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Chapter 3 – For him, for them
He sat in his chair facing the fire drinking his second bottle of firewhiskey. He wasn't thinking about anything in particular. He was actually trying hard not to think. Many nights had passed when he sat just the same. He heard a knock on the door. He knew who it was, and frankly he was surprised that she didn't just walk in.
"Go away Minerva!" He said. The door opened. 'Here we go again.' He thought.
"Minerva, I don't want to talk about it anymore. Just leave me be." He said as he turned toward his door to see Hermione standing there. He glared at her. "What do you want?" He asked. She walked towards him.
"Are you okay? You sped off from dinner quickly. You didn't even eat one bite. I was just going to tell Jemmy so she could reprimand you, when I thought I could do it myself." She said a bit introverted.
"Miss Granger, I am fine. The way I feel is none of your concern." He said turning toward the fire. "You know where the door is." He said shortly.
Hermione sighed. She looked around the room. "You have many books on you shelves. Almost enough to rival my own. Almost." She smiled as she walked toward one of his bookshelves against the wall. "Are you a book collector? Or have you read all of them? There most be at least two hundred to say the least." She said stroking and examining some of the books.
Severus was paying her no mind. He just stared at the fire. "Did Minerva send you here?" He said quietly after a while.
"No, why would she?" She asked. He said nothing.
She continued to look through the books. A few times she would find a book that caught her fancy.
"Were you not excused?" He asked her.
"Oh, I'm not going anywhere until you eat something. You know the staff is worried about you." She said looking up from a book she was looking through.
"I do not care. For the last time Miss Granger, please take your exit." He said.
She ignored him and sat down in a seat parallel to his and began reading. He turned to look at her for the first time since she let herself in. She was completely absorbed in the book she was reading. Her hair was again held up by a quill while strands cascaded her neck and face. She was breathtaking. He couldn't understand what she was doing there. With him. It didn't make any sense. She was better than this. Minerva didn't send her here, he would've known, she was a terrible liar.
"So if Jemmy sends me up some food you'll leave?" He asked.
"Oh, when she comes can you ask her for some tea for me?" She asked.
"Please do not tell me you are planning on staying here. I can do perfectly fine without you. If you would just leave I promise to eat something. I will even tell Jemmy to send you some tea to your quarters. But you have been here long enough." He said.
She frowned. "Do you not like my company?" She asked.
If Severus was truthful with himself he would say yes. He wanted nothing more than to sit with her and read by the fire, or have dinner with her. But he wouldn't bring himself to admit it. "No, Miss Granger, I do not like your company at all." He said knowing that she might just walk away and never try with him again.
She sighed. "That's very disturbing news seeing as how I don't plan to leave your company anytime soon. Severus, do you realize you have no friends aside from Minerva?" She asked. He said nothing; he just stared at the fire.
"It's not healthy. Why can't we just be friends? Don't you ever want someone to talk to?" She asked now standing. "I've had friends, and all that it got me was a dark mark." He said to the fire.
"Severus, you know as well as I do that they were not friends. Gosh, I know you've been through a lot but-." With speed Hermione never imaged possible Severus had her pinned against the wall.
"You know nothing of what I went through in the war! You don't even know half. You couldn't even imagine what I been through inthe little mudblood head of yours! So keep your bloody mouth closed! Who the fuck do you think you are? So fucking self-righteous and selfish! You have not seen what I have while I was protecting you and your friends little precious heads! So don't EVER tell me you know what I'm going through, cause you know nothing of it!" He said as he hit the wall near her head as he bellowed at her.
Hermione was surprised to say the least. She knew he wasn't going to hurt her so she wasn't afraid. But she was worried about him. 'How could he keep all that in?' She thought to herself. She raised her arms to give him a hug to hopefully show him she understood and that he wasn't alone, but he pushed her away.
"I don't need any of your pity." He said as he made his way to his chair.
A part of him wanted to apologize to her for snapping. But there was another half of him that thought she deserved it. He stared at the fire waiting to hear his door slam. He waited in vain. Instead she sat on the floor next to his chair and laid her head against his lap. After a while she spoke.
"You know, I lost my family during the war. I know you, but still. My mother, father, sister, and some friends. There are so many things I wished I would've said, you know? When Ron died… When he died, I died too. I wish I did. I know we were only seventeen, but we were going to get married. I had a future with him, by his side. I know people didn't think much of him, or thought I could do better cause he didn't have two knuts to rub together. But I would've gladly lived penniless forever with him. Then when I heard of the other deaths, Harry, Arthur, Percy, Lavender, Remus, Lee….Dumbledore." She said as she felt him stiffen.
"We've all lost a part of us during the war. You know the whole time after the war I was wishing that I was never a witch. Then I would've never lost anything. I was actually contemplating going back to the muggle world. But then everything everyone I loved died for would be all for naught. It wouldn't be right. I owed it to them to become the best witch I could, to move on. For them." She said.
"Severus, I know that none of the other professors here would completely understand, cause they weren't there like we were. But at least open up to me. Come back to us Severus. Be the wizard that Dumbledore died believing in. If not for yourself, then for him. He deserves it." She said as she got up and walked out of the room. But not before saying. "Do eat something will you? You looked absolutely famished."
Severus sat back in his seat amazed. He understood now what Minerva was pestering him about. Dumbledore did deserve it. He hadn't died because of him, but for him. For all of them. And it was the amazing witch named Hermione Granger that brought this to his attention. Yes, they would be friends.
a/n - thanks to everyone that reviewed, you guys keep me updating. Hope you liked that chapter, kinda shorter than the others.
