Title: Angry With You

Author: Ambiguous Umbra

Rating: G

Archive: if anyone likes it enough; sure

Spoilers: Drought Conditions

Feedback: I would like to know what you think

Disclaimers: Although I wish I did, I am not the owner of Toby or Josh from the West Wing. They are copyrighted characters of Aaron Sorkin.

Summary: Takes place after Drought Conditions. What could have happened if it had been the last time that Toby and Josh ever spoke. It is from Toby's point-of-view.

I was angry with you

for giving up and leaving

not saying goodbye

and not even trying

to fix things that you did wrong.

You left the door wide open

and walked out with little regard

for the mess you were making.

I wanted to hate you

Hated watching you turn your back.

That hatred is extinguished now.

I wish you hadn't given up your ghost.

I was angry at you;

When you came back

you were under the impression

that everything was going in succession

and people had forgiven you

for all you'd done, for all you'd said.

I didn't hear you apologize to me

because I hated you

for causing a rift and complicating things

I was blinded by my rage

and drowning in the grief of losing a brother

who had done the same thing as you.

I was angry with you,

so angry that I wasn't ready to let anything go.

I completely ran over what you said

Even though you were only trying to help.

Despite the good intent on your part,

harsh words were exchanged

Insults that hurt deep down.

I yelled for you to get out

as I was blooming with hatred towards you;

your insensitivity, your vanity.

I only wish I had not yelled at you

yet silently accept it is too late for that.

I was angry with you.

We swung at each other

where you caught me on the cheek.

I can still feel the agony beneath the scar;

an agony only reflected in my heart.

You left, we didn't speak

and I didn't know that it would be the last time

I would ever see you alive.

I stand here now above your body at the wake,

your friends around you drawn in silent prayer and crushing tears.

Your face is pale and uncomfortably ordinary,

an apparition shading the one I used to know.

I am so sorry, my friend,

what we fought over was nothing.

It was pointless, I'd like to forget what it was about

but the memory never fades

and will always leave remnants

of things left undone and unsaid.

I never wanted to be angry with you;

I never wanted you to go.

Forgive me...