Chris: Last Time on Total Drama Island! Our poor friend Ed was abducted by the evil Kanker Sisters, who proceeded to pummel any attempts at rescue by our campers. Whether by tire iron, shovel, misused rocket, or helicopter, all of the campers failed in their initial attempts to save the big lump. It was only when Edd and Eddy recruited the Urban Rangers that they finally saved their friend. In the end, it was Duncan who left, but not before Harold managed to get a little payback.
Will the Eds be safe from the angry Urban Rangers?
What has happened to Jack and Izzy?
And will Kenny ever live through an episode?
Find out now, on Total Drama Island!
(Cue Theme)
"Damnit Chef!" Chris Mclean shouted angrily, "We came up with a great challenge last time, but our show was apparently too boring, and only a few big publications gave us reviews!"
"And even then it's just Hot-streak, Dork-stock, Wind, and Air," Chef sighed, "these guys review a lot. I mean, props to them, but I guess I have to agree with you, we need an even better challenge to get some of the more hard to get publications giving the episode a review."
"I know, but what?" Chris asked, before he heard a rummaging in the kitchen. The two sadists stuck their heads into the kitchen to see a small grey creature rummaging through the fridge. He turned to them, bit into the carrot in his hand, and in a Brooklyn accent, asked a rather unusual question.
"Eh…What's up doc?"
"Hey," Geoff asked at the next morning's breakfast, "where is Chef?"
The entire camp looked around, also noticing that the irritable man was not in the kitchen that morning. They also noticed that there was no food on the table, and, after several grumbles, picked the lock of the pantry, and were forced to eat a meal of beans, cheese, and smoked pork. As they chewed on what little they could gather up, the door to the mess hall burst open. In walked both Chef and Chris, each looking exhausted and covered in filth.
"Remind me to never go on a hunting trip with you again Chef," Chris said, before collapsing under his own weight. Chef merely nodded, before he also fell to the floor in a sickening thud. The campers gathered around the two, giving them questioning looks.
"Should we help them?" Double D asked his compatriots, causing everyone to stare at one another.
"NAAAA!" they all said in unison, leaving the two sadists to bleed on the floor as the campers finished up their meals.
Ezekiel: Okay, so we left them there to bleed to death. After all they have put us through, can you argue that they didn't deserve it?
Grim: I knew that they wouldn't die, so I just let them lie there for a while and bleed a little.
Peter: Man, that was funnier that when I went to Mexico with Gary Coleman (Looks around, only to balk after a few seconds) Oh, we don't have a clip? Sorry, thought we had a clip.
After several hours, the campers finally relented, and took the two hosts to the hospital tent. After another few hours of simply letting them lay on stretcher beds, allowing the campers to relax for the morning, both Chef and Chris finally managed to get themselves into wheelchairs and came out to meet the campers in the amphitheater.
"Well," Chris said angrily with bandages covering both his left arm and right leg, "in light of your gross uncaring behavior about our well being," the campers snickered, "are now going to under go the same treatment we got," the campers gulped fearfully, losing their grins, "and have to catch that…"
"…Dog gone, long eared, son of cotton tailed, no good rabbit!" Chef shouted angrily. The campers looked at one another, before they burst out laughing again. The two injured men glared at the teens, allowing them to laugh themselves out. After around twenty minutes of laughing, the campers finally calmed down enough, and saw the serious looks covering the faces of Chris and Chef.
"Wait," Jude asked, "you're serious?"
"Damn right," Chef shouted, "that critter beat us up all night! Though at least now I know who has been stealing my carrots during this show. That kept me from making my mom's special carrot surprise." The campers all looked slightly relieved.
"So the challenge is to bring back that stupid rabbit alive!" Chris shouted, "I want to squeeze the life from that rodent myself. If you bring him back, you win invincibility."
The campers charged out of the amphitheater, only to rush back in a second later.
"Where is this rabbit living?" Jack asked.
"Just follow those rabbit tracks," Chris said, pointing to said tracks, going into the forest.
Geoff: You'd of thought we'd seen those earlier.
Andrew: I'm not getting in this episode (Blinks at camera) No seriously, I can tell where this is going, and I want no part of the sheer carnage that is about to overtake our cast, so (pulls out Hawaiian shirt) I'll be in Maui for the next few days.
"Guys," D.J. said, as he and Bridgette stopped walking with the rest of the group, "I know this is a challenge, but I and Bridgette have decided to take no part in it. We don't feel that it would be wrong to kill something just because it got Chris angry."
"Well if it isn't the two treehuggers standing up for nature again," Cartman sneered, "Well I guess I'll just have to leave you two hippies back here on your own."
As the others filed past D.J. and Bridgette, the two were shocked when Geoff, Courage, Double D, Morty, and Gwen were about to join them. The seven merely stood around each other for a moment, before D.J. finally asked them, 'shouldn't you guys be trying to win immunity."
"Nah," Geoff waved off D.J.'s concern, "besides, I smell a chance to humiliate Chris, and who doesn't like doing that?"
Chris: I don't!
Chef: I do!
"Um, guys," Dib said, as he followed Cartman, Bart, Shake, Meatwad, and Owen toward the rabbit hole, "Are you sure we will just be able to reach into the hole and grab the bunny? I mean you saw what happened to Chef and Chris."
"Well if you don't want to get invincibility, then you can just go hang out with those other goddamn tree-huggers," Cartman chastised, as he lead the three to be the first ones to reach the hole, it was covered in tracks made by large rabbit feet. Owen then reached in side the hole, and began to grunt as he stretched his arm.
"I can't seem to find the little critter," Owen moaned, before he suddenly was pushed aside by Cartman.
"Let me take a look!" he shouted, as he stuck his head into the hold, "Hey! The rabbit isn't in here! Just a bunch of nineteen-fifties furniture!"
"Oh," Owen marveled, "can I take a look?"
As the two idiots stuck their heads in the hole, from another hole not ten yards away, a rabbit appeared. He had long ears, a grey coat, and he was munching on a carrot as he walked up to the three. Dib and Bart, both being mildly smart, began to point frantically at the rabbit, but when Cartman and Owen stuck their heads up, they acted like the creature was a normal person.
"Aaahh," the bunny said with a Brooklyn accent, "what's up doc?"
"Were trying to catch a rabbit!" Owen said with a matter of fact tone, "we were just looking in that hole, when you came up."
"Um, guys," Dib said weakly.
"Well what do ya know doc?" the rabbit said stuck his head in and out of the hole, "there is a rabbit down there!"
"Where!" Cartman shouted as he pulled Owen and Dib back to look in the hole. This time however, all they saw was pure black darkness.
"Guys," Bart said annoyed, "did you notice anything weird about that guy? Like his long ears, buck teeth, or fuzzy tail?" He then raised his voice very loudly, "That was the rabbit!"
"You are absolutely correct! And now it is time to receive your grand prize!" the bunny shouted, before using a plunger to stuff all six down the hole, which was very squished considering both Cartman and Owen's girth. The rodent smiled as a cannon rose from the hole, and pointed out towards the lake, "a one way trip to Lake Wawanakwa!" He pulled the cannon's rope, sending the six soaring through the air towards the lake.
"And that is why you don't mess with Bugs Bunny," the rabbit laughed.
(Just off the Wawanakwa cliff)
The six campers were plummeting towards the water, fearful of the landing. It was just like jumping off the cliff again. No wait, now there was no safety net, so the sharks were everywhere around the base of the cliff. And even worse, they were nearing a group of sharp rocks that jutted out of the water. They did not stand a chance, until suddenly, a blue-red flash appeared, and suddenly, the rocks were covered by a net. The three safely bounced on the net, avoiding the rocks and water.
"Wow," Owen said, "Thanks Spider-man!"
"This is your one, Cartman!" Spider-man said informatively, "And everyone only gets one. Tell him D.J.!"
Out of nowhere, D.J. appeared on a kayak.
"Yep," the Jamaican said, "Apparently, everybody gets one!"
"Bingo!" Spider-man said, before slinging off into the sunset, and D.J. paddled back to shore.
Bart: Where the hell did he get that kayak?!
D.J.: Chris left if floating around near the docks, so I thought I would go out on the lake to clear my head. (Rubs the back of his head) Guess it seemed pretty weird for me to just pop up like that when I am supposed to be somewhere else, huh?
Heather and Lindsey walked up to the hole, and Heather smiled as she pulled out a stick with a carrot attached to the end. "With this thing," Heather said as she lowered the carrot into the hole, "we really will get immunity this week!"
Suddenly, the rope began to jerk, as Heather began to battle the rabbit like a large fish. Every time it appeared she was about to win, the rabbit gave an extra burst of power, pulling the Asian girl back. In one particular pull, Heather smacked Lindsey back, causing the blond to go barreling into the woods. Heather continued to pull, until finally, she pulled a rabbit up. But this was not the rabbit she was looking for, oh no, this was a rabbit made of dynamite. Heather saw that nearly all the fuses were about up, and an explosion was imminent.
"My, my," Heather commented, "that rabbit has talent."
The explosion could be seen for miles.
Lindsey: Good thing I fell back into the woods, or I would have lost my eyebrows like Heather did. She just ran back into camp, and said she isn't coming back to hunt for the bunny! I need help! (Taps her chin) maybe I should see if Chris would be willing to help me bring that rabbit in?
"I can't believe I agreed to help in another one of your plans," Ezekiel groaned, "Harold, do you really think we can just use a carrot and box trap! The last time I joined you, I got beaten up!"
"Take your pick," Harold said indignantly, "It's either me, or Izzy." Zeke looked over, and saw Izzy grin crazily at him. He slowly turned back to Harold.
"I'm okay with you," the prairie boy said sadly. He moved the box up so that Harold could put a carrot under the box. The two snuck off, and hid behind a nearby tree. The scent, somehow visible as an orange smoke, swerved in the air before entering the hole. Suddenly, Bugs began to float in the air, floating under the box and trapping himself inside it. Harold and Zeke ran up to the box, and saw Bugs holding both his hands in a fist on the ground, apparently looking at something in his it.
Harold leaned over, trying to get a better look at it. Bugs noticed this, and then with one hand still in a fist, holding what he was looking at, he pointed at the fist. When Harold nodded, Bugs nodded also.
POW!
Harold had been punched in the left eye, causing him to scream in pain. As the nerd ran off, Bugs jumped on Zeke and kissed him. The rabbit laughed as the prairie boy ran off screaming.
"Well that takes care of th-…" Bugs stopped, as standing between him and the hole was a girl covered in inky black and fire surrounding her, "Yipe."
"How dare you kiss my boyfriend!" She screamed, "I am going to turn you into a fur coat!"
"Hey!" Bugs shouted back, "Them's fighting words!"
"Yeah!" She again screamed, "Them's fighting words!"
Bugs smirked as he made a line in the dirt.
"I dare you to step across this line!" the Rabbit shouted, only for the demon to do so.
So he made another line a few feet farther back.
"I dare you to step across this line!"
She did so again.
Thus Bugs made another line, and the cycle continued.
(Twenty Minutes later, on top of the cliff)
Apparently, the cycle had continued indefinitely, as Bugs made another line, and Izzy stepped over it. The she-demon was losing her patience, and was about ready to strangle the bunny. She seethed as the rabbit made another line.
"Come on you stupid rodent!" the girl screamed, "I won't let you keep this up any longer!"
"Well I can assure you that this is the last line," Bugs said with a smirk.
"Well finally!" Izzy screamed as she walked over the next line. She smiled as she turned back to Bugs, who was grinning at her stupidly.
"What is with you?" she asked. Her response was Bugs cheekily pointing downwards. She scoffed as she looked down, and saw that she was actually standing on thin air above the drop.
"AHHHHH!" she screamed, as she tried to get back on the edge, only for Bugs to hand her an anvil.
"Bon Voyage-e!" he shouted, as Izzy fell into the lake. He then began to laugh as he pointed down after the falling girl. He slapped his knee, laughing even harder when he heard a loud splash when the girl fell in.
"He, he, he! What a maroon!" He turned back towards the shore, to see Ed charging up the hill, apparently also after him. Uh oh! Think fast rabbit!"
Just as Ed reached the top, he saw not a rabbit, but an Indian. Of course the big lug had failed to notice the grey fur of the Indian or the Indian's tail. The Native seemed to be spazzing, pointing off the cliff.
"Quick!" the chief said in a rather simplistic language, "Him go that way! Head him off it pass!"
"Thank you stranger," Ed said while shaking the Indian's hand, and running off the cliff. Bugs cheekily winked at the camera.
Bugs: Ain't I a stinker?
Izzy: I don't believe it, (raises arms in astonishment) that rabbit is screwier than me!
Ezekiel: (Is washing his mouth out with soap) Rabbit Germs!
Ed: Which way did he go George! Which way did he go!
"Ah," Bugs said as he munched on his carrot on his way back home, "I can't believe how easy this is! I mean I at least expected on of these campers to give me a dec-…" he looked down and realized that he was standing on top of a net. The net quickly flew up and around the rabbit, capturing the rodent in a snare. Jude and Jen both ran out happily. "Well here we go again," Bugs commented, as the two began to drag him towards camp.
"I can't believe we actually beat out the others for this!" Jen exclaimed happily.
"Now don't get too excited Jen," Jude warned, "This is usually when something bad happens and we lose our chance of victory."
"Don't be so…" Jen looked back to see the rabbit had sawed the net and escaped, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but want to just head back and forget about the challenge?"
"Music to my ears."
"Okay, you ready to shoot that thing Lindsey?" Chris asked, as he handed the blond a gun. He really wanted to kill that stupid rodent, and since all previous attempts by the campers had failed miserably, he decided to help Lindsey blast that sucker.
"Sure Craig," the bombshell said, holding up the rifle. Silently, the two snuck over to the rabbit, who was quietly sitting on a stump. Lindsey smiled, before placing the gun up to Bugs's head.
"All right you rabbit!" Lindsey shouted, "You're coming with me!"
"Okay doc," Bugs said, hiding his glee when he saw Chris walk up rubbing his palms together, "you got me. Now, do you want to shoot me now, or wait till you get home?"
"Shoot him now!" Chris demanded angrily, "Shoot him now!"
Bugs ran up to the host and said, "You stay out of this! She doesn't have to shoot you now!"
"Well I say she does have to shoot me now!" Chris shouted back, apparently not realizing what he was saying, "I demand that you shoot me now!"
Lindsey looked confusedly to the camera-man, who just shrugged. Lindsey then brought the gun to Chris's head while Chris was sticking his tongue out at Bugs.
BOOM!
When the smoke cleared from around Chris's head, it revealed that unfortunately, Chris's head had not been blasted off, and only his hair, which we are now comfortably assuming is a wig, slumped over his face. Chris calmly readjusted his hair, slowly made Lindsey point the gun downwards, and walked up next to Bugs.
"Let's run through that one again," Chris seethed.
"Okay," Bugs says, before entering a deadpan tone, "Would you like to shoot me now, or wait till you get home?"
"Shoot him now," Chris said in a similarly deadpan tone, "shoot him now."
"You stay out of this. She does not have to shoot you now."
"That's it, hold it right there!" Chris shouted happily, before turning to the camera, "pronoun trouble," he then turned his attention back to Bugs, "it's not she doesn't have to shoot you now, it is she doesn't have to shoot me now," Bugs continues to smile coyly, "well I say she does have to shoot me now!"
He ran up to Lindsey.
"So shoot me now!"
BOOM!
Chris calmly readjusted his hair, again having it shoot off by the confused blonde. He glared at the rabbit, who was calmly filing his nails.
"Let's try this from the other end," Chris said, eyeing the rabbit cautiously, "look; you're a hunter, right?"
"Right," Lindsey said happily.
"And the challenge is to get the rabbit, right?" Chris said again.
"Right!"
Bugs interjected quickly, "And if he was a rabbit, what would you do?"
"Yeah!" Chris exclaimed, suddenly furious, "Since you're so smart! If I was a rabbit, what would you do?"
"Well I'd," she pointed the gun at Chris again.
"Not again," Chris whimpered.
BOOM!
Chris had managed to catch his mangled hairpiece, which he again placed on his head. He turned around, and ran up to the rabbit with his finger pointing upward at the rabbit's jaw. Slowly, he realized he had been fooled, and pulled his hand back down again.
"Why are you trying to shoot me dock?" the bunny asked, "don't you know that I'm a fricasseeing rabbit? Do you know what the penalty of shooting a fricasseeing rabbit is, if you don't have a fricasseeing rabbit hunting license?"
"Oh brother!" Chris shouted angrily, before pulling out a piece of paper and beginning to write down something on it, "um…fr-hey rabbit!" Chris shouted to Bugs, "How do you spell fricasseeing?"
"F-R-I-C-A-S-S-E-E-I-N-G and C-H-R-I-S," Bugs spelled out calmly.
"There you go," Chris said as he handed the paper to Lindsey, "Don't worry about the fine print, just shoot what that line says you can shoot!" he yelled. Lindsey simply shrugged and pointed the gun at Chris.
BOOM!
Chris calmly grabbed the paper out of Lindsey's hands as he put on his wig. He began to mumble as he read, before sighing and turning to the camera.
"Well I guess I'm the goat."
Bugs raised a sign that read "Goat Season"
BOOM!
Chris again put on his hair, as he ran up to Bugs.
"You dirty dog!" he shouted furiously.
"And you are a dirty skunk," Bugs said calmly.
"I'm a dirty skunk?" Chris asked, as Bugs pulled out a sign that read "Dirty Skunk Season", "I'm a dirty skunk?"
BOOM!
"Brother," Chris said as he once again fixed his hair, "Am I a pigeon."
Bugs raised as sign that said "Pigeon Season."
BOOM!
"Look, Lindsey," Chris said as calmly as possible as he readjusted his hair for the umpteenth time, "what you need is some briefing."
"Um," Brian said as he stood next to Peter, who was once again putting on a giant rocket, "didn't you already try this like um…twice?"
"Shut up Brian!" Peter shouted to the dog, before explaining his plan, "Now once you light me up, I will be going fast enough that I will be able to catch that scwey wabbit! And then I will win invincibility!"
"I can already tell where this is going," Stewie said, as once again, Peter lit the rocket, and flew high into the sky.
(Quahog, Rhode Island)
Surprisingly, instead of hitting either of Cleveland's houses, Peter actually hit the other side of the street, completely blowing away the front half of his friend Quagmire's house. Inside, Quagmire was hiding the body of yet another private investigator, this time a rather attractive red headed woman, that had been sent by city hall to investigate his rather infamous lifestyle. Currently, one could see the frying pan that he had used to bust open the woman's head, and was currently dragging it somewhere.
"Hey Peter," Quagmire said to his rather disheveled friend, "Um, not to be a bother, but could you close the door," he said pointing to a small door that was between the two, "I am going to need your help in a couple of minutes to get rid of this thing. But first I need to get a little fun out of it. Giggity Giggity!"
"He, he," Peter laughed, "WHO ELSE BUT QUAGMIRE!"
He's Quagmire, Quagmire!
You never know what he's going to do next!
He's Quagmire, Quagmire!
Giggity Giggity! Let's have sex!
Who will catch Bugs?
Will Kenny actually be able to survive this challenge considering nothing has happened in the first half?
Why am I asking you this, I am the author?
Find out next time! ON TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND!
(Omake!)
Andrew smiled as the camera closed in on him. He was in a small room with a TV screen in the middle. He spun around in the chair, before he finally began to address the audience.
"I hope you have enjoyed the show as much as I have so far, but the fact is that we have a new season in line soon," he said calmly, "So here is a look at some new contestants that will be among those who compete in Total Drama Action!"
(New Contestants Tape #1)
"Hello there," a young boy, no older than nine said to a camera as he kept the camera on his face, "My name is Mac, I always wanted to get on a reality TV show, and this show looked really cool. So, to get on, I thought I'd show some of the people I hang out with, and hope that you will choose us to come onto your show."
He opens a door, and points the camera away from him. It shows a red headed teen girl standing there, reading from a clip board. She notices the boy, and smiles.
"Hey Mac," the girl greeted, before grimacing at seeing the camera, "please don't tell me you have another video project for school."
"Nope," Mac said, "Just a chance for us to get on the next season of Total Drama!"
"Wow," Frankie said, losing all apprehension, "a reality show, we need to get on!"
"That's why I brought the camera here," Mac continued, as the two began to walk up some stairs, "We need to find Ed, Wilt, Coco and Bloo."
"Don't worry, they are in there room," the girl said, before opening a door, and revealing three strange creatures. The first was a little blue blob that was hopping around the room. The second was a strange creature with a beak, a tree for a head, and an airplane for a body. The third was a big purple monster that was hugging several stuff animals. The final weird thing was a tall red man with a big number one stitched to his chest.
"Mac!" the four shouted, as they ran towards the boy, "we were wondering when you would get here!"
"Well, we need to show off a little if we are going to get brought in guys, so what do you say we all do a small personal interview, and then we send that in one tape."
"Sounds good."
(Back in studio)
"There you have it," Andrew said, "we will begin with Mac's tape first next week, on Total Dram Island!"
Losers: Courtney, Zim, Noah, Eva, Sadie, Justin, Billy, Eddy, Trent, Cody, Beth, Wyatt, Katie, Homer, Ron, Brian, Jonesy, Nikki, Tyler, Kim, Mandy, Caitlin, Duncan
AN: Bet you weren't expecting that character to appear, this shows that characters from other shows that appear in this story won't be limited to ones competing on the show. Hope you enjoyed all of the old school humor. And don't worry, in the end, Bugs will always, always come out on top. Just expect some rather painful moments for our favorite sadists, and yes I mean Chef too. I will try to update as quickly as possible, and the Fosters Gang will be making it onto the next season along with other crossovers and current characters. I hope you are all looking forward to it as much as I am!
See you later!
