as he scrambled to stay on his feet, he threw his arms out for balance, tail rigid at his back and knees locked in determination not to fall. Only locking his knees worked against him, because the skates just kept on sliding, slipping his feet apart. The Valkyrie quickly moved, leaning forward in a clumsy stroke of his skate to retain his dwindling balance. It worked, and he quickly repeated the movement, alternating feet as he slid along.

"Yay! You're doing it!" Gon cheered, skating in circles around Killua as the two of them progressed along the outer edge of the rink.

"Show off!" Killua shot at Gon, who seemed to be moonwalking, his skating was so effortless and graceful.

"I told you you could do it!" the hybrid bragged, ignoring Killua's jab.

"Yeah, maybe," the Valkyrie complained, awkwardly angling his movements as they crossed the near turn of the rink.

"Killua," Gon hummed, skating up by the Valkyrie's side and interlacing their fingers.

"What?" the assassin asked, skating close enough that their arms were pressed together.

"Oh, nothing!" Gon chirped as he shoved he and Killua's joined hands into the pocket of his jacket. "I just like saying your name."

"Of course you do," Killua chuckled, feeling his face go all slack and sappy.

"Killua."

"Gon."

"Killua~"

"Cut it out!" the assassin laughed. "You've said my name in every other sentence all day long!"

"I can't help it! I just can't believe that you're really here with me."

"I'm always with you," Killua mumbled, gently looping his tail around Gon's hips.

The hybrid turned to face Killua, skating backwards as he slung his arms around the Valkyrie's shoulders. "Yeah, but now you're double here with me. You're more than just a friend."

"Yeah," Killua agreed softly, resting his hands around Gon's waist. "Now that we're… dating… I mean… I took a really long time to get ready this morning cause I didn't wanna hear shit from Ging, but also cause I was kinda scared to see you."

Gon cocked his head to one side, "How come?"

"Well…" Killua winced as his face performed its practiced imitation of a cherry's skin. "I'm just not used to this is all. I mean, I've dreamed of being with you like this for ages now, but I was just nervous cause I'm not sure what our relationship is gonna entail now that we're actually pursuing a romantic one."

"So like…?"

"So, we're dating now, so what's that mean for us? Cause, so far today we've acted just like we always have. How is it gonna be, like, different now that we're boyfriends instead of friends…? Fuck, I can't put my words together! I just… you understand?"

Gon smiled softly at Killua, eyes cuddly and warm like the embers of a fireplace. "Well, we didn't hold hands all the time before, right?"

"...No."

"And I didn't get to impulsively kiss you three times an hour?"

"...No–" Killua squeaked as Gon punctuated his words with a sloppy kiss.

"I don't want how we are to change now that we're courting," Gon admitted, and Killua nodded in agreement. "But I also understand your nerves about how we're gonna tell that we're dating and not just friends."

"How'd you word it so perfectly?" Killua sighed, rubbing his hands slowly up and down Gon's sides.

That twinkling laughter tickled Killua's ears. "I'm just good at infodumping, I guess!" Gon teased, fingers fiddling with the little curls against the back of Killua's neck.

"But I guess…" the hybrid paused to think. "Now we get to show that we love each other. And we get to do mushy coupley stuff like holding hands and dancing in the rain."

"It doesn't rain here," Killua snorted, "We're inside."

"Well, not here, but in other places!" Gon clarified, bonking Killua on the head for being difficult. The Valkyrie giggled, leaning into Gon's touch as his hand slipped down to cup his pale cheek.

"See? Like we're doing right now!" Gon declared.

"Yeah," Killua agreed softly, eyes flicking down to Gon's smiling lips.

"Killuaaaa," the hybrid prompted. The Valkyrie leaned down in a huff, planting a quick kiss against Gon's mouth.

"There," Gon spoke against Killua's lips, "Just like that! Also, can I sleep beside you every night? I don't wanna stop sharing a bedroom, it's always so cold at night without you there."

"Yeah, as if you even have to ask," Killua responded grumpily, slipping his hands absentmindedly under Gon's jacket and up his back.

"Also," Gon leaned in close, speaking all low and mischievous, "I wanna show you just how beautiful you are~ I'll have you every night, if you'll take me–"

"-Gon, quiet!" Killua whined, slapping his palm over the hybrid's mouth. "You can't just talk like that with all these people around!"

"Who cares if they know?" the little jerk continued, "I want everyone to know that you're mine~"

"Well do you think that I want everyone in the general vicinity to know exactly what we're doing every night?!"

"I know a part of you does, the crazy part that makes your eyes go all dark when you know what you want."

"Gonnnn, shut upppppp," Killua complained, cheeks turning an unrealistic shade of red.

"Don't run away, I wanna hear you," Gon murmured directly into Killua's ear. He was being UNNECESSARILY suggestive–

"You're freedom of speech," Killua retorted, slapping his dirty talking boyfriend upside the head, "It's been revoked."

Gon giggled, turning on his skates so they could skate side by side. "But how can I tell you how beautiful you are if I'm not allowed to talk?" he fake pouted.

"As if that's a good thing?" Killua scolded, tugging his hand out of Gon's and skating away in an attempt to escape from the constant stream of embarrassing shit that always poured from his stupid pretty mouth.

Gon chased effortlessly after him, skating alongside Killua no matter how hard he tried to escape. "But beautiful things deserve praise! That would be like appreciating a fantastic painting and not uttering a single word of congratulations to the painter that slaved for weeks before the easel!"

"Do I look like some dusty assed painting to you?" the Valkyrie shot back, annoyed that he was unable to skate faster than Gon.

"No, you look like a fresh painting, not fully dried yet and still moist from the strokes of the painter's brush–"

"You're such an idiot!" Killua exclaimed, two eloquent statements away from slapping his hands over his ears.

"Killuaaa, I love you," Gon taunted, skating up behind him and embracing him from behind, effectively rendering Killua trapped with no escape from the full force of his constant affection and embarrassing praises.

"Love you too, or whatever," the assassin grumbled, brushing his tail against Gon's legs - but in an angry way! Not a caring way, cause he was mad at Gon and definitely not touched and crying from happiness on the inside!

Gon sighed against Killua's silvery hair, not showing any signs of releasing the assassin from his hold.

"How long are you gonna stay back there?" Killua snorted after two entire laps of Gon spooned against his back.

"I'd stay here forever if I could~"

Killua sighed in exasperation.

Gon just snickered.

"Hey, Killua, you wanna learn how to do some figure skating moves?!" he gasped all of a sudden.

"Sure, if it gets you the hell off me," the Valkyrie retorted.

"Yes! Come on, let's choreograph a dance!"

Killua cracked a laugh, "Why the hell would we do that?"

"Because I need to incorporate romantic ice skating dances into my life now that I watched that one show about the ice skating and with two guys and the one grumpy guy–"

"Okay, valid reason," Killua snorted, "But no."

"Come on, pleaseeeeee?" Gon whined, draping himself dramatically off Killua's shoulders. "I'll buy you ice cream?!"

"...Chocolate."

"Yes! Anything you want!"

"Deal."