It's moi again, with the Disturbing Adventures of Yuffie Kisaragi chappie seven! Never thought I would get this far…
DishClaimah: I WANT ALL YOUR DISHES!. Sorry. I don't own anything in this chapter. I don't even own the plot, for there is no plot.
Lack Thereof: Yep! I took two months to write this because I can only have insanity like that when I eat month-old deli meat during the early hours of the morning. 3am, that is.
Skele: Yay you changed your name! Easier typing for me! Zell is in this chapter, only as a minor character though.
EVERYBODYDANCENOWEVERYBODYDANCENOWEVERYBODYDANCENOW
Chappie 7: Sora's House Party
Leon, Yuffie, and Vinnie sat cross-legged next to the entrance of The Small House (as Yuffie called it) on three-legged stools, waiting patiently for Sora to arrive.
"You think 'the source' as you call it was wrong Yuf?"
"No way Squallie, I know for a fact that Sora is coming today. I mean, just look at the title of this chapter… It includes the word Sora right?"
"Maybe… but what about the 'house party' part? What do you think Vincent?"
"…"
"Perhaps…"
"…."
"You don't say?"
"…., ……."
"No!"
"……?"
"Now we're doomed…"
"Er, Squallie, how the heck can you understand Vinnie there? He's speaking dots for Heaven's sake!" She pointed at Vincent warily like he was some fatal disease. Vincent looked back with the most innocent look he can muster, not accomplishing much because, ah, of him.
"Yep, and I speak dots too. You have to learn by experience, and it took me YEARS to learn it. That was why I ignored you most of the time."
Yuffie's eyes sparkled with hope that Leon might not despise her with all his might and he simply ignored her because he was too busy practicing the dot language, and just didn't noticed her.
"Really?"
"No."
"Oh." The sparkle in her eyes was replaced by the previous look of boredom in half a nanosecond.
After a few minutes everything died down again and they kept on waiting. Each second was torture to Yuffie and bliss to Vincent. Just when Yuffie was about to explode and drench the other two in her intestines, a familiar pair of shoes walked into Third District.
Yuffie jumped up and leaned over the side to get a better view of the person. She squealed and called to the other two, "He's here!"
"You sure that's him?"
"Yep, though I only saw the shoes. They were big and yellow."
"Well, that's as good as seeing him."
Sora marched up the stairs and waved cheerfully, smiling a classic Sora grin. Then he saw Vincent and he stared.
"Hi guys! I see now you've included vampires in your little group? Who's he?"
"Sora, this is Vinnie Valentine. Vinnie, this is Sora. Tell the other about yourself."
"Hiya Vinnie! I come from a land far away named Destiny Islands. It's also your perfect spot for you and your family to vacation. Eat at our four-star restaurant where you can find every tropical food that is grown on the island, including our island's specialty, fried coconuts. Enjoy the sun, surf, and our own little Arena of teens wanting to murder each other! Every night we have a tiki party with Heartlesses with grass skirts, dancing the night away. Shop at our mall, filled with the latest styles in the Kingdom Hearts universe, all the way from MC Hammer pants to little green halter-tops that barely covers anything. Destiny Islands, a little bit of everything."
An awkward silence smothered everything in sight. The grin on Sora's face twitched and faltered. Yuffie opened her mouth and was about to say something, then she decided against it and crawled away into a corner to wonder.
"Uhh… how about your life story Vinnie?"
"… …….!" Vincent stood up and glared at Sora with his arms slightly raised, but not a sound peeped out of him. If looks can kill, Sore would have been foaming at the mouth by now. Sadly, they didn't. So Sora just backed away slowly and waved his hands apologetically and muttered something incoherent.
Vincent sat down again on the stool. "…. . … …, .. … …. … . … .. …… . … ………… …. .. ……, … …. ……….., . … …. ……. … … . … ….. …. ….. .. .. .. … … ….. … … …, .. . …. …… .. … …. ……. ….. . … …… .. … ……. …… .. .. …. … …… .. .. .. . ……. …."
"Wow! Cool! So that's where vampires come from! I never knew…" Sora sat on the wall and did something he didn't do very often: he started to think.
While everyone was gaping at the Keyblade Master's newfound ability, Yuffie was having hysterics. "Why does everyone understand dot except for me?" Why?" She stood rooted to the ground and stretched her hands in the air and screamed, "WHY GOD? WHY?"
A loud booming that was strangely familiar rung through Traverse Town. "Because you hit me in the face in the northern crater, that's why. And it hurt… I now have a scar on my beautiful face! So now everyone calls me a Squall wannabe! And it's your fault! Now go away before I cast sin harvest on you…" Loud sniffing noises came from the sky. Yuffie stood there; quite stunned by the fact Sephiroth had achieved God-dom, and that he had bothered to listen to her.
The others had been staring blankly at Yuffie for some time now, and they all suddenly snapped out of it. Sora twiddled with his thumbs as he looked to the side and rocked back and forth on his shoes.
"Sooo… Um guys… can me and a few friends have a little get-together at your house? Because you know… I don't really have a house and all… so please?" Sora stared at Leon with big Sora eyes, which are much more convincing than puppy dog eyes, because Sora knew how to put his hands together in a pleading form and get down to his knees, plus the classic pouting and looking pathetic.
Leon was very uncomfortable with Sora staring at him like that. "Er… sure… just promise you won't look at me like that again… ever… please… it's rather scary." Leon inched his stool slowly backwards.
Sora seemed to sparkle with joy before their very eyes. "M'kay! Hey guys! We can come in now! Make yourselves at homes and party until Leon's head explodes from the migraine he's going to get, then you have to help me clean up the mess."
A huge crowd of Disney characters and Final Fantasy characters and Kingdom Hearts characters seemed to slide in from nowhere. Plus me! The author! Yay for self-invitations! Hey! Yuffie! Gimme back my keyboard! It's mine! No you can't be the author! I'm the author! What do ya mean I've been an irresponsible writer? Can't I invite myself? Fine… But you owe me BIG. And I say BIG.
YUFFIEPOV
I grabbed the keyboard from the author and suddenly had a wonderful idea to whack them all on the head with it. It will knock some sense into their noggins, and plus it's fun! I watched as the house got jammed up with people and it was pretty hard to move. After all, the house was only about 10 x 16 feet. But the funny part was that the house suddenly got an expansion or something because we just got a kitchen, 2 bedrooms, a bathroom (now that's useful.), and a bigger living room. Well, at least she did SOMETHING useful.
Squall is over there talking to a guy with a tattoo on his right cheek and blonde hair that seemed to use the same hair gel used by Cloud and Sora. It was rather strange since this person had two hotdogs in his mouth, three in each hand, and about twenty in his arms. No wonder Squall is staring at him.
The author was over there getting drunk- wait! The author is underage! I must stop her! Super Yuffie to the rescuuuue! Do do do dooo! So I sauntered right over to her and asked in a cutesy voice,
"Whatcha doin'?"
"Drinking…"
"That wouldn't be beer, would it?"
The author was still sober enough to realize I realized that it was beer and desperately tried to cover it up. "N-no, of course not! It's… Ginger Ale! Yeah!"
I pretended I kinda believed her and sniffed the beer. I tasted the beer. I examined the beer. "It smells like beer. It tastes like beer. It looks like beer. So it must be beer! You know you can't drink beer. Baaad author. BAAAD AUTHOR!" I pulled out my ninja star in a flash and held it against the author's throat. She gulped.
"It's not beer! It's… uh… the new type of Ginger Beer they same up with! It's completely non-alcoholic! And it smells the same, tastes the same, and looks the same! And it's Ginger Beer! So I can drink this!" The author seemed to be satisfied with her answer, so she was looking very smug. This only pissed me off further. I narrowed my eyes and pushed the ninja star closer to her throat.
"Tell me you won't do it again."
"I-I won't do it again… I promise…"
"Good."
I left her still trying to get over the traumatic experience she just went through, and tried to find others who were being less mature than me. I didn't have to look very far. Hades was burning the words, "Hades was here" into the wall, the Lost Boys were poking Vincent with a stick and getting him very annoyed, so annoyed that his eyebrows were twitching to an extent where if they were any more twitchy they would be disappeared into his hair. Squall was shaking on the ground due to the mother of all migraines he was getting, and most of the rest were playing Spin-the-Bottle. It was up to me, Super Yuffie, to save the day! And my house.
First was Hades. Wasn't too hard, all I had to do was kick him in the place where it hurt and move on. Vincent was a bit harder. The Lost Boys were climbing all over Vincent and pulling his hair and poking his claw, so no doubt he wasn't the happiest creature ever. The Lost Boys seemed to invite the author, who was drooling after Vincent, and successfully creeping out the master of all creepy-ness, AKA Vincent. He was plodding towards me wearing the most pathetic look I had ever seen, surpassing even the Sora look.
"Yuffie, PLEASE get these demons from hell far, far, away from me. FAR away."
Sensing the opportunity to get perfect revenge and a lifetime's worth of blackmail pictures, I seemed to ponder over the difficulty of the situation. "Hmm… It'll be hard…"
Vincent was desperate. "Name your price."
I smirked. "You will be my servant for a month. No, not servant, my pet dog! I've always wanted a puppy." I faked a dreamy look into the sky.
"No."
I turned around and started to leave and said a few words of encouragement to Vinnie. "Well, okay then, just know you had a chance to live when the author glomps you!" Three… two… one…
"Wait, Yuffie!"
I turned around and looked at Vincent with the most innocent look I can muster. "Hmm?"
It came out as the softest mumble in the history of mumbles, but my keen ears caught it. "…I'll do it…"
I tried to look genuinely surprised and then held out a bag of candy to the Lost Boys. "Free candy!" They scampered off of Vinnie at once and rushed to the candy. I then held out a pile of hats. "Free hats!" The author stopped in mid-glomp and rushed the pile of hats and jumped in.
Vincent looked upon the scene with astonishment. "How did you do that?"
"Well, she has an weird obsession with hats, and the Lost Boys haven't had any candy in years." It was really rather simple.
Final stop, Spin-the-Bottle. It was also extremely simple, for all I had to do was break the bottle. I preferred to do it on something hard so it will shatter before they have a chance to react. As I looked around I saw the perfect place.
"Author, this will hurt. No use denying it."
"Huh?"
I swung the bottle and the bottle wasn't the only thing that broke. Mass gasps of horror were sounded in the partiers.
"How could you?"
"That was just plain horrifying!"
"Murder!"
"I can't believe you smashed it like that!"
"You destroyed our last bottle!"
I turned around from the shattered bottle and turned around, hands on hips. "Well too bad! Party's over, everyone get out or I'll get a certain Vincent in a bad mood."
Everyone got out, with much complaining included, but no real problems. No one wants a mad Vincent on the loose, though it was just a hollow threat, because a mad Vincent was just a plain offense to humanity.
I stared at Leon hyperventilating on the floor and called Vincent. "Vinnie! Drag Squallie here to rest somewhere, okay? This will be the first job of many during your servitude." Insert maniacal laughter here.
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Ansems- No, Sephiroth's Marvelous Mini-Series!
Hello! Today we'll be learning the three steps of an impressive exit to burning a city. All you future villains out there, pay special attention!
Step One: Position yourself in flames.
Step Two: Raise head slowly from looking at the ground and turn around.
Step Three: Billow your hair in the imaginary wind and walk through the fire, ignore the pain.
WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTF
AN: Well, there's that for ya. R&R!
