The world might've stopped spinning for Asami. Or, her heart just stopped beating. Maybe both. For the first time, she heard Korra's voice since she went to the South Pole, hearing her say her name made Asami feel all the right things. But probably at the wrong time. Unsure if her eyes deceived her. The person right in front of her, bits and pieces, like puzzle forming on its own, is Korra. Not the same Korra from three years ago, no wheelchair around, and she's able to stand now. Those eyes she grew to be familiar with, those cyan eyes. The perfect nose, lips, those shoulders though slimmer but still perfectly toned, the chestnut hair, though shorter, gone were the wolf tails, but she memorized all the edges too well. The physique screams Korra, but all the while, those same features threw Asami off.
Bruises all over Korra's body can be seen from where she stood. Scratches from the arms, hands, neck, face, and eyes were noted. A black eye indicated on the left. Asami winced at the wound. Not the Korra on the wheelchair with the blue vest, baggy pants, parka, and sleeves. But Korra with a green sleeveless shirt and slim pants. It was her, but she was different.
She took a moment to glance her surroundings inside the small motel room tucked away in this village at the Earth Kingdom. A sink and somewhat a kitchen behind Korra, a table and chair on her left, on the wall, was a Japanese styled sliding window, and on her right was a bed, untidy. As if Korra had been spending much of her stay here.
Asami looked back at Korra. For a moment, Korra's eyes showed longing, her being here, she wasn't sure. Asami could cry from happiness if only were the circumstances different. She almost wanted to close the distance and embrace Korra. Almost.
"What are you doing here?" Korra sliced through the silence with a hint of irritation on her tone.
All the warm feelings turned cold. The swelling sense of her chest wilted—the Korra, all kind and loving, gone in her eyes. Asami was taken aback by the remark of the girl. The thought of confessing her feelings appear to be unwise now. She swallowed the lump in her throat, a metaphor for the love that is yet to see the light.
"Wha—" Asami lets out a shaky laugh, "What am I doing here?" She looks at Korra incredulously, "What are you doing here?"
"I—" Korra looks down, lips forming into a thin line. "How did you find me?" Her brows furrowed; displeasure evident in her features.
This isn't Korra. No, something must've happened. Because all Asami can feel right now is indignation and disbelief.
"Does that even matter right now?" Asami scoffed, "Six months, Korra. You were missing for six months—"
"I wasn't mi—" Korra took a deep breath, "I'm fine."
"Well, clearly, we didn't know where you were. You were lying to your father. I didn't know where you were." Bitterness in her tone was easier to catch, but Asami couldn't help it. She paused, her hand reached for the space in front of her, but stopped, "Is there something wrong?"
Korra met her gaze hastily, rubbed one of her elbows, then looked down again, "I don't know."
"Korra," Asami pleaded.
"I don't know!" Korra snapped, "Sorry. I just… You should go home, Asami."
She was shocked at the response. "Really? After three years? That's what you're going to tell me? I came here to find you—"
"I didn't ask you to find me."
"Nobody did!" Asami shrieked. She couldn't believe what is happening right now. This isn't what she expected to happen. She looked at the ceiling, trying to stop the tears, but clearly isn't helping. Looking at Korra again, she continued, "Of course, you didn't! You wouldn't have a chance to tell me anyway when you stopped responding to my letters." Like poison, the words came out Asami's mouth tasted sour.
Korra looked at her guiltily, she averted her eyes on the right side of the room, but Asami didn't seem to notice. She closed her eyes and breathed, "I'm sorry. A lot is going on with me."
"Then tell me!" She waved her hands in Korra's direction, unsure what to make of her, "Why are you doing this?"
"I wanted to prove something for myself, I needed to feel… better."
"This is your solution? Get beaten down, until what? You stop breathing? Really, Korra?" Asami's voice broke at the end of the sentence, but she didn't care, the desperation to get answers from the girl at least five feet away was at its peak but Korra doesn't seem to give any response she needs. "Are you seriously just gonna wait for us to find out on the radio that they located you somewhere in this small town, dead? " At the last word, Asami almost didn't want to say it, she didn't want to believe it, but she wanted to prove a point. And prove she did it as Korra's eyes widened in shock.
It did seem to trigger something in her, as she half-shouted, brows furrowed. "I didn't plan any of this! I thought I was getting better, but it turns out, the only thing I was able to achieve is to stand and walk!" She directed her hands on both her feet, seemingly disgusted of herself.
"And that's a bad thing?"
"It is for me, Asami! I am the Avatar! I'm supposed to handle all things. I'm supposed to be the one to fix the mess in the Earth Kingdom and not Kuvira. I'm..." She lets out a breath, "I'm useless right now."
"You didn't have to go through it alone. It boggles me how you think you're supposed to carry the world on your back. You don't." She implored, "Nobody gets left behind, remember?"
Korra was crying now, almost looking like she was about to put down the walls she's building right now, almost. "I'm not entirely healed. I would be more of a dead weight than anything else. I need to be better so I can prove everyone wrong." She said, her tone faltering as if every word drains the life out of her.
Asami scorned, "How many times do I have to tell you that you don't have to be fully healed to come back. You could've come back. We could've helped you. Tenzin, the kids. Mako, Bolin. Your parents. You," Desperation in her timbre, trying to keep her feelings in check. "You don't need to prove everyone wrong!" The three years of repressed emotions threatening to spill at this moment. Asami was trying to catch her breath now as her sobs fill the room. A rational decision in a quick snap as she thinks of a silver lining between being a friend and being a lover. Carefully but not entirely choosing the right words, she choked, "You could've come back to me."
Quiet cries from the blue-eyed girl added to the gloom symphony in the room with Asami's. "I know." She likely would have melted at the vulnerability, "But I didn't want to cause you all the trouble. I'm the only one who can fix myself." Asami felt her stomach drop instead.
She was looking at Korra, trying to catch those eyes, anything to get through her. "You still could've told me." She whispered; all her energy starting to exit her body. She's tired, god, why does her head hurt?
"You wouldn't understand!" She gestured her hands in the air, exasperated.
"Then make me understand! Spirits, Korra." Asami ran her hand through her hair, tears spilling in her cheeks. She took a deep breath and gazed at the girl in front of her.
"I can't," Korra whispered, wiping the tears, her expression a mix of everything. Anger, confusion, regret, fear, longing? She hugged herself just as she spoke, "Asami, please go." Korra requested, desperate even.
"No," Asami said sternly. Not when you're here. Not when I have a chance to bring you home.
She took one step towards her, but Korra took a step back. Korra closed her eyes again, tears visible in the faint light, Asami noticed. She gazed on the right side of the room again. What is she looking at? Asami took another step, Korra took a half step back. Korra buried her face on her hands, quietly mumbling something. She couldn't figure out.
"Korra, please." Still, she whispers.
At this moment, her brain won't shut out the loud chants of unending remarks from the people and Korra herself.
'Remember when I lost my bending. Katara couldn't bring it back. I went to the precipice that day.'
'Digging her own grave, I assume.'
'I don't think I can be the Avatar anymore.'
Maybe this is why Korra's running away. Perhaps this is what she really wanted. Away from all the responsibilities. Away from being the Avatar. Perhaps Asami can accompany her, she can help her. Declaring her feelings now hidden deep in her chest, it had to wait. She needed a friend, Asami's here.
Korra gazed at the right side of the room again, petrified. Asami is confused. Another step, Korra, face still buried in her hands, mumbles now audible. "Please stop. Please stop. Please stop."
She took another step, slowly, Korra didn't step back. This time, she opened her eyes, tinted pink from crying, she looks at Asami and then on the right side of the room again. Asami might've caught fear in the Avatar's eyes if she hadn't shut it again. She followed where Korra was looking at, nothing. Just a window. A window. She's trying to get away.
Anger bubbled inside her as she took the last few steps towards Korra in a stride. She wanted to get away from Asami. At least, that's what she thinks.
To her surprise, and lack of restraint, face to face with the blue-eyed girl, both hands in a closed fist, she started striking both Korra's shoulders.
"What the hell are you running from? What are you afraid of?" She kept striking and the girl on the receiving end didn't seem fazed, she let Asami hit her. Korra's hands slumped on her sides, she stood her ground as Asami continued, "You told me a few weeks, I waited. You didn't come back, but I still waited." She whimpered, the words starting to haze, "You know how hard it is, every day to wonder how you're doing? What you're doing? No communication from you for two years? And then you sent me letters. I was hopeful, Korra." She bawled, her hands now shaking from anger, from the emotions coming out, "And then I find out that your parents don't even know where you were for six months? Six months." She cried.
"I didn't want you to worry," Korra looked at her in the eye, pain now prominent. She wanted to say something, but she hesitates. Korra bit her lip. "I…" She couldn't form any response, so it made Asami more vexed.
"Then why did you even write me back? Why did you tell me all those things in that last letter?! To get my hopes up?"
"Asami—" Korra's eyes pleaded with an apology. She glanced at the window again, internally she was struggling with something, but Asami wouldn't know nor notice as the tears blurred her eyes.
Korra slithered one hand to Asami's waist, she kept striking her, it didn't hurt, but the pain in those green eyes was visible. She took a step back again as the force of the hit magnified. Still, Korra responded, "I was in a lot of pain. I didn't know what to do. My parents they… they wouldn't understand. It was a lot to handle, for myself, for my mind… I thought it was best. To go back to the South Pole." Korra looked down again, but both hands holding onto Asami's waist all the while.
Asami stopped hitting her, she grabbed a fistful of Korra's cloth in both hands, clinging to keep her steady. She took a deep breath and stared at the blue eyes, she's worn out, but managed to ask, a whisper, "Why didn't you let me come with you?"
Korra slid both her hands around Asami's waist, bringing her closer. Asami rested her head in Korra's shoulder, melting into her body, warmth, embrace. This is where she should be. Quietly, or so she tries, if not for the unbearable silence in the room, she cries in Korra's embrace.
"I'm so sorry, Asami." Nestling closer to the raven hair, she breathed her in. "I'm really sorry."
Maybe the whole world did stop spinning. Asami wanted everything to stay as it should, if only for a moment. She poured all her anguish and despair in Korra's arms, holding onto something so vulnerable on both ends. She felt all the vigour she had on her body drain. Ironically, Korra was what kept her going for the past three years. For a while, they stood there, Korra soothing her, holding her tight as much as she can, letting all the unspoken feelings and repressed emotions flood out in that hug. Up until Asami felt she had nothing left that her body started reacting.
Her head hurt; her whole body hurt. Asami felt all the pain all at once. She winced, and Korra retracted.
Worry in Korra's features visible as she takes a good look at the heiress in front of her.
"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"
Asami would have laughed at the words in play given the situation, but her body ached, so she simply shrugged. She thought of telling Korra about the events that occurred earlier and Kuvira's army coming in to beat the hell out of the bandits. However, she thought otherwise.
"Had a run-in with some people. That's all."
"I can heal you," Korra said.
Before she can attest, Asami was being pulled to sit at the bedside with Korra grabbing a basin with water at the same time.
"Does your head hurt?" Korra asked again, noticing how Asami held on the part where it got smacked. She nodded and let Korra do the healing.
She observed the water glow to a tint of blue as Korra, while facing her, stretched her arms over the back of Asami's head, "This is gonna feel a little cold, but will warm up after some time." Korra reassured.
Shamelessly watching her work magic, Asami stared at the bruises Korra had. How she missed the tan skin, the blue eyes, and everything Korra. She mindlessly stretched her hand to stroke the linings of the black eye. It made the water tribe girl stiffen and stare at Asami.
"You should heal this," Asami instructed her. Locking gaze with Korra, the feel of her skin sent tingles in Asami's spine.
Korra continued her hand motions at the back of Asami's head, breaking eye contact as well, "I will. Don't worry about it."
Asami pursed her lips, wanting to argue with that response but held it. I will always worry about you. She didn't want Korra to back away again. She wanted to stay this way for as long as she can yet, her body doesn't seem to be working with her as she felt her eyelids grow heavier. Her fatigue is finally getting to her.
The next thing she knew, Korra was letting her lay in bed, but not before holding onto her, words raw, throat dry, she managed to say, "Please stay." To the Avatar, until Asami went to a deep slumber. The last thing she saw was blue eyes looking back with an unreadable expression.
00000
Asami's dream was peaceful, comforting, the ambience of home in the air. She was in her bed back in the Sato estate. Everything seemed so lovely, colourful, no essence or hint of her father's secret equalist underground supplies. She was a kid, her mother beside her, singing lullabies and songs she requested. Yasuko smiled and did as she was told. Her voice ever melodious, bouncing off the walls in the right tone, right pitch, right moment.
Yasuko then shifted to another person. She grew bigger, taller, the same kid from all those years ago, but different people singing for her. It was Korra. The warmth and embrace of her voice and hands as she lulled the heiress to sleep. Her voice wasn't the same as her mother, but it was breathtaking as well. Asami realized maybe home isn't the place, it's the person.
She felt the euphoria fill her whole being as she laid there with Korra singing for her. However, she perceived the warmness off the embrace slowly getting cold, and she sees Korra slowly disappearing into thin air. She wanted to reach for her, but her body won't budge. She tried to with all her might, squirmed and screamed, reaching for Korra, until her voice was gone.
Asami bolted upright on the bed. With heavy breaths and fast heart rate, she scanned the room. She was in the motel room—the same place where Korra is. Or was.
Korra.
Korra wasn't there, and panic started to rise in her chest as she scanned the room.
"No, no, no, no, no." Asami's was in tears again just as she noticed the window of the room was left open. Korra left her. Again.
"Korra." She whimpered, she sat on the side of the bed, covering her face with both her hands as her shoulders shook. Asami wasn't rejected, no, that isn't what she felt, but she didn't feel wanted. Asami tried to help Korra, whatever she was dealing with, whatever she was running from, she wanted to be there for Korra. The last stream of hope flowing away from her and out of the window. She cried.
The door from the room sprang open and thumped the wall so loud that Asami looked up with the hopes of seeing Korra. Maybe she came back after all. She just went to get something or she needed to take a walk-
"Asami!"
Grey overalls stood at the door, concern in her features visible with what appears to be a tablet on her right hand. Thankfully the disappointment she felt didn't show as Tin walked in and kneeled with one foot in front of her.
"I've been tracking you, and then I notice you stopped at this location for like four hours, and it was getting late, so we had to check—are you okay? Who did this?" Tin pointed towards the bruises and scratches in her body, barely visible, but it was still there. She also realized she was just in her white tank top; her jacket was on the tabletop beside the bed. Korra must have removed it while she was healing her, right before she left. A lump in her throat was forming again, so she gulped.
Tin asked again, studying the bruises and looking at Asami, fear-stricken, "What happened to you? Why are you-"
Asami quickly shook her head, "I'm fine."
Her assistant was still unconvinced, "You should've pressed the button Asami, what—" She quickly scanned the room, "Did you find her?" Her voice went low, looking back at Asami.
She nodded.
"Oh. Then where—" It's as if Tin just realized that this whole time Asami's features and mood didn't look too well. So, she stopped talking. But Asami's tears started again.
"Oh, honey, come here." Tin sat beside the heiress and hugged her, soothing her, comforting her that it will be alright. Asami wanted to believe it. She was exhausted, so she let Tin think that she was alleviating the emptiness inside her. Her mind and soul have become numb.
Tin pulled back and stood up, holding on to Asami's shoulders, she spoke, "Let's go home." Casting a sad smile to her boss. Asami might've blocked out the time of them going back to the airship, not before she stole one last glance out the window, hoping Korra would come back. But she knew it wouldn't happen.
For the first time in the three years, she was hopeless.
Asami found herself in the bathroom of her room when she realized her makeup must've smudged with the fight and the crying. She stepped in front of the sink, mirror hanging on the wall, she took her features in. Surprisingly, it was wiped clean. A tinge of mascara and the purple eye shadow barely visible, her red lips though faint, but still intact. Korra must've rubbed it off when she was sleeping, and Asami had to hold back a sob once more. A few deep breaths to clear her mind. She took off her clothes and showered.
Asami curled herself up at the corner of her bed, fresh from the bath. She wore a nightgown and was ready for bed but couldn't bring herself to sleep as she just stared at the floor.
She didn't notice when Tin came in with tea and set it on the table. Her assistant might've gotten the notion of her not wanting to talk, so she was surprised when she turned towards the door when Asami asked.
"Do you think I made a mistake?"
Tin looked back at Asami, not sure what to make of the question, but Asami probed, "Looking for her, do you think it would have made a difference if I just stayed in Republic City and wait for her to show up?"
She sat down beside Asami, removing her shoes in the process. "It wasn't a mistake. You were worried, you wanted to make sure she was okay." Tin paused and looked at Asami, "It isn't your fault if she didn't want to come with you."
Asami closed her eyes as she felt it stinging. A tear dropped, and she wiped it, "I just… I feel like I made it worse. I was holding on the thought of reuniting with her so much I stopped thinking of the repercussions it might hold."
"Don't blame yourself, Asami. Trust me from another perspective, I say you did everything you could." Tin reassured her.
The silence was deafening as they both stared at the floor. Asami wanting the air to take her and slam her to the ground. Bury her deep, together with her feelings.
"It hurts so much." Tin's heart broke for the heiress. She has never seen her this lost, this broken.
Asami wasn't aware that she was crying up until she felt wetness trickle down her neck, and Tin scooched closer to hug her, her head resting on her assistant's shoulder.
"You put your heart on your sleeve for a person. That's what it does to you. Maybe," Tin hesitated, "Maybe it's time to put yourself first." She let the words linger in the air. Tin rubbed Asami's back to soothe her. She needed someone, this girl who is nothing but kind to people, to the world. Tin can be her family, at least for now.
Asami quietly cried in her assistant's comfort. Embracing melancholy of the sound too as the emptiness consumed her insides. Not wanting to feel anything, she tried to block everything. She let the gentle creaks and low rumbles of the machine cradle her to sleep. The airship led her back to her only known home, Republic City.
