Disclaimer – I still don't own any of these characters.
a/n – Thanks to everyone who's still reading along with the story. I know haven't been that timely about getting the updates posted, but I am definitely going to finish this story. Even if it takes me forever. :) Hope you like this new chapter.
- x -
"I'm still not gettin' this whole electronegativity thing. It's hopeless."
Emma looked over at Chris. He lay across the foot of her bed with his face buried in his chemistry textbook. He scratched his head, yawning and looking overwhelmed.
It was Friday night, and instead of being out and having fun, they were studying for Tuesday's chemistry test together. It was pathetic. Absolutely pathetic.
Snake had been in the ICU for a week now, and his condition had not changed. In a way it was good news, since he hadn't gotten any worse. But it also meant that he hadn't gotten any better, and the doctors hadn't become any more hopeful. Emma had been spending virtually all of her free time at the hospital, but her mother thought it wasn't healthy. She'd practically forced Emma to stay home tonight.
"Relax," her mother had said. "Do some normal teenage stuff. You deserve it."
She'd even gotten Joey and Caitlin to watch Jack, so Emma was truly free.
Too bad she didn't feel like it.
When she'd told Chris that she wasn't going to spend the night at the hospital, he insisted on hanging out with her. She'd tried to put him off, just wanting some time alone, so she'd told him that she was just going to stay in and study for Tuesday's test. She thought that would get him off her back, but he'd said that was fine. He needed to study too, so they could just do it together. She'd sighed quietly, but gave him a flimsy smile. Chris was trying to be nice, and there was no way she could purposely be cruel to him.
But there was the dark little part inside of her that resented him. She'd told herself she wanted to be alone but that wasn't the entire truth. She hated every second that she was spending with Chris because it was a second that she could have been spending with Sean.
It was official – she'd become a terrible, selfish person. She didn't know when or how it had happened but it seemed like it was too late to do anything about it. It was like she'd been infected with some kind of disease, just like Snake, and now she could only wait for it to kill her.
Emma sat on her bed with Chris, supposedly studying, but she couldn't really concentrate. Every time she tried to read a line, she pictured Snake in his hospital bed or her mother crying beside him. Sometimes, she thought about poor Jack, growing up without a father like she had. Other times, she pictured Sean, tried to make him appear before her through the force of her thoughts alone.
Then she'd look over at Chris – adorable, clueless Chris – and wonder why she couldn't be grateful for him, for all the things he tried to do for her. It wasn't Chris' fault that he wasn't Sean Cameron after all. Why was she holding that against him?
"Hey, Em. Wanna take a break?" Chris asked. "I think I'll go crazy if I look at another covalent bond."
Emma yawned. "Sure."
Chris stood, stretching his arms above his head.
"How 'bout some music?"
She nodded absently, and watched as Chris walked over to her stereo. He flipped through radio stations until he found one that he liked.
"Man, I love this song," he declared.
She remembered it herself from a time when she'd gone to see him spinning, back before Snake had gotten so sick and everything in her life had gotten so weird. It seemed like another lifetime.
"Dance with me, Emma," Chris said, holding out his hand.
She shook her head. "No. I'm not in the mood."
"Come on. You need a break."
He danced over to her, and she had to admit once again that he was absolutely adorable, so sweet and gentle. She let him pull her off the bed, and dance her across the room. She felt a little stupid and a little self-conscious, but she went along with it because that was easier than fighting it.
"See... I'd knew you wanted to dance," Chris laughed.
She smiled, and it almost felt natural.
As they danced over to the center of the room, Emma noticed a shadow moving in the far corner beyond the stairs. She looked over to the window, and saw a pair of black boots. Immediately she knew who they belonged to.
Her heart pounded inside her chest like a wild drum beat, and she felt her hands starting to shake. She hoped Chris wouldn't notice. This is what panic attacks feel like, she thought wildly.
"Something wrong?" Chris asked. He was still dancing, but his eyes had a dark, serious look.
Emma stopped dancing, and stood still. She could feel Chris' arms around her, and she had to look at the floor so the guilt wouldn't overwhelm her.
"I'm just ... I'm just really tired," she said. It was amazing how easily the lies came out of her these days. It was like she was developing a new talent. "I'm just really tired all of a sudden."
"You okay?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," she said. "I just think I need to get some sleep. I'm about to crash. Hard."
"Okay." Chris nodded. It seemed like he wanted to say something but was holding himself back. "Yeah, you should get some sleep. We can finish studying some other time."
He moved to gather his books and grab his jacket. She watched Chris for a long minute, feeling awful.
But when Emma peeked back at the window, the feet were still there, waiting, and she felt a surge of anticipation go through her.
"I'm gonna go, okay?" Chris said quietly. "Call me if you need anything, Em. Anything, okay?"
He leaned down to kiss her gently on the lips.
"I'll lock the door on my way out. You get some rest."
She watched him walk up the stairs, trying not to feel excited. As soon as he closed the basement door behind him, she felt like she could breathe easier. She waited until she heard the front door slam above her before she headed for the window and pushed it open.
Sean crawled through, looking a little embarrassed.
"Hey," he said, meeting her eyes. "You know, you didn't have to make –"
"I wanted to," she told him emphatically.
Sean nodded, and smiled faintly. When he looked up into her eyes, she felt like all the pieces of her life had finally clicked into place again, and the world made sense.
- x –
It was bound to happen sooner or later, but the fact that he had practically walked in on Emma with Chris still made Sean sick to his stomach. When he looked through the window and saw them dancing together, his first impulse was to run and never look back.
But there was this stubborn little voice inside him, one that said Chris didn't know a damned thing about how Emma really felt, that she'd been Sean's first and it didn't matter who she was with now because there was a part of her that would always belong to him.
So he'd stayed. Because that same part of him knew that as soon as Emma saw him standing there, she'd send Chris on his way and that would be that.
Conceited much?
She looked completely embarrassed when he came into the room, her cheeks flushed and her eyes shining.
He couldn't think of anything to say to her, though – not anything that didn't sound stupid or flippant – and the lame music on the radio was helping him think much. He moved over to the stereo and fiddled with the dial.
"This music sucks," he said. "I mean, it's worse than that angry rock chick stuff that you play all the time. You know, the stuff that's supposed to be so deep."
Emma shrugged, smiling.
Sean turned off the music off, and looked over at her bed. There some books and papers spread across it.
"You were studying?" he asked.
"Yeah." She smiled self-consciously. "That's my big exciting Friday night."
"I got you beat. I spent the last hour doing laundry. Real wild and crazy stuff."
Emma laughed, and she looked so pretty and happy in that minute. Sean watched as she cleared the books and notes from her bed, and sat down. He'd never been an expert in reading her thoughts and moods, but in the past week, he'd felt totally clueless. Since the afternoon at the ravine, she hadn't let him get too close to her, not close enough to touch her and definitely not close enough to kiss her. It seemed strange, since she was the one who had started things that afternoon, but Sean wasn't going to ask her about it. If he did, that would mean that they'd have to acknowledge what had happened, really talk about it, and with Ellie and Chris already caught in the middle, Sean couldn't handle the guilt.
The strange thing was that Emma still seemed happy when she saw him, relieved and excited. She wanted to see him. And in the end, he couldn't stop coming around to her himself. He was worried about her, sure, but there was something more to it. She made him feel something that he hadn't felt in a long while. It was like an addiction now.
Sean sat down next to her carefully, afraid that he might scare her away.
"How's Simpson?" he asked.
"No change," she sighed. "But the doctors say that it doesn't mean that he's going to get any better. He's still in ICU."
"He hasn't gotten any worse, though?"
She shook her head. "No. And I'm really trying to stay positive but it's so hard. My mom made me stay home tonight. She said there was no reason for me to hang around there another night."
Sean nodded. He watched as Emma lay back on the bed, looking up at the ceiling, where the glow in the dark stars were. They weren't shining now, but there were still visible as Sean lay down beside her.
She looked so serious now, thinking about her father and her mother, probably thinking about poor clueless Chris too. He reached for her hand and held it against his chest. She turned toward him, smiling so sweetly. But she stayed back, like she didn't trust him not to kiss her or touch her more. Like she didn't trust herself either.
Suddenly the phone rang, shattering the perfect silence in the room. Emma groaned in annoyance, and reached across Sean to grab it. He tried not to move.
"Hello?" he heard her say.
She was draped across his body, and it felt like torture to him to have to lay there and not touch her.
"Hey mom... wait, hold on, I can't understand you... Slow down, slow down ... Just like that? I mean, he just ..."
Emma sat up, alarmed. Sean listened as her voice took on a panicked, hysterical edge.
"How long do they think... Oh god ... Mom, are you all right? ... Yeah, yeah ... I'm coming down there... No, no I can get there on my own ..."
He watched as tears started to slip down her cheeks. Emma quickly wiped them away, almost like she didn't want to admit they existed.
"Okay, mom... I'll be there soon ... Love you too..."
She turned off the phone and threw it down on the bed beside her. She was crying fully now, breathing hard, and buried her face in her hands. Sean leaned over and brushed back her hair, trying to get her to look at him.
"What happened, Em?""My father ..." she sobbed. "He's got pneumonia now, because his immune system is so weak, and they think that because of his condition, he's not going to be able to fight it off. They told mom that he could be gone by the morning. Maybe sooner."
Sean felt like the world had turned upside down. They'd all been preparing for the worst, but somehow it had never seemed all that real to him. Now it was going to happen, maybe in a couple of hours. It was crazy. He couldn't even imagine what Emma wasa feeling.
"I'm so sorry, Em. I wish ..."
There was nothing to else to say. He hugged her to him, and she pressed her face into his neck, still sobbing.
"I have to go to the hospital," Emma whispered, struggling to get the words out. "I have to get there before ..."
Sean nodded.
"I'll take you," he told her. "It'll be all right, Em. I promise."
She shook her head wildly, clearly not believing him. Sean couldn't blame her – he didn't even believe it himself. He just held her tighter, and tried to block out the rest of the world.
- x –
Craig threw his head against the back of the sofa, and sighed. This was about the crappiest Friday night he'd had in a long time.
"Look, dude, I'm sorry, okay?" Spinner whispered. He offered him a bowl of pretzels. "Paige said that Ash wasn't gonna be here. She was supposed to go to some party for her aunt's birthday but it got cancelled at the last minute. I swear I didn't know!"
Spinner actually looked like he felt bad. Craig knew that it wasn't really Spinner's fault, but he wanted someone to blame. They were supposed to be having fun, watching cheesy horror movies and stuffing themselves with pizza. Instead, everyone was tense and uncomfortable because Ashley and Craig were in the same room together, and she kept giving him a look that would have killed a lesser guy.
Craig thought about leaving, but that would be letting Ashley win, and he was too stubborn for that. And Ellie was here. For some unknown reason, Ellie had agreed to spend the evening with Paige and the gang, and Craig couldn't stop staring at her. She looked so pretty in the blue light from the television.
God, he had it bad.
"You want another soda?" Spinner asked. He must really feel bad about all of this because he was going out of his way to be nice to Craig. "Some more popcorn or something?"
"I'm fine, Spin. Don't worry about it, all right?"
They were between movies, and Paige, Hazel, and Ashley were in the kitchen preparing more snacks. Spinner got up to help them out. In front of the TV, Ellie sat on the floor talking to Marco quietly. Craig tried not to look at her but it was impossible not to; his eyes just kept going back to her.
"You better watch it, man," Jimmy whispered to Craig as he sat down beside him.
"Watch what?"
"You're being a little too obvious, Craig." He nodded his head in Ellie's direction. "If I noticed, someone else is going to, and that's a whole hell of a lot of trouble there."
Craig sat up straighter, panicked.
"I don't know what you're talking –"
"Come on, man. You're a bad liar."
Craig threw his head back and closed his eyes. There was no point in fighting the truth. In a way, it was almost a relief to have someone else know.
"This is like the night from hell," he moaned. "Could it possibly get any worse?"
"Jimmy! We need you in here!" Hazel called from the kitchen. "Spinner's starting a fire in the microwave."
Jimmy rolled his eyes. "Right there, baby."
Suddenly, Craig was alone in the living room, with Marco and Ellie. He felt so uncomfortable that he almost wanted to leave. So what if he wanted to talk to Ellie? Was that so wrong? Why couldn't he just go up to her and start chatting? That wasn't a crime or anything. Then, why did he feel so guilty about it?
Craig looked over at Marco and Ellie again. They were laughing at something on the television, looking very happy and comfortable.
Craig discreetly leaned over to try to hear what they were talking about.
"Look at that guy's hair," Marco said, laughing. "It's gotta be three feet high!"
Ellie laughed. "Maybe four."
"So where's Sean tonight?" Marco asked her casually. "Couldn't stomach a night with your friends?"
Ellie looked at him pointedly, as if she objected to the idea that the people in this house were all her friends.
"He said he had 'stuff' to do, which probably means he's hanging out with Jay and his band of losers."
"What is up with him and those guys? Haven't you talked to him about it?"
"I'm his girlfriend, Marco, not his mother. I can't tell him what to do and who he can hang with."
Marco shrugged, and stood up.
"Be right back," he said. "Bathroom break."
Craig listened to Marco go up the stairs, and the others laughing in the kitchen. The living room was quiet. Ellie had her back to him, but it seemed like she wanted to talk to him. They sat there in silence for a long minute; Craig barely even moved. It was crazy.
Finally Ellie looked over at him, smiling self-consciously, acknowledging that they were alone in the room.
"You look like you're having a great time," she said dryly.
"Oh yeah, the time of my life," Craig sighed. "I don't know what's scarier – Freddy Krueger and his razor glove or the looks that Ashley has been giving me all night."
Ellie stood and sat on the couch beside him, smiling.
"You know Ash. Her bark is worse than her bite."
Craig actually found himself laughing. He felt better for the first time all night. Silence fell over the room again, and he tried to get his nerve up so he could really talk to her. There was so much he wanted to say to Ellie, but he wasn't sure he knew how.
"I've been meaning to thank you, you know," he told her finally.
"For what?"
"For listening to me last week. You know, about my parents and everything. I didn't really know how bad I needed to talk about all that until I was actually talking about it."
Ellie nodded. She lowered her head, but Craig could see a slight blush on her cheeks.
"It wasn't a big deal."
"Well, it was for me," Craig whispered. "So thanks."
He smiled at her, and she smiled back, looking so unbelievably pretty in the dark room that he thought about kissing her. If he just leaned over a little bit ...
"The nachos have arrived!" Spinner announced suddenly, barreling into the room.
Craig and Ellie looked away from one another quickly, both feeling guilty, but Ash came in just behind Spinner, and Craig could tell that she'd seen the two of them together. And of course, she didn't like it. But Ellie didn't move off the couch, not even when the rest of the gang came back and settled down for the next movie.
"Put in one of the Friday the 13's," Paige demanded. "I just love a good hockey mask wearing psycho. I mean, at least Jason knows how to accessorize."
The opening credits of the movie were just starting when Craig's cell phone chirped inside his pocket. Everyone turned to look at him, pretending to be seriously annoyed. Except Ashley, who was truly seriously annoyed.
"Sorry guys," he said, looking at the display to see who was calling. "It's just Joey. I'll be a second."
"Pause it," Paige told Spinner.
Craig walked into the kitchen to take the call where it was quieter.
"What's up, Joey?" he asked.
As he listened to Joey's words, he felt a pit opening in his stomach. He couldn't speak, only nodding to himself, and pacing across the kitchen tile.
Finally he managed to find his voice.
"Yeah, sure, of course. I'll be right there."
When he turned off his phone, he felt like the sky was about to fall down on his head. He thought of Emma and her mom, and he just couldn't believe how unfair life could be at times.
In the living room, the guys were laughing. Spinner and Jimmy were in the midst of a popcorn fight, and Paige was talking a million miles a minute to Hazel about Heather Sinclair's bad dye job. Craig stumbled into the room, feeling dazed.
"Craig, man, what's wrong?" Spinner asked. "You look like someone ran over your dog or something."
He shook his head, trying to piece it all together.
"That was Joey," he told them again, stupidly. "I've got to go home. To watch Angie and Emma's brother. Joey and Caitlin are going into the hospital... Simpson is ... they think he might not make it through the night."
Craig heard someone gasp and someone else sigh, but he couldn't look at anyone's face. It would be too much. He grabbed his jacket, and dashed out the door before anyone could stop him.
- x -
