NOTE BEFORE READING: And here we finally get to the second of the Yuri/Otabek sex scenes I mentioned. This one is a bit more explicit, but it's mainly foreplay, with a big emphasis on consent. If you don't want to read any of the sex scene at all, I suggest skipping from "Finally! Yuri thought, his lips parting as Otabek started to deepen the kiss" to ""S-Stop, " he croaked out." If you're mostly okay with foreplay but uncomfortable with reading about the touching of bare genitals, then you can just skip from "Otabek had touched his dick before – no big deal" to "Otabek reached for the bottom of his T-shirt and pulled it over his head, tossing it to the side."
Chapter 10
Upon returning to their hotel room, Yuri expected them to pick up right where they had left off on the beach, but as he closed the door behind them, Otabek took a seat on his bed and pulled out his phone. "You can take your shower first," he said. "I want to call Mila and confirm our arrival time for tomorrow."
"Oh…okay."
Yuri carefully took off the beautiful shell lei he had been given when they arrived at the luau and packed it in one of the secret compartments of his suitcase so it hopefully wouldn't get damaged. He then grabbed his toiletries and his nightclothes before heading to the bathroom.
It was probably best to wash up before they got started, anyway.
He took his time in the glass-enclosed shower, making certain every single part of him was clean. When he stepped out, Yuri wrapped a towel around his waist and walked over to the sink to brush his teeth and blow-dry his hair. Staring at his reflection in the mirror, he wondered if he should change into his pajamas or just go out as he was. It seemed kind of pointless to get dressed when he was going to take his clothes off again anyway, but in the end, he wasn't quite bold enough to walk around naked outside of a locker room, putting his pajamas on before returning to the main room.
"You took a while," Otabek commented when Yuri came out. He was lounging against the fluffy pillows on his bed, flipping through the channels on the big screen TV with the remote.
"Sorry. I didn't want to go to bed with wet hair."
Otabek shrugged, setting the remote down. "No big deal."
He headed to the bathroom to take his own shower, Yuri sitting down on the edge of Otabek's bed after turning off the TV. He was too full of nervous energy to sit still, though, jumping up a couple of minutes later to pace around the room.
This is a dumb idea, Yuri thought, running his hand through his hair. Maybe it would be best to forget about the whole thing…
He needed someone to talk him down. Dr. Marakova? She had mentioned Yuri could text her if he needed to talk while he was away, but it wasn't as if she was a sex therapist. He doubted she could help him with something like this.
Yuri grabbed his phone and texted Mila instead.
Yuri: Sex is STUPID and weird and gross, and im never having it again.
Yuri: Seriously who looked at an asshole for the first time and thought THAT was an appropriate place to stick his dick?
Mila: Uh-oh. I take it didn't go very well?
Mila: Like I said, it hurts if you're not relaxed enough.
Yuri: We haven't done anything yet.
Yuri: I don't think I can go through with it though.
Yuri: What should I do? Im totally freaking out here!
Mila: Okay, first of all, breathe. Nothing's going to happen if you pass out from a lack of oxygen.
Breathe – he could do that. Yuri sat back down and closed his eyes, breathing in and out through his nose until he felt his heartrate return to some semblance of normal.
Yuri: Breathing…
Mila: Good!
Mila: You know...you don't have to be the catcher if you're too scared. You can always be the pitcher instead.
Yuri: WTF? We're talking about sex not basketball.
Mila: Baseball, Yura. They're baseball terms.
Yuri: Whatever.
To him, they were both boring American sports he had absolutely no interest in.
Mila: Anyway, I just meant that you could be the top instead. You'd have more control that way, and it won't hurt for you.
Yuri: No way. Not happening.
The idea of being dominant freaked him out even more. He would have no idea what to do. Better to just lay there and let the more experienced Otabek do whatever he wanted to do to him.
What kind of wuss did Mila take him for, anyway? It wasn't the possibility of pain that concerned him – at least, not much. As an elite athlete, aches and pains were an unavoidable part of life. At NHK Trophy a couple of seasons ago, Yuri fell on his opening quad lutz and dislocated his shoulder. The pain had been almost unbearable, but a spot in the Grand Prix Final had been on the line, so he had popped his arm back in its socket and fought through it, skating the rest of his free program well enough to win the bronze and qualify for the Final.
He could handle pain. That wasn't a problem.
Mila: Well, it was only a suggestion.
Mila: Where is Beka, BTW? I just talked to him ten minutes ago and he didn't mention anything.
Yuri: In the shower.
Yuri: He'll be out soon though and i have no idea what the hell I'm doing!
Feeling agitated again, he jumped back up and resumed his pacing of the bedroom.
Mila: You know you don't have to do anything if you're not ready, right? It's okay to change your mind. Beka won't be upset, I promise.
Yuri: But i want to do it.
Mila: Are you sure?
Yuri: I think so?
There was a long pause before Mila sent a reply, Yuri frowning as he came to a stop and read: Maybe you should take some more time to think about this…
Yuri disagreed, feeling the exact opposite – that he'd been thinking about it too much. When they had first been intimate the night of his grandpa's funeral, it had been a spur of the moment kind of thing, not planned. This time, he had plenty of time to prepare himself, and he couldn't stop his doubts and fears from creeping in.
He didn't want to disappoint Otabek. Ever since Yuri came to the realization he was asexual, Otabek had been so understanding of his boundaries, never pressuring or forcing him to do anything he wasn't willing to do even if it meant suppressing his own natural desires. Yuri wasn't sure what would happen in the future – if he would become more open to the idea of adding an occasional sexual component to their relationship or if he would rather return to the mostly chaste bond they had shared for the past four years – but if tonight ended up being a one-time experiment, then he hoped it would at least live up to whatever dreams Otabek might have had of ever being with him.
He was about to send Mila another text, asking her if she had any tips she might be willing to share, when the bathroom door suddenly opened, startling Yuri and almost causing him to drop his phone on the floor. Otabek, dressed in a T-shirt and boxers, stepped out, drying his hair with a towel.
"Did I scare you?"
"No," Yuri lied, ignoring the pounding of his heartbeat against his ribcage. "Of course not. Don't be ridiculous."
Otabek's eyes fell to the phone in his hand, his eyebrow arching. "You're not actually posting that terrible photo, are you? Delete it already."
"Just texting Mila about something. I'm almost finished." He deleted the contents of his original reply, sending Mila a quick good-bye message instead, then put his phone on silent and plugged it in to be charged.
Meanwhile, Otabek got ready for bed, tossing his towel on a nearby chair before crawling underneath the blankets.
Yuri sighed. It seemed like Otabek had no intention of trying to take things further, even after their brief make-out session on the beach. What was he doing wrong? He had done everything short of stripping off all his clothes and throwing himself at Otabek to indicate he was open to having sex, but Otabek evidently wasn't picking up on his signals – or worse, he was ignoring them in some misguided attempt at being "noble" or some crap.
Maybe I need to be even more direct, Yuri thought, discreetly pulling the bottle of lube and a condom out of his toiletry kit while Otabek was distracted, fluffing his pillows. How should he bring it up, though? He would rather die than say something sappy like, "I want to feel you inside me," or "Will you make love to me?" but "Fuck me" didn't quite hit the right note, either.
"Since you're still up, will you turn off the overhead light?" Otabek asked.
"Oh…sure."
Yuri flipped off the light switch, the room going black except for the lamp next to Otabek. The relative darkness boosted his courage, Yuri not feeling quite as exposed as he did before. Hiding the items behind his back, he steeled himself and approached Otabek's bedside.
"Hey, uh, Beka… Can I sleep with you tonight?"
Surely that was direct enough.
"Yeah, sure," Otabek said, scooting over to the left side of the bed. "I don't mind." As a triumphant Yuri climbed into bed with him, Otabek grabbed his phone from off his nightstand. "What time do you want me to set the alarm for? Check-out time is at noon, but we need to get to the airport early, so eight?"
"Uh, yeah, eight sounds fine," Yuri said, confused. Was this really the time to be setting an alarm, of all things? Surely something like that could wait until after they were done.
"Eight it is." Otabek tapped the screen to set the alarm, then placed his phone back on the nightstand. "Good night," he said, reaching over to turn off the lamp.
"Wait, aren't you going to fuck me?"
Otabek paused, his hand suspended in mid-air. "What?" He sat up, turning to face Yuri.
"Um… When I asked if I could sleep with you, I…" Yuri glanced away, pushing a strand of hair behind his ear. "Well, I didn't mean that kind of sleep."
"Ah. You meant…"
"I have condoms. And lube." He held up the hidden items. "Oh, the condom is new. I bought it last week, so it's definitely not expired. I hope it's the right kind. I got the brand you usually buy, but I wasn't sure about the size. And Mila's okay with it, too. I asked her if –"
"Last week?" Otabek interrupted Yuri's nervous ramblings, taking the square-shaped foil wrapper from his hand. "So...you've been thinking about it for a while."
He didn't sound as happy as Yuri thought he would.
"Yeah," Yuri said, tossing the bottle of lube down on the mattress and drawing his knees up to his chest. "I mean, we're here together in this tropical paradise. It seemed like a good time to, you know…do it."
He lowered his head, hiding his face in his arms in mortification. Dammit, none of this was going how he planned! They hadn't even done anything yet, but he had already screwed up. Didn't Otabek want to fuck him? Or was that one lousy handjob he had given him enough for Otabek to judge that he sucked at sex, causing him to lose all sexual interest in him?
Otabek placed a hand on his back. "Yura, you know we don't have to –"
"I want to," Yuri insisted, jerking his head back up. "I want to give it a try." Maybe he could still salvage things.
"Are you sure? I mean –"
Before he could lose his nerve, Yuri leaned over and pressed his lips against Otabek's. Otabek's eyes widened, but he didn't pull away, bringing a hand to the side of Yuri's face.
Finally! Yuri thought, his lips parting as Otabek started to deepen the kiss. As always, the initial sensation of Otabek's tongue inside his mouth repulsed him a little, but he tried not to think about the mechanics too much, knowing that it would become more enjoyable once he became accustomed to it.
Yuri fell back against the pillows, Otabek shifting positions so that he was laying on his side. The hand that had been cradling his face began wandering downward, slow and hesitant, Otabek meeting Yuri's gaze in a silent request for permission. Yuri nodded his consent, but as Otabek's fingers neared the waistband of his pajama pants, he grabbed his wrist, preventing Otabek from going any further.
"Are you okay? We can stop –"
"No, don't," Yuri said, releasing his hold. "Um, it's just that, I'm not… It's not that I don't want to, but…"
He turned his head to the side, embarrassed. Instead of freaking out to Mila, his time probably would have been better spent masturbating while Otabek was in the shower. He wasn't turned on at all, the brief arousal he experienced on the beach long diminished.
"Hey, don't worry about it," Otabek said. "I just need to touch you, right?"
He nodded. "Sorry," he apologized, licking his lips as Otabek's hand traveled lower to palm him through the fabric of his pajama bottoms.. "I was the one who wanted to do this, but…"
"Yura, look at me."
Yuri forced himself to turn his head back toward Otabek.
"It's okay," he said in such a tender voice, it almost made Yuri want to cry. "See? You're already getting hard. It's not a big deal."
Yuri was almost positive Otabek was lying, but he tried not to think too much about it, nodding his head as if he agreed with Otabek's assessment.
"So, um, how do you want to do this?" Otabek asked, continuing to rub him. "Do you want to –"
"I want you to fuck me," Yuri said in what he hoped was a confident-sounding voice. Inside, he wasn't feeling very confident at all, his heart pounding a million beats a minute, but he stubbornly refused to look away, keeping Otabek's gaze.
A soft smile crossed Otabek's lips as he brought his hand back to Yuri's face, caressing his cheek. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Otabek started kissing him again, his lips pressing against Yuri's forehead, his nose, his jawline...everywhere beside his mouth. He preferred those kinds of kisses, ones that showed affection but didn't demand anything more of him. Exhaling softly, Yuri's body relaxed, losing some of the tension that had begun to build up inside him.
Come to think of it, hadn't Mila said something about making sure to relax so it wouldn't hurt so much?
Yuri had no idea how anybody could fully relax when somebody's dick was about to be shoved up their ass, but he tried his best, closing his eyes and concentrating on taking slow, steady breaths to calm himself. Otabek continued peppering him with light kisses, gradually making his way down Yuri's neck and chest. He pushed up the hem of Yuri's T-shirt, Yuri's breath shuddering as his lips made contact with the patch of skin between his navel and the waistband of his pants.
"Okay?" Otabek asked, looking back up.
Yuri nodded. He hadn't expected it, but it had felt good, his dick twitching in response. "Yeah, I liked it."
Hearing that, Otabek repeated the action, only a little lower than he had before and ending with just the barest flick of his tongue against Yuri's skin. A soft whimper came unbidden from the back of Yuri's throat, causing his cheeks to warm. He threw an arm over his eyes, Otabek returning to his original position, palm splayed against Yuri's abdomen.
"Yura, you don't need to be embarrassed."
"I'm not," Yuri lied, keeping his eyes covered. "Can we, like, just do it already? You don't need to waste your time doing all this crap." He didn't really care if he got off or not; as long as Otabek enjoyed it, he would be satisfied.
"It's not a good idea to rush into something like this, especially your first time. I don't want it to be painful for you," Otabek said. "Besides, I want to make you feel good, too. I don't think of it as a waste of time."
"Yeah, but…"
Otabek gently pulled Yuri's arm back, kissing the back of his hand. "I won't do anything you don't give me permission to do," he promised. "And you can tell me to stop at any point if it gets too much for you and you change your mind, okay?"
Yuri inhaled a deep breath. "Okay."
After kissing Yuri on the forehead once again, Otabek slowly slid his hand downwards until he reached the waistband of Yuri's pajama pants. "Can I?" he asked, his fingertips dipping underneath the elastic.
"You mean…? Um, yeah, that's okay, I guess."
Otabek had touched his dick before – no big deal. At least that's what Yuri told himself as he watched Otabek's hand disappear inside his pants, fingers wrapping around his erection. He was still only half-hard, but a small gasp escaped his lips at the sensation of skin-to-skin contact.
While Yuri occasionally masturbated – mostly as a form of stress release – it had never felt like this before. He tended to stick with a simple up-and-down pumping motion, never giving much attention to the head or his balls. In fact, he usually rushed through the whole thing, wanting to get it over with as quickly as possible, but Otabek took his time, stroking his full length with a firm, yet gentle, touch and occasionally switching to lightly fondle his ballsack.
"How does it feel?" Otabek asked. "Should I speed up? Slow down? Stop?"
"No… No, it feels good. Keep going."
As Yuri stared up at the ceiling, his fingers digging into the soft sheets underneath them as his arousal grew, Otabek continued what he was doing, stroking him until he was fully erect. At that point, he withdrew his hand from Yuri's pants, Yuri giving him a questioning look as Otabek sat back up.
"Beka?" Had he done something wrong?
Otabek reached for the bottom of his T-shirt and pulled it over his head, tossing it to the side.
Yuri stared. He'd seen Otabek shirtless many times before over the years, but he had never really taken the time to appreciate his toned muscles and rock-hard six-pack. Even now, while he could certainly grasp the concept that Otabek was a good-looking guy with a body that many people would probably consider "sexy", it didn't really do anything for him.
"Uh, you look…" Yuri thought back to the porno he had watched, trying to remember if any of the terrible dialogue would be suitable for the situation. "Y-You look good. Super hot."
"Yura, you don't have to put on an act for me," Otabek said. "My ego's not so fragile." His fingers brushed over Yuri's cheek in a gentle caress. "You, though…"
There was no need for him to finish the thought. The heated look in his dark eyes was enough to convey just how much Otabek wanted him…desired him. It was almost too intense to bear, Yuri realizing for the first time just how much Otabek had been holding back for his sake.
"Beka…"
Yuri sat up as well, pushing Otabek back against the headboard and straddling his lap. His original intention had been to be a mostly passive participant, letting Otabek do whatever he wanted (within reason), but he would probably enjoy it more if Yuri at least tried to get into it, too. "Tell me what to do," he ordered, face flushed as he pressed his forehead against Otabek's. "What do you like?"
Otabek was taken aback by his sudden boldness, visibly swallowing before answering, "T-Touch me."
"Where?"
"Anywhere. Everywhere."
Couldn't he be more specific? Yuri's eyes drifted downwards to the large bulge that had already formed in Otabek's boxers. That was the obvious spot, but he didn't want to risk Otabek coming too early before they even had a chance to begin the main event. Instead, he focused his attention on the tattoo inked on Otabek's left pectoral – five interlocking circles of blue, yellow, black, green, and red.
The Olympic rings. He had one, too, on the back of his right calf, as did Mila, who had chosen to get hers over the side of her ribcage.
With a feather-light touch, Yuri traced over the rings with the tip of his finger, Otabek biting down on his bottom lip as he continued to look up at Yuri with that same intense stare.
Yuri didn't get it. He wasn't doing much at all in his view – barely even touching his skin – yet Otabek was reacting as if he was really...turned on? Weird.
When he finished tracing over the final circle, Yuri trailed his finger downward toward Otabek's nipple. He'd picked up enough knowledge about sex through cultural osmosis to know that a lot of women enjoyed their partners playing with their nipples, but was it the same for men? He decided to test the theory, circling his fingertip around the dark brown nub as if he was still tracing one of the Olympic rings.
Otabek's breath hissed out of his mouth, the back of his head hitting the headboard. "Fuck, Yura…"
"Do…Do you like that?" he asked, unsure.
"Yeah, I like it," Otabek assured him. "I like it a lot." The corners of his mouth curved up into a small smile as he brought his hands up to run his fingers through Yuri's loose, freshly-washed hair. "God, you're so…"
Yuri frowned. That was the second time since they started Otabek had stopped himself from saying something he wanted to say. "It's okay. You don't have to hold back, you know."
"I thought you didn't like it when I complimented your looks."
"Yeah, 'cause it's freakin' embarrassing, but…" Yuri shifted his gaze to the side. "It's not like I hate it, or anything," he mumbled, to which Otabek responded by bringing his mouth next to Yuri's ear.
"You're beautiful, Yura," he whispered. "So fucking beautiful. The things I've dreamed of doing to you…"
Yuri's cheeks warmed. God, it really was embarrassing, but…not in a bad way. He liked that he could have that effect on Otabek, even if he didn't really understand such feelings himself, and he liked bringing Otabek pleasure. Sliding a hand back to Otabek's chest, he lightly pinched his other nipple between his thumb and pointer finger and rolled it back and forth, Otabek making a sound similar to the one Yuri made earlier in his ear.
"Like what?" Yuri asked. "What do you want to do to me?"
"Right now?" Otabek brought a thumb to Yuri's lips, running it over the bottom portion a couple of times before tugging it downwards. "Right now, I really want to kiss you again. May I?"
He nodded.
Otabek cradled his face between his hands, brushing his lips against Yuri's in a gentle kiss that surprised him. Yuri had braced himself for something more passionate based on Otabek's behavior, but after a few more similar kisses, he realized that Otabek was allowing him to set the pace. Remembering earlier, when they were on the beach, Yuri slightly parted his mouth, using his tongue to trace along Otabek's bottom lip to encourage it to drop down. He then slipped his tongue inside, Otabek responding by licking him back. For some reason, the disgust he usually felt while French kissing wasn't as strong when Yuri took more of a dominant role, a soft moan naturally vibrating in his mouth.
As they continued to kiss, Yuri became aware of Otabek's hand slipping underneath the hem of his T-shirt, fingers warm against his bare skin. He only went up a few centimeters, though, pausing underneath Yuri's ribcage. Giving him permission to go on, Yuri nodded, and Otabek slid his hand further up to his chest, a finger brushing against one of his nipples.
It…didn't really do anything for him. It didn't feel bad, but based on the way Otabek had reacted when he played with his nipples earlier, Yuri had expected something a little more...thrilling? Otabek seemed to realize it, too, breaking away from their kiss.
"Nothing?"
"Sorry."
Otabek smiled. "No, it's okay. Mine are pretty sensitive for a guy, but it's not weird if you're not into it. We can just try something else."
"Like what?"
"Like…maybe this?"
He reached behind Yuri's head, gathering his long hair in his hand and pulling it so it flowed over one shoulder, leaving the other side of his neck exposed. Having some idea of what Otabek intended to do, Yuri tilted his head, a gasp escaping his mouth when Otabek's lips latched onto the skin above his pulse point and began lightly sucking the area.
Oh, this he liked. Really liked.
"Okay?" Otabek asked, stopping after a few seconds to check in. He kept his lips close to Yuri's neck, his warm breath pleasant against his skin.
"Yeah, yeah, keep going," he said somewhat impatiently.
Otabek let out a soft chuckle before resuming where he left off, Yuri's fingers digging into his biceps. "Just, um, don't leave…ah…try not to leave any marks," Yuri said, his voice becoming strangely breathless.
The last thing he wanted was for one of his annoying Angels or some paparazzo to recognize him at the airport tomorrow morning, covered in hickies, and post a picture online, only for ignorant trolls to claim he wasn't really asexual, that he had only pretended to be for the attention or some stupid shit like that. He was asexual; the fact that he had decided to have sex as a gift to his partner didn't change that, and other than Otabek and Mila, it was nobody's damn business what he did behind closed doors.
Otabek let up on the sucking, using more of his tongue – which was almost as good – as he explored more of Yuri's neck and surrounding areas. Some spots were more sensitive than others, and he made sure to linger in those places, Yuri at one point even letting out an honest-to-God giggle – which he insisted was not a giggle when Otabek had the nerve to comment on it, the jerk.
Okay, so he was starting to enjoy himself. Maybe this sex thing wasn't so bad. He could handle this.
"Hey, I'm gonna move my hands down to your ass now," Otabek said after a couple of minutes had passed, his mouth right next to Yuri's ear. "Is that okay?"
Yuri nodded, letting out a low moan when Otabek's lips found their way behind his earlobe. That was his favorite spot yet, a pleasant shiver running up his spine that managed to mostly distract him from the fact that Otabek's hands were slowly roaming downward, sliding underneath the waistband of his pajama pants.
Other than a slight increase in heartrate, Yuri was okay with it at first. He focused his attention more on what Otabek's mouth was doing rather than his hands, but when he felt Otabek's fingers gently digging into the fleshy part of his ass, prying his cheeks apart, the realization of what they were about to do hit him, and his body froze, paralyzed.
"S-Stop, " he croaked out.
As promised, Otabek immediately stopped what he was doing and pulled his hands out of Yuri's pants. "Are you okay? Did I do somethi—"
"No!" He hadn't done anything wrong. "No, I…uh…I just need a break."
Yuri scrambled off of Otabek's lap and moved to sit on the edge of the mattress, his head in his hands. This was a disaster. Maybe Mila had been right…
The mattress shifted underneath him as Otabek got up. He was probably furious, and Yuri didn't blame him one bit. He had toyed with Otabek's emotions, leading him on with no reward. A tease – that's what he was. A fucking asexual tease who really should have known better than to –
"Yura?"
Otabek's voice was surprisingly gentle, free of the anger Yuri had expected.
Hesitantly, Yuri raised his head, meeting Otabek's eyes for a brief moment before looking back down again at his hands, which he had clenched into fists. Maybe he could make it up to him, offer him a blowjob? If Otabek wore a condom, it might not be so gross. But he knew that wasn't what Otabek really wanted…
"Yura, what's wrong?"
No, he wanted to do this for him. He wanted to make Otabek happy, and he wanted to show him how much he loved him, even if he couldn't manage to say the stupid words aloud. He could do this.
"Sorry, I'm okay now," Yuri said, reaching for the hem of his T-shirt before he changed his mind again and yanking it over his head. "We can continue."
After a short pause, Otabek kneeled down on the floor in front of Yuri, sitting back on his heels. He started to reach for Yuri's hand but seemed to think better of it, resting his hands on his own thighs instead.
"You don't really want to do this, do you?"
Yuri looked up. "Don't be stupid. Of course I do! I bought the condoms and lube and everything."
"It's okay to change your mind," Otabek said. "Buying condoms isn't some ironclad contract."
"But I – I want to do it. Really. I'm just –" Sighing, he roughly ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm just really fuckin' scared, okay? Like, 'the-plane-is-crashing-and-I'm-about-to-shit-my-pants' scared."
"Hey, it's okay to be scared." Shifting a little closer to the bed, Otabek placed his hands on Yuri's knees. "I'm scared, too."
"But why?" Yuri asked incredulously. "You've done this before. Lots of times!"
"Not with you." Otabek brought one of his hands to Yuri's cheek. "Not with someone like you." He sighed. "And I'm not as experienced as you seem to think I am."
That was news to him. "You're not?"
"Before Mila, I only had three other partners: a guy and two other girls."
"Oh." It's not like he had assumed Otabek had slept around like Viktor and Christophe, the (happily retired) playboys of the skating world, but Yuri was still surprised he had only been with one guy before.
"Yura, do you really want to do this?" Otabek asked once again. "Forget about what you think I want. What do you want?"
"I…" He dug his fingers into the fabric of his pajama bottoms. "I guess I'm not ready yet," Yuri mumbled, shoulders slumping in defeat. "Sorry for getting your hopes up. I really wanted to do it for you, and I thought I could handle it, but…"
"Yura, no." Otabek brought his other hand to Yuri's opposite cheek, rising up on his knees and kissing him on the forehead. "You don't need to apologize. It's okay, really. I'm not mad."
"But you're disappoi—"
"Maybe a little, but I would feel even worse if you forced yourself to do something you weren't comfortable doing," he said. "Come on, let's go to bed. We have a long day of travelling tomorrow.
Yuri nodded, slipping underneath the blanket as Otabek rose back to his feet and made his way to the other side.
"Oh. You still want to share a bed?" Otabek asked.
"Is that…okay?" Now that Yuri thought about it, it probably would be hard for Otabek to sleep with him and just…sleep, after what they had almost done. "Never mind, I'll go back to my bed."
He pushed the blanket aside and started to sit back up, but Otabek reached for his arm, stopping him. "No, stay," Otabek said, a small smile on his lips. "I'd like that."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
"O-Okay."
Yuri once again got settled, Otabek crawling under the covers to join him after turning off the lamp. With such a large bed, there was no need for them to lay close to each other, but Yuri found himself moving closer to Otabek's side of the bed anyway, Otabek closing the gap in between when he realized that Yuri didn't mind. They lay facing each other in the moonlight, noses only centimeters apart, Otabek brushing some of Yuri's hair off his face and pushing it behind his ear.
"Hey, can I ask you something?" Yuri asked in a soft voice.
"Sure. You know you can ask me anything."
"Who was he, the guy you slept with? Was it another skater?" Yuri averted his eyes. "JJ?"
Propping himself up on his elbow, Otabek raised an eyebrow. "JJ's straight, Yura."
"I know…" In fact, JJ was almost insufferably straight, but… "You like him, though, don't you?" he couldn't resist asking. "Nobody actually likes JJ unless they want to fuck him."
"JJ's never been more than a friend and training mate, that's all," Otabek said with a light chuckle.
Yuri noticed that Otabek didn't exactly answer his question, but he decided not to pry any further in that direction. If Otabek did have some weird unrequited crush on Jean-Jacques Leroy, he'd rather live in blissful ignorance.
"Then who was it?" he asked again. "I mean, if you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to, but…"
"His name was Malik," Otabek revealed after resting his head back on the pillow. "I met him when I was living in Detroit, training with Coach Cialdini. He wasn't a skater, but he had helped Leo cut and remix his free skate music for the season. I mentioned that I wanted to learn how to do that, too, so Leo introduced us and we hit it off. Malik was the one who got me into deejaying."
Yuri never knew that. "Did you love him?"
"Well, I really liked him. Love?" Otabek sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe? Mostly, though, I think I was a horny teenager who was curious about what being with a guy was like."
"Oh."
Otabek frowned. "You're wondering if I'll be disappointed if he's the only guy I'll ever fuck, aren't you?"
Instead of answering, Yuri fluffed his pillow and flipped over on his other side so that his back was facing toward Otabek. "You know, it's annoying when you do that."
"Do what?"
"Act like you can read my mind."
"Was I right, then?"
"… Yeah. Still annoying."
"Well, the answer is no." Moving even closer, Otabek spooned against Yuri, wrapping an arm around his waist as he kissed Yuri's bare shoulder. "I want to make love to you, Yura," he said softly in his ear, "but if you're never ready to take that step, that's okay with me, too. I'm happy just being with you like this. I don't need anything more."
Yuri sighed. Otabek had told him the same thing many times before over the course of their relationship, and while he believed him most of the time, every once in a while, the doubts crept in. Even now, Yuri could feel Otabek's erection pressing against his backside, still mostly hard from earlier, reminding him of those intense looks of desire Otabek had given him before. Would he really be satisfied if they never went any further?
"You know… I did like the part where you sucked on my neck," Yuri admitted. "It felt, um, really good. I wouldn't mind doing more of stuff like that, maybe, if you wanted…"
"You mean, like this?" Otabek brought his lips to the junction where Yuri's neck met his shoulder and lightly began sucking the sensitive skin there.
Despite his best efforts, a giggle – no, a chuckle – once again escaped Yuri's mouth, breaking the serious mood that had fallen between them. "Beka, quit!"
"That is definitely a giggle," Otabek said, stopping as he had been told.
"It is not!"
"I don't know why you keep denying it. It's cute."
With a playful huff, Yuri yanked the blanket over his shoulder. "Oh, shut up and go to sleep already."
"Okay, okay."
After giving Yuri a soft peck on the cheek, Otabek settled behind Yuri once again, holding him close. Somehow, feeling Otabek's bare chest against his back seemed more intimate than anything they had attempted earlier, yet Yuri was surprised to find that he didn't necessarily mind the closeness – he enjoyed it, in fact. His skin was warm to the touch, comforting like a favorite flannel blanket, and Yuri's nose filled with the pleasant scent of Otabek's favorite sandalwood-and-lavender shower gel – the one he always used to "borrow" from Mila when they first started dating until she got wise and began buying him his own bottle.
"Hey, Beka?"
"Mmm?" Otabek sounded like he was already half-asleep.
Yuri inhaled a deep breath. Maybe it wasn't the best time to say it, but…
"I – I love you," he said, staring through the sliding glass door that led out to the lanai. He still wasn't sure what kind of love it was, but Yuri decided he no longer cared about putting some kind of label on it. He loved Otabek Altin, plain and simple, and, in the end, that was all that really mattered.
Otabek kissed the back of Yuri's head, tightening his hold around his torso. "I love you, too," he whispered. "So very, very much."
DISCLAIMER: "Yuri! On Ice" doesn't belong to me.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! The second-to-last chapter will be posted in early November, although be on the lookout for a special surprise the last last week of October in honor of YOI Spooky Week. Can you believe we're almost at the end?
Feel free to follow me on Tumblr! My username is kaleidodreams.
