AN: I know, I just posted one on Wednesday, but this one was just begging to be written. And yes, I'm fully aware that "halfth" isn't a word. At least, I don't think it is.


Episode IV: Princess Silmarwen

To say that Elladan was a bit annoyed would have been an exaggeration. He was more than annoyed—in fact he was bordering on furious.

So far all of his plans—all three and a half of them—had failed. Normally a patient elf, Elladan was beginning to suspect that there was some greater force controlling his actions and that he might never truly succeed.

Nevertheless, he had to try.

After Elladan's last attempt on the prince (which resulted in the king's grandson getting a rather pleasant twenty-four hours of sleep—actually beneficial to him considering he'd just returned from an exhausting campaign), Belegdur had become more paranoid than usual, insisting that there was an assassin loose in the palace that was after him.

That, of course, was true in a way except that Elladan had no intention of killing Belegdur. No, he merely wanted to humiliate the prince and possibly change his way of thinking. Yes, Elladan was convinced that one of his plans would work to show Belegdur how to be a much nicer elf.

And he had made a new Plan...though not so Grand as his first but less likely to fail than his second-and-one-halfth. If he got one thing wrong on this, however, it could result in a disaster that would rock Mirkwood to its very foundation—or at least alienate him from his friend, Legolas, for all of eternity.

For Elladan had heard that another visitor was coming to see the royal family. A visitor most interested in Prince Legolas. A she-elf, the supposed long-lost daughter of Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel; Princess Silmarwen.

Bearing in mind the fact that any she-elf who was the daughter of Galadriel would likely be near his father's age and that a marriage alliance between Lothlorien and Mirkwood was likely the farthest thing from Celeborn's mind, Elladan could only assume that this Silmarwen was yet another imposter invading Arda in search of Legolas. Why they were constantly after the youngest prince of Mirkwood was beyond him, though, for it was his experience that Legolas wasn't the least inclined to get married for at least a millennium or two.

Elladan's latest Plan (which should be called Elladan's Diabolical and Utterly Evil Plan) was simple: convince the she-elf that Legolas had brown eyes and introduce her to Belegdur. If he was right in thinking this was an imposter, the result would be that Belegdur would be stuck with an annoying she-elf who he was strangely attracted to, and who would likely be captured by orcs, carried off by spiders, and somehow manage to save the prince from a pack of wargs. If she wasn't an imposter...well, perhaps love was just the thing to temper Belegdur's attitude.

And so Elladan was waiting yet again. He was neither crouched nor hiding behind a door this time, though. He was standing at the gate as a proper representative of the family would—after all, this she-elf was supposedly his aunt and it would be only proper for him to greet her.

At last the delegation from Lothlorien came into sight. The caravan had several dozen golden-haired warriors guarding it, and riding in the exact center was a gloriously beautiful elf-maid, dark hair glinting in the sunlight.

Elladan felt a shiver down his spine, and he was disgusted to find himself attracted to this elf-maid. She was beautiful—enchanting, even. Her hair was dark as a raven's wing, with coppery highlights that danced in the sun. Her eyes a deep, crystal blue that held wisdom, naivete, and a fierce strength.

He snorted. Someone had been studying his sister, Arwen, a bit too much.

"My Lady," he called to the elf-maid as soon as the delegation entered the gates. Then, with a devilish grin, he launched himself at her and knocked her off the horse. "Aunt Silmarwen!"

The elf-maid blustered and struggled to knock Elladan off. "What did you call me?"

"You are the daughter of Celeborn and Galadriel...and so you must be my aunt!" he declared in a victorious tone.

Silmarwen blanched. Obviously, whoever had created this imposter hadn't done too much research into Galadriel's family. "Oh, of course," she said smoothly, rising to her feet without a wrinkle or stain upon her robes. "I have been away for so long...I'm afraid I don't remember you at all."

Elladan frowned outwardly but grinned inwardly. "I'm your nephew, Elladan," he explained. "Where have you been, Aunt Silmarwen?"

The she-elf stopped, her fair face paling further. "Gondor?"

"I see," Elladan nodded. Yep, yet another imposter here to try to get her well-manicured claws in Legolas. Well, if this wasn't killing two spiders with one stone he didn't know what was. He would rid his friend of this particular annoyance, and sick said annoyance on another annoyance. Then, either the two annoyances would cancel each other out and all of Middle-Earth would be destroyed by an explosion or Belegdur would be distracted by this...creature...for the next century or so.

"I understand you're here to see Legolas?" he asked.

"Oh, yes," the she-elf beamed, obviously sensing no deceit in her "nephew". Probably part of that "charming naivete" that was supposed to be so refreshing. "Do you know him?"

"Of course!" Elladan grinned wildly, holding his arm out to the she-elf. "Just come with me, Aunt Silmarwen."

He could hear the elf-maid's teeth grinding as he again called her his aunt. "Mother and Father wish for me to marry Prince Legolas," she said calmly, "but I don't know if I want to."

Elladan caught the predatory gleam in her eye as she said this and grinned again. "Of course not. But I must warn you; some tales of the prince got a few of the facts wrong."

Silmarwen looked at him askance. "What do you mean?"

"Did you know, for instance, that he has brown eyes and not blue?"

The she-elf stopped. "You're lying!" she shouted, a violent temper showing itself.

"Why would I lie to my dear old aunt?" Elladan asked, emphasizing the old.

Silmarwen glared at him. "Just introduce me...I don't care what color his eyes are as long as he's Legolas."

Now that the imposter-princess was starting to act more like the spoiled brat Elladan knew she must truly be and less like the perfect elf-maid, he had some qualms about introducing her to Belegdur. Surely he should just be rid of her like all the others...what had Belegdur done to deserve this? Then he remembered the time when Legolas had spilled a drop of wine on his tunic at dinner and Belegdur had ranted for three straight days that the young prince had no manners, and he decided to go through with his plan.

"Here we are," he said, stopping just outside Belegdur's door. "He's going by an alias because an evil assassin is trying to kill him," he added in a moment of inspiration.

Silmarwen's eyes glinted, and Elladan could just see the plot hatching in her mind to either become the assassin and then tragically fall in love, or to nearly die saving the prince. He bit back a snicker. This was going to be hilarious.

"I shall leave you now," he said with a hint of finality. "I wish you the best of luck, Aunt Silmarwen."

The elf-maid waved him away impatiently, obviously working up her "love at first sight" charm for when she knocked on the door.

Elladan went halfway down the corridor and ducked behind a potted plant. He watched Silmarwen straighten her already-impeccable gown and raise one delicate hand to knock on the door.

"My Love!" she shouted when Belegdur came to the door.

Belegdur stared. "MARY-SUE!" he shouted, stabbing at Silmarwen with the dagger he'd kept handy in case the assassin should wander by.

The she-elf shrieked as she was recognized for what she was (though the whole dagger thing was just unnecessary) and disappeared in a flash of green light, leaving behind a sulphurous smell and a column of smoke.

Elladan groaned loudly, falling back to sit on the floor with a thump. He should have known that a character as bitter, angry, and hateful as Belegdur would be immune to the charms of a Mary-Sue.

Oh well. At least he'd managed to keep this one away from Legolas.


Reviews? Flames? Tar and Feathers?

No offense was meant to anyone who has ever written a Mary-Sue or a Mary-Sue-like character. This was written in fun, please take it as such.

I just wanted to take a pulse here: would anyone be interested in more "let's hit Belegdur over the head multiple times and see what hidden personalities he has" stories? 'Cause I've got more of those I could write, along with a lot of other plans. Just let me know if you're interested.