I don't own Maureen, Elsie, Just Lost It or Mockingbird. I do own mashed peanut butter potatoes. Would you like some?
The Cow, the Potato and the Puppet
It was a day like any other day. Honestly, this time it really was. I was observing the front page of my favourite newspaper, The Bohemian Times. I was reading the headlines (Lost Ticket Stub Found in Pigeon's Stomach, The Truth Behind Bob's Death, Squirrels Revolt, and How I Ate My Drag Queen Boyfriend) when in walked Maureen. My head shot up.
'Hellowouldyoulikeapeanutbuttersquirrel?' I asked her. I may have said it a little too quickly.
'What I would like,' replied Maureen. 'Is a potato.'
'Mashed peanut butter potatoes?'
'No…'
'Baked potatoes with peanut butter, then?'
'No.'
'Um… French fries with peanut butter ketchup sauce?'
'I just want a raw potato' she sighed. 'And I want to name it Jeff.' I blinked.
'O-kay,' I responded. 'I'll just, uh, get it then.' I disappeared into the back.
Maureen began quietly whistling Just Lose It while waiting in anticipation for her potato. She wondered why more people don't socialize with potatoes. Potato is a funny word, she decided. You can use a potato any way you want to. Just then, Elsie walked in, whistling Mockingbird. Spotting Maureen, the cow froze. Maureen turned around anyway and saw her.
'Elsie,' she said awkwardly. 'Um… hi.'
'Hi…' answered the cow. 'How's life?'
Suddenly Maureen's eyes filled with tears. 'You wouldn't know, would you?' she cried. 'You're too busy spending time with your precious Liza Minnelli in those four sordid rooms of yours!' She threw herself onto the ground.
'Oh, Maureen' Elsie said sadly. 'I'm sorry I left. I'm just so tired of those protests. I like Diet Coke!' She patted Maureen on the back awkwardly. I mean, how else could you pat someone on the back with a hoof?
I entered, holding in my hand the most perfect potato ever to be beheld! 'I have your potato, Maureen, and I think you're going to like Jeff!'
Elsie stared in horror then rounded on Maureen. 'You tried to replace me,' she accused. 'With a POTATO!'
Maureen jumped up. 'Yeah?' she said angrily. 'Well, you tried to replace Mark with a sock puppet!'
'That was one time!' Elsie argued, then let out an enraged moo. 'And you killed it!'
But that, my friends, is another story.
…
…..
…
REVIEW!
