How Shall One Don A Missing Hat?
"That was embarrassing and just completely stupid."
"It looked like my hat! What, do I just go up to him and ask him, 'Excuse me, good sir, but by any chance are you wearing my hat?'"
"It would've been less awkward than beating the crud outta him and demanding an explanation for 'hat pilfering of The Gene' when the hat CLEARLY wasn't yours, you idiot!" Kid seethed, clawing his baseball cap frustratingly. "Gee, I wonder what this Sports Star Golf Issue is gonna say about you this time! How about 'The Gene – Lost His Head, or His Hat?'"
"Do shut up, Kid," Gene retorted, lifting his arm up to tilt his hat when it stopped midway and returned back to the obnoxious man's side. "You are not making the situation any better."
"Reports have indicated that former Links champ Gene Yuss has been going around several areas in the Marion Golfing Community, demanding to know of what has happened with his hat," Kid started, pretending to write on a pad of paper with a pen. "Apparently, it seems as though Gene has lost more than just his title; it appears to be that he has lost his hat, and, as others would comment snidely, his sanity as well."
"Shut up." Gene hissed, slumping as he trudged along the lush grasses of the Palms Club.
"When questioned about the loss of his supposedly most favored personal belonging, Gene claims that somebody had stolen it, despite the fact that many believe he just lost it somewhere instead of this ridiculous little folly of the infamous golfer," Kid continued.
"What part of 'shut up' don't you understand?"
"'Either Gene's just in love with this thing, or he's not getting enough sleep,' quotes a man, who was attacked by Gene from a mistaken identity of fashion and headgear."
"Do not make me hurt you, Kid!"
"'Or, he just got hit on the head with one too many golf balls.'"
At that moment a golf ball suddenly met with the back of Kid's head, causing him to yelp as his knees buckled slightly. "Ow, crud!" Kid cried, rubbing the back of his head and wincing. "Doesn't anybody know how to call out 'Fore!' these days?"
"Sorry, Kid," a voice said as the Palms Club Champ Sherry approached the two Links Club Champs. She gave a sheepish laugh and picked up the golf ball that had collided with Kid's head. "I guess I was too quiet that time."
Kid's scowl was replaced with a wry smile. "Gee, well, start making more noise, Sherry, otherwise I might get another really bad injury!" he joked, laughing with her.
It was then that Sherry noticed Gene looking around at people's hats. "Who's your friend, Kid?" she asked.
Kid shushed her with wide eyes. "Lower your voice, Sherry," he warned, noticing a woman with red hair and a sleeveless blue dress running up to them. "It's Gene, alright? If anybody else decides to ask him who the heck he is, he'll probably kill them!"
"Sherry! I told you, use an iron instead of a wood, to fade slightly, and – oh, hello, Kid!" the woman said, looking at him and giving a smile. "What brings you here?"
"Well, well, well. Grace, giving Sherry criticism, especially when you're not the Palms Club Champ anymore?" Gene said, giving a smug grin. "How sad, especially when you're using my criticism for your technique? I'm touched, really."
Instead of responding to his snide comment, the woman called Grace blinked and asked, "I'm sorry, but who are you? Not to sound rude, since you were rather rude to me, sir…"
Kid and Sherry exchanged nervous glances. "Hey, Grace, can I use your room as my trophy cabinet?" the younger, shorter redhead questioned, chuckling weakly.
"You should, really," Gene growled, glaring daggers at a confused Grace. "Once The Gene's done with you, I don't think you need any more luxuries."
Grace arched an eyebrow at him. Her eyes widened. "Whu – Gene?" she gasped. "I didn't notice you at first!"
"Join the club," Sherry murmured, avoiding Gene's eyes. "I dunno, I'm just used to Gene with his hat. If Kid removed his hat…yeah, I dunno, hat hair suits him, but I like you better with the hat."
Kid chuckled sheepishly. "Er, speaking of which, what happened to your hat, Gene?" Grace said, tilting her head to the side.
Gene scoffed. "My hat?" he echoed. "My hat? My hat, you say?"
"Your hat? Your hat? Yes, your hat, I say," Grace replied, feeling rather suspicious now. "What happened to it? Did the Links winds finally blow it off?"
The golfer just laughed, a bit too strong a laugh. "Well, I just…well, I feel as though that The Gene has worn the hat so many times, that I should just take a break once in a while," he explained. He gave her a smirk.
Sherry looked at Kid with a questioning face. He just shook his head and mouthed, "No."
Grace was also unmoved. She sighed and placed a hand on Gene's shoulder. "Gene, please, before you hurt something, or pass out?" she asked. "Holding in your depression is not healthy for you. So…c'mon, let's have it. Three, two…"
"My hat! It's gooooooooone!" Gene bawled, bursting into a fresh set of tears and throwing his arms around Grace, burying his face into her dress while she simply rolled her eyes.
"Well, that isn't good," she responded, patting his back sympathetically as she tried not to pass out from lack of oxygen.
"Sheesh, Gene, this is why you should pay more attention to your stuff instead of losing it!" Sherry remarked.
"But I didn't lose it!" was his sorrowful reply. He sniffed and buried his head back in Grace's dress. "It has been stolen from The Gene! Gone! Vanished! Nicked from under my nose! Looted from my laziness! Purloined before my preparation, and activating my alliteration abilities!"
"Okay, you're scaring me right now, but yeah, that's awful!" Sherry said, narrowing her eyes. "Why would anybody stoop so low?"
Kid shrugged. "I dunno," he murmured. "A lot of people kinda hate Gene."
"No, I meant who would do this to us?" Sherry corrected, pointing at Gene still not under control as Grace stood there, looking rather bothered at the moment.
Kid blinked, then nodded. "Okay, I'm with you there," he said. "Did you know how many people I had to ask about a missing hat? It was humiliating! Absolutely humiliating! And when I try telling Yuss here to suck it up, he spazzes."
"Well, he's always been a spaz," Sherry pointed out.
"Still. I can't take anymore pointless emotional breakdowns from him! This is getting annoying."
"Leave him alone already," Grace told them, looking almost ready for a breakdown herself. "We know Gene. Alright, Gene, I'll see if I can find your hat. In fact, I think we should start a search party of…"
"One," Kid said, turning his cap backwards and placing his hands behind his head. "Count me out!"
"TRAITOR!" Gene wailed, causing Grace to flinch. "Kid, how could you do this to me?"
"Okay, okay, FINE!" Kid snapped, clawing thin air. "I'll do it! But only if somebody else besides you joins the little search party for your dearly beloved!"
"I'll join!" Sherry said, stepping next to Kid and raising her hand.
Kid's jaw fell open, and he pointed to it and to the ground to indicate his surprise. "I'm shocked, Sherry," he murmured. "You sacrifice your dignity just to help Gene find his hat?"
"Stop insulting me already!" Gene sniffed, calming down a bit and actually loosening his grip on Grace. "Can't you see The Gene is in complete helplessness as of now? How can you have such a black heart?"
Kid was about to say something else before he decided not to. "Yeah, Kid!" Sherry said, looking at him harshly. "I mean, he's your friend. And rival. But the least you could do is help somebody in need!"
The man with the red shirt stared at her for some time before he rolled his eyes and fixed his cap. "Well," he said, smiling at Sherry and then at Gene, "Sherry makes three, and I'm sorry for my actions, Gene. So…shall Grace make four?"
"Oh, no no no no no no!" Grace cried, raising her hands up in the air. "Not a chance! I'm not joining this wild goose chase! You can just report it to Lost and Found."
"Grace, I beg of you for this favor!" Gene pleaded, collapsing on his knees. He looked up at her desperately and clasped his hands. "Have mercy and find the voice inside you that tells you to help me!"
Grace was shocked, and, though a bit cruel for her, rather amused by this. "Mmm, so now The Gene, His Greatly Respected Highness of Birdies, Master of Golf and Respected By All, asks the simple, unskilled, overlooked Grace, to help him?" she acknowledged, blatantly smiling arrogantly as she stared down at him.
Gene looked away, almost as though he was about to give up something as great as all his titles combined together. "Don't push it, Grace, don't you even try pushing it with The Gene," he hissed.
Kid moved his head near Sherry's ear. "Got any popcorn on you?" he whispered. "This could take some time."
Sherry groaned. "If this keeps up, I don't think we'll even get a chance to find his hat!" she said.
"Hey, cool!"
"Kid!"
"I mean…oh, dear."
"I mean, why should I help The Gene anyway?" Grace continued wondering aloud, strutting circles around him. "After all, I'm just an amateur compared to his greatness. Unless, of course, I'm also great, and he's not…"
"This is torture!" Gene whined, balling a fist. "Why, oh why do you torture me so?"
"So…in order for me to accept such a great privilege and embark on such a task of sheer importance, I truly must be extraordinary!" Grace said, and looked at Gene. Her face was triumphant. "Gene, you're gonna have to do more than beg like a puppy dog," she exclaimed firmly. "That's pathetic. Show a little respect to The Grace as well, now, please?"
She waited patiently while Gene quivered with an unstable pride. Kid snickered and had his hand over his mouth while Sherry clasped her hands behind her back, shaking with mirth and suppressing a smile.
Finally, his dignity shattered, and Gene groaned. "Grace, Oh Beautiful Princess of Women's Golf and more superior than The Gene himself in many ways possible…will you help me before I kill you with my bare hands?" he grumbled, looking away from her.
Grace grinned. "Yes, Gene, thank you, I will help you," she said, patting him on the head like a kitten (much to his instant annoyance). "And then when we're done…I know you cannot be somebody else, so I won't make you stop being such a critic."
Gene cursed under his breath. "Okay, so I think we should split up in singles!" Sherry said. She winked at Kid. "To avoid stress and all."
"Thanks," Kid said. "It doesn't really help, though. So…let's split up, and meet back at the Marion Lounge Café at six o'clock sharp!"
"The four musketeers!" Sherry laughed. She raised a golf club in the air. "All for one, and…one for Gene." She looked at him. "Hey, what do we get in return?"
Gene's eyes shifted around. "Er, well, uh…" he stammered.
"Forget she asked," Grace groaned, rolling her eyes. "As Putts would say, let's sally on!"
"What the heck does 'sally' mean anyway?" Kid asked.
"I always thought it was just a name," Sherry said, shrugging.
Gene and Grace exchanged glances before scoffing haughtily and walking off. Kid and Sherry just rolled their eyes at them.
To Be Continued…
