Chris: Last time on Total Drama Island. The campers tried to beat the heat, by a day of water filled activities. During the five challenges, Lindsey pushed over Katie, Izzy gave a corny Jack Sparrow impression, and Owen fell for a trap involving cheese. Secretly, Chef also formed an illegal alliance with an unwilling D.J. In the end, it was the Bass who went to the campfire ceremony, where they voted off Katie. She would be happily reunited with her BFF, and all was right with the world.
What have we come up with to torture the campers this time?
Will D.J.'s lies eat his soul up?
And will Kenny ever actually get through an episode alive?
Find out now, on Total Drama Island!
(Cue theme song)
"Hello campers!" Chris shouted on his megaphone, "I hope you are all ready for your next challenge, because it is a doosy." The campers all groaned as they walked away from their activities and walked to the center of camp, where Chris was smirking.
"Today's challenge will test your ability to form strategies, outsmart your opponent, and most importantly," Chris smiled as he suddenly picked up a small flag, "The ability to capture a piece of meaningless cloth. Were playing capture the flag kiddies!" The campers all seemed rather unfazed. Chris angrily stared at them. "Shouldn't you guys be, I don't know, frightened or scared?"
"Two things," Bojack said as he held up his hand, "Number one, its capture the flag, how bad could it be. Number two, even if it is really bad, Andrew has mellowed out the challenges before, and he will probably do it again."
"Right, Andrew," Chris said sadistically, causing many of the campers to cringe, "I hate to say it, but Andrew has decided to leave the island for a while."
"What!" The campers shouted, all fearful for their lives.
"That is right;" Chris said happily, "Andrew has some important business back in the states, so he will give his title of producer temporarily to some very handsome host."
"Aw crap!" Gwen shouted angrily. The campers were now without the one person who kept the sadist host in line. The longer Andrew is away, the more horrible life would get.
"So without Andrew here at the moment," Chris said sadistically, "I can make the challenges as life-threatening as possible."
Chris then began to pace in front of the teams. "Today's capture the flag challenge will be a difficult one. Some of you might not survive." Many of the campers gulped. "The teams will be given half the camp to place their flag. Once you have placed the flag, it can not be moved. Each team's objective is to steal the other team's flag. If you are tagged in side your opponents area, you are forced to go to jail. The only way to escape jail is to have one of your teammates come and drag you back to your team's side of camp. We have also taken the liberty of placing a few traps around the camp, just to make life harder on you teens. So, other than that, there are no rules, so get out there, and make some good material for television."
The campers sighed as the camp was split up. This was going to be much less easy without their sympathetic producer.
(Bass)
"So this is where we will hide our flag," Geoff said as he and the others stood on a small knoll in their half of the camp. It was surrounded by a small group of trees. "Maybe we should assign who should guard the flag, the jail, and who should be on the hunt for their flag."
"Okay then," Jude said, "Then who does what?"
"Well," Geoff said, "I think Homer, Peter, and Bender should stay to guard the flag. They are both pretty easy to spot, and would not be that useful in trying to get the flag." He suddenly saw the two fat guys having a farting contest and Bender drinking an entire bottle of beer. "Maybe Harold should also stay here to make sure they don't do something too stupid."
"What!" Harold shouted, "I have many mad skills that would be really useful out trying to get the flag!"
"I know," Geoff said in an appeasing tone, "But maybe you could use some of your mad skills to-"he saw Harold glare at him angrily while he tried to make up an answer, "Make some traps."
"I guess I could do that," Harold conceded, before adding an angry, "gosh!"
Harold: I still feel rather unappreciated on my team. At least Geoff gave me a leadership position. I mean, has anyone else spent two years Nature Nate's Survival Camp. I am totally going to make our flag area an impenetrable fortress.
"I guess Dib, Courage, Stan, and Kyle can guard the jail," Geoff said, "And the rest of us will go out to get the flag. Sound good to everybody?"
When the campers nodded, the guards went to their stations, and the attackers headed towards the border into Gopher territory.
(Gophers)
The Gophers had also agreed to specific roles. Heather had decided that Lindsey and herself would guard the flag, Mandy and Caitlin would guard attempt to capture the Bass's flag. When the other Gophers left, Mandy turned to Heather.
"Why do you want all of us to stay here?" she asked.
"Because," Heather said quietly, "This will be a good time to really discuss our alliances next few moves. I really think we should try to get rid of Izzy as soon as possible."
"Why?" Caitlin asked, "She has won us a lot of challenges, our team needs her."
"If she makes it to the individual round," Heather said warily, "She will dominate the competition. We cannot let that happen. So as soon as she makes a mistake, we kick her butt off the island."
The other members of the alliance, even Mandy looked a little wary at Heather's suggestion. All of them asked themselves, would their team survive without Izzy leading them?
"Alright Campers!" Chris shouted over the intercom, "Let's go capture some flags!"
With that, both teams began to cross the border of the teams' territories, and went into the unknown abyss of the unknown.
"There," Harold said happily as he wiped the sweat from his brow. It had taken a long time, but his great set of traps had finally been completed. Peter and Homer did not seem to care. They were too busy drawing in the dirt with sticks. While Bender was still drinking. Harold glared at them.
Harold: While Duncan is my least favorite teammate, I also have a great disliking for Homer, Peter, and Bender. They are so stupid that I don't think they even realize that they are in a reality show and all Bender does is drink and insult the rest of us all the time. Idiots!
Izzy was smiling as she hid behind some bushes. She smiled sadistically when she heard some rustling in some brush. With cat-like speed, she jumped out from behind the bush, and ambushed the creature. Unfortunately, the creature turned out to be Bojack.
"What the hell are you doing!" the Horseman screamed. Izzy jumped off of him after realizing who it was.
"Oops," she said apologetically.
"What the hell's going on over here?" they heard Cartman's nasally voice whine. Both he and Kenny suddenly came out from another bush. From another bush, Gwen and Leela came out of the brush. When she saw the great amount of people in the clearing, Izzy grinned as a light bulb came on.
"Hey," Izzy said happily, "I know, let's form an alliance!" Many of her teammates stared at the psycho-girl in shock.
"What," Leela said, "Why?"
"Well Heather has her alliance, so why shouldn't Izzy!" Izzy shouted. Many of the campers suddenly looked shocked.
"Heather has an alliance?" Frylock asked. Many of the campers were shocked by this new info.
"Yeah," Izzy said without a care in the world, "She has had one since the second challenge. So if she can have one, why can't Izzy?"
The other campers were too shocked by this development to even answer her question. When they had finally recovered from the shock, they turned to Izzy.
"Alright," Gwen said, "We'll join."
"Yes!" Izzy shouted, "Let's go Team E-scope!"
"Team E-scope," Bojack said incredulously. Most of them realized that they had better expect the unexpected from now on.
Bojack: Well, it is a stupid name, but what the hell, it's not like I have any better ideas at the moment.
Cartman: Excellent. Now with an alliance, I can truly begin my plans to win this game (While he is rubbing his hands evilly, the sloppy Joe Monster appears out of nowhere and attacks him from behind, causing the fat boy to yelp in pain)
Izzy: (Cam is covered in Cartman's blood) Why is it that this stall is always covered in blood? What's up with that?!
Harold smiled as he sat next to the flag. As soon as anyone attempted to take the piece of cloth, he, Peter, Bender, and Homer would jump out and ambush them. Just then, there was a rustle in the trees near where he had set one of his traps. Harold smiled happily when Owen was flung off the ground and into the air. Peter ran over and let Owen go, but he had already tagged the large teenager, and sent Owen to jail.
"This is too easy," Harold said as he laid down to look at some clouds. Really, this show wasn't too troublesome.
Geoff smiled as he looked out from behind a tree. He was only a few yards away from the Gopher's flag, and Heather and the rest of the guards were too busy talking to notice him. Just as he was about to make a rush at the flag, he heard a rustling in the brush on the other side of the clearing where the flag was located. He was slightly surprised to see Cartman come out from the bushes.
"Hey you bitches," Cartman greeted the other guards, "how is it going?"
"Get lost weirdo," Heather snapped, rather annoyed at the nasally tone of the boy.
"I just thought that you might like to know that Izzy has formed an alliance," Cartman said nonchalantly. When he said this, Heather and her entire alliance looked shocked. "Yeah," Cartman continued, "She apparently knew about your alliance since it formed, and formed her own."
"Thank you for that information," Heather said swiftly. She then turned to try to make a new plan with her alliance, when she heard a cough. "What do you want," she said as she turned to Cartman.
"Simple," Cartman said evilly, "I want in your alliance."
"Why should we let you in?" Heather asked angrily.
"Well if giving you information isn't enough," Cartman said, "I could always just tell the others that you know they are in an alliance, and then they would try to vote you out as soon as they got the chance."
Heather suddenly blanked. She had been outsmarted by some nine year old boy. She had to admit, she was impressed. "Fine," Heather said graciously, "Welcome to my alliance."
Cartman: Excellent, my plans are coming to fruition. Now I am a member of both alliances, and I will be able to manipulate the votes from now on.
Geoff: Wow, that is some serious strategy going on in the Gopher camp. That Cartman is one bad little dude. And I mean bad-bad, not good-bad. Man, I hope he doesn't try to use that alliance to get rid of Gwen. (Realizes what he has just said) Damn it!
"Attack!" Izzy shouted as she and the other members of Team E-Scope charged towards the Bass's flag. Izzy, as soon as she stepped onto the ground in the clearing, fell into the trap hole that Harold had dug. Cartman, who had returned from his meeting with Heather, also fell in the hole. Kenny, saw what happened, and jumped over the hole. As he dived over the pit, he landed in a snare. Unfortunately, he landed in the snare head first, and was soon hanging from a tree like an executed convict.
"Oh my god!" Peter shouted.
"You killed Kenny!" Homer shouted as he pointed at Harold.
"I'm a bastard!" Harold concluded.
The other members of team E-Scope decided to back off and form a new strategy. This meant that they left both Izzy and Cartman behind. Both were captured and transported to jail.
"Let me out of here!" Izzy shouted as she moved a cup back and forth around the jail area, "I have a right to a lawyer! I was framed! I take the fifth!"
"Will you shut the hell up?" Kyle shouted angrily. He, Stan, Dib, and Courage where currently playing a game of Go fish. The poor Jewish boy was tired of listening to the girl scream.
"Shut your goddamn Jew mouth!" Cartman screamed at Kyle.
"Okay," Kyle said as he threw the cards down in frustration, "that is it!" He suddenly picked up a plank that he was sitting on, and stormed into the holding area. While the others continued to play cards, they heard Cartman's screams of pain as Kyle gave him the beating of a life time.
When Kyle finally finished beating Cartman, he looked around the jail. Though he saw Owen sitting in his corner like a good prisoner, Izzy was nowhere to be seen. The guards suddenly heard a whistle, and turned to see Izzy standing on a tree branch. The weird part about it was that she was decked out in full pirate garb.
"Alas my noble foes! Today is the day that you shall remember that you almost caught, Captain Izzy Sparrow!" When Izzy happily swung off on a vine into the forest, she gave the Bass members a raspberry. This unfortunately meant she was unable to see the tree she was about to collide with.
BAMM!
"I wonder if she is related to George of the Jungle by any chance," Dib said as he saw the girl slide off the tree she had hit. The others could not help but nod their heads in agreement.
"Man I hate it when a good plan goes bad," Jude said as he, Double D, Ed, Ron, and Jen all sat in the Gopher's jail.
"What plan!" Jen shouted angrily, "All we did was basically run right at them and hope they would give up." She and the other captured Bass glared at the laid back skateboarder, who did not seem to acknowledge their anger.
"Dudes," Jude said as a light bulb appeared over his head, "If no one is watching us, then why are we still sitting here?" His three teammates looked around, realizing that no one was guarding them. They all silently got up, and walked away.
"This should be good," Mandy said monotonously, as Tyler ran at her and the other Gopher guards. The jock was actually carrying a long wooden pole, and charging at them with it. When Tyler's pole touched the ground, he used it as a jumping pole. The wannabe jock would suddenly be flung up into the air, only to be hurtled into a tree on the opposite end of the clearing.
"He is so talented," Lindsey said dreamily. Mandy and Heather slapped their foreheads at her stupidity. Geoff had already slapped his head in his hiding place. How could so many of his teammates be stupid enough to attempt a full frontal assault. You would have to be a complete moron to come up with a plan like that.
"That could have gone better," Stewie said as both he and Brian had joined Cartman, Owen, and a dead Kenny.
"Well what the hell did you expect," Brian said, "We just made a full frontal attack without having any back up plan. It was freaking doomed from the start!"
"Shut up!" Stewie said.
"Be quiet you asshole!" Stan shouted as he and the other guards were now playing Texas hold um.
Stan: Man, this island sure does have some weirdoes on it. I mean, there is a samurai named Jack, the Grim Reaper, a guy with yellow skin, a robot from the future that drinks alcohol, and an anthropomorphic horse, and they are the normal people. I hate even being in a ten foot radius of Izzy. Craziness seems to seep from her pores!
Jack was prowling trough the trees, waiting for the guards that were at the Gopher flag to lose focus. Just as he prepared to pounce, he heard a rustling in the bushes.
"We meet again!" Izzy shouted as she jumped onto his branch, "Samurai Jack!" For some reason, she was still wearing her Jack Sparrow outfit. In one swift motion, she pulled out a cutlass, and charged at the samurai. Jack swiftly jumped from the tree into the clearing. Unfortunately, this meant that the Gopher guards had spotted him. He was surrounded.
As he tried to think up a plan, the samurai noticed Geoff in the bushes. Jack then decided his best option was to become a decoy. He suddenly somersaulted over Izzy's head and stuck his tongue out at the Gophers. The guards all began to chase after him.
"Least somebody is thinking strategically," Geoff whispered to himself as he snuck out of the bushes. Jack had managed to get all of the guards to chase after him, so that he could get the flag. Geoff took one last glance around the clearing, before rushing to the flag, picking it up, and making a break for the border.
"Izzy has never seen Jack so intent on fighting Izzy before," Izzy shouted. She then stopped for a second. "But all he is doing is getting us angry and making us chase him," she said, before a horrified expression crossed her face, "away from the flag!"
The psycho-girl then turned to the other Gophers. "Come on!" she shouted, "Jack is just the decoy, someone has already stolen our flag!" The girls turned around and ran towards the Bass area. When Jack saw that they had figured out his plan, he hoped that Geoff was fast enough to get away.
"This is too easy," Geoff stated as he ran to the line that separated the two teams' areas. Just as he was about to cross it, he heard a great amount of ruckus coming from behind him. The cowboy turned to see Izzy swinging on a vine, chasing after him. Just as it appeared that Izzy would catch him, Geoff ducked, making Izzy miss him, and then hit a tree.
"Well that was convenient," Geoff said as a rather large bead of sweat formed on the back of his head. Geoff then felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Gwen smirking as he shouted in surprise. Gwen had snuck up and caught him when he had been preoccupied with Izzy.
"You're going to jail, party boy," she said playfully, as Geoff turned over the flag to Heather. Geoff silently walked back to the jail, hoping that someone else was coming up with a plan.
(Ten minutes later)
Geoff slapped his forehead for the umpteenth time that day, because in the last five minutes, Duncan, Ezekiel, and D.J. had all been caught, adding to the two Bass that had already been captured, Tyler and Geoff himself. Of them, D.J. was the one who had come the closest to actually getting the flag, because he had used Bunny's cuteness to distract Heather, Lindsey and Caitlin. Unfortunately, he had not taken evil incarnate, aka Mandy, into account. Duncan had tried to vine swing in to the flag, but he hit a tree. Ezekiel was the one who surprised him. The farm boy had been hiding in the woods when Izzy found him.
Because of the disaster that the current jail guard's résumé was, the Gophers had assigned the guard duty to the only member who might be able to make the Bass prisoners crack under stress.
"Prison Warden Izzy says," the insane red head said, "Ezekiel will lick the warden's boots clean." She had exchanged her pirate outfit for a police chief outfit. She was even dunking a donut into a cup of coffee.
"What!" the poor boy shouted. Izzy nonchalantly pulled out a whip, and snapped in at the farm boy. Ezekiel resigned himself to his fate, and began to lick the mud off the girls new police boots.
"Ah," Izzy moaned as the Bass watched their teammate in disgust, "It is good to be the Warden!"
Izzy: I will have Ezekiel eating out of my hands very soon. I mean, come on, he's already licking my boots!
Ezekiel: I don't know whether to be excited or terrified. On the one hand, she is a very beautiful girl who seems interested in me. That is good. On the other hand, she is an insane psychopath whose ultimate goal in life is to kill off the RCMP. That is bad, eh.
As Izzy began to torture her prisoners, the Bass had managed to cause some damage of their own. Harold's traps continued to work flawlessly, capturing both Leshawna and Nikki. As they were sitting in the jail, Leshawna decided it might be a good time to talk with some of the campers from the other team.
Leshawna: Well, Andrew did say the merge happens after the first twenty go, and we are already down thirteen members. I need to make some contacts in the Bass, or who knows what could happen in the next segment of the show.
"So," Leshawna said turning to the boy with a large head, "You were pretty observant when you figured out Zim was an alien."
"Yeah," Dib said happily, "Finally someone praises me!"
"Shut the hell up Dib!" Stan said as he continued to play cards with Kyle, "She is just trying to trick you into letting her go or an alliance."
Many of those present, including Leshawna, were shocked. He had figured that out all on his own? "You must be a pretty smart kid," Leshawna said as she focused her efforts on Stan, "I bet you realize how important an alliance can be."
"So why should he bother working with you when he already has an alliance," Kyle said, as he picked up a card. He then explained, "Me, Stan and Kenny agreed to go to the final three together, so that is what we are going to do."
Leshawna sighed as she sat back down. Cartman then angrily sat up and shouted at them, "What about me!"
"Oh," Kyle said, "We will just get rid of you as soon as possible."
"Why the fuck would you betray me like that?" Cartman asked.
"We hate you," Stan said flatly.
"I fucking hate you guys!" Cartman screamed.
Cartman: I will win the hundred grand, because Stan and Kyle said they would be my slaves if I won it all. And when I win, I will make them my slaves, because I hate those guys. I hate them so very, very fucking much! And I will not stop until I win this show, because I fucking hate those guys.
Jack felt pity for his teammates who had been captured by Izzy. But luckily, they had also distracted the most dangerous member of the Gophers away from the flag. Jack smiled as Heather began another tangent about how they needed to get rid of the Gophers she did not like, so he took the opportunity to strike.
With a swift somersault, Jack landed behind the girls, who were so deep into the conversation that they failed to notice him. Jack silently snuck up to the flag and grabbed it. When he turned around, he saw that none of the girls had even noticed him.
"This is too easy," he said to himself. In a moment of curiosity, he clapped his hands. None of the girls turned around.
"It can't be this easy," he said to himself again. He suddenly shouted at them, "Wake up!" They did still not turn around.
"Could it be this easy?" Jack asked himself as he walked back towards the woods. Just as he was about to cross into the brush, he heard a shout.
"Where do you think your going?" a voice cackled behind him. He turned around to see Izzy on the hill, "Samurai Jack!"
"I knew it was too easy," Jack said as he jumped into the woods. Izzy cackled as she chased him. Surprisingly, not one of the girls on Heather's alliance noticed them.
"I wonder how our teammates are doing," Harold said in a bored tone. He was still staring at the clouds, and was tired of having nothing to do. Peter, Homer, and Bender did not seem to care, as they were trying to amuse themselves by tossing rocks at one another. After several moments of watching the idiots pelt each other, Harold stood up. "I think I will go and see if I can help the others," he said, "Just make sure you keep the flag safe."
As he walked off, he did not hear Peter ask Homer, "What did that nerd say?"
"I don't know," Homer admitted, "But who cares, he's a nerd."
Both of the fat idiots and the robot laughed as they began to pelt each other with rocks again. Neither of them noticed a figure coming from the woods. A certain prankster seemed to smirk slightly when the three remaining guards went back to their game of beating the crap out of one another.
"At least we have a new guard," Geoff said as he sat in the Gopher jail. Due to the fact that Izzy was off chasing Jack, the Gophers had now reassigned Leela to be the jail guard. At least they weren't being forced to lick her shoes.
Leela then spotted something odd in the trees near the jail. It was a bright light being reflected into her eyes. When Leelawent to go see what it was, she accidently stepped in on a group of leaves. Suddenly, a net that was hidden under the leaves shot up from under her, and trapped her.
Harold smiled as he stepped out from the bushes. The captured Bass cheered when they realized that they had just been freed by the nature geek.
"Come on guys," Geoff said, "We got to get back and try to help Jack."
"I will catch you Samurai Jack!" Izzy shouted as the two warriors jumped through the trees. Izzy had yet to realize that they were only a few yards away from the line that separated the teams. If Jack made it, the Bass would finally win again.
When Jack and Izzy made it to the line, both looked shocked at what they saw.
There, with the Bass's flag in his hand, was Bart. He was smiling as he stood on the Gopher's side of the line, completely victorious.
"How did that happen," Harold shouted as he ran up to the young teenager.
"You see," Bart explained, "I waited for you to leave, so I could see a route through the traps so I used one of my stink bombs. When you were gone, all I had to do was sneak by Homer, Peter, ad Bender and then take the flag."
"Those idiots!" Harold screamed, as he fell to the ground in horror. Said idiots came running up to the gathering of campers.
"The flag was taken," Peter coughed as he and Homer bent down. The Bass glared at their fat teammates.
"We know that idiots," Duncan said angrily.
"You don't understand," Homer said, "When it was taken, there was this weird green smoke that zoomed past us, and took the flag. It might be a ghost."
"Bart has the flag," Geoff said unbelievably, "And he apparently used a stink bomb for cover."
"Looks like you lost this one, wide load," Bart chuckled.
"Why you little!" Homer yelled as he strangled Bart.
"Well I have to say," Chris said as he walked to the gathering of campers, "It looks like the Gophers have managed to pull another win from the jaws of defeat. Since Andrew isn't available to judge, I will hand out the MVC awards from now on. This week's award obviously goes to Baet, for getting the flag." Chris then pulled out a piece of paper and read it out loud. "This challenges reward is fresh sheets, new pillows, and blinds to keep the sun out of your eyes when you wake up."
The Gophers let out a cheer as they lifted Bart on their shoulders. As they carried the prankster to their cabin, the Bass glared at the two fattest and one robot members of their team. No matter what, one of them would be going home tonight.
"I have twenty-four marshmallows here tonight," Chris said as he showed the campers the plate of sweets, "One of you will not get a marshmallow, and will walk the dock of shame, take a ride on the boat of losers, and can never come back! Ever!"
"The first marshmallow goes to Jack."
The samurai caught the treat easily.
"Geoff, Double D, Morty, Bridgette, D.J., and Courage also receive marshmallows."
They all also caught their marshmallows. When D.J. and Bridgette caught their sweets, they smiled at one another and high-fived.
"Jude, Jen, Kyle, Stan, Ed, Eddy, Dib and Harold."
They also caught their marshmallows, with Harold giving out a small "yes" when he grabbed his.
"Duncan, Ron, Kim, Rick, Grim, Tyler, Ezekiel, and Bender all receive marshmallows."
Some of the Bass glared at Bender as he received his marshmallow.
They all smirked when both Peter and Homer began to sweat. Neither of them had received a marshmallow. The two looked at the last remaining marshmallow nervously.
"And the last marshmallow goes to…
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…Peter."
"Yes!" Peter shouted when he caught his marshmallow. Homer let out a cry of despair when he realized that he had lost. Peter stared sadly at his friend, before giving the yellow man his marshmallow. The two fat guys hugged just as Homer began to walk to the boat. As Peter waved goodbye, many of the campers felt mildly bad for the guy. He had just lost his best friend on the island. Then they remembered all the stupid things the two had done, and walked away scowling at Peter.
D.J. smiled as he waved goodbye to Bridgette. They had just spent the evening looking out from the dock onto the lake, while petting Bunny and Courage. Just as he was about to enter the boy room, an arm reached out and grabbed him. He soon found himself face to face with Chef.
"What you doing with nature girl?" Chef asked the smaller young man.
"Just hanging out," D.J. said in response, "She is a really close friend of mine."
"You do realize if you are going to win us that money," Chef said with quiet anger, "that you are going to have to vote off your friends."
"What!" D.J. shouted.
"That's right," Chef said as he paced in front of the muscular teenager, "party cowboy, pink dog, and even that surfer girl you like so much will have to go if we are going to win. So don't get to comfortable with those friends of yours. I want you to meet me tomorrow morning for our first lesson."
D.J. silently stared at the ground while Chef walked back to his trailer. When the time came, what would he choose, the girl he loved, or a hundred grand.
Losers: Courtney, Zim, Noah, Eva, Sadie, Justin, Billy, Rusty, Trent, Cody, Beth, Wyatt, Katie, Homer
AN: Man, I'm on a roll today! See you next chapter.
