Chapter Eighteen:
My past for your future reference.
Harry did not sleep well that night, it was not just the normal nightmares that kept him up this night, no it was the fact that his parents, whom had been considered dead for so long, were sleeping just down the hall from him.
So instead of sleeping, Harry sat with his back against the headboard of his bed and listened to the silent night. Well almost silent, the only thing you could hear, was Ron's loud obnoxious snores from the bed next to his, but Harry was too deep in thought to even thinking about trying to shut his friend up.
He thought of what his parents were going to say when they heard what his life had been like, would they except after they learnt that they would be in danger once more for being around him? What would they say to his story, his life? These questions ran through Harry's head at an extraordinary rate.
He wanted someone to be there when he told them but who, not Ginny that would be to awkward he thought, not Ron or Hermione they may have been there for many of the events in his life, but they could not provide the right comfort needed for that kind of conversation. It suddenly dawned upon him how could he forget so quickly, Sirius and Remus they were perfect they could relate to his story the best.
Harry spent the rest of the evening deciding how to ask Sirius and Remus to join him when he talked to his parents, and with that decided finally, he fell into an unrelaxed sleep to nervous about confronting his parents again in the morning.
James woke up quite early the next morning and immediately looked around him, he momentarily forgot where he was, he was there at Grimmauld place, his son, his son was alive he had left him to fifteen years of god knows what.
An indescribable feeling settled in James' stomach, it was one of happiness, and sadness mixed equally. Happy, because his son the one he thought he had lost forever ago was alive and well. Sad, because he left him to grow up an orphan, well he had Sirius and Remus (or so he thought) but it still was not his parents.
He looked over at his wife, who lay still fast asleep next to him even after all these years he still thought her to be the most beautiful woman in the world, with her dazzling red hair and brilliant emerald green eyes that seemed to dance all day long.
He pulled a stray lock out of her face and planted a sweet kiss on her cheek before getting out of the bed and heading out the door, to see his old friend Padfoot.
Padfoot himself, had yet to awake his sleep seemed to be the most peaceful in years because his best friends were alive and well again, it lifted a huge weight off his chest.
But all the bliss of peaceful sleep ended shortly as someone had charmed a trumpet to blow in his ear.
"Arrrgh" Sirius yelled sleepily.
James stood next to his friend's bed with his wand in his hand and a smile on his still youthful face.
"Who the bloody hell woke me up, Harry if that was you your dead"
"You will not touch a hair on my son' head" James said putting on a defending tone, though he only meant it playfully, he knew that Sirius would never 'kill' Harry, that was like saying a marauder would kill a marauder, okay that was a bad example.
Sirius seemed to have momentarily forgotten that James was still alive, as he let a gasp escape his mouth, before he remembered and relaxed once again, and turned to his friend.
"I would not dream of it Prongs, but I can't say the same about you, expect some marauders revenge in the near future" Sirius said with the mischievous glint in his eyes standing out stronger now that his main partner in crime was back.
"Did you forget the marauders code, Padfoot, 'a marauder never pranks a marauder with out a good reason' "
"Well then you are the biggest hypocrite of all time"
"I am no such thing, as I have a good reason."
"And that is"
"I needed to wake you up" James said with a grin.
Sirius gave his friend a mock glare but he could not stay mad for to long.
"Is there any particular reason why I needed to be awoken?"
" oh well I was just wondering if you were going to tell me what you have been up to these last fifteen years" James said unsure if his friend was going to tell him, after all he could have been there to find out if he was not such a wimp to go and hide away from the world.
Sirius looked at James for a minute, he had been debating himself what to tell Lily and James about his past, he like Harry did not want to place more guilt than necessary on their shoulders but if they wanted to know than he would tell them.
"Well I will tell you all about what has been up with me, but it would make more sense if I told you when Harry tells you" Sirius said quickly with a smile.
"well okay then, lets go wake him and lily up" James said eagerly he really wanted to get to know his son and what his friend was like now that fifteen years had passed he wanted to be a part of it all again, and he wanted to do so as soon as possible.
"Now?" Sirius said hoping that he could get back to sleep.
"Yes now, come on" James whined, before leaving Sirius with no option by walking out the door, leaving Sirius to follow.
James went to wake up Lily, while Sirius went to wake Harry.
Sirius hoped that Harry was okay, he did not want him to feel awkward or out of place he wanted him to be happy and he knew that once he truly believed his parents could make him happy. He worried about Harry how was he taking this, how nervous was he, how odd was it feeling to him.
He also worried about lily and James and there reaction, he knew right off the bat that they would accept him even if he was who he was, but how guilty would they feel after hearing his and Harry's story? How riled would they get at the thought of the Dursley's being abusive guardians? How would they react to the fact that Harry had a mad, psycho, murdering, power-hungry loon after him?
He stepped quietly into Harry's room and saw the boy in question, fast asleep wearing a troubled look. Sirius sighed deeply, before slowly walking over to the sleeping boy and prodding his shoulder softly to wake him up.
"Haaaarry" he chimed.
Harry opened his eyes with a confused look. Who was waking him up?
Harry sat up, and rubbed his eyes and looked up to see his godfather standing there.
"Morning kid"
"Don't call me that"
"Whatever… kid" Sirius replied.
Harry glared playfully at his godfather, before asking, "What do you want, and why the hell are you up, it's usually me that has to wake you up"
Sirius rolled his eyes, "tell me about it, your father decided to wake us up, he along with lily want to hear our life stories as soon as possible"
Harry looked utterly shocked when he heard father, he momentarily forgot everything that had happened the previous day, until it all broke through the dam and came flooding in. His parents were alive, and had been his whole life, he had siblings and what he thought could have been a wonderful family. He then remembered that today Harry was supposed to match their life story with his own, and then the nerves took over.
Sirius watched as Harry remembered the previous day, watching his face transition from shock to happiness, to fear and nervousness.
Harry dumbly nodded his head, grabbed his glasses and swung his legs out of the bed, and followed his godfather down to the den.
They were both nervous and both hesitant to reveal there lives to lily and James but accepted that it would have to be discussed sooner or later.
The sat there, waiting in silence for lily and James to arrive. Harry stared into the fire place all that was left from the last fire was the ash and cinder and dust, all that was left of the world lily and James left behind was everything, he thought.
Sirius sat their staring at his families tapestry on the wall, he hated this thing as much as he hated his family, it was a constant reminder of his past, but he somehow found comfort in it, comfort that it was the past and now he was in the future.
Sirius got bored with the silence quickly and voiced thoughts that had been displayed in both there minds, "It's strange isn't it?"
"Ya think?" Harry answered with some what of a sarcastic tone.
As Sirius thought about it he realized that the question was stupid, of course it was strange to have the 'dead' back among the living, the lost back among the found. He smiled at the boy, "but your okay right?"
Harry thought about it, he did not really have any reason not to be okay, he had something that he had wished for every birthday, every Christmas, mothers day, fathers day, New years, every day in general, he had parents. But was he okay with it?
"I'll get by" he answered simply.
Sirius seemed to be satisfied with the answer, and leaned over and ruffled Harry's hair, with the affection a father shows his sons. Harry shoved Sirius away, just like a son would react to his father's affection.
It would be at this time, that both Harry and Sirius' breaths were held unknowingly, lily and James had walked into the room, and they were about to reveal there unknown pasts to them.
"Morning Harry" Lily said with a motherly tone and a smile on her face. Harry tried to match her smile but was so nervous and not entirely comfortable around them yet, and therefore managed only a small feeble smile.
Sirius cut right past smiling, and glared at James, for waking him up.
"What?" James said when he caught the look.
"You know perfectly well what"
"Of course I do" James said with a grin.
Harry and lily who had not witnessed the earlier event, sat confused, but in the end shrugged it off as a marauder thing.
"Whatever lets just get this over with" Sirius said.
"Is Remus not coming?" Harry asked, trying to buy time but also wanting his second godfather present.
"No, sorry Harry he had to go on an urgent mission for Dumbledore" Sirius said.
"Oh" Harry answered, the side-tracking conversation had ended to fast for his liking and the matters supposed to be discussed today were fast approaching.
Lily and James looked at their son, he seemed to be quite visibly pale, and you could see plainly that he was nervous. They both sent him looks of encouragement, but Harry seemed almost oblivious to everything surrounding him at the moment.
Harry took a deep breath, and said "alright, please don't interrupt until the end it will be easier that way"
They both nodded their heads, Harry looked once more at his godfather and received a look of sympathy, which Harry did only but return to him.
"Okay, well then I guess we should start at the beginning, the night that it all started, well you could also say the night it all ended for the first time." Harry said it confused the hell out of his parents but they shrugged it off.
"The night that you left the wizarding world were the night that Voldemort was defeated for the first time" Harry said, and was glad to see that his parents did not flinch and the dark lord's name.
"Supposedly what happened was that my mother protected me by sacrificing herself, thus Voldemort could not kill me. His curse backfired that night; now that you are alive it brings up more questions as to why. He did not die but his being was disrupted and distorted he became too weak and fled, to return years later." Harry seemed to momentarily enter a trance as he remembered in his mind the night of Voldemort's rebirth; he absentmindedly was rubbing his scar as well.
Lily and James stayed most attentive and did not talk, they waited patiently for Harry to come round again and continue they owed him that and more.
Sirius listened as well, it hurt him to have to see Harry tell a story that must be so painful to tell and just have to watch and wait to see the reaction of the others, all the while having to think will they except me or not?
Harry snapped out a moment later, and continued on ignoring the small time lapse. "I survived that night with just this scar" Harry said, pointing at the rigid lightening bolt etched into his forehead.
The two older potters gazed at it most intrigued, it was quite unique, and they were completely baffled that there son had stopped the killing curse, and the first one to have done so, what a feat.
"I was famous all over the wizarding world, I had brought down their biggest fear and there fore they would give me great respect for awhile." Harry said, he seemed to say it with a certain loathe, lily and James guessed that he was not the type to like to stand and take pictures and smile pretty for the cameras.
"Professor Dumbledore and others, thought it would be best at the time, if grew up away from it all, so I went to live with the Dursley's"
Sirius' fist clenched at the name, he had seen with his own eyes how Harry had lived and how he was treated, and he did not like it one bit.
Lily seemed to pale considerably in shock, she knew how much her sister despised magic how much she despised her, and now she was being told that was were her son grew up.
James took a different view, he did not even yet knows how his son had been treated under that roof but guessing by the dread and hollowness in Harry's voice when he spoke of them they were not the nicest of relatives. He was angry, angry at the Dursley's, angry at Dumbledore, and angry at Sirius to some extent why could he not jump in a take over like it was planned, why did he not live up to his promise to care for his son?
"For the first ten years of my life, I watched my cousin interact with his parents and craved it for myself, and then when I was eleven, I somewhat got what I craved for. I was introduced to the wizarding world, though it took a little while, in the end Hagrid, took me from the Dursley's to go to diagon alley. I learnt magic truly did exist it was not all make believe it was real, when I got to the train station, I met the Weasley's, well most of them at least."
Harry said, he continued to tell them all about his first year how he was sorted into Gryffindor, and how the sorcerer stone came into play along with the mountain troll and quirrell and Snape though he left the bit about seeing them in the mirror of erised out; he did not want them knowing that. He also momentarily forgot to mention anything about quidditch it just was not the time to discuss it.
James seemed quite shocked that the greasy slime ball that he used to make fun of back in the day was now teaching his son, and by the sound of Harry's voice when he talked of said professor he did not hold to much respect for him.
After this he proceeded with his second year, telling them all about dobby and his warnings and the polyjuice potion, being a parslemouth, and the chamber of secrets and fighting the basilisk with the sword of Gryffindor, at the end of this chapter of his life, Lily had tears streaming down her face, and James was just as helpless, how could there son have handled all this at twelve years of age? He handled everything that came his way and that was a lot for being only twelve years old, how he managed. They had yet to hear the half of his story and already they felt that they were in the deepest of the deep in the hole of guilt.
Harry then started to speak of his third year, he decided for the moment to avoid any information concerning the Dursley's, he saw the way everyone acted when the name was mentioned and he already was nervous enough. He simply started by saying, "my third year begun a little differently, I had supposedly a new lunatic after my blood, by the name of… Sirius Black"
James looked murderous at Sirius, how dare he be trying to kill Harry.
Spotting this look Harry quickly saved Sirius from his angry father, "but it turned out that Sirius was not the lunatic, though every one believed and still does believe that he is, Sirius…"
It was Sirius turn to give them a little bit of an image of what his past years had been like.
"The night you were announced dead, I knew that that rat had betrayed, I went looking for Pettigrew to take revenge on your deaths. I cornered him in an alley, with my heart set on taking his life, but peter had other plans." Sirius said, he stopped momentarily to gain control over himself talk about the man that had placed Sirius behind bars for most of his life riled him beyond belief.
"Peter shouted for the whole street to hear, I will never forget the words he uttered they decided my fate for the next twelve years, "black how could kill them Lily and James Traitor "he called before he blew up the street, and cut off his finger and fled in rat form to the sewers. That night I was framed for the 'deaths' that peter had caused, I was sentenced to a life in Azkaban"
James had tears falling down his face as well now, he was feeling so low and unworthy, and he could not help but think that they could have stopped it all from occurring but they had more to hear yet, much more.
Lily had her head on James shoulder, and was sobbing softly, she was derailed and remorse overtook her, she could not believe what she had condemned them all to.
Harry picked up the story once more, and told his parents all about his third year how he learnt the patronus, though he conveniently did not mention its form that was for a later date, he described how he had used the time turner to save Sirius and Buck beaks life. He then told them of the deed he regretted, in which he let peter Pettigrew escape his clutches.
Fourth year was one of the toughest to describe, but he took a deep breath and spoke, he seemed to be in a trance as he did so, " fourth year was interesting, the triwizard tournament came to Hogwarts, three champions were picked from each school, Hogwarts, Durmstrang, and beauxbatons, naturally I had to be odd and was chosen as a fourth champion by the goblet of fire, somebody entered my name" Harry then went on to describe the three tasks and how had arrived by portkey to the graveyard, he painfully told of how Cedric Diggory had fallen and he dueled with the reborn Voldemort. He then told of his return and how fudge did not believe him and he suddenly was no longer famous for being the person who took down the dark lord but infamous for being the one who said he was back.
By the end of his fourth year, Harry's throat was sore from overuse and his head hurt from thinking of too much of his past, he looked at Sirius. His godfather seemed to take the hint that he needed some assistance and chimed in.
Sirius told lily and James who were glued to their chairs all about how Harry was put on trial and the dreams and umbridge. He told them all about the incident at the department of mysteries and how Harry had saved his life from the veil, but he did not tell of Harry's ending fight with Voldemort or the Prophecy, for those both he had told no one only one other knew all he knew of what happened at the department of mysteries, but another knew the half of what happened.
As Sirius finished talking about what he knew happened at the department of mysteries Harry chimed in, " after I left the veils room, I met up with Bella in the atrium, I dueled her I fired an unforgivable, Voldemort appeared and we picked up our duel were we left off last year in the grave yard, I was inches from death when Dumbledore stepped in a saved me, volde-" Harry could not continue yet this was all to fresh in his mind, the duel, the prophecy, the losses from just two months ago.
Harry shook his head, and rose slowly from his chair and walked out the door, he needed some alone time to think.
"Don't mind him this all happened recently he is not completely over it yet" Sirius said, trying to help the situation but he himself was worried as well.
Looking over at lily and James he saw two faces that seemed not to have registered that he had even spoken, they were both pale, and had tear tracks riding the length of their face, they both could not believe what there son had been through been put through, it was more than he should have to and they both had a feeling that he had yet to end.
Harry sat in buck beaks room, the hippogriff himself sat next to him, he had just poured some of his guts out to people he barely even knew, and he felt in a way relieved but also scared, and sad and guilty he sat there feeling guilty that he was making others feel guilty.
Tears slid down his face as he remembered his life, he knew that no one would wish for a life like his who would? Who would want someone after their blood, who would want to be the death omen for all surrounding him?
He had not even told his parents half his story but when he broke through all the excuses of why he didn't all he could see clear in his head was, these people aren't your parents yet, parents know their children and these people, his parents knew little of him, as much as he hoped it would change he was not sure if it would, though he could hope.
A.N. Review please
Love to the readers and reviewers
Petroleumjellydotone.
