Harry Potter and the Mystic Kettle of Nackledirk
To all the people that reviewed Chapter Six: I am too lazy to reply to you. Hah! But, I will say what the songs were.
Unnecessary Song #1: "Ha Ha You're Dead" by Green Day(Yay for Green Day!)
Unnecessary Song #2: "Spam" by Save Ferris(This song semi-annoys me.)
Unnecessary Song #3: "Shut Up" by Simple Plan(I HATE SIMPLE PLAN.)
Okay, anyone who knew those gets a cookie for each one they got right. :) There will be more unnecessary songs in this chapter! Also, Remember Cedric Diggory, there were praying mantises in the chapter – I noticed there weren't right after I uploaded the chapter and put it on the story, and then edited the chapter, but this site is ANNOYING and didn't update the story until hours later. Sorry!
Also, sorry this chapter took SOOOOO long.
Chapter Seven: Made In Ohio!
In which Voldemort reveals a SECRET
So, Voldemort and Erica brought Harry to Voldy's secret lair in the woods.
Harry was not happy about this, so he screamed and flailed the whole way.
"SILENCE!" Voldemort shrieked, "WILL YOU EVER BE QUIET?"
"No," Harry said defiantly.
Voldemort glared. Harry glared. Voldemort glared. Harry glared. Erica sang while Voldemort wasn't paying attention.
((UNNECESSARY SONG #4))
"Sing like you think no one's listening," she warbled, "You would kill for this, just a little bit! Just a little bit, you would kill for this! Sing me something soft, sad and delicate! Or loud and out of key! Sing me anything!"
Neither Harry nor Voldemort were paying attention. Harry glared. Voldemort glared. Harry blinked. Voldemort blinked.
They finally reached the lair.
"You killed my father!" Harry spat at Voldemort.
"No, Harry," Voldemort said seriously, "I am your father."
"No you're not," Harry argued, "You're my cousin."
"Oh yeah," Voldemort said, confused. He paused. "BUT I DO HAVE A DIFFERENT SECRET!" he yelled. Starting to sob, he pulled up his t-shirt(don't ask me why he wasn't wearing robes) and on his back three large words were written in thick, black ink.
"MADE IN OHIO?" Harry screamed, reading them.
"Yes, Harry," Voldemort cried, "I was made in Ohio."
"EEEEW!" Erica shrieked, "That's why you have that weird factory smell! I thought you were just kind of stinky!"
"BE QUIET!" Voldemort yelled through his tears.
This upsetted Erica, so she began to sing.
((UNNECESSARY SONG #5))
"I can't make it on my own," she sobbed, "Because my 'eart is in O'io! So cut my wrists and black my eyes, so I can fall asleep tonight, or die! Because you kill me! You know you do, you kill me well! You like it too, and I can tell! You never stop until my final breath is gone!"
"YOU'RE SUCH A JERK!" she hollered at Voldemort, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MADE IN OHIO! NOW MY HEART IS STUCK THERE AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!"
"But Ohio is for lovers," Voldemort whispered, "Your heart has a right to be there!"
"I DON'T CARE!" Erica screamed, "I'M ALL ALONE! AND YOU SMELL LIKE OLD BALOGNA! AND I'M LONELY!"
"Ew, balogna," Harry said, wrinkling his nose.
Erica ran away, crying.
"WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THESE CRYING GIRLS?" Harry demanded.
"I dunno," Voldemort said, filing his nails.
Then he walked away. Erica ran back in, knowing he was gone.
"I have a secret too," she said, her eyes red as they darted around fearfully.
"You do?" Harry asked.
"Yes," she said, tears streaming down her face. She turned around and lifted up her hair, revealing the back of her neck.
"MADE IN CHINA!" Harry shrieked.
Erica turned back around, and stared at him, ashamed.
"Yes," she sniffled.
"You're annoying," Harry not-sniffled, "Go away."
"FINE!" Erica screamed, stomping off.
"Maybe I didn't really have parents," Harry said, once he was alone. "Maybe I was Made In Taiwan!"
"I was Made In Canada!" the Heir of Gryffindor said proudly.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!" Harry shrieked, "You're supposed to captured!"
"I am captured," the Gryffindor heir pouted, "But you're kind of stupid, so they had to make it easy for you to find us."
"Oh," Harry said.
And then the other two heirs popped out of nowhere.
And then all the people that had been flying on their nonexistent wings charged in.
"GIVE US HARRY!" they yelled, thinking Voldy would be at the doorway.
"Oh," they all said, realizing he wasn't.
"Hi, Harry!" Ron said cheerfully.
"OH, RON, I LOVE YOU!" Hermione shrieked, finally confirming her feelings. (Sorry for you Harry/Hermione shippers out there.)
"I love you too, 'Mione!" Ron yelled.
((UNNECESSARY SONG #6))
"You make me wanna la la!" Hermione sang, "In the kitchen on the floor! I'll be a French maid, when I'll meet you at the door! I'm like an alley cat! Drink the milk up, I want more! You make me wanna…you make me wanna scream!"
"Uhh," Ron said nervously, "Okay then."
"Its true!" Hermione insisted.
"Couldn't 'I love you' have been enough?" Harry said irritably.
"No," Hermione said.
SUDDENLY, Erica ran back in! She blocked the doorway, armed with a wand and a stick.
"DON'T COME NEAR ME!" Erica shrieked, "I HAVE A STICK!"
"Oh no!" Luna said, "What should we do?"
"I don't know," Harry sobbed, "I just don't know."
THE END OF CHAPTER SEVEN
A/N: Whoever gets a song gets CHOCOLATE! MWAHAHA!
