Spring
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A/N: A songfic to one of my favorite ballads of all time, Mika Nakashima's "Sakurairo Maukoro". Special thanks to for the lyrics.
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Spring, to many, is a time of rebirth. It is the season of rekindled hope. It is the season of new beginnings. Plants and flowers reemerge and give back to the ground the beauty it once held before the chills of winter covered it with desolate silence. Yes, indeed, spring is man's privilege; the window of time given by some divine higher being in which beauty unfolds before the eye so simply, so wonderfully.
No one knew this more than Kuchiki Byakuya, for the spring in which he met Hisana was the moment he felt as if he had really started living.
When
the cherry blossom colors flutter, I'm alone
Standing exhausted,
I can't cut off these feelings bottled up inside
Whether it was fate or mere coincidence, he didn't know. His day off had lead him to a grove of cherry blossom trees, and thus to a petite woman who probably did not belong in such an elegant park. Her clothes were ragged and hung loose on her small body; the dirt and premature lines on her face spoke volumes of the difficult life she lead. And yet her dark blue eyes, shining with the light of a thousand stars, betrayed the rest of her miserable appearance, for they were filled with an ethereal happiness and appreciation as she stared at the blooming cherry trees. Her arms outstretched, her lips softly curved upward, her spirit so in touch with the very blossoms themselves. For a moment, Byakuya didn't even care that his jaw was dropped in a slightly undignified manner as he stared at Hisana.
All that mattered was this woman in front of him, and the magic she radiated.
When
the color of new leaves shake, feelings overflow
I lost sight of
everything and drifted towards you
Two awkward introductions and several nature-filled walks later, it became apparent to the both of them that along with the flowers spring brought, something else was coming to life. It was unexplainable, but at the same time undeniable. The exchanges between them evolved from overly formal and strange to more relaxed and—could it be—carefree. Frivolous conversations turned into heartfelt confessions. She understood his loneliness, despite having a family; he understood her pain in not being able to support hers. Slowly but surely, the sound of his chuckles became permanent in her mind. The way her eyes twinkled when she smiled became etched into his heart.
The
trees around us told us softly,
That we would both see:
People
don't have to be limited to one place
It was spring of the following year when he proposed to her. It was also when the atmosphere at the Kuchiki estate changed; the tension and apprehension behind closed screen doors did not fit in with the cheerful image of fluttering leaves outside. It takes but a second to destroy a house; it takes an eternity to destroy spring. Byakuya thus married Hisana in that very same park, being sure to reassure her every step of the way.
It was strange for a man who had been so serious for so long, to go so much out of his way for the happiness of another—to want to give up anything and everything for the sake of one person. Often, he asked himself, silently, begrudgingly, if his efforts were worth it, and if she even returned these feelings that were breaking his façade down.
He wouldn't ever know of the times in which she looked at his peaceful, sleeping form next to her with tears in her eyes, and cursed herself for not being good enough for him.
When
the withering leaves change color, I am next to you
And as the
passing days fade, our love changes
Three years, and Byakuya was used to coming home to a pensive wife and a quiet house. He looked at her without words, and she shook her head in equal silence. Her search for the little sister she loved so much had turned up fruitless again today, and he knew that each time her heart breaks a little more. He pretended not to notice how she was slipping away from him, and she pretended that nothing really changed.
But
please, let these trees
Protect these feelings
Silently rustle
your leaves above us,
Just one more time…
And so he tried with everything in him to cheer Hisana up; to remind her of her beauty, and to convince her that Rukia will be found soon. He took her on afternoon walks whenever he could, under those familiar pink flowers they so cherished in what seemed lifetimes ago. She stiffened in his arms as they passed a family and saw two sisters so cheerfully chasing each other, their laughter rivaling the radiance of the greenery surrounding them. Moments pass, and he felt her trembling with growing sobs.
Neither of them knew it at the time, but the intensity of her trembling was not brought on just by her weeping; instead, it was the beginning signs of her fading--the initial stages of their autumn.
Before
long, the seasons will pass,
And we will be taken somewhere
else.
But right now, there's only one thing I know
Embrace
me, silently
The next spring went uncelebrated as Hisana started to grow weaker. Many long winters and tireless searches had manifested themselves into a consuming illness that slowly stole bits of her away. The emotional turmoil involving Rukia now took on a physical form, and even though Hisana was the one inflicted, Byakuya felt as if he were the one sick. Her recovery periods, no matter how short they were, were the only peeks of happiness they peered at those days. One such period was even heightened by the discovery of her pregnancy. And yet there are reasons why certain individuals do not have a shred of optimism; dreams and wishes are crushed so much more quickly than they are built up.
Covered
by the snow, the feelings get lost
The footprints vanish, sounds
disappear in vain
Hisana had a miscarriage just several weeks later, but not before choking up a substantial amount of her own life through crimson rivers of blood. This time, there was no recession. This time, there were no windows of happiness. Spring left, and so did she. She didn't live independently from her bed afterward. Byakuya didn't want to leave her side, even though a part of him wanted to stay in bed himself, and hide, hide away from the sunlight which no longer reminded them of their blissful days. That uncaring sun that looked down at them indifferently; that sun that was still going to shine regardless, though his wife wouldn't for long.
It took him more strength that he ever needed in battle to support her during those days.
But
please, let these trees
Protect these feelings
So that, frozen
in eternity
We may live on here
Losing her baby sister was already enough to do her a lifetime of damage; and losing her own baby seemed to worsen her condition tenfold. Byakuya kept this in mind during those sleepless nights; those long hours in which he slept by her side and listened to her whimper softly. Even in her sleep, she couldn't escape her pain.
"Your wife will die…soon."
Unohana's words wouldn't leave his mind, each repetition feeling heavier and heavier. And so when it did happen the following spring, when she took her last gasping breaths and asked him to find and protect her sister, Byakuya felt as if the weights on his heart would surely crush him. He wanted her to keep fighting, he wanted her to look outside and past the husband that failed to save her to see the new cherry blossoms blooming. Those blossoms that she now resembled more than ever, laying on the futon so frail and fragile…those blossoms that had brought them together and were now witnessing their parting.
Her thin chest rose and fell gently as she said his name slowly and with tears, told him that being with him had been like a dream for her. And when she closed those eyes, still bright even in illness, for the last time, Byakuya wanted to go with her. To the new, good life without pain and suffering that she so deserved.
The
trees around us told us softly,
That we would both see:
People
don't have to be limited to one place
It's now decades later and spring again. Byakuya sits in his office, surrounded by his paperwork when a blossom flutters inside the open window and lands on his desk. Without a word, he gently picks up the flower, walks to her shrine, and places it next to her picture.
Senbonzakura. A thousand cherry blossoms, and a thousand reasons to remember.
Spring is life, and it could be death, but whatever it is, it never goes without showing its power. The power to bring two people from opposite sides of the earth together, to give them both a glance at heaven and to pull them apart too early. And still, the divine universe had its way of reuniting two such people even many years later.
Spring is togetherness, spring is separation, but always, spring is eternal. And so is their love.
When
the cherryblossom colors flutter, I'm alone
Savoring my thoughts
of you…
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FIN
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