Previously
"Ah.
Ah ha ha. Yes well you see um. I'm sorry, why do you want to kill
me?"
"YOUR
BLATANT COURTING OF MY SISTER! Couldn't you see her desperately
trying to escape your company! LOOK AT HOW UPSET SHE IS!" They
both turn to Eowyn who blinked under their stares.
"Um
actually I'm not really" They all turned to watch Aragon racing
away from Arwen and suppressed laughter. Eomer then turned his
attention back to Eowyn.
"Eowyn. My poor good hearted sister. I know how you feel and I know what you are like, but please do not waste your pity on this sorry excuse for a man! You don't need to cover for his unacceptable behavior." Eomer finished his declaration by pausing to eye Faramir for a moment regarding him as one from Rohan does when watching an inexperienced rider, before muttering "I mean he's a second child! You deserve better and for Ent's sake he's Gondorian!" Eowyn's hand flew to her mouth at the blatant use of racism, while Frodo, heroic as ever had latched himself onto Faramir's face in an effective (although somewhat primitive) method of restraint.
Frodo clung desperately, all the time well aware that he was only serving as a distraction at present. Not with all the blinking and adorable curly hair in the world would he be able to efficiently sedate the man that was currently brandishing a dagger in such a way that he and everyone else in a ten metre radius were at risk of decapitation.
Well we all know the One Ring (R.I.P) wasn't destroyed by luck. No! It was destroyed by hard work, courage, determination, quick thinking, terrible camp stew and love (most of which were provided by Sam really) as well as a handy flaw and a well publicized weakness in its making.
So
Frodo made the decision he had made so many times before, the
decision that generally brought about victory and the decision that
he quite possibly made whenever trouble arose.
"SAM!
SAM! HELP ME!" he called his voice easily equaling the volume of
one of Eomer's own battle cries. Sam's eye's widened as he
heard the cry for help and stopped midway through a sentence about in
season waistcoats. Pippin frowned as he realized the conversation was
over and promptly turned his attention back to Merry's 'water'
skin which he grabbed earlier (no objections from the unaware Merry).
Sam's
thoughts were racing as was his heart.
'Did
he call me? My name? The gallant, honorable, brave and all round good
guy, master? He treats me as an equal! Am I worthy of such kindness?'
As Sam pondered his worthiness of such honors as his name passing
through Frodo's lips, Frodo himself recognized the symptoms and
took a different tact (as much as it pained him to use 'the things
I have to endure to get a little help!' plan).
"Sam? Sammy? Here Sammy! C'mon Sam!" The 'here puppy' tactic was instantly successful as was the blow that Faramir then took to the back of his head from a frying pan. Well that part may have been a bit too successful as the hobbits discussed the most effective way to drape him on his horse.
(HALF
AN HOUR LATER)
"No
we don't want his head dragging on the ground!"
"Then
pull him that way!"
"Sorry
that's as far as he goes."
"Use
his arm like a lever or something"
"Can't
reach it. Got a rope or a stick?"
"No!
That won't work! Don't stand on it! It'll break!" Standing
back listening to them converse were Eowyn and Eomer, who were
considering it upon their honour to safely escort the hobbits back.
Eomer
was refusing to in any way assist them, and had suggested leaving
Faramir (or 'Second Child' as he had taken to calling Faramir in
his mind) several times already.
He
was keeping a firm hand on Eowyn's arm to prevent her from moving.
"I
just don't want you doing something you may regret in the future,
like touching the slime ball." He had stated in his annoying
protective, brotherly tone when she wriggled nervously watching Merry
use a spatula to repeatedly hit Faramir's head in a valiant effort
to move it into place.
"Please
just help them." Eowyn tried 'Move 1'.
"No."
"Damn"
she muttered under her breath "I was hoping to avoid using this
one" She took a deep breath before trying 'Move 2' which was
well known for its higher success rate.
"But Eomer surely one of your calibre, intelligence, pity, and I must say stunning good looks, would be able to spread a little more of your kindness even to one as unworthy as him. I mean, it can only benefit your reputation with your generosity can't it?" She held her breath.
This
was the most commonly used tactic and was responsible for half of her
current wardrobe.
"My
reputation would only be tainted by the association with the likes of
him!" So her ego inflation would have to rise to the next level.
'Move 2, Stage 2'
"Oh
but Eomer! Picture this! You're riding up to the gates of Gondor
the legendary King of Rohan, Horse Master. The sun is setting as you
ride and your awe inspiring silhouette can be mistaken for no others!
Your sharp whistle pierces the air and from behind you a horse trots
over the crest of the hill directly towards you. On it is the limp
form of Gondor's Captain Faramir wilted over it backwards as he now
sits in your shadow. The people watch on captivated as a meek looking
woman (she flinched inwardly) and four of what appear to be young
children join your impressive form in front of the gates. It is then
they realise that you have been able to protect the entire group
single handedly for perhaps the entire trip from Rohan. An entire
City is willingly indebted to you for rescuing their pitiful Steward
and treason is spoken and songs are sung of your superiority to him
in every tavern, dining hall and house hold, even the King's Hall
itself!"
Eowyn
was panting after this speech and was glad for its end, as it gave
her opportunity to breath. She couldn't help but let a small smile
filter across her face. Eowyn was sure she had him now. His hatred
and prejudice couldn't possibly be strong enough to resist one of
her strongest attacks! There was no way he-
"Gain
the respect of a foreign country but lose that of myself? I do not
believe it is worth it as he still benefits the outcome with his
life. No. Much better would be to picture him limping through the
gates on his own, and having to explain that he was beaten by a small
pack of hobbits!" He laughed, "Either that or a group of farmers
find the crows picking at him the next morning!" He didn't try to
conceal his grin.
Eowyn
was angry now and this anger was the key to unlocking the final blow:
'Move 3 aka Eomer is at risk of being permanently unable to lift a
tissue.' Not noticing the warning signs and thunder clouds, Eomer
allowed his grin to become a full bellied laugh at the thought and
possibility of 'Second Child's' half devoured body
littering the pathway.
So
it came as a shock when he heard Eowyn's voice hiss through the air
and cut through him like a sword "Not that that would ever happen"
he assured himself quietly "I'm too good of a fighter." But he
may as well have been slashed apart as the effects of Eowyn's
comment tore through him.
"Well
picture this now, brother dearest. Your recently beheaded body rolled
into a ditch and Faramir riding back to Gondor on my horse!" Oh.
My. Bay. Gotland. Pony. Eomer was aware that ignoring such a threat
could result in his untimely death (he had a party to attend next
Wednesday in his honour) and as he heaved Faramir onto his horse,
Socksy, he didn't notice Eowyn's smirk as she thought
"He
was never at any risk. I'm wearing a white dress! Does he think I
would risk that?"
So in the end it was neither Eowyn's nor Eomer's prediction that came to pass. Instead as they made there way up the levels of Gondor fruit was thrown at Eomer as the city folk made the brash assumption that it was a result of Eomer's treatment that their beloved Steward was in the state he was.
Eomer
seemed to have underestimated 'Second Child's' popularity and
perhaps the size of his fan club. He was resisting the urge to allow
(or cause) Faramir's death to be a very public one, perhaps
involving he himself strangling him, or a good trampling from Socksy.
Eowyn was still able to enjoy the ride avoiding the fruit and
pointing out things she saw excitedly.
"It's
bigger than I remember. Oh! A new market! We will have to visit! Hmm
take note of that architecture I wouldn't mind something like that
at home. Look at that view Eomer!" Eowyn appeared to be unaware
that most of Eomer's view was constricted by a very ripe tomato
that was dribbling down his helmet. "Oh good we are here!"
Nut 2: yay! Nut 1 just sent me this edited version so I could post at free will! Thank you to the readers and especially the reviewers however with the number of views there could have been more...but we are very thankful for the many (2) we got. They were very kind and encouraging! Really we love you both. You should have heard us squeal as we read them! If you want to see more of us making fools of ourselves in the middle of English Literature review more and I can guarantee it!
