Harry Potter and the Mystic Kettle of Nackledirk
Thee-Unknown-Factor: Hey, you didn't listen! I told you to read HP and the Something Something Something before this…it would make more sense….oh, bleh, whatever. Thanks for your review! Yeah, not exactly a great literary work. Actually, THIS parody is supposed to be book seven, not book six. :) My more serious stories I don't think are all that great…my poetry is usually pretty serious, though. But, anyway, YES, HPB SHOULD COME OUT! NOW!
Remember Cedric Diggory: Er…I did that on…purpose? XD Just kidding. That was an accident, but, hey, if you made you laugh, who careses? And OF COURSE, its not the Harry Potter peoples that live in a different times, its me! I live in Super Shayde time. :) So its my fault, darn it.
Avalon Estel: Thanks! Mwahahaha, I am the queen of randomness…kinda. MATH IS GREAT! LETS WORSHIP MATH! Well, at least changing phrases to algebraic expressions, which is eeez-zeee. Yeah, on JK's site when she was cutting down the Mark Evans had a really important role rumor, she was like: "You must have all thought: Of course! Mark Evans is the answer to everything! He's the Half-Blood Prince! He's Harry's great-grandmother! He owns the Mystic Kettle of Nackledirk!"…or something like that. I think. XD And…also…:gulp: Alu, I took your Bella "Home on The Range" idea…hope that's okay!
Ash Vault Rose Garden: Thanks, hehe!
A/N: Also, I'm sorry that some sentences have exclamation marks instead of question ones. keeps deleting my question marks! Its very strange…maybe I should just stop using both of the marks together?
Chapter Two: What Does That Have To Do With Cream Puffs?
"So, why were you guys hiding in the broom closet, anyway?" Ron asked, confused.
"Because," the Ravenclaw whispered, "We are the heirs of our respective houses."
"Well," Hagrid said, coming over, "Because you're all heir-y and stuff, you're all getting O's!"
"COOL, BRIBERY!" everyone shrieked.
"And we're all fighting against Voldemort," the Gryffindor added, "Well, except for the Slytherin guy. He's just kinda there to steal people's cream puffs."
"Yup," the Slytherin agreed. "I'm too cool for school!"
"What does that have to do with cream puffs?" Harry demanded.
"I dunno," the Slytherin said.
"Oh," Harry said.
"ANYWAY," the Hufflepuff cut in, "We're here to help you get the Kettle of Nackledirk, as well."
"NOT ON MY WATCH!" Malfoy shrieked, running into the Great Hall in a chicken suit.
"ITS DRACO MALFOY, THE AMAZING BOUNCING FERRET!" the Ravenclaw yelled, "SEIZE HIM!"
But the Hufflepuff had a better idea. She threw the cream puffs at Draco!
Snape came running in, eyes wide. He pointed at Draco with a shaking finger.
"YOU!" he roared, "MY MODEL STUDENT! YOU STOLE MY CREAM PUFFS!"
"Plus he's wearing a chicken suit," Dumbledore whispered helpfully.
"PLUS YOU'RE WEARING A CHICKEN SUIT!" Snape hollered.
"HOME, HOME ON THE RANGEEEE!" Bellatrix Lestrange shrieked, swinging in on a vine through another one of the windows.
"NOOOO," Snape yelled, running away and covering his ears.
"Oh no!" Neville gasped, "Its Bellatrix Lestrange! I must protect my love Luna from the fate that befell my parents! Bellatrix will surely torture those I love to get to me!" He grabbed Luna, who blinked, and duckedunder the table.
"Since when has Neville been so heroic?" Ron demanded, but there was no time for anyone to answer, as….
BELLA WAS TRYING TO CAPTURE THE FOUR HEIRS! AND NO ONE COULD LET THAT HAPPEN!
Harry let out a moan. "NOOOO," he moaned, running over to Bella in slow motion, "Do not take my friends!"
"We're friends already?" the Slytherin asked, blinking.
"Well, no," Harry admitted.
AND IN THAT SPLIT SECOND OF HIS REPLY, BELLA HAD TAKEN THEM AWAY!
Had the Slytherin done so purposely? Was he on Voldy's side? Harry would have pondered these questions further had not JK fried his brain for thinking the word 'Voldy'. Fried whatever was left of his brain, anyway.
"VOLDY VOLDY VOLDY VOLDY VOLDY!" Snape screamed, who was becoming extremely suicidal in his lack of cream puffs. JK fried him with her laser-beam-y eyes.
"He'll come around," Hermione shrugged.
"WE MUST SAVE THE HEIRS!" Dumbledore announced. "Everyone jump on a thestral!"
Everyone could see them, just to make things less complicated.
"LENARD NIMOY!" Neville shrieked suddenly.
"Huh?" Harry asked stupidly.
And in that split second, while everyone was focusing on Neville, VOLDEMORT, WITH A LOUD 'ZAP!' NOISE, APPEARED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM!
"I heard Michael Jackson was arriving?" he asked blandly.
"Nope, but we're getting a fresh supply of really cool subtraction tomorrow!" Hermione said eagerly.
"And reactions!" Ron added.
"And actions!" Harry added.
"Oh," Voldemort said. And then he dissappeared.
"I don't want to be a young grasshopper anymore," Harry whined suddenly. "I want to be a young praying mantis."
"Sorry, kid, can't do that," the author said, "That's just how it goes."
"But praying mantises are cool," Harry whined.
THE END OF CHAPTER TWO
