Me: Sorry for long update, my few faithful readers… -counts- Well… Not many left, eh? ON WITH THE STORY!
Hyper works: Thankies very much! Your story is waaaay cooler though.
Return-of-Skeledude12: I'm going to abbreviate your name into RoS now. Or I'll call you Skele. And I don't have an antidote for the Evil-O yet. I have to ask Ansem why he named them Evil-Os in the first place though… I mean they're not even Os.
Garnetsamethyst: That's what I do. :)
DISCLAIMER: I'm saving up to buy Square-Enix.
' ': Thought
Chappie 4: Vincent Learns About HP Balls (Finally…) … PART 1!
As Leon ran to the First District doors with such agility he could outrun Sora in while in his Sonic Rave mode, Yuffie woke up to see Vinnie the Vamp on the stone pavement once again. The poor distressed ninja fell to her knees and tried to do CPR.
"No more pudding mommy…"
Vincent turned over and uttered such OOC language, that Square-Enix should sue me. The good part was that it saved him from Yuffie, who withdrew at the last second. She sighed. It was quite an oxymoron sigh, for she was relived and disappointed at the same time.
Carrying a six-feet guy with around fifty pounds of armor on, plus a jungle of not-so-frequently washed hair all the way back to First District was no mean feat. 'But for the Great Ninja Yuffie, nothing is impossible! Well, except for using good grammar… Now that's hard.' She quietly reflected on grammar for a few minutes, and then got back to hauling Mistah Vampy.
'Hmm… Where to pull? Lessee… Not the hands… I dun trust that claw… The hair? He might not like that. The cape! No, it's ripped enough already… Hair? I thought of that already… She pondered over where to drag him with, when suddenly she had an inspiration! 'Now, two ideas in a day! That's unusual for moi. First the Go Fish thingy, now this! Albeit the Go Fish thingy wasn't a very good idea, it was a spur of the moment thing.' Back to the subject. The ninja skipped over to the nearest shop and "borrowed" a piece of rope. 'My plan is flawless! AllI have to do was tie the rope on Vincent and drag.' And that's exactly what she did.
"HEAVE! 1,2,3, HEAVE! 1,2,3, HEAVE! 1,2,3 HEAVE! MAN! I AM SO GOING TO THROTTLE THE PERSON WHO KNOCKED OUT VINNIE! They made me do work… Deh Great Ninja Yuffie never does work! She sits and plans! Working is for the sort of people like Leon! I mean Squallie! Whatever! Speaking of him… Where the pudding-skin is he? GAH! Did I just say pudding-skin? I hate Square-Enix's new cursing block system…" Then, Yuffie realized that she should be saving her breath for hauling Vincent, for the half-vamp moved about half an inch in total.
"That's it! I'm getting a moving van!" The Greatest Female Ninja ever went to dial the Moogle Moving Experts at the nearest phone booth, and to her bad luck, it was the one Chaos farted in. You have to feel sorry for Yuffums; for a Demon fart smells ten times worse that regular farts. So, as she opened up the door, gagging noises were heard from inside the phone booth. But hey, she was desperate. "OH MY FRIGGIN GAWD! MY EYES!" Good thing Aerith always told her to keep a gas mask in her pocket, or she would have choked and died. Her fingers quickly dialed 1-800-MOO-GLES. They were the Moogle Industry. Quite like Shin-Ra, only ran by Moogles. It was getting old fight corrupt, power-crazed companies, and they weren't doing any harm. Amazingly enough, they had a moving branch. Mebbe that's why Yuffie didn't try to destroy them. Either that or they gave out free ice cream on Sundays.
At ThE mOoGlE cOmPaNy
"OMFG!1!one!1 /$ +7 d4 f03? L()LZ y 3 5/303 937 747 f03!1!" One of the Moogles screamed in perfect illiterate chat speak. All those commercials had really paid off. The boss was holding a party at his house, for in eleven years, someone had actually called them.
One of the more educated in speech Moogles picked up the phone.
"Hello kupo?"
A weird rasping voice came out of the other end. It was Yuffie wearing a gas mask. Aerith had been too cheap to buy the nice ones, and so the flower girl went to a dollar store to get them. Yuffie asked, "Can I get a couple of Moogle Movers to the Second District? I need to get a six-foot genetic mutation that wears a lot of metal to the Hotel."
The poor Moogle wasn't very bright. "GAH! IT'S DARTH VADER! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!…KUPO!"
Yuffie hastened to explain. "No! No! This is Yuffie Kisaragi wearing a gas mask! I need to haul my friend to the Hotel! That's all!"
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight kupo."
"No really!"
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight kupo."
"…" Yuffie hung up.
Yuffie had to take desperate measures. That meant having to drag Vinnie by a hand or foot. Our favorite little ninja was in thought again… 'But that would be as useful as the rope…" So our favorite little ninja had another stroke of brilliancy. It was a huge blow to her pride, dignity, and ego calling someone for help. 'Hopefully Vincent wouldn't get eaten by sharks or something if I left for awhile…'
Meanwhile… Cloud was happy. He got a job as LACKEY (Ya know, "SOLDIER"? –wink-) for Moogle Corp. It paid well, allowed him two days off every five years, and gave out free ice cream on Sundays. He walked down to the Second District and thought with pride, 'Ah yes, the shoes… The most important part of anyone's attire is the shoes… So I need to give a good impression on my first day, eh? Maybe a pair of boots… No, SNEAKERS! Nah… Le Gaspe! SANDLES! Yes! That's it!" As he walked in and purchased the shoes, he narrowly missed Yuffie running past the shop in search for him.
At ThE tRaVeRsE tOwN mAlL
Aerith was at the newly built Traverse Town Mall, and squealing like a piglet. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, OH MY GOSH! Like, these hair bows are the hair bows of my dreams! They're PINK and FRILLY! I'll, like, take them all!"
The cashier groaned and picked up each of the fifty-two hair bows with a limp hand while a magenta ribbon was in a corner dazzling the flower girl. Sadly enough, YufYuf just ran past the store, in search or Aerith.
At ThE sMaLl HoUsE
Leon hid in a dark corner of the Small House, behind the boxes. He rocked himself back and forth, slowly mumbling comforting words to himself, "Yuffie is never going to find you here…Noooo…She's too stupid to come here…Yesss…" And oh the irony, it was at that moment Yuffie burst through the door, and the clash of Sora's Thundara added to the effect.
"I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE SOMEWHERE SQUALLIE! SURRENDER NOW AND MAYBE I WON'T KILL YOU!" roared Yuffie as she kicked over boxes in search of Leon.
The sudden screaming of Leon in a little girl-ish tone revealed the Gunblade Wielder's true location. He quickly covered his mouth and made a run for it out the window. Luckily for Yuffie, the windows were made out of reinforced rubber, so our poor Leon bounced back five feet as soon as his screaming head touched the, eh, "window".
The Great Ninja Yuffie walked over to the quivering Leon and said straight to his face, "Ya know, your life is spared by your temporary God. It's because partly because I need you to haul Vincent to the Hotel, partly because you just provided excellent comic relief, and partly because you look really pathetic right now. C'mon, we need to check if Vin is alive." And with a wave of her hand, she walked out the door with Leon following like a terrified dog.
Meanwhile… Vincent woke up with a booming headache. He groaned as he sat up, wondering what he was doing on the ground. Then again, he wondered about who was this "he", for our dear little gunman has amnesia. Vincent looked about him, and observed his surroundings.
The Heartless took note of Vinnie being confused, and a few of the bold ones stepped out to confront him. Unfortunately for the Heartless, he still had instinct, so a gun flew out before you can say, "Your Inner Eyeball is da bomb and you should pray to her and worship her and shower her with furniture and then pay her medical bills." The poor critters of the night never had a chance.
As the remains of the Heartless poofed, there lied the remaining HP Balls we love and adore. The failed experiment looked over the HP Balls, and then not knowing what to do, poked one gently. They wobbled. He took one in his hand and tasted it, and his imaginary HP meter went max. 'So… this is some kind of steroid…' Right after he had thought that, he stiffened like a board and froze up. For the third time today, he was knocked out.
I am really really really really really really really really sorry for not writing. Really. So, I will start a mini-series inside this fanfic. It's pointless. Really short too. Ok? And will be made from the top of my head.
Mini Story: Date-A-Bishie!
Ansem: Hello, and welcome to Date-A-Bishie! I need more money to buy human guinea pigs for my Evil-Os, so here it is! Two contestants will fight verbally (because I don't wanna pay for medical bills, I'm poor enough) in a boxing ring to beat the shit out of the other one! And then the Bishie of the Day will chose the one he likes best. Today's contestants… Kairi and Aerith! The Bishie of the Day… CLOUD!
everyone claps-
Aerith: Kairi… -glares-
Kairi: Aerith… -glares back-
Cloud: I'll just stay out of this.
Aerith: Just to warn you, I am trained in the most powerful of insults, the origin of all languages, MONKEY JABBER! (-coughs- Erm, a little Monkey Island 4 here…)
Kairi: It suits your look.
Aerith: YO MOMMA!
Kairi: …
Aerith: Since you've obviously had no luck with Sora, you invade my property and try to steal Cloud? Slut.
Kairi: Excuse moi? He was never yours to begin with, he was Tifa's!
Cloud: Actually-
Aerith: HA! SEE? He said actually. That meant Tifa was nothing but a pathetic little wannabe!
Kairi: Well, we all know Jenova is your great great great great great great great… -5 min later- …great great grandmother's sister!
Aerith: LE GASPE? HOW DID YOU FIND OUT?
Kairi: Ha! See Cloud? Aerith is related to Jenova!
Cloud: I always thought Jenova was hot.
Kairi: …I don't think I want to date you anymore… I resign Mr. Ansem…
Ansem: And so the Flower Girl wins! Tune in next time!
Sephiroth crashes through the ceiling and laughed manically and summons Knights of the Round Materia-
Knights: -smashes studio into pieces-
Ansem: …
Well. That's done. Ansem needs money to pay for repairs for the studio, so he's writing on the back of reviews as IOUs. You better review! Or Evil-Os is going to be out of business.
