Tearful Departure
Joe stood before the looking glass adjusting his tie all the while thinking of his brother. He'd finally made it. Finally gotten old enough. He felt a bit of pride for Hoss now for no particular reason that he could think of other than being what nature had always intended him to be. As happy as he tried to maintain, his thoughts (perhaps on account of the sadness he had buried within) without intention, took on a sort of glum. Being old enough by itself isn't of any great feat. He mused. After all, growing old isn't something that could be helped. It's going to happen whether a person is ready for it or not, but each grand step in life is celebrated as if it's something magical rather than what it really is; a consequence of not dying. Maybe that's what people are really celebrating with each small step built up like hurdles to be conquered. What they're really celebrating is the fact that you ain't died yet. Surprising himself even with how morose that thought seemed to reach. He shook it away and reached again for that pride. There was jealousy in their too and resentment, but it would one day be his turn to go, granted he not die. This he snickered, mocking his own dejection.
Taking one final glance in the looking glass ensuring he was in fact presentable, he took a breath and walked away. Walking away from his room and all his possessions, save the ones he had designated for himself for five weeks, of which was waiting for him downstairs; and went down to join his family.
Their lunch was a late one. One last meal together as a family. They were celebrating Hoss's first drive. It was both solemn and jocund. Of course, Little Joe was still sullen that he couldn't be a part of it. He did his best to not bring the mood down. This wasn't about him and his feelings right now. This was a time to celebrate and he was not going to take that away from Hoss, lest in a few years Hoss remembers this moment and returns the favor.
"A toast." The pater presented.
"A toast." Adam echoed.
"To Hoss."
"To Hoss." The teen blushed with the attention. Joe with nothing of his own to add partook anyways. Spring water was what they toasted with. Hoss whom they were celebrating was not yet old enough to partake in anything stronger, plus they would need to be plenty hydrated before the start of their adventure. They all lifted their glasses in the air and threw it back.
~.~
When the meal had ended it was time to leave. Today was the day, for Joe at least. It had finally arrived. It had been a warm one and was now approaching late afternoon. They rode in the family cart, Joe and Hoss in the back, two suitcases and an extra pair of shoes sat next to them. These would be Joe's belongings for the next five weeks. Ben and Adam rode upfront. Joe was reflective. His eyes were full and deep, taking in the looming absence. Hoss nudged Joe's toe with his own just to snap him out of his glum. His eyes flickered bringing him back from wherever far off place he had been. He slid his gaze over to his middle brother. Realizing what his brother was trying to do, he gave Hoss a soft smile which Hoss returned, in that look, telling him that everything would be okay. Joe knew it would. He'd just miss them, is all. He could do this for five weeks. If that's what they needed him to do, he could do it. The day would come when he would get his chance to ride. But that was not today and until then, he would do what he needed to do. For them, he would.
Tomlinson and Scotty were outside waiting for them when they arrived.
"Hi Joe." The father greeted as they pulled up in front of the house. "Mr. Cartwright." He greeted as the pater jumped down, shaking hands cordially, likewise he did with each brother. Joe's hand he did not shake. Instead, he dropped an arm over his shoulder. "How was your trip?"
"Good. Good."
"I've whipped up a little something. I wasn't sure if you guys would've eaten already."
"We did. We had supper before we left."
"Oh. Well." He said clapping his hands.
"I hope you didn't go to too much trouble."
"No." He exaggerated. "You ready to see your new arrangements?" He turned to Joe to change the subject. "I can take you up there."
"Actually, if I could have a word with you." Ben redrew his attention.
"Uh, sure." Tomlinson placated before turning back to the boys. "Scotty can take you up to the room." Scotty who took it as an order, went right to grabbing one of the suitcases but struggled awkwardly with the weight of it. Adam didn't let him struggle for too long. Taking the cue, he took the case from the small boy's hands and patted him on the back to let the boy know that he had it.
"I'll tell you what, you lead the way." Scotty took point walking ahead. The oldest and youngest of the Cartwright boy's following behind.
"I'll be up there in a bit to help settle you in." Tomlinson called at their backs.
Scotty led the way into the house, up the stairs going into the only room that was at the top. Joe glanced around. Being here a handful of times before, this room was growing a certain familiarity to it and yet he pondered. He was about to ask Scotty the question that came forefront but then stopped himself believing that would likely be a wasted question to the boy who says little and probably knows less.
"Cozy." Adam impressed, glancing around. This was the first time he's been up here. His hand went straightway to the closet opening it up to get a good glance. Noting his findings, he shut it and opened the top drawer of Scotty's dresser to do the same. The top drawer was mostly empty. What was there had been pushed to one side. About this time hardy thumps came charging up the stairs.
"Hey Little Joe. How's it going up here?" Tomlinson appeared coming into the room adjusting the shirt in his waistband with his thumbs.
"Fine Mr. Tomlinson."
"You getting settled in?"
"Where should I put my stuff?"
"The dresser should be fine. You could share that with Scotty."
"How about the closet?" Joe asked, selfishly fishing for his own space. "That seems to be pretty empty?" Other than the old quilt that lined the floor, of which both brothers made silent notice of.
Paul's eyes fluttered to Adam and he adjusted his shirt again. "Not the closet." He iterated. "The dresser." Both brothers locked eyes. Adam wordlessly saying 'be nice.' Joe shrugged and set about to unpacking. He was going to be here for five weeks. He would just have to make the best of it. "Unfortunately, I've got just the one bed, so you two will have to share it." Paul said, answering the question that was on Joe's mind. Five weeks. The young Cartwright recited internally. "Welp, I'll leave you to it. If you need anything from me, I'll be downstairs." He said, making his departure.
"I'm sharing a bed?" Joe abased as he withdrew a few of his clothes.
"Well, they did just move in, they don't exactly have a spare one set up yet." Adam who had gone over to help, glanced up at Scotty who remained silent and off to the side. He was afraid to hurt the boy's feelings whose pa was doing so much for them.
"I have a feeling it's not at the top of the list to go out and get another one. They don't exactly have a guest room to put one in if they did have it."
"No. Not everyone has what we have." He said with a look suggesting that Joe mind his words.
"Hey, you think I could get him to let me stay at our house and he can just check on me every day?" At Adam's ill-patient look, he answered his own question. "Yeah, I didn't think so."
"Listen Joe. He may not be as well off as we are but Paul is doing us a favor and we are not going to make him feel bad for it. It's only going to be for five weeks. You can manage until then."
Joe sighed, realizing how he might have come off. "Yeah. Alright Adam." Whatever offence Adam was afraid Joe would make had no outward effect on the quiet boy in the room who just stood and stared at the two of them with little expression.
"You doing, okay?" Hoss knocked before entering.
"Just putting my stuff away."
"Nice room." This was also the first time Hoss has been up here. The oldest and youngest brother continued back and forth from the bed to the dresser.
"We might be able to fit this all into one drawer."
"I still got that one." Joe indicated the other case that was placed next to the dresser.
"Pa wants you to come down when you're done." Hoss interjected. What did his pa think would happen? He'd stay up here and miss out on them leaving? There was a slight twinge in his heart as he knew that moment was coming.
Joe could save the rest of this for later. With Hoss to his front, Adam at his back and Scotty trailing behind, they all came down.
"Is everything alright up there?"
"Yes, pa it is."
"Listen son, we've got to get going along now. We've still got lots to do at the house before we set out tomorrow."
"Yes pa. I understand."
"You be good for Mr. Tomlinson."
"Yes sir. I will."
"And do everything he tells you to do."
"Okay pa."
"I want to hear good reports when I get back." Joe snickered.
"Alright."
"You be plenty helpful."
"Alright." This one he said with an emphatic smile. Enough was enough. Joe got the point. Perhaps his pa was just stalling for time. Thinking about it that way, Joe was glad that his pa was just as conflicted to leave as he was to have him go. He felt his pa's love strong at that moment. His proud eyes, emanating strength, gazing down upon him. Joe hugged his pa, wrapping his arms around him. Ben knelt low and enclosed Joe's small frame in his arms. It felt so good, Joe didn't want to let go. There'd be five weeks without this. He's not sure when the last time that he had hugged his pa like this was. It's likely been more than that length of time. But when your pa's always around and there's no occasion for hugging you tend to take things for granted. There was an occasion now, of which he wasn't going to have the opportunity to hug his pa for a while. Knowing that made this hug all the more earnest. But the hug couldn't last forever. His pa didn't cry but when Joe pulled away, he could see that there was a definite sheen to his eyes as he rested both hands on Joe's shoulders and smiled, which Joe genuinely returned. Joe broke away to give each of his brothers a hug, not as long as his pa's but, at least on Hoss's part who lifted him off his feet, it was just as heartfelt. He'd been set down and the final words were exchanged. "You impress them." Joe said to Hoss, imparting these words like an order.
Ben turned to Tomlinson. "I won't be available for some time, but if you need me you can reach me at these places." He said, handing over the slip of paper. "Thank you again for doing this." After all the words that they could think to say were said his pa and brothers loaded up on the wagon.
"No problem and don't forget, when you get back, we could talk business."
"Sure thing."
The goodbye was a heartfelt one. This wasn't the first time Joe'd been left for a cattle drive, but this would be the first time he'd be left alone. Before it would be he and Hoss tearing things up together but now that his middle brother was old enough to go along Joe would have to go at it alone. Spend five weeks without any family in sight. This was a first for him. Perhaps that's what made this all the gloomier. Joe held back the tears as long as he could manage.
Paul and Joe waved as his family drove out. The tears that Joe had held at bay fell. One single streak for each cheek.
"Come on. Don't cry." Tomlinson crooned, dropping an arm over his shoulder, when he saw Joe swiping at each cheek. "We're going to have lots of fun together." He was embarrassed and shamefaced that he had allowed himself these tears in front of his caretaker. Paul was kind though and seemed to understand.
They remained looking out even after all remnants of his family were gone, including the dust cloud that followed them. After several moments looking out at the empty horizon, particularly at the colors that the setting sun had left behind, Tomlinson broke the serenity.
"You wouldn't still be hungry, would you?" He asked. Joe knew Paul talked with his pa already while he was up in the room putting his things away about how they had supper before they got here, still he asked. "I've made lots of food. I wasn't sure if you guys would have eaten or not."
Tomlinson had prepared a fine meal of meatloaf and mashed potatoes. He had made more than enough food to go around. As a precaution in case the rest of the Cartwright's had wanted to stick around but they had declined the offer. The meal he'd eaten with his family had been fulfilling enough. This, coupled with his grief, had stifled Joe's appetite. He wasn't very hungry at all. He ate a few bites of what he could to show his respect and not come across as ungrateful, but ended up pushing the rest of the food around on his plate. Holding his head in his hand which was propped upright with an elbow on the table.
"You're not very hungry, I see."
"No sir."
"I suppose it was rather presumptuous of me making so much." He made light of. "No matter. We'll pack it away and save the rest for tomorrow." At Joe's misery Tomlinson sighed. "I'll tell you what Joe. How about you write down a list of things you want to do while you're here? We'll see how many of those we can cross off."
Joe knew Tomlinson was trying to help, but it wasn't about that. Joe wasn't concerned with how bored he thought he might be. He dwelled in grief over his loss. As Joe mulled, he realized that maybe it really was about that. He came to understand what Paul was trying to do for him, which was to keep his mind busy so he wouldn't get off to missing his family. He considered, that maybe there was some truth to that. He'd miss them anyways, of that he was sure, but maybe he could occupy his mind so he wouldn't miss them so terribly. With this idea at the forefront, he had gone into Scotty's room after supper and glanced around for writing material. He came up expectedly empty-handed, noting no more was in that room than what he'd observed already. If there was any writing material in this house, it would likely be in Tomlinson's possession. He could bother him with this tomorrow.
Dressed and settled for his first night in this foreign bed, he thought of his family now. Of how close they still were to him. Tomorrow they'd be setting off to begin their journey, and each day getting further away from him, but tonight they were home, nestled snuggly within those walls. The wagons had been loaded. The herd had been gathered. The crew in the bunkhouse spending their last night in the beds that were familiar to them. Their home away from home. Tomorrow all will be empty.
