sniffs really hard- I FEEL SPECIAL! Yeah. Sorry. I'm just happy to see someone review. Now…. –showers Return-of-skeledude12 with… furniture- Hmm… That wasn't the best idea I've had… I'll pay your medical bill… AND SINCE I AM SOOOO NICE, I'LL INCLUDE ZELL! Sooooo on to the story.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own them… Look, I would have said I owned them, but the lawyers behind me with the huge axes won't let me.
Chappie 2: Chocobo Soup for the Maniac Depressants' Soul
The whirling cloud of dust, fire, blizzard, teeth, Gunblade, Conformer, and scared Failed Experiment rolled all around the Second District.
"Ahhhh! Yuffie! That was my eye!"
"Oops, sorry, your eyes and Defender's eyes are the same color!"
"You don't stand a chance!"
"Eh, Squallie, you know we're off camera, so you don't have to say those stupid little 'lines', right?"
"Ohhhh… We are?"
And so the Heartless they bumped into sat down on any sit-able surface and called their friends for the big show. The Wyverns bought the refreshments while everybody else placed bets.
"Wizzz Shish zzz whesh!" (I STILL say the Defenders are going to win!)
"Yezz sha Leeon esz Yuffy, ezzz popo!" (I saw Leon and Yuffie Fight before, they're gonna beat them for sure!)
"Whazza peke thaa foo? Toi heh zzz fes!" (What about that guy? His eyes are red!)
"….." (…..)
"Whazza?" (What?)
Meanwhile… Vincent was afraid.
FlAsHbAcK
He was in Gold Saucer before all of this happened, with the fangirls trying to bind him to a pole. Then, a hand that looked amazingly like Sephiroth's came out of a black wormhole and grabbed his collar. "You're coming with me…" The hand pulled him in, leaving behind a group of confused fangirls sticking their hands in the wormhole, trying to drag him back.
He was temporarily relived that the hand saved him from the fangirls, but then realization dawned on him. The hand belonged to Sephiroth. "AHHHHH! SEPHIROTH!" He started chewing his hand in an attempt to chew it off.
Sephiroth paid no attention. He threw Vincent into a Denfender mould in the factory of E.V.I.L. (Edible Vile Iguana Lint). "Hey, cousin Ansem, I've got a human for you for the chewy gummi heartless with the delicious human insides!"
Ansem looked at Vincent. "Jeez, this ain't a human, this is a package containing four monsters from hell! Hmm… What if I put him in a REAL Defender? Then I would have an almightily weapon that will destroy the Keyblade Master and his friends! BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ansem's hands rose up into the air in demonic laughter.
Sephiroth, who was watching silently in a corner, pitying his cousin, finally spoke. "You sound just like those cheesy cartoons… Yes, I know, you're working for Disney, but you don't have to act like one of more stupid villains…" His head turned up to the sky and said in an admiring voice. "Ah yes… Malnificent (SP?) was a great villain… Evil… But not cheesy… And almost KILLED someone so innocent…"
Ansem looked very annoyed. He didn't like one of his lackeys to be better than him, and his little brain couldn't take it. Up went his foot to meet Sephiroth's shin.
"OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"
"Insulting me right in front of my face! HOW DARE YOU?" A pointy finger poked Sephiroth's eye. The owner of the finger stomped his feet on the ground, and then started bawling.
Sephiroth had one hand to his eye and one hand to his shin. The other leg was hopping around like crazy as he bumped into many important objects, therefore knocking them down onto the ground and breaking them.
"GAAAAH! FRIGGIN' DAMNIT!" Sephiroth was roaring with pain, tears coming out of his Mako enhanced eyes.
A huge blip that had the SQUARE ENIX logo on it landed on the see-through glass roof. "WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED! THIS IS A RATED E GAME, YOU CANNOT CURSE! ANYTHING YOU SAY MAY BE AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN COURT!" A guy with a huge loudspeaker and spiky blond hair yelled through an even bigger loudspeaker.
SWAT (SquareEnix Will Annihilate Troublemakers) teams dropped down from the blip and landed safely. Then they bounced fifty-feet into the air and dropped back down again.
Sephiroth, who never even touched anything that came close to destroying his eyesight (AN: Unlike SOME of us… like me…) had perfect vision. His eyes squinted and saw that the SWAT team members all had springs in their heels. The previously squinting eyes grew to the size of Sora's shoes.
"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE COPPERS!" Then Sephiroth started to run for his miserable life.
Meanwhile… Riku watched from his corner, looking like a giant pink balloon from all the laughter he was trying to hold in. GOLD! THIS IS GOLD! That was the only thought playing in his head at the moment. He had it all on tape. From Sephiroth coming out of the wormhole to the: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE COPPERS! AKA, wonderful blackmail.
Riku just managed to get out of Kingdom Hearts and return to Destiny Islands and get his friends convinced that he wasn't evil. But THEN. THEY CAME. Ansem and Sephiroth each sat cross-legged on a purple-ish cloud, grinning like Cheshire Cats. Each one grabbed one arm, and then they dragged Riku into the sky, with Riku flailing his legs and Sora and Co. watching while saying, "OOOoOOOooooOOOhhh… AhhhHHHhHHHhhhh…"
He found out that he was Ansem's second cousin's newphew's brother's third cousin, twice removed. He screamed. Then, by the Hollow Bastion's Under 21 Law, all children must remain with their relatives until 18 (Yes, I know. It said 21.). He was stuck with his legal guardian. Ansem forced him to be a taste-tester for his new brand of candy, Evil-Os. The candies were huge, in the shape of Heartless, had human insides inside of them, and didn't sell very well. Except to the wolves, that is.
Riku had experienced torture, fangirls, and baby pictures before, but nothing could have prepared him for this. The most vile things in the world were forced into his mouth, and he was made to swallow it. Strange things happened when he swallowed it.
Once he had eaten a strange green object in the shape of an Air Soldier, he threw up an exact clone of himself. He named him Fred. Another time he ate a pink-ish grey thing that looked like a Powerwild, and then little horns grew all over his feet, but disappeared in 2 hours. But the strangest thing happened when he ate the one that was transparent and tasted like plastic. As soon as it touched his mouth, he blacked out. Then he woke up to find himself in a bathrobe and Sephiroth and Ansem cowering in a corner, staring at him in fear.
Riku shook his head to clear him of the memories. Today he was going to be free! Ansem and Sephiroth are going to have to let him go because they valued their reputation over everything. He thought with a smirk, watch out world, here comes Riku.
You understand the title of this chapter? It has the tragedies of maniac depressants…. No? Oh well, at least I tried. And since this is my first KH fic, go easy. Next chappie: Vinnie learns about HP balls.
