Disclaimer – I don't own any of these characters.
a/n – Thanks to everyone who R/R-ed the first chapter. The encouragement is much appreciated. This chapter is another kind of intro one, but I promise we're getting to the good stuff really soon!
After school, there was no better place to practice guitar than in the gym.
At least that's what Ellie thought. It was something about the acoustics in there, the high ceilings and wooden floors, that made the music sound so perfect. She sat on a stack of wrestling mats, and tried to work out a problem in one of PMS's new songs.
She was having so much fun being part of the band. Under normal circumstances, she would never be friends with people like Paige and her friends. But with music involved, all that creative energy, anyone was bearable.
Ellie tried a different chord, hoping it would fit the lyrics better. Ash would owe her big time if she could get this thing worked out.
The gym door opened then, and Ellie could hear someone's sneakers as they squeaked against the floor. When she looked up, Sean stood in front of her. He looked sort of distracted, but with his hat pulled so low, she couldn't really make out his eyes.
"Hey," he said. "What's going on?"
"Nothing much. Just working on a song." She patted the mat next to her. "Sit down. Listen."
He obeyed, and sat beside her. Ellie played the new arrangement of the song, feeling proud and excited. It sounded better than she'd hoped.
When she was finished, she waited for Sean's reaction. He just sat there, staring straight ahead like he didn't realize the song was over.
"So…" Ellie said. "What do you think?"
"Huh? Oh, it's good. It's really good." Sean smiled, and it seemed like he meant it, but something wasn't right with him. Ellie could just tell.
"So, how did that test go this morning? The one that you were so screwed for?"
"Like I expected. It was ard to write an essay about MacBeth's wife when I didn't even know the guy was married."
Ellie laughed, and patted his knee. "I'm sure you'll nail it next time," she told him. "Listen, I know that you said you also were having trouble with Trig. I thought we could get together tomorrow night and I'd help you study. I aced my Trig final last year."
Sean started to fidget. "Ah…"
He seemed so reluctant, and Ellie couldn't figure out why. Just yesterday, he'd said that he was looking forward to spending time with her this weekend. What had happened to him since?
"I mean, I know it's Friday and everything," she said quickly. "But we could just study for a while. Then maybe order a pizza and watch a movie?"
Sean sighed, but nodded slowly. "Sure. Sounds good."
"Really? Okay, great. What movie should I get?"
He shook his head. "Whatever you want."
"Oh really? So if I pick out 'Steel Magnolias' or 'Terms of Endearment,' you're totally okay with that?"
"Whatever you want. Really."
There was something seriously wrong with him. Ellie hoped it had nothing to do with Jay and those other losers that Sean hung out with. There wasn't really much she could do about them. She was Sean's girlfriend, not his keeper. She couldn't tell him who he should and shouldn't be friends with.
Maybe it's just the test, Ellie thought. He's upset about screwing up the test. That's got to be it.
"Okay, I'll just pick something out," she said finally. She strummed her guitar, and started to tune it.
"All right. I gotta go." He leaned over and kissed her. When he pulled back, he was smiling, just the way he always did after they kissed. "I'll call you later."
Ellie watched him walk toward the exit. If there was something really wrong with Sean, she'd try to get him to talk about it tomorrow night. Until then, she'd just have to relax.
Just relax and make sure the song was perfect.
- x –
When she got home after school, Emma was surprised to find the house entirely silent. She expected to hear Jack's cries filling the air, or her mother on the phone fighting with the insurance company, trying to figure out how they were going to pay all of Snake's doctors' bills. She was even prepared to hear her mother begging Snake to eat something, anything, even a few little crackers.
Instead, the house was completely quiet. It was like a dream, Emma thought. Exactly what she needed. Peace and quiet, even for just an hour.
Chris had wanted to get together after school to study for Trig, but she just couldn't bring herself to. Emma wasn't sure if it was the studying that turned her off, or Chris himself. But really, she didn't want to analyze it too closely. She had just told him, "Maybe some other time," and walked off.
Wow, she was a great girlfriend, wasn't she?
Somehow, all Emma wanted to think about was her pen. That damn stupid pen that Sean had returned to her. All day, she'd clutched the pen in her hand like it was some kind of safety blanket. She told herself there was some psychological reason for it, but that it had nothing to do with Sean. Nothing. It was just a good pen. A really, really good pen…
Emma threw herself down on the couch, and closed her eyes. Just as she was about to fall asleep, she heard someone moving dishes in the kitchen. She should have known the whole quiet house thing was too good to be true.
"Emma," her mother whispered softly. "Em, could you come in here for a minute?"
Her mom stood in the kitchen doorway with Jack resting against her shoulder. He appeared to be sleeping, which was definitely a good thing.
"Why are you whispering, Mom?"
Her mother nodded toward the baby. "And Archie's upstairs taking a nap. I don't want to disturb anybody."
Well, anybody but me, Emma thought bitterly. Still, she got up and sat with her mom at the kitchen table. It was covered with hospital bills and medical journals.
"What's up, Mom?"
"There's just something I wanted to talk to you about, Em," her mother said. "Something I think we really need to discuss."
Emma nodded.
"We both know how bad things have been for Archie lately. We may not talk about it, but we both know," her mother whispered. For the first time, Emma noticed that her mother's eyes were red, and there was mascara smudged beneath them.
"What are you saying?" Emma asked quietly.
"I'm not saying that we should give up hope, Em. I'm not saying that at all. We have to keep praying that things will work out. Absolutely." Her mother sighed, and patted the baby's back. "But we have to be realistic. We have to prepare ourselves."
Emma closed her eyes, and waited for her mother to say it. Just spit it out, she thought to herself. Let it out.
"Em, we have to accept the fact that we might lose Archie. We have to be ready to pull together and keep this family going. Just the three of us if that's how it turns out."
There was a time when this would have made Emma cry, when tears would have fallen, hot and wet, from her eyes. But now she just wanted to go downstairs and take a nap.
Instead, she reached into her pocket, and pulled out the stupid purple and blue pen. She gripped it in her hand until her knuckles turned white.
- x –
There were a million things that Craig had to do before this day was over, so he practically sprinted down the halls of Degrassi in a rush to get home. School work, chores at home, practice with his band… the list went on. One of these days, he needed to schedule a nap.
As he ran past the gym, Craig noticed the doors were open, and from inside he could hear the soft sounds of a guitar. It was a kind of sad song that was being played, something really emotional and raw. Something really good. In a way, it was better than anything he'd ever come up with himself. Whoever was playing was seriously talented.
Quietly, he poked his head inside the doorway, and looked around. Sitting on a stack of dirty gym mats with a guitar in her arms was Ellie Nash, playing like she was the only person left in the world. Her head was bent over the guitar so she didn't see Craig watching, and he moved further into the gym.
"That is absolutely amazing," he called across the room.
Ellie jumped like she was terrified, and almost dropped the guitar. Her eyes were wide and Craig thought he could almost hear her heart pounding from where he stood.
"God. You shouldn't sneak up on people like that," Ellie said, clearly annoyed. "What is wrong with you? If I had any doubts, I don't anymore. You have zero social skills."
"Sorry. I'm sorry," Craig said quickly. "I was passing by and I heard you playing and it sounded so great that I just had to come in and tell you."
Ellie stood up, and started to put the guitar back in its case.
"Wow. That might really mean something if I actually cared what you thought," she said, sounding bored. "But your opinion means less than nothing so…"
Craig sighed, and ran a hand through his hair.
"I'm just trying to give you compliment. That's all."
"And I'm just trying to tell you that I don't want one. Not from you."
Ellie picked up her case, and pushed past Craig to the gym door. He watched her walk out, feeling like a pretty big idiot.
- x –
If something didn't change soon, Sean was going to bang his head against a brick wall. At least then, he'd be unconscious and none of this would matter.
Right now the little voice inside his head was stuck on a perpetual loop, chanting the same damn thing over and over: Emma, Emma, Emma, Emma, Emma …
Emma.
He'd just been a pretty big jerk to Ellie, though he didn't think the damage was too severe. He could make up for it this weekend if he tried hard enough, but still he was screwing things up as usual. Ellie had known something was wrong, but there was no way to tell her.
"Hey, Ellie, I'm obsessing over my ex, so I can't be bothered to be a good boyfriend right now. Sorry. I'll just let you know when I get Emma off the brain … for good."
That just wouldn't fly.
The only way to put this Emma thing to rest, Sean thought, was to take some kind of decisive action. Find out if she was really in trouble, or if he was just projecting his own crap onto her. Maybe she was fine. Maybe she was dealing with all of her life's problems without difficulty. Maybe he was wasting his time even considering the possibility that she was falling, falling, falling…
It didn't seem likely, though. Emma was not right, Sean knew that much. There had to be a reason.
If he could just find someone to ask about it…
Sean didn't realize that he was looking for Craig until they both stood on the front steps of school in the hot sun, about to head in opposite directions. Craig had headphones on, and appeared to be really into whatever music he was listening to, bobbing his head up and down, and tapping out the beat against his discman.
Sean had once considered Craig a pretty good friend, but they hadn't talked in a long time. Craig had become so involved with the whole Jimmy-Spinner-Marco crew, and Sean had zero interest in being a part of that. And he knew that Craig would not exactly be thrilled by the prospect of hanging with Jay and the guys. Sean and Craig just didn't have much in common these days.
But right now, Sean could force himself to talk to his old friend He couldn't do that with Emma at all, so he thought Craig was the best alternative. He probably knew exactly what was going on at Emma's house since his step-dad and her parents were such good friends.
"Hey! Craig!" Sean said loudly, hoping Craig would hear him over the music. But Craig didn't seem to, and kept walking down the steps.
Sean walked after him, and tapped his shoulder. Craig turned, absolutely startled. He seemed even more stunned when he saw who it was that wanted to talk to him.
"Sean! Hey!" he said, taking off his headphones. "What's going on?"
"Not much. How're you doing?"
"I've been better actually," Craig said. He shook his head like he didn't think anyone would believe the crap that he was dealing with.
"Same here," Sean told him.
The conversation was like torture. They clearly had nothing to say to one another, and all Sean wanted was for Craig to talk to him about Emma. He was getting nowhere.
Craig looked at him intently, and adjusted his backpack. "You're with Ellie now, right?"
"Yeah. Yeah, we're... you know."
Craig nodded, like he was thinking carefully about something, but didn't say anything. It seemed like a random enough question, but for some reason, it made Sean feel guilty. Get this over with, he told himself.
"So, listen," Sean said finally. "I hear that Simpson isn't doing too well. Actually, that he's doing pretty bad. I mean, we've had a sub in MI for like two weeks now."
Craig sighed, looking pretty somber. "Yeah. I hear it's not looking good. I haven't seen him, but Joey says … Joey says that it's really tough to visit him these days."
"Man. That must be pretty rough for everybody."
For some reason, Sean couldn't just ask about Emma outright. It was almost as if he didn't have that right.
"Yeah," Craig agreed. "I really feel for Emma's mom. I mean, they get married like a year ago, and she's got a baby to take care of, and now she's got to deal with all of this … It's not fair, man."
What about Emma, Sean's mind screamed, but he held back from actually saying it out loud.
"But she's tough, right?" he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "She'll get through it."
"I hope so," Craig said sadly. "I really hope so." He shook his head, and looked off in the distance toward the sky. It seemed like that would be the end of the conversation. If he wanted to know, Sean was going to have ask about Emma point-blank.
"How do you think Em—-"
"Craig, you deadbeat!" Spinner came crashing down the stairs like his house was on fire. "Dude, you're gonna be late for practice again!"
"I'm not late yet, Spin. And who are you to talk? You're gonna be late too."
Spinner sprinted down the street, clearly taking that as a challenge. Craig started backing up, and turned to Sean apologetically.
"Sorry, man, I gotta go. Talk to you later, all right?"
Sean watched as Craig ran after Spinner, catching up with him pretty easily. They turned a corner, and disappeared.
Sean threw his head back, and sighed. Nothing seemed to work out these days. He had to face cold, hard reality. There was only one way to put this whole thing to rest, to stop thinking the million and one thoughts that he didn't want to think.
Sean was just going to have to talk to Emma himself.
