Through Hazel Eyes Part 2

Ddoskocil

A/N: Sorry this took a little longer. Been busy with RL. Anywho, last installment of this story. No, really. I promise no more. Hope you enjoyed it.

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John half-heartedly hit the punching bag in front of him. He blew it. Rodney had asked him a simple question and he couldn't even answer it. He couldn't even answer the fucking question. He hit the bag a little harder. It was such an easy question, too. He could have answered it. There were hundreds of things he never told anyone else that he could tell Rodney. He threw another punch before he grabbed his bag and stalked out of the gym.

He was halfway through he shower when he made the decision. He rinsed and dressed without even drying off. He made a mad dash to the labs, fully expecting Rodney to be working. He practically ran through the door and almost barreled into Zelenka.

"Hey, Doc," he said, trying to sound nonchalant as he looked around the lab. "Is McKay around?"

Zelenka pushed his glasses up on his nose. "No, Colonel. Rodney did not come back after the jumper tests. I do not know where he went."

John tried to shrug, but he wasn't sure he pulled it off. His mind was whirling as he thought up all the places Rodney could possibly be. He paced for a moment than snapped his fingers, delighted that he figured it out. He pressed his radio. "McKay, come in," he stated. There was no answer. John tried again, but the result was the same. John felt a little defeated before another idea came to him. He snapped his fingers twice and touched his radio again. "Control room, this is Sheppard. Is Rodney there?"

"Sorry, Colonel. No one's seen Doctor McKay since this morning," came the response. John glanced at Zelenka, but the scientist was already working on his project. John smiled, grateful, but he didn't have time to be grateful for long. He had to find Rodney.

He strolled from the labs, but ducked back in a few seconds later. Zelenka looked up as John snatched a life signs detector from the desk. "I'm borrowing this."

He scanned the area: control room, mess hall, balconies, several labs, but Rodney was nowhere to be found. John was about to give up when he happened into the personnel areas. A signal popped up in Rodney's room. John stopped at the door, uncertain of how to proceed.

"Rodney?" he asked hesitantly. "Rodney? You in there?" He felt stupid for a moment. Of course Rodney was in there. He could see it on the life scanner. But Rodney did not move from his spot in the room.

"Come on, McKay," he said again, a little louder this time. "Damn it, McKay. Open the damn door." He curled his hand into a ball and pounded on the door once. Twice. Rodney still did not answer. He leaned against the door and slide down.

"Damn it, McKay. Don't make me beg out here," he said quietly as he covered his eyes with his hands. He waited a fraction of a second before he continued. "Damn it, Rodney. I'm sorry. I fucked up and I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Fuck."

He didn't know how to do this. He didn't know what to say to make Rodney forgive him. "I didn't mean to. I just-fuck, I don't know how to do this. I've never been good at this relationship stuff," he admitted. It was true. He never had a relationship before, just a bunch of dates and fuck buddies. But never a relationship. And the only one he had, he fucked up.

"Rodney, let me in. Please. Please, Rodney." He was practically begging, and John Sheppard did not beg. But Rodney was different. John was sure he would do anything for Rodney.

"Tell me something," Rodney said, interrupting his train of thought.

"What?" He wasn't sure he heard right. "Come on, McKay. Just let me in."

"Just tell me, Sheppard."

John suddenly stood. He didn't need this. Here he was begging and Rodney wanted something that was better left buried. John started to walk away, but stopped four steps out.

John was good at his job, really good at his job, actually. He was smart and handsome and could have any one on the base. None of those mattered if he didn't have Rodney. It sounded corny as he thought it, but Rodney was his other half. He came up with all the ideas. He saved John's ass more times than John could count. He turned back and slammed his fist against the door.

"Damn it, McKay!" He hit the door again. "Damn it. My father kicked me out when I was sixteen. He beat the hell out of me then kicked me to he curb. Didn't even let me get my stuff. He just threw it out of my bedroom window. So, there it is. Something I've never told anyone." He could feel the tears start and squeezed his eyes shut. He did not need to cry over something that happened twenty years ago.

He counted to three. Five. Ten. Sixty. Rodney still did not open the door.

"All right, Rodney. If that's the way you want it. I'll leave you alone," he whispered. He was about to push away when the door flung open to reveal Rodney. The other man stared at him for a second before he ran a hand over his check. John knew he should pull away, but he didn't. Instead, he placed his hand over Rodney's.

"Will you let me in now?" he asked slowly. "Please, Rodney."

Rodney didn't say anything, but he did step aside. John entered the room and sat on the edge of the bed. After a few moments, Rodney joined. They sat in silence for a long while.

"Why'd your dad kick you out?" Rodney suddenly asked. John took a deep breath.

"He caught me making out with my history tutor," he responded before quickly adding, "My male history tutor. He was furious. I thought he was going to kill me."
Another moment of silence followed. John took in several deep breaths as he waited for Rodney to say something.

"Yeah. I had a similar experience. What'd you do?" Rodney finally asked. John glanced at Rodney from the corner of his eye, but he continued with his own story.

"Stayed with an aunt and uncle until I graduated high school. Flew commercially for a few years. I joined the Air Force the minute I heard he was killed. What happen to you?"

"What are you doing here, Sheppard?" Rodney said instead.

"You can't answer a question with a question."

"Well, I just did."

John glared for a moment. "I was serious in the jumper. I miss you, Rodney. And apparently we weren't as sneaky as I thought. Both Ronon and Teyla said I'm extra irritable when you're not there. So-" he answered with a little wave of his hand. He hoped that would be enough of an explanation for Rodney. He was wrong.

"That's it? That's bullshit, Sheppard. You think I'm going to forgive you because Teyla and Ronon think you're more irritable. Well, if that's what you think you can get the hell out now," Rodney leapt to his feet as he barked out his response. John hung his head. So much for trying to say the right thing. He felt like beating his head against the wall.

"That's not what I meant, Rodney. I need you."

"Right. Like you needed that alien chick." John opened his mouth to reply, to say it wasn't like that with Mara, but Rodney cut his off before he could start.

"I don't want to hear you 'need me', okay? I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I want more than that. I want it all. I want the commitment, and from me that's saying a lot. I want the real thing now." Rodney squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I love you, okay? I fucking love you and if you can't love me back, then get out right now."

"Rodney-" It was the only thing John could say. Rodney loved him. Oh, fuck. John loved Rodney. He could feel it welling up in his chest. That little feeling that had been nagging at John, screaming at him when Rodney was in danger, begging him to take Rodney in his arms: it was love.

"I am so serious right now," Rodney replied, obviously taking John's single word as something other than shock. John didn't know how to answer. So he stood and stepped toward Rodney. Then he did something he never thought he would do: he kissed Rodney while they were standing in Atlantis. True, they were in Rodney's room, but the door wasn't locked. It was a big step for John.

Rodney pushed him back and stepped away so there was some space. "That wasn't really an answer. I need an actual answer here. With actual words," he demanded. John smiled.

"I want to do this, Rodney. I want to make it work."

"That means you have to give up some of your extra curricular activities."

"Such as?" John raised an eyebrow.

"Cavorting with alien princesses for one." Okay, he could do that, so he nodded. Rodney seemed to relax a little as he continued. "And no more sneaking off to the Puddle jumpers. And I want you to stay the night."

"Rodney, I-" John started.

"Nope. That's it. Those are the new rules. There shall be lots of hot sex in beds followed by cuddling and sleeping in the same bed. Most nights. We can keep the 'no hot sex on missions' rule," Rodney announced. "And if you can't do that, I'm done. That's what I want, nothing less."
John just stared at Rodney. A slow smile crept over his face as he pretended to think about it. Of course the answer was yes. "All right, McKay, you win," he said. "The beds, the sleeping over, even the cuddling, although I never really thought of you as a cuddler."

"I know, funny isn't it? It's kinda nice though."

"I guess I'll find out. Can we get to the hot sex part now? Hot make-up sex."

"No. I think now we'll get to the sleeping part." John stared at him slack jawed. Rodney just grinned. "Hot sex in the morning."

They striped down and climbed into bed without touching. They lay there for a while side by side, and John wasn't sure what to do. Than Rodney draped his leg over John's and John draped his arm over Rodney. A smile rested on John's face as he drifted to sleep.