No Trouble For Foul: The Untold Story of Sorcerer's Stone
By Spectra16
A/N: I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. It was kinda slow. It'll pick up in this chapter though, I promise. Snape gets bashed so bad. But don't get me wrong. I'm a die hard fan.
In this chapter, you will meet two OC teachers of Hogwarts. One is a substitute and one is a normal teacher. So if I scratch an original teacher off, don't be angry. It happens.
Someone mentioned Percy is out of character. Sorry, but he's a Weasley! There's no way he acts good ALL of the time!
Also, this story is forming a soundtrack, just like my other stories. Listen to "Pure Imagination" by Maroon 5, Franz Ferdinand, and "Perfect Situations" by Weezer.
And I finally finished the second book.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter! Duh!
WARNING: Some references to Potter Puppet Pals. Oh, and if you're wondering why I have titles for each segment, I got it from Halo. Don't make fun of me.
-.-.-.-.-
Chapter Two: 10 Points for Professor Snape!
"Professor Snape! Your robe's on fire!" Lara screamed. Snape hastily fell to the floor and started rolling. Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs laughed hysterically, by the Slytherins only glared at their laughter. Snape soon realized that he was not on fire, and quickly stood up, brushing off the dust.
"Minus 10 points to Gryffindor! Minus five to anyone else who laughed!" Snape glared at Lara. Gryffindors no longer cared about their house points. No one minded a little sabotage either. Eventually, the Slytherins would laugh.
Everyone went back to putting nonsensical items into their cauldrons. Twiggy did well in this class, only because he was a master at taking notes, and following directions. Snape seemed to favor him and Draco the most. Harry often got the rap for foolish things. No one ever retorted when Snape acted unfairly. After a few days of class, Caspian started to attend and help around the class.
"What is a third year doing here?" Harry leaned over to Ron.
"She's a TA, teacher's assistant. You can get extra house points if you assist a teacher for a semester. But I'm curious. Usually, Snape only picks Slytherins as assistants, and she's a Gryffindor, isn't she?" Ron asked. Harry nodded, remembering that she sits at their table to eat.
Twiggy slightly smiled during the potions class, now that Caspian was there. But he soon found out that she wasn't at all there to help. She was there to cause havoc.
"Class, this is the new TA, Caspian Clinton," He quickly introduced her.
"Hey, Severus! How's it hangin'?" She carried a spray bottle. Everyone wondered what it was for, since it looked very Muggle-like.
"Miss Clinton, why do you have that here?" Snape seemed miffed that she used his first name. She pointed the nozzle at him and sprayed. He flinched and let out a high pitched squeal.
"Don't worry, it's only water," She admitted. Every first year starred at her, wondering what had just gone through her mind. She looked at them. Silence loomed in the air for a few moments, when Neville started to clap loudly. Harry and Ron followed, as did everyone else except the Slytherins and Hermione. Snape stood up straight and straightened his robe.
"Harry Potter! I hate your face! Minus 20 points to Gryffindor!" Snape pointed at Harry and shouted. Caspian looked puzzlingly at Snape. Harry and most of the first year members of Gryffindor groaned collectively. Everyone knew Snape hated Harry, and they all knew the loss of points really wasn't his fault.
Snape looked around his gloomy classroom. Hermione sat up straight, ready for any questions. Snape looked at Lawrence, whom was looking down into his lap. He seemed preoccupied with something. Snape, with one long movement, ripped his wand from his belt and pointed it at Lawrence pensively. Lawrence flew backwards off of his chair and landed on the ground. Little cards flew everywhere. Snape quickly walked over to see what the cards were. A whole collection of chocolate frog cards were strewn all over the floor. Snape picked them up, Agrippa, Dumbledore, Merlin, Ptolemy, Alberic Grunnion, and Circe, and in one hand. He went back to the front of the class just as Lawrence sat back down in his chair. With a flick of his wand, the cards went up in flames. Lawrence's jaw dropped. Draco and other Slytherins snickered at his misfortune. Lawrence glared at Draco.
Once the cards were a pile of ash, Snape went back to demonstrating a decent heal potion. He put his head over Seamus' cauldron just as it exploded. He writhered around while Caspian skipped over to him with a glass full of what she thought was water.
No more than 5 minutes later, the classmates were watching as Snape was being taken to the hospital wing. Caspian stood in front.
"Everyone take your seats! Instead of continuing with the lesson, you may use this time as a study hall! Everybody get to work!" Caspian smiled, as if Snape was just absent with a cold or something trivial. She went to his desk and propped her feet, covered in adorning leather boots, up on the desk, which had brewing potions and dark arts notes strewn about. She picked up a piece of parchment and a quill and wrote in messy letters "Send a substitute down, please!-TA". Caspian rolled the small parchment and tied it. Caspian handed it off to Snape's crow (mistakenly named Fru Fru) and the crow flew off to Dumbledore's quarters.
Less than ten minutes later, a strange man stood at the door of the classroom, looking at Caspian, the TA, whom was busily redecorating. Most of the Slytherin insignia had been taken down, and was now lying precariously on the floor. In place of it, was Gryffindor. The Slytherin first years would've protested, if they hadn't seen Snape being taken out of the room in a stretcher.
Besides the Slytherin insignia, all of Snape's foul looking feather quills were replaced with Peacock ones, and his desk materials were now purple and pink. Caspian was now in the middle of a spell to turn Severus' desk pink, but the man in the doorway quickly entered upon seeing this.
"What is going on?" He asked and Caspian's head turned quickly towards him. She breathed a sigh of relief when she found that it wasn't Snape or Filch. It was a strange looking man, who wasn't dressed like the other teachers at all. He wore strange leather combat boots and arm and leg guards. He was dressed more like a swordsman than a teacher. And behind his was a beautiful silver rapier hanging by his hip. The stern look on his face and the quick pace he was walking at scared Caspian and she fell to the floor in a worship position.
"We're not worthy! We're not worthy!" She blurted out. Several students laughed at her tone of voice, but the strange man in the middle of the room did not. She looked up at him and found him to be even more stern looking. He turned around to face the class.
"I'm your new teacher for a few days. My name is Mr. Monarski. What were you working on before your teacher became incapacitated?" Mr. Monarski bellowed. Hermione gingerly raised her hand. He looked at her.
"Yes?"
"Um. . . Heal potions, sir."
"Right."
Mr. Monarski watched the action from a far while the first years attempted the potion. Caspian watched him closely, pondering her next move. She steepled her fingers and sat on a stool next to Snape's desk. Mr. Monarski stood there without fidgeting, just scratching his beard. Caspian walked over to him.
"You know, the real Snape would be peering over the students cauldrons right now," Caspian said slyly. The man didn't move.
"I'm not Snape," He said shortly. She paused for a few moments.
"You know, the real Snape would be taking points off of Gryffindor because Harry Potter is picking his nose right now," Caspian giggled to herself. His head turned slowly, and he glared at her. She shrunk back and sat on the stool once again.
-.-.-.-.-
Retort
George and Fred watched the new teacher sit up at the High Table and eat dinner with the normal teachers. Fred poked Ron.
"What?" He asked, semi-agitatedly.
"Who is that man? The one sitting next to Professor Quirrel?" Fred asked. Ron put his roll down.
"The substitute for Snape," Ron replied shortly.
"Wow. We got off lucky for a few days," George smiled. Harry grimaced.
"Not really. He seems just as mean. But at least he doesn't favor one house over the other," Ron replied. Hermione sat up straight.
"I like him. He reminds me of my father," Hermione spoke in an arrogant tone. Ron shot her a look of disbelief.
"You father?" He asked. She nodded and frowned. Harry stood up with a goblet in hand.
"We should have a toast! To Seamus, for being in the right place at the right time!" Harry said and the rest of the Gryffindor table stood up and put their glasses in the air. Seamus took a bow. Caspian waved her goblet in the air, spilling a little.
"And ten points to Professor Snape! For getting blown up!" Caspian shouted. The Gryffindors took a drink, and some Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw that overheard, drank to it too. Malfoy stood up at the Slytherin table.
"Oh shut up! Harry Potter smells!" Draco shouted jealously.
"And ten points to Draco, for acting like a dumbass!" Percy shouted. Some people shouted a "yay" to that. Twiggy, feeling rather secluded, secretly drank to their toast, wishing he could enjoy their good cheer. He disliked his house extremely. His dinners were never full of good cheer.
Goyle and Vincent pulled the rolls out of the wooden bowl and filled it with food they were served. Vincent pulled out a tube of toothpaste from his pocket and squeezed it in. Goyle mixed in a collection of booger flavored Bertie bots and some worms to the mix. Soon, it looked like one big bowl of cesspool. Malfoy scooped some up with his hand and raised it for all to see.
"To Slytherins!" Draco shouted and took a bite out of the goop. Fellus, a fifth year, laughed sadistically at the sight of the initiation ceremony of the Slytherin house. Several third years kept stirring the bowl, making it a sludge of brown and white substance. Twiggy was afraid to be made fun of if he didn't partake in the disgusting first step of Slytherinhood. He didn't want to be a Slytherin, but he had no choice. Fellus noticed Twiggy's lack of interest, like the other first years. He leaned over and had a sly look on his face.
"Come on . . . Twiggy," Fellus pushed the bowl towards him, intimidating poor twiggy. "Dig in."
Twiggy knew this was not the time to back down and act secluded. Twiggy had no intention of becoming friends with the Slytherins, but he wasn't going to let them think he was against them either. Twiggy fearlessly grabbed a handful of gooey mess, and quickly put it into his mouth. Fellus smirked.
-.-.-.-.-
What Is Said in the Slytherin House, Stays in the Slytherin House
Twiggy hated the Slytherin living quarters. He slept across from Malfoy and hated it. The initiation ceremonies were ghastly, and believed that no other house was as dreadful as this one. Twiggy resolved this problem by putting on an intimidating face so that he wouldn't be picked on because of his size. Malfoy wasn't much bigger than he was, but at least Malfoy had goons, Crabbe and Goyle.
Several boys had a magic duel in the quarters late at night, and all four of them had injuries that were gruesome. Twiggy took no part of it, but Titus had insisted on showing him his half charred leg. Twiggy was disgusted.
"So . . . Twiggy, were your parents both wizards?" Draco asked snidely, sitting up in bed, pretending to read a Dark Arts book. Twiggy shifted.
"Yes. My father was on the Ravenclaw Quidditch team. My mother graduated at the top of her class," Twiggy said truthfully. But Draco's snide remarks about mud bloods made his blood boil, since it wasn't something anyone had control over. Draco remained silent for a few moments.
"Are you planning on learning the Dark Arts?" Draco asked. Twiggy nodded a lie. What kind of Slytherin would he be if he didn't? Draco narrowed his eyes as Twiggy had nodded.
"Good," He replied. Draco paused again. Twiggy had hoped that was the last of the questions. But Draco spoke again.
"Have you ever seen a grown man naked?" He asked. Twiggy slowly turned his head to look at Draco. Twiggy got out of bed and backed up into the common room.
-.-.-.-.-.-
Potion Master
Mr. Monarski paced around the room, searching for the slightest mistake. Lawrence eyed his carefully, and then wondered if the man had a wand. He looked at the rapier and wondered if it was against the rules to carry it around.
Caspian continued to make herself comfortable at Snape's desk, knowing he would be returning within the next day. She had bought a Muggle item called Post-it notes, and proceeded to label everything on his desk. Mr. Monarski stopped yelling at her, because there was no point in it. The Gryffindor house had a grand total of 4 points, while the other houses were well on their way to a hundred.
"Alright class, class is dismissed," Mr. Monarski announced and the students picked up their books and left. Caspian carefully made sure that Mr. Monarski did not notice that she didn't leave, but was hiding under Snape's desk. He left the room quickly, probably to go to the bathroom, and she quickly got out and grabbed some of Snape's supplies to make a potion of her own. She stuffed the ingredients into her messenger bag and left quickly, hoping to go unseen.
-.-.-.-.-
The Actual J.K. Rowling Harry Potter
"Hey, Ron, want to go make fun of Hermione?" Harry asked as they walked down the hallway. Ron's face lit up.
"Sure! And after that, would you like to go with me to the restricted section with George and Fred?" Ron exclaimed enthusiastically.
"Yes! That would be delightful!" Harry gave him a thumbs up. They both beamed and skipped off.
Neville, Lara, Hermione, Lawrence, and Seamus all stood there, watching the two boys skip off together in ignorant bliss. Their jaws were dropped, and they all shared the same wonder; what had possibly gotten into their heads?
"I need new friends," Neville gasped. The others nodded. From a few yards down the hall, they all heard a strange phenomenon.
"I love magic!" Harry skipped. Ron smiled.
"I love you, Harry!" Ron chirped. They both continued. Ron and Harry skipped down the hall in utter bliss, not knowing that their friends seriously considered their fleeting mental health. All of a sudden, Snape appeared before the two boys.
"Oh no!" Ron gasped sardonically. "It's evil Professor Snape, the Potions Master! Come to reign terror upon the first years! The end is nigh! Repent, repent!" He yelled. Snape put his fists on his hips, to be all the more intimidating.
"Harry Potter! Minus ten points to Gryffindor for looking like a bafoon!" Snape snarled. Ron kicked Snape in the shins.
"Minus ten points to Gryffindor for Harry Potter's friend kicking a teacher!"
Ron tackled Snape.
"Get off me!" Ron got off, but he then started to poke Snape, saying, "Bother bother bother bother bother bother bother!"
"Stop that! Stop it! Get off! Stop!" Snape said under his breath and shooed Ron away.
"Minus twenty points to Gryffindor for Harry Potter being born!" Snape yelled. Ron and Harry then stood there, as if the strange illusion of Rowling had gone.
"That's not fair! He couldn't not be born!" Ron fought. Dumbledore magically appeared next to Snape.
"Nope! It's fair! Teacher's call!" Dumbledore disappeared again. Snape smiled evilly.
"I am Snape, the Potions Master!" he declared. Ron and Harry quirked an eyebrow at him, but not because what he said. Caspian was behind him, and had just said "Pinkus Lavaticus" and turned Snape's robe and clothing day glow pink. Snape looked down at himself, and the color immediately blinded him. He rolled around on the ground, covering his eyes. Harry and Ron smiled at Caspian, and then ran off before Snape could deduct points at their expense. Professor Flitwick had just been passing by when he found a fourth year girl standing over someone who looked strikingly like Snape, but had a hideous looking robe on. He walked over to the man on the ground, and found that it was, indeed, Snape.
"Wow," Flitwick said. Caspian smiled triumphantly.
