Title: Angry With You
Author: Ambiguous Umbra
Rating: G
Archive: if anyone likes it enough; sure
Spoilers: Drought Conditions
Feedback: I would like to know what you think
Disclaimers: Although I wish I did, I am not the owner of Toby or Josh from the West Wing. They are copyrighted characters of Aaron Sorkin.
Summary: Takes place after Drought Conditions. What could have happened if it had been the last time that Toby and Josh ever spoke. It is from Toby's point-of-view.
I was angry with you
for giving up and leaving
not saying goodbye
and not even trying
to fix things that you did wrong.
You left the door wide open
and walked out with little regard
for the mess you were making.
I wanted to hate you
Hated watching you turn your back.
That hatred is extinguished now.
I wish you hadn't given up your ghost.
I was angry at you;
When you came back
you were under the impression
that everything was going in succession
and people had forgiven you
for all you'd done, for all you'd said.
I didn't hear you apologize to me
because I hated you
for causing a rift and complicating things
I was blinded by my rage
and drowning in the grief of losing a brother
who had done the same thing as you.
I was angry with you,
so angry that I wasn't ready to let anything go.
I completely ran over what you said
Even though you were only trying to help.
Despite the good intent on your part,
harsh words were exchanged
Insults that hurt deep down.
I yelled for you to get out
as I was blooming with hatred towards you;
your insensitivity, your vanity.
I only wish I had not yelled at you
yet silently accept it is too late for that.
I was angry with you.
We swung at each other
where you caught me on the cheek.
I can still feel the agony beneath the scar;
an agony only reflected in my heart.
You left, we didn't speak
and I didn't know that it would be the last time
I would ever see you alive.
I stand here now above your body at the wake,
your friends around you drawn in silent prayer and crushing tears.
Your face is pale and uncomfortably ordinary,
an apparition shading the one I used to know.
I am so sorry, my friend,
what we fought over was nothing.
It was pointless, I'd like to forget what it was about
but the memory never fades
and will always leave remnants
of things left undone and unsaid.
I never wanted to be angry with you;
I never wanted you to go.
Forgive me...
