After a little over a month of not updating, the Almighty Eyeball has gotten her disturbing-ness back. Go moi.

Lack Thereof: The Moogle was impulse. :)

RoS: That's the nickname! Hi. Ansem is now back in business and having a party in your honor. :D

Disclaimer: This story wouldn't be in if I owned it, right?

P.S. This chappie is about what happed to everyone, and has no point whatsoever.

P.S.S. Ansem now runs the mini-series. And he promises the format would be nicer.

P.S.S.S. The Turtle is brought to you by The Rabid Plastic Hammies From Across The Street.

Chappie 5: Le Blah


"How the hell did he get away?" A tonberry then zapped him with an electrocuted knife. "F!" A tonberry then zapped him really hard with an electrocuted knife.

"…tell me again WHY this tonberry wants to kill me?" He pointed at the tonberry.

"Because he's a hit man hired by SquareEnix to watch your mouth, Oh Dear Cousin Sephiroth."

"I told you to stop with the 'Dear's you…" He looked nervously at the tonberry, who was getting ready to attack. "…moron." He got zapped anyways.

"Yes Dear Cousin Sephiroth."

"…You deserve to have your privates removed with a spork."

Ansem stepped in, (no, the other guy was not Ansem.) struck a pose, and said, "Poor spork."

"I know."

Ansem turned and struck a pose. "I will be at the princess' house."

"Why?" Sephiroth's eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"I'm their new model." He looked smug, and cross his arms.

"Oh dear God, why did I ask? WHY DID I ASK?" Sephiroth sighed and sat in a chair stuffed with chocobo feathers. "Clone number 152, go fetch me something strong for me to get drunk on."

"Yes Dear Cousin Sephiroth." The clone skipped off into the kitchen, humming what seemed like "Mark had a little lamb"


Riku currently was navigating the treacherous swamps of Shrek.

"This way to the ogre… Ooo, I like that sign! It's all pretty with pink flying unicorns all over!" He skipped off to find the ogre and borrow some matches from him.

"I'm off to see the ogre, the wonderful ogre of the swamp!'

Riku was happyish. He got rid of Ansem and Sephiroth, he humiliated them beyond what's possible, and he found a nice swamp to relax and start working on his world domination plan.

The silver-haired bishi (not Sephiroth you twit.) sat down by a rotting oak tree filled with termites and took out his drawing notebook. He looked out to the birds damaging public property, the squirrels plotting, and the stream being laid with pollutants and sighed with contentment. Then he drew what the place would look like after he was done with it.

A shuffle in the trees distracted him from his lovely sketch of squirrel pelts hanging from the uppermost branches to dry. A tie-dyed turtle jumped out the trees wearing a kilt and wooden gloves. "Bonjour monsieur…" whispered the turtle in a deadly tone. The turtle whipped out a shotgun and pointed it at Riku.

Riku blinked a few times. "Wait, isn't that the long lost language, what was it again, French? (no offence to French people.)" He whipped out his Batwing in the same fashion the turtle took out his gun, and both got ready for a showdown. Somewhere out there, the classic western song where an-important-dude-steps-into-town played. Then when the camera did a 360 degree turn, both had cowboy clothes on.

Riku narrowed his eyes and whispered in perfect western accent, "This swamp isn't big enough for the both of us…" The both took the hint, raised their guns and fired!


"Squallie! Hand over the munchies! I love westerns! And turtles! C'mon, stop hogging all the popcorn!" Leon and Yuffie sat/lied on their couch, staring intently at the TV screen while bickering at the same time. Amazing.

"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"PLEASE?"

"No."

"Pretty please with cherrIES on top?"

"No."

"Really Squallie, what did I do to deserve this?"

"More that you would ever know."

"…"


Cloud hop-skippitied into the kitchen, where Aerith was making a Wyvern for dinner.

"What's cookin'? Do I smell buffalo wings?"

"You can say that."

"Err… ookay… Speaking of food, have you noticed your cooking skills have really gone down? I mean, for example, that chicken thing you're cooking there smells like Heartless."

"I've noticed."

"Sooo… okay…"


Ansem put on the purple dress and stepped out of the dressing room, finding himself a little too close to seven eager faces clambering to see how he looked.

"Wow, his hair brings out the best part!"

"Are you kidding me? It's all about the eyes! Look at his, they're GOLDEN."

"No no, it's his skin tone, the tan does WONDERS."

"Can't be true, his dark aura gives everything a finishing touch!"

"But I know we all agree on one thing, HE'S PERFECT!"

"LET'S GLOMP HIM!"

All the now giggling princesses crowded around him, and Ansem's orange eyes widened in horror. He turned and fled out the back door, coincidentally bumping into a very drunk Sephiroth wobbling home.

Ansem fell flat on the ground while Sephiroth only looked a bit dazed. Ansem was trying to get his wits back together without much success until he heard the next words Sephiroth said.

"Hey baby, where have you been all my life?"

Poor Ansem looked like he was about to cry. Then he ran off into the darkness, shouting words incomprehensible to the human ear.


Well how was that? I think I did pretty well. And there will be no mini-series this time, Ansem is too distressed, right Ansem?

Ansem: -nods timidly-