Chris: Last Time on Total Drama Island! A screwy rabbit started ruining my good time. First he stole all of the carrots in camp, and then when Chef and I attempted to bring down that little critter, he humiliated us. Luckily, I was brilliant enough to assign the campers the rabbit's capture as a challenge. Unfortunately, they sucked hard, getting blown away in a cannon, tricked into walking off a cliff, and blasting yours truly with a freaking shotgun. Seriously, how stupid do you have to be not to realize that you are supposed to shoot the rabbit, not the freaking host?
(Bugs appears and holds up a sign saying "Host Season". This causes Lindsey to run in and blast Chris again. He then again readjusts his hair and coughs)
Anyway, will we finally catch that rabbit?
Will I avoid getting humiliated again?
And does Kenny really have a shot of living through this episode?
Find out now, on Total Drama Island!
(Theme Music)
"Well now that that host and blondie are gone," Bugs said as he was walking through the forest, "All I have to do is deal with that bag of bones, The Albert Einstein knock off, the fella with a top not, and possibly that red headed beast." Bugs simply thought about it, "Maybe I better look these guys up just to be sure."
He pulled out a small book let that's title read, "Your Total Drama Cast." As he searched through the book, he did not notice an orange tornado devouring the forest. He than began for no apparent reason to read out loud. "Izzy Fitz-Patrick, the most dangerous of all the campers on the island. She is noted for being the most wanted person in Canada, for such crimes as desertion, stalking, and murder of the following species: humans, elephants, deer, caribou, bears, lions, tigers, koala, gators…um oh that is just nasty…she killed a what, a blue whale…hey, there are no rabbits in this thing." He then noticed a hand reach out with a pen and right Rabbit in big bold letters on the top of the page.
"Okay rabbit," Izzy cursed, "Since you think your so funny, why don't you dance before I kill you." She pulled out a revolver and began to fire it at Bug's feet. "Dance!"
Bugs began to do a little jig, not un-similar to the one he did when a certain red headed cowboy attacked him. Then, he tried to sneak away, causing Izzy to fire a shot and make the rabbit continue dancing. After several moments, Bugs finally stooped.
"Take it girl!" he shouted, causing Izzy to dance in a similar manner to what Bugs had earlier. After finishing the dance, she danced to the left, and directly into one of Bugs's holes. Bugs smiled as he began to walk away from the hole.
"And that is…" he stopped when he noticed Izzy, this time in full demon form, standing next to him.
"I'm going to make you suffer," she growled, while leading Bugs up the mountain to the cliff. As they stepped onto the cliff, Bugs noticed a plank hanging from the side.
"So you want me to walk off that plank?" he asked the insane girl. When she nodded sadistically, Bug's shrugged, and stepped on the plank, and began to march to the end. Izzy also stepped on the end, dressed in stereotypical pirate garb. Bugs smiled. "One for the money," he said as he began to bounce up and down, "two for the show, three to get ready, and four to GO!" he shouted as he threw all of his weight into the last bounce, catapulting the red head off the cliff.
"Bon Voyage-e!" he shouted, as the girl fell again into the lake. He began to walk back to his hole, when he noticed a very familiar pair.
"Well here we go again."
"Now remember Lindsey," Chris instructed the girl while handing her a shotgun, "just shoot the rabbit, one we get through that, everything will be fine."
"Okay Chip!" she shouted, as she ran out, and fired a bullet, blasting "Bugs" into tiny pieces. As she stared at the remains of the rabbit, which looked suspiciously like leaves and twigs. Suddenly Bugs, in pure white clothing and a small metal halo, floated down from a rope in the trees.
"How's life doc?" he asked her. Chris slapped his face when he saw that Lindsey was attempting to apologize.
"Oh I hope it didn't hurt too much Mr. Rabbit," she said, while Chris ran out angrily.
"I can't believe this!" he shouted in a fury, "if he is dead, well than I am a mongoose!"
Bugs held up a sign reading "Mongoose Season."
BANG!
Chris angrily readjusted his hair, and grabbed the gun. "Just get out of here!" he shouted at Lindsey, who sulked back to the cabins.
"Well that wasn't very nice doc," Bugs said, only to begin to run away as Chris chased him. As the two ran for several hundred yards, Bugs noticed something.
"Hey doc," he said to the crazed host, "what do you say we settle this like adults, and talk it out?"
"Yeah sure," Chris said, as he aimed the barrel at the rabbit, which sighed, and spun the gun barrel to the side, causing the barrel to become perpendicular to the rest of the gun. Chris tried to fire again, only for bugs to spin it to the opposite side from before. As Chris prepared to take another shot, Bugs spun the barrel vertically, not stopping until Chris caught it.
"Ha!" Chris laughed, until he suddenly realized that Bugs was throwing the gun-sight up and down in his hand. Chris looked down in fear; he could no longer tell which end of the barrel was which. Slyly, he turned around the barrel, and pulled the trigger.
BOOM!
And once again, his hair had been blown off by the blast.
"That is it!" he shouted in a fury, "I am done with this, I'll just let those stupid campers bring you in!"
Bugs laughed as he saw Chris walk away. Bugs smiled, before remembering something. "I wonder what ever happened to that vicious, snarling, disgusting, frightening monster of a red haired girl."
"Flattery will get you nowhere."
Before Bugs realized it, he was knocked over the head by a lead pipe, and a cackling Izzy carried off the unconscious rabbit, leaving his fate to chance.
"Um," Bugs said as he tried desperately to free himself from the ropes holding him close to a large stick. Izzy was currently sharpening a large knife, quietly cackling to herself.
"I hate to do this to a girl," Bugs admitted, noticing a large wine cupboard in the kitchen where Izzy had decided to take him captive, "But she should have realized that attacking me meant war."
Bugs calmly bounced the stick he was attached to causing it to send one of corks from the wine at Izzy, hitting her in the back of the head. Izzy turned around and glared at the rabbit, eye's promising death. She raised her knife, preparing to strike him down, when he bounced again, sending over a dozen corks at Izzy. As she tried to defend herself, Bugs slyly bounced back out of the kitchen, eventually reaching his hole, but just as he was about to jump back into it, Izzy caught the stick he was tied to. Izzy began a struggle to pull Bugs out of the hole, in which he was mostly submerged.
"Got you now you," Izzy pulled the stick out to reveal once again a rabbit made of explosives. She too noticed that the fuses were close to exploding, and she glared at the camera, "I hate that varmint!"
The explosion could be seen for miles.
Bugs chuckled as he sat in his living room, reading his play-bunny magazine. Today had been more fun since his hey day in the 1950's. He sighed happily as he began to read the newest story bunny, when he was scared witless.
Crack!
"Must be a thunderstorm," Bugs commented, before thinking to himself, "I better move to my weather watch quarters. Good thing that idiot of a host set up a cabin with a concrete basement, I'll spend the night there."
"Chef, what are we going to do?" Chris lamented as he paced back in forth in the small cabin where they were staying. They're tents had been knocked over by the wind in the storm, so they were supposed to stay in a small cabin that had been prepared for Andrew when he stayed at the island.
"I say we blow up the island," Chef cackled, "that way we can make sure to kill that pest."
"No, Environmentalists would be after our hides," Chris sighed, before staring out of the window angrily, "I say we tell the campers that no one is eating until they get us that rabbit that will bring that little jerk in."
"A little jerk am I," Bugs said as he listened to the two sadists from the basement, "I don't really care for those campers, but keeping food from somebody for simply not completing something you want? Of course you realize," He pointed his finger into the air.
"THIS MEANS WAR!"
Bugs: (Dressed as General Patton) believe me, if you are at all a fan of Chris, or you do not like cartoon violence, turn your little head, (Smirks evilly at camera) because this is going to be delicious!
Both Chef and Chris had dozed off, snoring loudly. Bugs silently placed a small blue tooth near Chef's ear, and then quickly ran back into the basement. He cackled as he began to dial a number quickly.
"Hello, calling Chef, hello," Chef woke up slightly, though he was not wholly coherent, as Bugs continued to speak to him through the phone, "Am I getting through to you Chef? They say that you trust your boss, Chris. Don't make me laugh," Chef began to wake up more fully now, but he still couldn't see the blue tooth, "Look at Chris over there, pretending to sleep, all the while he's getting idea's about what he is using your contract money for. Has he even paid you a cent yet?"
Chef angrily stood up, walked over to Chris who was sleeping on the couch, and slapped in him the face. Chris sputtered, holding his cheek from the pain. "What was that for?" the sadist host asked.
"For not paying me my money!"
"Dude, we have been over this!" Chris shouted, "You get paid once the season is over. Now get some sleep!"
Chef then laid back down in his chair, and both of them went back to sleep. Noticing the snoozing crooks, Bugs tip-toed out of the basement, and placed an axe in Chris's right hand. He then checked his blue tooth, and then again returned to the basement.
"You ain't gonna fall for that sweet talk are ya?" Bugs asked a sleeping Chef, "They don't call him Stage-cut Chris for nothing. He's probably waiting for you to fall asleep, so he can do the deed."
Chef woke up, and gasped when he saw the axe in Chris's hand. He then grabbed the axe, and cut the side of the couch. Chris woke up with a start.
"You're dirty tricks didn't work, huh?" Chef asked a thoroughly shocked Chris, who screamed as his wig fell into two pieces.
Chris: What is wrong with Chef tonight?
Chef: I won't let that little hair gel using jerk get the best of me!
Bugs: Ain't I a stinker?
Both of the hosts were silently asleep. Suddenly, Chris awoke with a start; he looked over at Chef, sighed, and went back to dream-land. This unfortunately did not allow him to see that the chandelier hanging over Chef was slowly having its screws loosened. Suddenly, when the first screw hit the floor, Chris woke up. Shocked at what he was seeing, he grabbed a ladder and a screwdriver, and set it up. He ran to the top of the ladder, screwdriver in hand, when the last bolt fell from the chandelier, causing the over priced lamp to fall on Chef.
"Hey Chris," Chef said from his seat, "come here."
"But Chef," Chris sputtered, before Chef began to give the over coloned host a beating of a lifetime.
"Maybe that will teach ya," Chef threw Chris onto the couch, "Now get to sleep!"
"Okay Chef," Chris moaned, his face covered in bruises.
Bugs silently placed a stick of dynamite in Chef's mouth, and then ran behind the couch. He poked Chris on the shoulder, and then with his best Chef imitation, said, "Hey Chris, get me a light."
"Okay Chef," Chris said happily, not wanting to get beaten up again, "I'm just glad you're not going to hurt me again." He then used a match to light the stick of dynamite.
Boom!
"You're mad again aren't you?" Chris said to the thoroughly hurting Chef, who glared at Chris, and then threw him out of the room they were staying. He then grabbed a rope, and tied his hands and legs together, and glared at the host.
"Now stay out there!" Chef shouted, while slamming his boss with a paddle, "and go to sleep!"
Chef was quietly dozing, happy to be rid of that homicidal host. But then he began to hear a sound of wood being sawed. He looked at the ground surrounding his chair, and was shocked to see that he was about to…
Crack!
Be undercut. He jumped up from the basement, glaring as he looked around for the culprit to the act. He ran through the doorway, and glared at what he saw. Somehow, the sleeping Chris had in his hand a hand saw. Chef glared at the host.
"I don't know how ya's done it," he then smacked Chris upside the head, "But I know ya's done it!"
As Chef walked back into the living room, Bug's attached roller skates to the feet of an incoherent Chris. He then went back under the floor, and grabbed a large magnet. He brought the magnet under Chris, and made him stand up. He then pulled the magnet, and thereby Chris, across the room, causing the host to slam into Chef. Chris desperately tried to apologize, while Chef glared at him.
"So ya want a show down?" Chef then threw a powerful punch, sending Mugsy, I men Chris, barreling into the wall on the other side of the room. Bugs, who had lost the magnet, grabbed it again, and again slammed the host into Chef. Then of course Chef hit Chris again, causing the host to once again barrel into the wall on the opposite side. Then Bugs ran back to the magnet, and the cycle began once again.
"Ah," Geoff smiled as he walked out onto the common ground of the camp, "What a beautiful day. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and Chris let us sleep until nine in the mourning."
"You're right Geoff," D.J. sighed, "I haven't had that good a night sleep since we all came to the island."
"I wonder if Chris and Chef are still after that rabbit," Harold wondered. He, as well as everyone else in hearing distance also thought about it to themselves. In fact, only a few of the campers were not at or near the cabins. Cartman was still out looking for the rabbit out in the woods, thought no one cared, Gwen was off doing her drawings, Peter had not come back from his rocket trip, and Bridgette had decided to take a shower. So this meant that 33 campers were trying to wrap their minds around what their insane hosts were up to.
BOOM!
"Well there's your answer," Heather commented, as they saw Chef's and Chris's shack explode into a fiery inferno. Suddenly debris from the cabin began to fall all around the campers, covering the camp grounds with trash. Just as the shit storm appeared to be over, Kenny noticed a large shadow covering his body. With a small squeak, he looked up and understood his cruel fate.
SPLAT!
"Well there it is," Stan said, pointing to the bloody remains of the parka, "You killed Kenny!"
"You Bastard!" Kyle called out.
"What happened?" Geoff asked the burnt man.
"That varmint tricked us into a lit stove," Chef admitted sadly, "he sent us and the whole house sky high."
"Well then where is Chris?" Jen asked the cook. She was answered when she saw an equally burnt Chris fall into the communal washrooms. They heard a girlish scream, and suddenly saw Chris punted out from the shower stalls.
"I think he landed where Bridgette was taking a shower, eh," Ezekiel said, as D.J. picked the Torched man up, and proceeded to treat his head like a punching bag. He may be gentle, but no one better spy on D.J.'s girlfriend!
"I can't believe that they are making us go out here and search again!" Heather screamed, as the campers once again trekked out to the woods.
"And without breakfast too," Owen moaned, "Oh the humanity!"
"Look," Gwen got up on a stump and addressed her fellow campers, "I know that some of us don't get along, but if we don't get the little creature, than none of us will win the challenge, and none of us will get lunch, let alone that money at the end of the game."
"Where is Andrew when you need him?" Grim mumbled, looking up into the sky.
(Somewhere in Hawaii)
"Mr. Jefferson," a rather attractive young Polynesian woman said, carrying a telephone in her hand, "There is a phone call for you from that camp in Canada!"
"Ah good," Andrew said as he sat out sunbathing, grabbing the phone quickly, "Well if it isn't the legendary Mr. B. Thanks for doing this for me. You had no idea how poor our challenges had been going for a while, so we were ecstatic when we heard you were doing this."
Andrew paused when the man on the opposite side of the phone began to talk rapidly.
"So Chris won't let the campers eat unless you get caught huh," Andrew mulled it over for a while, "Well I guess move on to stage two. And please tell me you are making personal tapes. Oh good, I love carnage!"
"Anything else," the woman asked.
"You doing anything later?"
"I was going to wash my hair," She said with shifty eyes.
Andrew frowned.
"What about tomorrow?"
"I have really dirty hair."
"Aw Christ," Bojack moaned as the campers continued to march through the woods, looking for their target, "I do anything to get this challenge over soon!"
"Hey kiddos!" Bugs shouted to the campers, having just popped out of the hole he had chosen to hide in, "I couldn't help but notice the little problem you all are having, so I have decided to help you end this thing once and for all."
"Does that mean you're going to let us catch you, rip out your guts, and stuff you like a cheap pillow?" Izzy asked excitedly.
"No," Bugs answered, "Now let's huddle up, this might be tricky, and so I am going need everyone to cooperate for this."
"Now here is what we are going to do…"
Chris sighed with frustration as he glared at the camp. He had been tortured so long by that rabbit, that he couldn't remember what life was like when he didn't have to deal with the varmint. Suddenly, the campers burst through the brush, Geoff holding something behind his back.
"We did it!" Grim shouted, as the campers all began to cheer. Chris blanked, and ran up to the campers.
"Did what?"
"We caught the rabbit!"
"Really?" A tear formed in sadist's eye.
"Yep," Geoff explained, "We actually cornered him in the rocks. Tired to blow us up with dynamite, but it backfired," he looked downward, "Unfortunately, we weren't able to keep him alive."
"Wait," Chris glared at the campers, "then how do we know that you actually got him?"
"We have these," suddenly, Bojack pulled out two sets of shoes. But these shoes were not regular sneakers; no they appeared to have been made from a rabbits foot. Chris squealed like a little girl, grabbing the rabbit's feet from the horseman.
"We managed to make two pairs, one for you, and one for Chef," Harold smirked, realizing that they were too taken up in their new foot wear to notice the snickers and cackles of the campers. The two quickly put the pairs of shoes on and began to walk around in them.
"How does if feel to be stepping on your hide rabbit?" Chris laughed as he glared at the shoes, only to blank when he heard the munching of a carrot.
"Ah, nice shoes doc."
Both of the sadists turned, and paled when they saw Bugs Bunny smirking at them. He suddenly put on a cowboy hat, and pulled out a fiddle. He pressed a small button on the fiddle, which made both Chef and Chris snap to attention.
"What's going on?" Chris squeaked, only for the tips of Bugs's mouth to widen.
"The end," before he began to play a jaunty southern tune.
"Let's all go square dancing!"
Suddenly, both grabbed each other's hands and began to dance in a circle. The campers began to clap their hands in tune smirking as the pair of sadists began to dance in the goofy manner.
Swing partner dosy doe
Now big guy, step on his toe!
Chef obliged by slamming his foot onto Chris's foot, causing the host to scream.
"Chef!" Chris pleaded, "Why did you listen to him!"
"I didn't try to," Chef said with confusion.
"The shoes you are wearing have remote control chips in them," Harold laughed, "you are gonna have to do whatever Bugs sings!"
"Oh shit!"
Promenade across the floor,
Promenade out the door,
Out the door and into the glade,
Everybody promenade!
Both Chef and Chris began to go outside, fearful of what plan Bugs had decided to use out of the mess hall. Bugs skipped on out the door, with the campers all following him, smirking at the sadists fear.
Step on up, you're doing fine,
I'll pull your hair, you pull mine!
Yank it again like you did before
Then break it up, with a tug of war!
Chris grabbed Chef's beard and pulled on it, only for Chef to do the same with Chris's wig, which he desperately used one hand to hang onto. Before long, they were battling over a fallen tree, right over a small stream that ran through the island. Bugs ran up, and using a pair of hedge clippers, cut both the wig and beard, causing both of the hosts to fall into the creek below.
Now into the brook, and fish for the trout,
Dive right in, and splash about
Trout, trout, pretty little trout,
One more splash, and come right out!
Both Chris and Chef emerged from the water utterly soaked. They were still dancing together, looking at one another in fear. Bugs smirked at his enemies; he had yet to even begin to fight! Before long, they were standing next to a large machine which had been used to wash all of Chris's laundry. The campers glared at Chris.
"You mean to tell me that this whole time you had a washing machine that could have washed our clothes," Heather seethed, before turning to Bugs, "Listen to me rabbit, I want you to make them suffer!"
Bugs simply nodded, before continuing his song.
Promenade around the room!
Promenade like a bride and groom!
Bugs opened the large door to the washing machine.
Open up the door and step right in,
Close the door and into a spin!
Bugs closed the door, and smirked as Chef and Chris went through a full wash cycle. After twenty seconds, Bugs again opened the door, sending his victims flying across the courtyard of the camp. They flew so far that they smashed apart a wooden fence. Bugs smirked as he ran up to them, having decided on his next verse.
Grab a fence post, hold it tight,
Womp our partner with all your might,
Hit in the chin, hit him in the head,
Hit again that critter ain't dead.
Both Chris and began to slam one another with the remnants of the destroyed fence.
Wop him low, and wop him high!
Stick a finger in his eye!
Chef obliged.
Pretty little rhythm, pretty little sound,
Womp your heads against the ground!
Bugs began to lead the thoroughly beaten hosts up the cliff, causing them to look around in fear. They began to turn to the campers with pleading glances, but received nothing but smirks from all of them, even Double D and Morty. Just as they were about to go over the cliff, Bugs seemed to relent.
Don't you stray and don't you roam,
Turn around and promenade home!
Chef and Chris wiped the sweat from their foreheads.
Corn in the crib, and wheat in the sack,
Turn your partner, and promenade back!
Both turned, and with screams of fear, fell off the cliff. The campers cheered, while lifting Bugs onto their shoulders and carrying the rabbit back to the camp. He grabbed a carrot, and began to chew on a carrot.
"And that is how it is done," he told the camera.
"That is it!" Chris, soaked to the bone, and covered in Shark bites shouted, as he and Chef burst into the Mess Hall, "I am going to- Mr. Jefferson?"
Andrew was currently having a hamburger, as he and the rest of the campers ate to their hearts content. Across from him, Bugs was munching on a carrot, smirking at his two defeated adversaries.
"What are you doing with that varmint!" Chef screamed at the producer, who merely smirked smugly.
"I hired this varmint," Andrew explained, as both Chris and Chef looked on flabbergasted.
"You see," Bugs explained, while munching on a carrot, "I have been running low on appearances lately, so I thought this reality show would be good to get some publicity. Andrew here told me to make your life hell, so we could see if any of these blokes here could even come close to catching me. Which they were only able to do after I decided to help them out."
"Well then no one won the challenge!" Chris shouted at the campers, who smirked back.
"Actually," Geoff smiled at the host, "we all brought Bugs to you, so technically, all of us won immunity."
"So does that mean no one is going to be voted off?" Harold asked, only to be answered when Peter burst through the door, rocket still attached to his back.
"Well what's happened since I left?" he asked the entire camp, who all smirked to one another.
Noah sighed, returning to his room after perhaps his worst day on the show. Duncan's elimination had brought his second greatest enemy to his doorstep. After only one day, Duncan had managed to destroy his best book, give him a wedgie with a diving board, and throw him into a trash can while making out with Courtney. How the two got together, he would never know.
But now, he would be able to escape the insanity. He calmly turned the bath faucet, and sighed as the hot water began to fill the tub. He calmly eased himself into the water, and smiled happily as he had achieved Nirvana.
Nothing at all could ruin this moment.
CRASH!
Except perhaps Peter colliding into the wall outside, revealing Noah's bath to the outside world. Noah sighed in anguish, knowing what was about to happen as he felt the floor begin to shift under him.
"No, no, no, no," He said with disinterest, as the tub slid from the room, and broke apart on the ground. Cody calmly handed the egg head a towel, and Noah marched back to the lobby, about to demand a new room.
"I can't believe they voted me off," Peter sighed, oblivious to the chaos he had just caused.
(Back in the studio)
"Now, as promised," Andrew smiled as he placed a tape into a large machine, "We will show you the story of our first new contestant, Mac!"
(On the screen)
"Hey," Mac, the small brown-haired kid from before greeted the viewers, "my name is Mac, and I am eight years old."
Suddenly, a picture of Mac and the blue blob from earlier appeared on the screen.
"My best friend is named Bloo," Mac voiced over, "He is special cause he is imaginary. So I am not only his best friend, but his creator! He can be real tiresome sometimes, but I love him like a brother."
"One day, my mom made me get rid of Bloo, in order to stop my older brother Terrance from picking on me," Mac said sadly, before brightening up, "but we found this great place called Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. Here, I continue to visit Bloo, and I met great friends like Frankie, Wilt, Eduardo, and Coco."
"I want to be on Total Drama Island to make friends with people outside this house," Mac explained, "And I would like to be able to get my Mom a better house, so I would use the money for that. Thanks again for listening, and if I make it, thanks for picking me!"
(Now back to normal screen)
"I hope you enjoyed that," Andrew said, "next time, we will have Frankie give us her story. Until next time, this is Total Drama Island!"
Losers: Courtney, Zim, Noah, Eva, Sadie, Justin, Billy, Rusty, Trent, Cody, Beth, Wyatt, Katie, Homer, Ron, Frylock, Jonesy, Nikki, Tyler, Kim, Mandy, Caitlin, Duncan, Peter
AN: I am very happy with how Bugs turned out, as he did seem more than capable of handing Chris his butt on a platter. Anyway, the story continues. I also find it harder to have punching bags when I vote them off, which is why I may plan to bring back some contestants in the future. I hope you all can feed me ideas to help move the story. I would really appreciate you help. Also, next chapter will have a challenge from canon as we had over eight original challenges in a row. Until next time, Sayonara!
