Confidence

Kathleen's Room

Noon

It has been a long time since I wrote last. It has been about a month. I have had a birthday, so I am now 16. And I am miserable. I hate my life. WHY DID HE DO THAT? WHAT POSSESSED HIM TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? I haven't told anyone. Not even Kathleen. I only told her that Christopher and I broke up, to say in the least. She pitied me, but she doesn't understand why I am so depressed. She keeps saying "For heaven's sake Lil! He was only a boy!" No Kath, he was a disgusting, slimy, horrible pervert.

James has written me three letters. One a day after the incident, promising that he would tell no one, one on my birthday with a gift of very pretty stationary, and a third yesterday asking me how I was doing. I have given short sweet replies. I hope he doesn't expect more.

We are going back to Hogwarts in a week. So I am going back to Diagon Alley tomorrow. I hope I don't break down. I am not writing a lot because I just don't have the energy, so I will explain my trip to Diagon Alley in my next entry.

Lily

In the Garden

3:00 pm

I went. I got my supplies. I saw Sandra and Aubrey. We talked for a bit, Sandra noticed that I was a little "under the weather". When she said that I laughed a little. I saw James also. He waved at me and winked, but I just smiled.

I saw Christopher. He was there with an older taller version of him that I think was his older brother. I almost died when I saw him. He ignored me after he gave me a weird expression after I glared at him. "What's the matte with you Lil?' asked Kathleen, "Most people are sometimes even friendly with their ex! Why are you glaring at him?"

"He let me go pretty hard." Was all I said before hurrying into the bookshop. They three decided that I as acting pretty weird and bugged me all day. Sandra kept trying to get me to talk to her about my feelings. Aubrey told me that kissing other guys seem to help her and that I needed a guy to kiss. But the incident happened while I was kissing a guy that would make me feel worse. Kathleen told me to shape up and get over it.

Yeah Great friends huh?

Lily

In the barn

Noon

So now Kathleen told her entire household about how weird I am acting. So I am hiding from her mother, who is convinced I need someone to talk to. I know I do, but not to someone else's mother! Besides, I've finally talked to someone already.

Not Kathleen. Audra. She sort of hunted me down, and found me. I was in the barn like I am now. I am willing to hang around the animals in order to get away from Kath and the rest of the family. Audra walked right to where I was hiding as if she was following me! She sat in the straw right next to me. And looked me right in the eye and said "He took advantage of you didn't he?"

I was shocked. How in the world did she know? I mean seriously! Was I really that obvious? I was hoping to make it out as my first break up. I asked her how she knew and Audra stood and looked around the barn for a second before sitting down closer to me. "You're not the only girl to have that happen to her." She whispered, "So who's the bloody git?"

"Christopher Hopkins" I said sadly.

Audra fell over and gasped. "It runs in the family." She sighed. "The horrible ugly vampire who hurt me was Jackob Hopkins. He is Christopher's big brother. Christopher was only 6 when Jake raped me. He was so cute. He had big eyes, fat cheeks. He caught his older brother in the act, and sadly, wasn't surprised. I was so sad for the poor little boy."

I suddenly felt so sorry for Christopher. But I didn't know what I was going to do. Christopher was also taught to do it to many girls if Audra wasn't lying. I don't want other girls to go through what I went through, but I don't want to run off and tattle tale. What if Christopher got mad and tried to hurt me for telling? Oh!

Lily

In Kathleen's Room

9:00 pm

I have decided that I am not afraid of Christopher. He is a horrible boy who, I hope, hasn't gotten another girl. That would be horrible. I would feel like it was my fault if I heard about it. So I am going to go and tell Professor McGonagall when I get back to Hogwarts. She would know what to do I hope.

Audra promised she wouldn't tell anyone what happened because she said she understood that I would feel stupid and didn't want people to think I was weak. Now that I have told someone I feel more like myself though. And Kathleen is not bugging me as much about being too weird. Which is very good. So I am going back to Hogwarts in half a week. I can't wait. I want to see James and thank him for what he did that night.

Well I need to got to bed, I am so tired. I haven't slept well in so long.

Lily.