"Tonight, I Wanna Cry"
Summary: Post-Shadow. Dean lies awake and thinks about what him and Sam talked about earlier that day. A little angsty. My firstone-shot. Based on the chorus of the song "Tonight, I Wanna Cry" by Keith Urban. Review! Please?
A/N:I had to put the brotherly moment from "Shadow" in my own words because I could not remember how it went word for word and I didn't feel like watching it over and over again lol.
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let got of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry
Dean Winchester was not a man for expressing how he felt; especially deep down inside. He kept thinking back to what him and Sam talked about earlier that day. Sam had asked him what he would do if was all over tonight. What would he do? He knew what Sam wanted to do; go back to college, live the normal life and all that other stuff. But when it came to what Dean wanted, nobody cared. Nobody but himself.
He laid in bed as he stared up at the ceiling, all these thoughts rushing through his head. He wished they would all stop so that he could get some sleep but it didn't seem like they would. What made Sam ask all them questions anyway? Was it because he was just curious maybe? Dean didn't know. Tension started building up inside of him as he looked over at Sam's sleeping form. It seemed like he was getting some peaceful sleep lately, no nightmares or anything. And Dean was sure glad for that. He glanced back up, just staring at blank nothingness that was the ceiling again. All of a sudden, the memory of what happened that day between him and his brother flooded his mind.
"Man, Dean, what if it was all over? What if it all ended tonight?" A look of succession came across Sam's face.
"What do you mean?" Dean furrowed his eyes in confusion.
"You know what I mean. What would you do if it was over tonight?"
"I don't know. All depends."
"On what?"
"What I felt like doing. I bet I know what you would do if it was over."
"What?"
"Go back to college, see all your friends again. Have the normal life." He let out a little sigh but Sam didn't notice it.
"Well, I've thought about it."
Dean smirked. "I knew it."
"Knew what?"
"Nothing." He shook his head lightly then walked over to the dresser, leaning against it, facing the mirror. He closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them again. "God, Sam. I want things to be like they were before." He turned around to face Sam, a look of hurt on his face. "I want things to change. For us to become a family again."
"But Dean, we are a family!"
Dean just stood there, the same look still plastered onto his face.
"And," added Sam, "I don't want them to."
He didn't have to question Sam for he knew what he meant by that statement. Sam didn't want things to change, to go back like they were before. He liked things the way they were now. And what was he thinking? Of course they were a family still! Their father may stay gone for long periods of time, and that hurt Dean the most, but they were still a family after all. A small smile crept up on Dean's face as he looked down, not wanting Sam to see him break down deep inside.
"I just.." he began softly. "I just don't you to leave."
"I'm not. I will be there with you every step of the way."
A small trickle of tears came strolling down Dean's face as he sat up. He stole one more glance at Sam, wiped away the tear that was now staining his face. He got up out of bed, got dressed and walked out the door, making his way to the Impala. Once he was in the Impala, he leaned his head against the steering wheel and let the tears fall like rain, not caring who saw him.
