Chapter Eight: Reminders

Michelle sadly watched from her bedroom window as Chrissy trudged slowly down the street, headed for school. Michelle hadn't heard a word out of Chrissy since their talk the previous day. Chrissy hadn't come down for dinner, but Michelle was sure she heard her rummaging through the refrigerator late at night.

Michelle left the window and continued with her morning routine. It was Wednesday, her day off, so she didn't have to rush through anything. She had no desire to, anyway.

She made her way downstairs as she headed into the kitchen to clean up from breakfast. She noticed Chrissy's plate still had quite a few eggs left over. Michelle sighed. Not eating and now she might be cutting herself. God, what am I supposed to do? She was interrupted by the sound of her telephone ringing. She feared answering it, knowing it would probably have something to do with the hearing. She was right.

"Hi Michelle, it's Sandra." Chrissy's social worker greeted as Michelle felt her stomach drop.

"Hi Sandra." She paused. "Please tell me you have good news."

"I wish I did, but the hearing is still on for Friday. I'm sorry." Sandra was sincere, and knew how much this was hurting Michelle. Michelle let out a sigh.

"I guess I already knew that. Don't be sorry Sandra. I know you can't control any of this." She said as she sat down.

"I know this is hard on you guys." Sandra pointed out sympathetically.

"To be honest, I think it's been harder on Chrissy."

"She's not doing too well, huh?"

"No. I have reason to believe she may be cutting herself again." Michelle waited as Sandra let out a long sigh.

"I thought she was done with that." She said. Michelle closed her eyes.

"Yeah, so did I."

"Did you talk to her about it?"

"I tried to. She didn't say anything. She refused to let me see her arms and she left the room. I didn't see her at dinner and she hasn't spoken to me since."

"Michelle, this is a tough time for both of you. I want you to know we're doing everything we possibly can to make sure Chrissy is safe." Sandra paused. "That's why I'm calling actually. In these situations, the courts have to set up a meeting between the mother and the daughter, which is observed and recorded. It's to see if Jessica is true to her word about being a different person."

Michelle felt outraged and she immediately felt her face growing hot.

"What do they think that's going to do? I mean, Jessica could easily lie, put on a mask, pretend she's changed. How are we supposed to know if she's really changed?" She asked, surprising herself when she slammed her fist on the table, causing a cup to tip over.

"Chrissy knows Jessica better than any of us. She'll know if there's a difference." Sandra replied.

"But Chrissy's only 15. Will the judge actually listen to what she has to say? Do they even care?" Michelle asked, feeling her body growing tense with worry and stress.

"I don't know Michelle, but this meeting is mandatory and it's scheduled for today." Sandra said and Michelle felt her heart skip a beat.

"Today? Why didn't I know about this sooner?"

"I just found out. The courts don't give a lot of notice with these things. I'm sorry. Chrissy is expected to be here at the Group Home by 4:00p.m. Michelle, you're allowed to be there, but you cannot be in the room with Chrissy when she meets with her mother."

"I don't think Chrissy can handle that."

"Whether she can or not Michelle, we can't stop it."


Michelle hung up the phone with Sandra after she said a quick goodbye and the tears began to fall. She felt so helpless, so out of control. All she wanted to do was protect Chrissy from the woman who abused her for 14 years and now they wanted to put them in a room together to figure out whether or not Jessica had changed.

A leopard never changes its spots. Michelle thought bitterly as her memories took her back to the previous year when she had been talking to Sandra about taking Chrissy in as a foster child. Sandra had told her all about Chrissy's past and about her mother and when Michelle met Chrissy for the first time in the dormitory, her heart was broken. The young girl had tried to hide her sliced up arms, and there were still fresh bruises on her face from when Jessica had put them there. Chrissy's eyes were deep and painful that day, filled with years of misery, rejection and abuse and Michelle had been so blessed to watch her come out of that and become a happier young girl who no longer needed to cut herself.

Now they want to let Jessica take her? Michelle was trying to trust God, but it was getting harder.


It was 3:15p.m. and Chrissy was just leaving the school. She could feel her arms singing from the fresh cuts she had made at lunch that day. Chrissy had surprised herself at how much she had cut herself that day, but she ignored the pain, as she had trained herself to do.

Brandi had tried to approach her a few times at school, but Chrissy had managed to avoid her. She loved Brandi to death, but she knew that Brandi would continue to ask about the cutting and try to talk her out of it. And now Michelle knows. Chrissy thought as she remembered Michelle approaching her the day before about the cutting. Chrissy could not lie to Michelle. No matter how angry she was or how confused she was, she could not look Michelle in the face and say she was not cutting herself..

As Chrissy walked home, her mind wandered and she began thinking about the hearing that was in two days. Chrissy wanted nothing more than to step off the face of the earth until the whole mess was over.

She was greeted by Snuffy in the front entrance of the house. Chrissy bent down and scratched behind his ears. As Snuffy rolled over on to his back, Chrissy began rubbing the dog's tummy, and she failed to notice Michelle had come out to greet her as well.

"Hi sweetie." Michelle greeted, trying to sound cheerful. Chrissy looked up in surprise.

"Oh, hi." She replied meekly. Michelle watched as Chrissy awkwardly picked up her backpack and headed for the stairs.

"Hold on Chrissy, we need to talk." Michelle said as Chrissy stopped on the second step. Chrissy sighed.

"I don't feel like it right now." She said, indifferently.

"Well I'm sorry Chrissy, but it has to be right now." Michelle replied, feeling impatient. Chrissy seemed to be considering something for a moment when she finally sank down and sat on the stairs. Michelle braced herself and walked over to stand in front of Chrissy.

"We have to go out now." Michelle started, unsure about how she was going to tell Chrissy about her mother.

Chrissy puckered her brow.

"Where? I have homework." She replied. Michelle nodded.

"You can do it when we get back. We have to go to the Group Home." She said.

"Why?" Chrissy asked. "Are you making me see Wendy again?"

"No. Listen Chrissy, I want you to know I had nothing to do with this. I tried to stop it, but the courts require it, so we have to do it." She watched as Chrissy seemed to be growing more apprehensive and she wanted nothing more than to hold Chrissy close and never have to deal with any of this disaster.

"They want to see if Jessica, your mother has changed. They want to put you in a room with her, while they observe you." Michelle explained slowly, watching Chrissy's eyes widen and grow more intense with fear. Chrissy swallowed hard.

"Alone?" She questioned.

"I'll be there sweetie, but I won't be able to be in the room with you and Jessica." Michelle replied as she watched the color drain from Chrissy's face. Chrissy looked down and gave no response.

"Chrissy, are you okay?" Michelle asked quietly as she knelt down on the floor to be eye level with Chrissy. Chrissy didn't move; she only dropped her backpack on the stairs and looked away.

"Chrissy." Michelle tried again, but Chrissy stood up and came down the stairs, passing Michelle completely and walked out the front door toward the car. Michelle felt uneasy about the whole situation as she stood and grabbed her purse. As she was locking up the house, she peered over to see Chrissy sitting sulkily in the front seat of the car. Michelle lifted her head toward Heaven and asked God to give Chrissy strength for the difficult task that was ahead of her.


Chrissy could feel her heartbeat quicken as they pulled into the circular driveway at the Group Home. Chrissy knew her mother was in there somewhere, waiting to meet her for the first time in a little over a year. Chrissy didn't know what to expect; had Jessica really changed, or was it all just an act? She's always been a good liar. Chrissy was terrified, but she tried her best not to show it, especially in front of Michelle. She didn't want to appear weak to Michelle. She didn't want Michelle to comfort her; it hurt too much.

Chrissy followed Michelle into the building and down a set of stairs Chrissy had never noticed before. At the bottom, they were greeted by Sandra, who gave Chrissy a small hug. Chrissy noticed a large wall of glass in front of her, where she could see a table and two chairs on the other side. She knew it was a two-way mirror, and she knew that would be where she would face Jessica, by herself.

"Well you guys are a little early. Jessica isn't here yet, but I'd like you to meet some people. This is Tess from child services. She's been reviewing Jessica's case." Sandra said more to Michelle than she did Chrissy, who didn't appear to be paying much attention. Tess smiled and shook Chrissy's hand.

"Hello baby, how are you today?" Tess asked in her usual chipper voice. Chrissy didn't answer, she only stared at her with dark eyes.

"Chrissy." Michelle prompted as she gently tapped Chrissy on the shoulder. Chrissy sighed.

"Fine." She answered quietly, eyes locked on the ground. Tess ignored her rudeness, understanding the young girl was dealing with a lot at the moment.

"This is Andrew. He's Jessica's lawyer." Sandra pointed to a tall man who was standing beside Tess. He came forward and shook both of their hands. Chrissy didn't say anything, but Andrew, being an angel, knew exactly what she was thinking. You're the man who's helping my mother take me away from the only person I've ever known how to love. Andrew wanted to offer words of comfort to the young girl, but knew he had to stay in character.

"Chrissy, I need you to come with me sweetie, okay? Michelle will be right here on the other side watching and she'll be here when this is all over, okay?" Sandra said as she gave a reassuring smile to Michelle, who gave a little nod to Chrissy, who followed Sandra hesitantly into the glass room. Chrissy could feel tears welling up in her eyes, but she fought to keep them back. Sandra explained some things to her, but Chrissy's mind was elsewhere. She was saying something about how important it was for her to be calm and collected.

Chrissy sat at the small steel table as Sandra squeezed her shoulder with a smile, and left the room, saying Jessica would be in shortly. Sandra shut the door behind her, and Chrissy knew she was already being watched. She stared at the large mirror that was see-through glass to everyone else. She's going to put on a show. Of course she is; she's being watched. Chrissy sighed and stared at her folded hands resting on the table. She felt so alone.

"Hello Chrissy." A familiar voice pierced through the silence. Chrissy jumped and there standing beside her was Monica.

"Monica." Chrissy whispered and she peered over to the mirror. "Can they see you?"

"No." Monica replied simply. Chrissy sighed.

"Great, now they're going to think I'm crazy." She said. Monica smiled and shook her head.

"They aren't watching right now, love. They're talking to each other. We're okay." She explained. Chrissy nodded, swallowing back her emotion.

"I know this is a frightening situation for you little one, but you know God is here with you." Monica said, trying to reassure the young girl.

"Has He told you anything about what's going to happen yet?" Chrissy asked, feeling impatient. Monica sighed, and shook her head.

"God's timing is perfect and He has this all worked out." She replied. Chrissy looked down with sad eyes.

"I don't understand why I have to do this. Don't they realize who she is and what she's done?" Chrissy asked, feeling angry. Monica knelt down and stared hard at the young girl whose eyes remained fixed on the wall.

"God has you in the palm of His hand and He won't let you fall. You have to put your faith in Him. This will be difficult Chrissy, but I will stay with you so you will not be alone." Monica said with a small wink. Before Chrissy had a chance to respond, she jumped at the sound of the door opening. Chrissy felt her heart leap in her throat as she saw the familiar woman enter the room slowly. Chrissy felt Monica's calming hand brush against her hair and rest on her shoulder. Chrissy noticed Jessica's differences immediately. Her face was fuller and her cheeks were a rosy pink instead of the thin, bony, pale face Chrissy remembered. She was wearing a long black skirt and a white short-sleeved blouse and there were no tracks noticed on her arms. Jessica's hair was pulled back in a clean ponytail and it was highlighted a light brown. It was much different than the greasy straggly hair Chrissy remembered. Chrissy barely recognized her when she walked in; she looked like a different woman. Monica bent down and brushed Chrissy's hair away from her ear.

"Be brave, little one. Try to stay calm and know that God is with you." She whispered quietly in the young girl's ear.

"Hello Chrissy." Jessica greeted in a quiet tone, one Chrissy had never heard before. Chrissy didn't reply, she only watched nervously as Jessica took a seat across from her. Chrissy looked at the mirror and felt slightly comforted to know Michelle was right there, waiting for her.

"Wow Chrissy, you look great." Jessica commented and Chrissy narrowed her eyes. Jessica had never said one nice thing to Chrissy, and Chrissy could hardly believe it.

"Thanks." Chrissy replied with her eyes down, in a quiet whisper. A long silence followed in which Chrissy could feel Jessica's eyes burning into her. A gentle hand squeezed Chrissy's shoulder to reassure her she was not alone.

"So Chrissy, what do you think? Do I look any better?" Jessica asked after the silence. Chrissy sighed and nodded, unsure of how she felt about the whole situation.

"Chrissy I've been through a lot this year, trying to overcome a lot. I managed to overcome my drug addiction and I've been through a lot of counselling. I've changed, Chrissy and I want you to come back to me. I've bought a nice house up in Canada, and I want us to start over." Jessica explained. Chrissy could feel herself wanting to say so much but the fear of her mother she still had deep inside was controlling her to keep her mouth shut.

"Chrissy." Monica bent down again and Chrissy listened. "Don't be afraid of her. You have a right to your feelings and you have a right to tell her." Chrissy felt a calming peace overcome her, and she stared hard at Jessica, and took a deep breath.

"You hurt me, a lot. You have no idea what it was like for me, and you never even cared. You didn't even know anything about me, and I'm supposed to be your daughter." Chrissy said, feeling every part of her body shaking. For a moment, Chrissy was sure she recognized the eye twitch Jessica always had, before she lost her temper, and Chrissy braced herself, but instead, Jessica began to cry.

"I know, and I'm ashamed of myself. It was just so hard after your father died. I didn't know how to be a mother." She wailed.

"Then why didn't you just put me up for adoption or something?" Chrissy yelled out, feeling a lot stronger than she had when she first arrived.

"I couldn't. I wanted to love you, I really did, I just had too many problems, but those problems are in the past now. I want to start over and be your mother." Jessica explained through her tears. Chrissy shook her head.

"Those problems aren't in the past. They've stayed with me. 14 years of abuse, mom. That doesn't just go away." She said firmly. Jessica looked almost desperate, and Chrissy couldn't figure out what was going on in Jessica's mind.

"I know it doesn't sweetie, but I want to show you I've changed and I can be a better mom. I just want you to give me a chance." Jessica said in a quiet voice, and Chrissy looked away.

"I'm happy where I am right now." She said quietly, as she crossed her arms. Jessica raised her eyebrows and sighed.

"With Michelle? She's not your mother, baby. You'll always only have one mother, and that's me. Nobody can be a better substitute than your real mother." She said simply, as she tapped the table in front of her.

"She's shown me more about what it means to have a mother than you have, mom. Don't take that away from me." Chrissy pleaded desperately. Now Chrissy was sure she saw that familiar anger in her mother's eyes, but there were no angry words to follow, but Chrissy recognized it all too well.

"I'll get you back Chrissy. You'll see, you'll be happier with me." Jessica stood to leave. "See you on Friday baby." She managed a small smile and walked out the door. Chrissy breathed out heavily, and Monica squeezed her shoulders.

"You did wonderfully. You were very brave." She whispered, and she disappeared as Sandra came into the room.


Tess, Andrew and Monica watched as Michelle and Chrissy left the Group Home together, exchanging no conversation. Tess and Andrew looked over to Monica.

"So?" Andrew questioned. Monica sighed.

"She finally stood up to her mother, but I don't know how much good that will do. Jessica does seem different. Is she just acting, Tess?" She asked. Tess sighed.

"When I first met Jessica at the rehabilitation clinic, she was a lot ruder with me than she was with Chrissy just now. It's hard to tell right now baby." She replied.

"If Jessica is lying, then she may be able to convince the judge that she's changed. If Jessica hasn't really changed, then Chrissy will not be safe with her." Monica said as she felt tears welling up in her eyes. Monica was always such a sensitive angel.

"What is it that you keep telling Chrissy, angel baby?" Tess asked as she put her hands on her hips. Monica looked down.

"To trust God." She said, ashamed.

"Practice what you preach, baby. Just trust the Father. He's in control. Remember that." Tess replied. Monica did trust God, but it was so hard to watch Chrissy, such a young girl, sink lower and lower into a depression that might only get worse if custody was granted to Jessica Anderson.