Patience
"I can't do this…I'm sorry," Sam said as she closed her eyes and wished for something to happen, anything so she wouldn't have to face how she was feeling at this moment. "It just doesn't feel…well it does…but it's not…" Sam mumbled in a near hysterical manner.
"Sam its ok. Just calm down," Janet cooed in an attempt to ease the other woman. "It's just me, Janet, your best friend, ok? There's no need to freak out, alright?" She continued, slightly disheartened by her friend's reaction.
"Freak out…I'm not freaking out, am I?" Sam questioned as she looked at the Doctor.
"Just a bit, yeah," Janet stated, pleased to see that the Major had calmed a bit.
"I'm sorry, it's just…well that was…well you know…but it's you, and I'm me, and we just…" Sam brought her hands together to emphasise her point whilst her voice returned to its previous level of hysteria.
"Sam you're not making much sense., Let me go and put on some coffee, and give you a minute to recover your composure," Janet offered, hoping to calm her friend.
"Err…no that's ok I should probably get going." Sam jumped up from the sofa and nearly ran to the hallway to gather her things so she could vacate the premises as quickly as possible.
"Oh, well, if you're sure…I guess I'll see you tomorrow then…" Janet said as she gave chase to the hallway after her friend.
"Tomorrow?" Sam quizzed uncertainly.
"Yeah tomorrow, you know, Saturday…you, Cass, chess?"
"Oh, yeah, right. I guess I'll see you then," Sam said as she made a quick exit out of Janet's front door and to the safety of her Volvo parked in the driveway.
After Sam entered the car, she started it in a rush and began to manoeuvre out of the driveway to the road. Janet stood poised to wave but Sam never looked back as she sped away down the street, so Janet just closed the door and leant her head against the cool wood.
"So, it didn't go well then?" came a voice from behind her.
"You could say that," she replied still resting against the door.
"She did seem a bit shaken. I'm surprised you let her drive."
Janet spun around now, ready to vent the frustrations that had built up over the last few minutes, "well it's not as if I could do much to stop her. She practically ran out of here as fast as she could. She was so perplexed she even forgot what day it was, and I had to remind her about coming over tomorrow to play chess with you…something she didn't seem to thrilled about by the way." After seeing the look on Cassie's face she clarified "not the playing chess with you bit, the part where she has to come back here and see me. I think I just messed everything up."
Janet reflected on the last few minutes.
10 minutes earlier…
After spending their day off together shopping in town, having lunch and watching a movie, Sam had driven Janet and herself back to the doctor's house.
"I had fun today. It was great to have some girl time you know? God knows I love those guys but sometimes they can get a bit much," Sam said as she sat down on the peach coloured sofa that matched the colour scheme of Janet's living room perfectly.
"Err…yeah good to spend time together, right." Janet replied distractedly as she joined her friend on the sofa.
"Janet, are you ok? You've seemed a little off all day?" Sam inquired as she made herself comfortable.
"Yeah, well, no…actually I've been putting something off all day but I don't think I can wait much longer so I'm just going to say it." Janet paused to take a calming breath.
"It's ok, take your time," Sam reassured.
"Well alright here goes…I want to tell you how I feel about you…I love you." Janet paused, hoping that Sam felt the same and no further explanation would be necessary.
But no such luck as the Major replied, "I love you too Janet," but after seeing the look on her friend's face she continued, "wait, do you mean love as a friend or…something more?" Sam asked, a lump mysteriously appearing in her throat.
"Something more…I've felt this way for some time now. Can't you feel it when we're together? We have chemistry." Janet took a minute to gather her thoughts and after deciding that 'there was no sense in holding back now' she continued, "I see you in your lab working away on one gadget or another and I think it's such a shame that you spend all your time there, that you don't have somewhere you would rather be or someone you would rather be with. I want to be that someone. I want to be the something that you want to leave your lab for. I want to make you happy, Sam, and I know I could if you would let me. Give 'us' a chance. We're perfect for each other, and I love you so much." Janet finished, hoping that her confession had made sense, but at the blank look on Sam's face she wasn't convinced.
Sam struggled to make sense of all the information she had just received. She was just beginning to process her thoughts when Janet leaned across from where she was sitting and pressed her lips to Sam's. The blonde, still in a shocked and mildly zombie like state, responded to the kiss in an almost autopilot like manner. The gentle movement of Janet's lips against her own seemed to make her melt, but it was over in mere seconds and when it ended Sam found herself even more confused. Janet could see this clearly reflected in her best friend's face and braced herself for what was to come next…
"What was I thinking?" she glanced over to her daughter, but she wasn't really asking her. "I mean I just threw this at her out of the blue, but I suppose I thought she felt the same, would know what I was talking about and we would all live happily ever after," Janet sighed as she took her place back on the sofa. "What am I going to do?"
"Give her some time. I mean this is Sam that we are talking about here. She's not exactly one for impulsive decision making when it comes to things like this. What is it you keep saying to me 'patience is a virtue'?"
"Hmm, yeah…and yet they seem the emptiest words at the moment. I would never forgive myself if I lost her…" Janet trailed off, lost in thought. A state she remained in for most of the evening, followed by a restless night in which sleep was an elusive creature.
So it was not surprising when the Doctor greeted the next day looking a little worse for wear. Janet had approximately one hour before Sam would arrive to make herself look like she hadn't just spent the entire night tossing and turning over her actions the previous day. So Janet decided that she had chastised and berated herself enough and the only thing left for her to do was salvage as much dignity as possible and let Sam lead the way. If she arrived and decided to pretend like the last 10 minutes of their day together yesterday had been mysteriously lost within the time space continuum then she could play along as good as the next girl no matter how much she would be hurting inside.
But in order to give the appearance of being cool and casual she would have to at least make herself look presentable. A shower was definitely her first priority so she headed towards the bathroom. After that was checked off her mental to-do list she began with the next task, getting dressed. Now that was a dilemma-- what to wear? A skirt and blouse seemed a bit too dressy for just milling around the house. A simple jeans and t-shirt combo was a more viable option, but she thought it might seem a bit too casual and the outfit had to be just right. After a few more moments of deliberation she decided on her gardening attire which consisted of shorts and an old t-shirt, that way it was casual and yet with a purpose. The purpose being of course, she sighed as she thought, was that if being in the same house as Sam got too much she could vacate to the garden and hide-- opps, I mean-- work out there.
After breakfast had been made and eaten by both mother and child, there were only 15 minutes before Sam arrived. Cassie, ever the wise and perceptive child, especially for a 15 year old, could sense her mum's apprehension regarding the imminent arrival of the astrophysicist. "Hey, it will be OK, you know even if Sam doesn't feel the same way she will still be your friend." Cassie offered to try and calm Janet.
Warmed by her daughter's attempt at reassurance she replied, "I know, but it just feels like I'm waiting on top of a fence. On one side is everything I have ever dreamed of and the other…well that's just not worth thinking about." Janet finished with unshed tears in her eyes.
"Remember what I said about patience, and just give Sam a little time. You know she always has to over think things," and with that the doorbell rang.
"Oh my God, she's early…" Janet yelped as she jumped up from her seat and began to nervously pace around the kitchen.
"Look, if she's early that's got to be a good sign right? She can't be wanting to avoid you too much can she?" Cassie stated helpfully but only received a glare from her mother for her troubles. So she continued "I'll get the door, why don't you clear the breakfast things away ok?"
"Mmm…err…yeah, sure, ok," Janet stuttered as she took a deep cleansing breath and went to clear the table.
Janet had just piled up the plates, and put them in the bowl ready for washing when the kitchen door swung open.
"Janet?"
"Sam, how are you?" 'And the Oscar goes to…' was Janet's thought as she managed to keep her all consuming, uncontrollable nerves from infiltrating her voice.
"Err…well better than yesterday that's for sure." Sam answered with an uneasy grin.
On seeing how uncomfortable the other woman appeared, the Doctor began to apologise, "I'm so sorry about yesterday. I was out of line, I shouldn't have kissed you…" Janet trailed off, as the blonde held up her hand in a silencing gesture.
"Your sorry? I'm the one who should be apologising here. You opened your heart to me, took a big risk and I ran out on you. I'm sorry. I was shocked and wasn't expecting a declaration like that, but it's no excuse I should have stuck around and talked to you. I can only promise that the next time you tell me that you love me I will reply in kind." Sam said as she moved closer to where Janet was standing by the sink.
"Sam it's all very well you apologising, but I shouldn't have blind sided you…like…that" Janet paused as Sam's words finally registered, "next time?"
"Yeah. I've been up all night thinking about you, what you mean to me and how I feel about you. Then this morning I was thinking how nice it would be if I wasn't waking up alone in my bed all the way across town but with my family and the people that actually matter to me. Then I thought I should come over and see you as soon as I could and also that I tend to over think things." Sam finished with a goofy grin on her face.
"Sounds familiar. So what you're trying to say is?" Janet asked wanting it to be spelled out so she didn't make any mistakes.
"I would rather be here, with you. I realised that you already are the one that makes me happy. I just never saw it before. Even a genius can be dense sometimes." Sam said as she placed her hands around Janet's slender waist.
"Just don't make a habit of it!" Janet laughed as she slid her arms around the taller woman's neck. "I love you."
"I love you too, Janet. Thanks for helping me to see it." With that the blonde dipped her head as Janet raised hers until their mouths met in a crushing kiss. It was not their first kiss…technically, but it was the one they would always remember years later.
As they began to pull apart, the kitchen door opened and a teenager walked in.
"I've set the board up, it's your move first," Cassie stated nonchalantly.
"Right, OK." Sam then turned to the woman still in her arms, "I'll be in the living room if you need me OK? I'm guessing from the way you're dressed you'll be in the garden, right?" she said as she looked at Janet's attire.
Blushing slightly after remembering her reasons for her outfit, the doctor removed her arms from around the blonde and replied, "Yep, garden that's what I'm dressed for."
"OK?" Sam remarked slightly confused, she then turned to Cass and said "I'll be in the living room when you're ready."
Cassie just nodded as she moved over to the fridge to get some juice. The girl glanced at her mother and saw a Cheshire cat grin gracing her face. After remembering her previous comment the day before she couldn't resist a bit of teasing, "soooo…" Cassie said as she closed the fridge and made her way out of the door, "that looked virtuous!" she just managed to duck in time to avoid the apple that came hurtling her way.
