The past two chapters have been based on my friend Jude's lack of knowledge in the area of musicals, but this chapter is based on my own lack of knowledge of Eminem. My friend Marshall was talking about the song The Kids, and it said 'Let's see if the squirrels want em' but I heard 'Let's eat the squirrels… wannem.' Et voila! Also based on the 'research' done by Marshall and my other friend Little Billie.

In all seriousness though, if you are offended by the word 'retarded' don't read this. I don't own anything.

Peanut Butter Squirrels

It was a day like any other day. Except it wasn't. Today I was releasing a new dish at Food Town: squirrel seasoned with peanut butter sauce. Hey, stop cringing! I see you. It's good, I swear it!

The first person to order it was Roger. Well, in all honesty, he ordered the peanut butter chicken, but we were out of chickens and I really wanted to have someone taste this new meal.

Roger looked down at his plate. 'You're sure this is chicken?'

'Nope,' I replied. 'It's squirrel.'

His eyes shot up to me and he stared at me like I was crazy or something. Seriously, what's up with that? 'Squirrel?' he repeated. 'What the walrus possessed you to cook squirrels?'

'Eminem,' I informed him.

Aah…' he looked down at the squirrel smothered in peanut butter, then at me, staring at him with my puppy dog eyes. He lifted his fork and took a tiny piece to his mouth. I leaned closer to see his reacting. Then-

My friend Little Billie and Elsie the cow came galloping into the restaurant.

'We've got it!' Billie cried happily. 'We've got the results!'

'To the experiment?' I asked. Elsie mooed joyously in response. Roger cocked his eyebrow, confused.

'Elsie, Little Billie and I have been doing research for quite a while now,' I explained. 'And now they've analyzed the results…'

'-And come to the conclusion…' added Billie. 'That it's okay to be a wittle bit wetarded!'

There was silence. Then the room erupted into cheers. Everyone was glad to hear that they were normal... for the most part.

'Squirrels all around!' I declared. Funnily enough, that's when all the cheering ended.

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