Harry Potter and the Mystic Kettle of Nackledirk
Remember Cedric Diggory: Well, the cream puffs were demanding a raise! I had to cut them out of a couple of chapters to, er, cut down the costs. Whoa, you're like, pyschic. With the praying mantis thingy.
Harry: HEY, I'M THE ONLY PRAYING MANTIS ROUND HERE!
Me: Quiet down, dear boy. :patpat: Someday, someday…or not.
A Cute But Pyscho Bunny: Hahahahaha. I stolded it! Oh my god, that Toenail idea is soooo gross but a super-cool idea. I may use it…mwahahaha. Seriously, dude, you should write a fic yourself with all these crazy idea! Please write one! And I shall review it! MWAHAHA!
Avalon Estel: Hey, thanks! It was all my idea…well, kind of.
Naoko Tasaki: Homework on the weekend STINKS! The karma joke was "My karma ran over my catma", not a dogma…but, I dunno. Maybe she did, I'm not sure. I've never read the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, it never looked too interesting to me. I'm updating, I'm updating! REJOICE!
Watergal01: Totally, dude. The LOTR moments have totally lessened! I NEED MORE! I'll try to include one in this chapteroso. Oooh, I like the heir idea..but I think you mean Aly, Mandy, Misty, and Erica? 'Cause Kristy kind of died. XD
Faint Hate: Whoo, that review confused me. Yay for NOT snorting Jell-O out of noses! And yay for Holi, and spraying people with paint! Whoooo!
Ash Vault Rose Garden: Aww, now I feel…little. Hey, I was alive in the 90's! Sniffle!
Henrietta-Black: Oops, I forgot about that…Well, the story is truly nonsensical in every way concievable, I believe…and it's another mistake to add to the "seven weeks" category!...Or I might make something up, hee hee hee.
The-Book-Dragon: Aww, I'm sorry about your dog, I'm glad she was okay! Yeah, cream puffs don't sound all that good…but they're mentioned EXTREMELY BRIEFLY in one of my favorite books – Milkweed by Jerry Spinelli! Whee!
Elvengirl9: Wow! You're back from the dead! What happened? Did you go on vacation or something of the sort…? Confusionness…but thankses! And Snape WILL get his cream puffs…someday…someday I say!
EE's Skysong: Wow, CBPB is starting a whole bunch of trends here! Wowzas! Thanks!
Chapter Four: WILLIAM SPUNK-AY-PANTZ
In which the karma returns
"WHOOO!" Severus Snape whooped, riding into the Great Hall with his newly stolen karma, holding his arms up in joy. Suddenly, he heard a loud 'SQUIIIISH'! He looked down, dissappointed as the car stopped moving. "Eh?" he demanded, climbing out and looking under the car. And what was there but a…squished dog.
"FINALLY!" Snape screamed, "THE BANE OF MY LIFE IS GONE!"
"Hey, what about me?" the Slytherin heir demanded, crossing his arms.
"YOU! THE CREAM PUFF STEALER!" Snape shrieked, running after the kid for exactly five seconds until he halted, realizing something…
"HEY!" Dumbledore yelled, "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be trapped by Bellatrix Lestrange!"
"Trapped?" the Slytherin cackled. "I am…UN-TRAPPABLE!"
Then he did a little dance.
Harry's eyes widened. He strided forward and waved a hand in the Slytherin's face and demanded threateningly, "Hey, man, who are you?"
"Me?" the Slytherin asked innocently, "I'm no one…NO ONE BUT…" He shook violently, obviously transforming into something terrible, his eyes widening and turning a shocking red as tufts of his black hair fell from his head… "NO ONE, HARRY POTTER, NO ONE BUT LORD VOLDEMORT!"
Harry gasped. "YOU!" he said, rather pointlessly.
"I WANT MY KARMA!" Dumbledore wailed, running over to it and then driving away.
"HEY!" Snape screamed, "GIVE THAT BACK!"
But it was too late. Dumbledore was already driving and snacking on the cream puffs in the glove compartment.
"NOOO," Snape wailed, "I am all sad and angsty!"
"So am I," Harry whined, "My godfather's dead, dude!"
"Plus your worst enemy is RIGHT HERE," Voldemort said impatiently.
"That too," Harry added thoughtfully.
"I need my subtraction!" Hermione wailed.
"GET OVER IT!" barked Ron.
Then everybody wailed over Sirius, except for Snape and Dumbledore.
"He isn't moving," Luna observed calmly.
"Well, duh, Sherlock," Ron snorted, "He's d-e-a-d!"
"HOW DARE YOU INSULT HER!" Neville shrieked, flicking the Toenail of Icklibogg out of his pocket and flinging it at Ron. "DIE, RED-HEADED, FRECKLY ONE!"
"GULP!" Ron gulped as the Toenail was thrust at him.
"NOOO," Harry wailed, jumping in front of it. The Toenail was lodged into his own toe now! (Neville had horrible aim.)
"OWW!" he moaned.
"Sorry, mate," Ron said sheepishly.
Harry gingerly pulled the toenail out of his toe. It was very bloody by now, and so was his toe.
"You're looking very red today," Luna remarked blandly.
"Indeed," Harry agreed, but then his eyes widened at the toenail.
"THIS TOENAIL RESEMBLES THE GREAT PLAYWRIGHT WILLIAM FUNKYPANTS!"
"Funkypants?" Ron said blankly.
"Funkypants?" Hermione said, aghast.
"I'VE GOT THE FUNKIEST PANTS IN ALL THE WORLD, YO!" William Funkypants announced, strolling into the room. He did indeed have funky pants. They were lime green.
"William Funkypants!" Harry gasped.
"Well, actually," said William Funkypants, "I prefer William Spunkypants, to tell you the truth." Then he walked away.
"COOL!" Harry yelled.
"BRIBERY!" the rest of the people in the room chorused.
"Totally, dude," Harry agreed.
THE END OF CHAPTER FOUR
