-ish so happy- I gots 3 reviews! And really fast too. From now on, I will use random words as Horizontal Bars. And by the way, please think of another summary! I like to eat cow ankles better than the current summary…
DISCLAIMER: Ya know, I think people would be smart enough by now to figure out that I don't own anything Square owns, for that would be cross-owning. O.0 And Wizard of Oz belongs to whoever owns it. And Beanie Babies too. Or whatever else I mention.
Skele: He's relatively better.
Lack Thereof: Yeah… Heh… Sorry about the update thing…
Yllom21: That's what I thought too! Thankyee!
Chappie 6: Vinnie Learns About HP Balls Part 2!
SUPERPICKLESUPERPICKLESUPERPICKLESUPERPICKLESUPERPICKLE
Leon and Yuffie were heading towards Vincent sprawled on the pavement, well not sprawled, for it is impossible for Vincent to sprawl. More like gracefully lying on the ground. So, the Dynamic Duo, defying all matter of time and space, were heading towards Vincent while in another dimension, somewhere, they were watching a western involving Riku and a hippie turtle.
"Squallie, you check for any signs of life and I will go and… do something… important… yeah that's it." Yuffie cringed, for that was probably the worst lie she had ever made up.
"Okay Yuffie, do whatever you have to do. I'll try and get Vincent back." Leon sat happily beside Vincent and started prodding him with his Gunblade.
The ninja stared at Leon in amazement. 'Is he high?' She shook her head sadly and ran off to find the enslaved chocobos she smuggled from Hollow Bastion.
NOODLESNOODLESNOODLESNOODLESNOODLESNOODLES
She kicked open the secret underground cave trapdoor that was in a well. A girl dressed all in white and with long, dripping and black hair climbed up. Her eyes were rolled to the back of her head, and she was crawling slowly to Yuffie.
"Seven days…"
"Okay Samara, your shift is over. You mind calling in Jason?"
The girl stood up, dusted herself off, put on a pink glittery clip, and said in a girly high-pitched tone, "But, like, he's off on a skiing trip, you want me to call in his sub?"
"Er, yeah, you do that." Yuffie furrowed her brows, for Samara was acting girlier than her usual self. The ninja jumped in the trapdoor, right into the voices of starved chocobos, crying piteously to be fed. Too bad she wasn't going to feed them. If Squallie ever remembers, and maybe if he feels like it, and if he manages to get past the guards, then he'll feed them, Yuffie mused to herself. She was untying the strongest chocobo's rope, leading it on a ramp and out of a secret entrance hidden carefully behind a pile of paperclips.
RAMENRAMENRAMENRAMENRAMENRAMENRAMENRAMENRAMEN
Ansem was sitting in the weird sofa/bed thingy, looking very petrified and twitchy. A psychiatrist was staring at Ansem in a sympathetic way, holding a clipboard. She sighed and patted Ansem on the head as if he was her pet cat.
"Meow."
"Now Ansem dear, tell me how this all started to happen."
"I think it all started when I was four… I saw my first beauty pageant then… I wanted to be just like them, for they were so pretty." He looked remorseful. "I wanted to be pretty." Then he looked miserable. "Two years after that, everybody thought I was gay-"
"Use homosexual dearie."
"Homosexual because I followed Cloud around like he was god. And since everybody else thought Cloud was ga- er, homosexual, I got stuck with the title too." Ansem sniffed.
Two hours later…
"And so I started trying to grow my hair out like Sephiroth's, but it never billowed impressively in the wind like his or billowed without any wind at all… and then I realized that I was his clone and Hojo made me… so I went mad because my natural tan doesn't look all that awesome with my white hair… I was trying to make a pigment changer but I made a Heartless creator instead… Then when I finally joined a group to help me get over my depression everyone there thought I was a girl… so I joined up with Sephiroth and tried to find a purpose in life where I could help people… and when I found my dream job to be a model it was to dress up like a girl… but I could take that, so I did it anyways… then all these princesses attacked me and tried to glomp me… when I ran out my best friend Sephiroth thought I was a girl… and he tried to hit on me… with cheesy lines!"
"Poor thing. Here, take some of this. Cures everything." She handed Ansem a bottle of what looked like the world's most disgusting stuff.
"…What's this…?"
"Aunt Yuffie's Cheer-Ya-Up medicine. Do not use if you are allergic to chocobo feet. Does not work on Leons."
OMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFG
A bullet wizzed past Riku's silver-shiny-glimmery hair, and Riku gasped. He quickly grabbed he piece of hair the bullet wizzed by, and his jaw dropped in horror.
"You… you… YOU SPLIT THE ENDS! YOU SHALL PAY!" Riku turned into a werewolf thingy with silver-shiny-glimmery hair and howled to the sky in a fit of anger and… more anger.
"AWWOOOGAA!" He ran like there was a mob of fangirls after him at the Turtle, leapt into the air, and was about to crush the Turtle under five tons of hair when the unthinkable happened. Riku stopped in midair and sighed.
"Crap, we ran out of funding… They don't want me to become a werewolf… they want a Wizard of Oz parody. Eh well. No matter. Who are you anyways Turtle?" Riku slowly transformed back into Riku and scratched his head.
The turtle dropped his stuff and sniffed. "Actually. I'm not French. Or Irish. And I've never even seen Holland. I'm a Beanie Baby reject. But one day, I want to take over the world. Nothing too big. I just want my own planet to rule, is that so much? But no, the men in the white coats took me to a mental asylum. Why? I have done nothing wrong! The world is cruel, the world is cruel." The Turtle dropped everything he owned on the ground and sat on a nearby rock. He sighed piteously and started crying his little turtle heart out.
Riku meanwhile was crouching near the turtle and dabbing at the corners of his eyes with a handkerchief. "That was the saddest story I've ever heard… How about you come with me and we can go see the Ogre together?"
The Turtle looked up in amazement. "You actually fell for-er, I mean, really?" He stood up, pulled out his dagger, and cried tears of joy while jumping into Riku's arms and sobbing hysterically. Riku patted him on the back happily for a moment or two, and then his eyes widened in surprise as the turtle plunged a dagger into his back.
The Turtle climbed out, and looked at Riku lying on his back, in a pool of blood. He tutted and then flipped Riku over, taking his backpack with everything Riku owned in it. Then the reptile took one last look at the body and took off to mug another unwary traveler.
OHHOWCOULDRIKUDIEBUTHE'SNOTREALLYDEADDUNDUNDUN
Leon sat next to a sleeping Vincent and braided daises into a crown while telling how he once mauled a beaver when he was twelve. The Gunblade wielder hummed a little tune and waited patiently with a smile on his face for Yuffie to get back.
"Lalalalala, you know, I just realized Yuffie is the coolest dudet in Traverse Town! Isn't that nice? She's a ninja! That's so cool!" Leon clapped his hands together like he was seven in glee. Then he stood up and skipped off to get more daisies to drape over Vincent. As Leon hummed and pulled the daisies from various cracks from the stone ground, Vincent was having a particularly strange dream.
In DrEaM
Vincent suddenly appeared in a classroom where a blob of stuff that somewhat resembled a human was talking in a nasally voice. Random equations were written on the board and a little string of blob snaked out of the main blob to point at a few numbers. The students were obviously not listening as they were all huddled around a table looking at something. Vincent stood up and craned his neck to look, and found that they were looking at a chicken egg.
Suddenly, the egg started to crack, and everyone shut up at once. First with tiny little cracks that can barely be seen at all, then those cracks grew at a rapid rate and the egg started rocking back and forth. After about two minutes of staring at the egg moving around, the shell opened to reveal an itsy-bitsy HP ball. It opened its eyes and glared at Vincent. He suddenly felt afraid, very afraid. Vincent ran for his life out the door, but the HP ball shot out like a bullet and hit Vincent on the back of his head, (Now how many hits was that?) knocking him to the floor, and this time, he died. Then his spirit rose out of his body, and tried to go to the Great Beyond. Sadly, the gates had a piece of paper pinned on it saying, "If you are part human, beyond human, not human, undead, demonic, evil, vile, bad, etc. take the door on the left."
Vincent turned to the left and saw what heck looked like. In the same place where the last piece of paper was there was also a piece of paper, only it said, "Now hiring!" Vinnie fell to his knees and put a hand to his forehead dramatically. "Noooo! I have sinned! I must repent!" And there he stayed weeping until Hojo tripped over him on his way to the Underworld.
"Nice to see you again Vincent!" Hojo nodded pleasantly and drifted into the gates of heck.
Vincent stopped in mid-sob and got up, staring after Hojo in a very unVincent-like fashion. He stood there for quite a while until the gatekeepers told him to get on with it.
One of them skipped over and started yelling in his ear, "HEY VINNIE! I GOT THE TRANSPORTATION!"
OuTsIdE oF vInCeNt'S dReAm
"YO VINNIE!" Yuffie screamed in Vincent's poor abused ears with the loudspeaker she borrowed from Cloud. After a few seconds of not getting a response, she banged Vincent's head a few times with the loudspeaker. "Get up! I'm sure Cloud would be mad if he saw his precious loudspeaker that had been with him for four chapters was broken by your head!"
Leon stood innocently behind the crouching Yuffie with his hands behind him and clutching a daisy. "You understand technically you're the individual who is to blame for mutilating Cloud's loudspeaker, right?"
Yuffie dramatically turned around with a scowl so… scowly… that even in Leon's not OOC days it would have been considered a rival for him. "Squall. Stop. Using. Big. Words. I can't understand you." Then she slowly turned back to Vincent and started poking him with a twig. Leon shrugged and went back to leaning on the wall and watching Yuffie.
Vincent suddenly groaned and opened one of his eyes, only to see Yuffie hovering over him and hitting him on the head with a loudspeaker. He suddenly wished he died during his sleep. "Yuffie! Stop! I'm awake!" He sat up and put his hands out for defense as Yuffie got even angrier and started whacking him harder.
"This is for you not waking up for ten minutes! And this is for… you not waking up for ten minutes! Arrrrgh!" Yuffie had a mad look in her eyes as she seemed to grow bigger and more Sephiroth-like before their very eyes.
Everyone gasped. "GASP!" Leon had a horrified look in his face and tried to find a corner to hide in, and Vincent narrowed his eyes and suddenly started changing into Chaos.
"ROAR!" Chaos growled and Leon felt a shudder.
"ROAR!" Yuffie growled and the residents of Traverse Town felt a shudder.
"ROAR!" Chaos growled and all the little children in Traverse cried.
"ROAR!" Yuffie growled and the ground trembled.
"ROAR!" Chaos growled and the ground trembled violently.
"ROOOOAR!" Yuffie unleashed terrifying roar and all the worlds shuddered.
Chaos made little whining sounds and ran away on all fours while Yuffie laughed a demonic Sephiroth laugh (OF DOOM!).
Leon gasped again. "GASP! I've got to stop her! I have to make her nice again… What makes her nice? I know!" Then Leon reached into his pocket and brought out the secret-est secret, his secret weapon to use on a Yuffie on the rampage. "CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM POWER!"
A bright light shown behind him as he put one foot on a rock and held the ice cream up into the air. The chocolate ice cream's lid popped open and Leon popped the container onto his head and out from the container came out chocolate tentacles that wrapped Leon in its chocolate goodness. Then out of nowhere a chocolate ice cream armor grew out of the tentacles and became… a chocolate ice cream gundam!
Yuffie immediately turned around and did a double take. Saliva dripped out of her mouth as she gazed upon her idea of heaven. "COME TO ME!" She rushed at Leon in a blur and started licking the gundam's arm. The ninja suddenly relaxed and turned back into normal-not-Sephiroth Yuffie.
"That was cool." Yuffie commented.
"Aha. Not for me. I had to watch you lick chocolate ice cream. Considering what your not-crazed eating looks like, you can imagine the torture I had to go through." Leon narrowed his eyes and shook his head in disgust. He then jumped out and grabbed Yuffie's arm and ran to the alleyway that Chaos ran to.
"Eh, where we going?"
"Look at the last sentence."
"Oh."
As they turned a corner, Leon almost tripped over the huddled form of Vincent. He snapped out of a trance and saw Yuffie looking questioningly at him. "AHH! NOOO! Stay away from me!"
"Um, Vinnie? I'm normal again."
"Ah."
"Can you come back to The Small House now?" Yuffie asked in a sickeningly sweet voice.
"Yuffie, why are you capitalizing that?" Leon screwed up his face.
"Dunno. So, Vinnie, you coming or not? And while we're walking back I can explain about the HP balls." Vincent nodded and got up, following Leon and Yuffie back to the small house.
Vincent looked puzzled. "How did you know that I wanted to know about HP balls?"
"I have my sources."
"…"
"Anyways, HP balls heals you after you destroy enemies. The yellow ones give you munny to-"
"Don't you mean gil?"
"No. I mean munny. It's the currency in this dimension. Square wasn't feeling very creative at the time. Oh! And the bubbles give you more MP."
"What's MP?"
"Okay, I shall tell you something that is horrifying. There is no more Materia. So now we learn spells and each spell costs MP."
Vincent's eyes literally sparkled. "Really? Now my magic is safe! Thank you almighty SquareEnix!"
Yuffie sniffed loudly.
"So that's it?"
"Yep. Now we have to meet Sora."
"What?"
"We have to meet Sora."
"How did you know? Did he call you or something?"
"Nope. Though I have my sources."
WELLTHATWASKINDABORINGDONTYATHINKAREALANITCLIMAXHAHA
Ansem's Marvelous Mini-Series!
Hello, this is Ansem! I have come to the site of Third District to stalk-er, "film" what had happened after this little episode! Let's find out!
Well, there's Leon, Yuffie, and Vincent sitting on stools. Now what can they be talking about to pass the time? Hmm…
"Hey Leon, you noticed explaining HP balls only took about a page, yet the author expanded it into two parts?"
"Yes. She's the master of procrastination."
"How do you know?"
"I read her diary."
"You WHAT?"
"I read her diary."
"…"
HOLYCRAPALITTLEMORETHANSEVENPAGESBUTSADLYINTWOMONTH
