How Do I Deal With This?

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. ... Or Bob. Kaiba owns him.

D/N: Wow. I can't believe people actually liked this. o.O Guess I'm continuing this, then! Oh, and a note to all those who read Valentine's Day... Yes, well, generally a 'sorry for the delay' as usual. Hope you all don't hate me too much...

I Like to Review, Review! He Like to Review, Review! She Like to Review, Review! ... I'm Done:

Growing Pain: :D I'm glad you like it so far! Hopefully I won't disappoint you this chapter.

E.Tphonehome: Oh, I can relate to laziness. Trust me. Thanks for reviewing!

Hazel-Beka: o.O Note to Self: Avoid painful death. Hopefully I can actually update this quickly and not leave people wait for months on end like I do with O.D.a.M... But what am I saying? The chances of that happening are as likely as God strolling down to the Devil and saying, 'You know, I've grown quite tired of listening to those annoying mortals complain to me about their problems. Go and tempt them, and you can have them all when they die.' But we can dream, can't we?

Wildace Kelyadry2005: Hope I spelled that right! Anyway, glad you liked it, and I hope you like this chapter too.

Kate Ryou: O.o Yes, master... I have begun writing... Thanks for reviewing... Enjoy the chapter...

Landi McClellan: Glad you think it's so good! Thanks for reviewing my story!

Bluemoon4Sphinx: :D You think so? Thanks a lot! That means a bundle! Also, since you were the first reviewer, have a random candy cane I found on the ground as a present:D

OooOOOooO

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Days left to get Mokuba present: 3, and decreasing.

Days left in therapy: 271

Days left with psychiatrist: 271. He made me have a problem, he can damn well fix it!

Current Time: 7:42 am

Will be leaving for school shortly. Have decided to go and keep mouth shut about conversation with psychiatrist around Mokuba. Mokuba far too young to have to bring to psychiatrist. Psychiatrist might end up telling brother that the reason little brother'shair's so long is because he secretly wants to become a girl. Will then have to kill psychiatrist. May have to kill psychiatrist anyway after accusing me of... of that. Me and Wheeler. Wheeler and me. I, I should say. Seto Wheeler. Joseph Kaiba. Both quite horrendous. Would erase, but must leave for school. Also far too lazy to find backspace bttuon.

Current Time: 11:48am

Lunch not horrible. Am pleased. Hired new cook and sent old one packing. Mokuba yelled and screamed but cook already gone. New cook quite attractive. And female. Must tell to psychiatrist.

Am not pleased with spontaneous daydream conceived during science class. Have told teacher numerous times not to talk about random crap no one cares about. No one ever spends time trying to figure out how fast car will go on twenty litres of gas with storm with winds of fifty miles per hour. Am even more annoyed with question. Creator must have been passing through border of Canada to United States, because question shifts quite abruptly from Metric to Imperial System. Because of pointlessly stupid question, mind began drifting to places no male should ever have to go...

Anyway, am quite sure Bob would like to know about the dreaded daydream. Simply put, daydreamed about marriage between mutt and self. Mutt was in pink, frilly dress. Was horrified, but amused that dog was in dress and relieved that dog was in dress. Wore fancy tuxedo. Looked quite sexy, if saying so myself. Was horrified by lack of women at wedding. Also, Mokuba was priest. (Psychiatrist will have field day with this.)

On plus side, if life turns out like that, will have distinct pleasure of knowing Mokuba will always stay pure due to Priesthood chastity.

... Wait...

Didn't a bunch of priests go with a bunch of little boys?

... Oh, god... It runs in the family, doesn't it?

Note to Self: Must train to stop any more thoughts on above subject. Will drive self insane. Nothing runs in family because nothing is there to run. Period.

Current Time: 4:48pm

Have rushed to private library to find book on how to check sexuality. Came up with squat. Apparently, previous lack of curiosity has hampered self from getting any books of that nature from store or public library. Am quite doubtful any are in bedroom. Would check Mokuba's bedroom, but would not like to stumble across one. Do not need brother-in-law unless is sister-in-law's brother and s.i.l has married Mokuba.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Days left to buy Mokuba a - OH CRAP!

Current Time: 11:37pm

Have just returned from epic battle to purchase Mokuba a last minute gift. Am quite certain that gift with not receive genuinely appreciative reaction, unless Mokuba has suddenly developed liking for pink, swan-toting Skydancers.

Am praying Mokuba has not suddenly developed liking for pink, swan-toting Skydancers.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Days left in Therapy: 270 (I'm off for the holidays.)

Current Time: 9:06pm

Am quite pleased with how well trained Mokuba is. Presented Mokuba with present with satisfactory reaction. Accepting smile, but with slight twitch to show Mokuba was not entirely pleased with present. This is good. This means worst-case scenario avoided for another day.

Am also quite pleased with how practical a shopper Mokuba is. Have received various things for office that have been running out. Felt quite bad for lousy, pink, Harpy Lady Cousin gift.

Am extremely pleased with how well Mokuba can sense opportunities. Have been given a (thankfully indirect, for would not like to start raving at younger brother at how someone of his position and authority should not even begin to try and propose something to his superior, in which case would have had to build ark due to massive, flooding waterworks) proposition to make up for crap gift. Have allowed Mokuba to hold New Year's party in mansion and invite however many and whoever pops into his little, wheedling head.

Am quite loathsome of tendency to walk straight into bad ideas face first. Damn those back-up puppy eyes of his.

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Days Left in Therapy: Still 270

Days Left with Brother: 2

Current Time: 8:54pm

Am quite aware of what runs through your inanimate mind, Bob. Will not kill brother intwo days. Am simply speculating that during today and tomorrow, after being surrounded by such an obscene amount of mindless idiots, dear brother will have to be relocated to temporary foster home whileam recuperating from dramatic drop inIQ pointsin an asylum.

Allow me to provide you with a brief listing of all those who have arrived:

Random people I do not know.

Random people I do not care to know, so basically random people I do not know.

Geek midget, geek British boy, geek cheerleaders that tag along, dog.

Mokuba's friends, which make up vast majority.

Other random people.

People who have nothing better to do than to hang out with a bunch of little kids and geeks on New Years. (aka. geeks/other random people/Duke Devlin who's actually not that intolerable, though he still qualifies as 'random person')

People in search of booze. (Have been removed.)

People in search of empty bedrooms. (Have also been removed.)

People in search of booze, empty bedrooms and willing partner. (Mostly removed.)

So what if desperate girls were given extended invitation to stay? Just because am sporting hefty 'genius, multi-billion dollar asshole' reputation does not mean am still not raging, hormonal teen. At any rate, will keep self greatly distracted from dog's presence in my house.

Note to Self: Deliver erasers to dog before forgotten via evolved ability to block said mongrel out of mind.

Additional Note to Self: Never buy dog's present before Mokuba's. Even if meant to be insult.

Current Time: 11:48pm

Speculating that will have to be present at midnight to make Mokuba happy. Very well. Will do it for brother. May as will give dog present now. Dog is alone.

Note to Self: Is not a present. Is a... an insult in cellophane box.

Cruuent Tim: Sumthun to let

Is nto fellin to gud. Hvae druk tooo many btotles. Msut get memroy out of haed. Baaaaaaaaaad ksis. Weel... nto TAHT bad. Was a lttile god. Mmmmm... Urg... am to scik to thnik abuot.

Sunday, January 1, 2005

Days Left Until Forced to go Back to Psychiatrist: 4

Current Time: 10:09am

Ow. OW. In case you cannot guess, Bob, am suffering from worst hang-over ever. Screen not helping. Keyboard too loud. Must sleep for little longer and then will force self to remember why, exactly, it was necessary to drink so much last night...

Current Time: 12:27pm

Have consistent nagging feeling that it is not smart to try and remember last night. Am quite sure that any further pursuing will evidently lead to further loathing of tendency to walk face-first into bad ideas. Something about a kiss and... oh god. Ohgodohgodohgod. Has come back now.

DAMN, I HATE MY TENDANCY TO WALK FACE-FIRST INTO BAD IDEAS!.!

Current Time: 2:37pm

Have stopped shrieking long enough to keep Mokuba satisfied thatam planning to stay quiet. Resumed shrieking once pounding on door stopped. Have decided to pass time by... explaining what it was that happened while Mokuba pounds on door in an attempt to check if am being chopped into little pieces.

Simply put, at ten to midnight, something... definitive occurred. Will explain it in usual 'conversation recap' format, as will be much faster.:

Me: Merry Christmas, dog.

Dog: ... What's this?

Me: A Christmas present.

Dog: ... For me?

Me: Yes.

Dog: ... From... you?

Me: Yes.

Dog: Am I going to die when I open it?

Me: ... Dammit, I should've thought of that... But no. Not this time.

Dog: Oh. Well, I didn't get anything for you-

Me: Good. You can't shop for crap.

Dog: -because I didn't know if I was suppose to get people something. And what do you mean I can't shop?

Me: I've seen the things you give your friends. One would think you hate them.

Dog: Hey! Those were good presents!

Me: By your standards, I suppose they were glittering jewels, but in the real world... they were crap.

Dog: You got me a gift but you're still insulting me?

Me: The gift has nothing to do with my attitude towards you.

Dog: ... Yeah... Well... What'd you get me?

Me: It's in your hand. Just open it.

Dog: ... Right. /tears present open in an unnecessary amount of force/ ... Uh...

Me: I'm hoping you'll begin chewing those instead of mine. I'm running out, you know, and it's difficult to get school supplies during the Christmas season.

Dog: I don't chew your erasers!

Me: ...

Dog: ... Okay, so, maybe I do every now and then...

Me: Mm. Try everyday.

Dog: Yeah... sorry. Well, thanks, I guess.

It was about here we started talking about quality of erasers. Since was talking out of ass, was not paying attention. Horrible events that lead up required paying attention to conversation. But since did not, walked face-first into horrible, loathsome, terrible event.

Random People Who Infiltrated MY House and Would Not Leave/insanely loud cheering/

Dog: Yay! It's New Years!

Me: Oh, look at that. No one to kiss.

I think the rest is pretty damn evident...

Current Time: 4:35pm

Have finally decided course of action: Must do whatever necessary to get to bottom of this. Must prove psychiatrist wrong. If it means must go into library and get book, then so be it. Will break into library at night and steal book. (No chance in hell am going inside in broad daylight.)

On up note, have finally realised that dog was drunk. Dog is a very good drunk, since he did not sway all over place or slur words. Obviously quite experienced with the bottle. How is this knowledge revealed, you ask, dear Bob?

... It was a slightly... deep... tongue-filled... thing...

At any rate, taste of booze quite evident.

... Am now quite haunted by those words. Will tackle problem tomorrow while praying dog is bad enough drunk to not know what the hell happened last night. If am lucky,dog will not have remembered, which is good, because past... midnight, have forgotten everything except vivid images of barricading self in room.

Monday, January 2, 2006

Days Left Until Return to School: (excluding today) 6

Days Left Until Return to Psychiatrist: 3

Current Time: 12:58pm

Day has barely begun, and already am wishing for it to be over. OVER. OVER AND DONE WITH. THEN BURIED AND FORGOTTEN.

Scrapped library idea. KaibaCorp did not need bad publicity or headlines saying 'President Steals Free Books like the Genius He Is', and still did not want to go in day. So went to internet and looked up stuff. Took quizzes and things like that, then clicked off and went to eat.

THE ONE TIME HAVE NEGLECTED DELETING HISTORY IS THE TIME AM BUSY CHECKING SEXUALITY!.!

Mokuba had apparently stumbled onto the computer and checked it while absent. Then the nosy snoop began poking around. Have spent past twenty minutes trying to persuade Mokuba to remove barrier from bedroom door while blatantly lying about any accusations he throws at me.

Status Report: Ridiculously unsuccessful.

Current Time: 3:37pm

Have come across very disturbing news. Had previously assumed reason Mokuba barricaded self in bedroom - he's still in there, by the way - was because Mokuba checked history and saw quizzes and stuff. Was quite wrong.

First clue to how wrong I was:

Me: Mokuba, will you just come out?

Mokuba: Why didn't you tell me? It'd have been so much easier than finding out that way!

Me: Look, Mokuba... I'm not sure... exactly what it was that you saw on the computer-

Mokuba: THERE'S STUFF ON THE COMPUTER TOO?.!

Have correctly guessed that the presence of the word 'too' insinuates that Mokuba has absolutely no idea as to what was on computer and that it was something else that has traumatised him. Bad, of course, due to the fact that have now directed younger sibling to the attention of something that should not have been known in the first place, but mostly because there is obviously a very large, dark and - most likely - public piece of the puzzle that am still missing but has been glanced at by many, many others.

Above suspicions confirmed by words of brother:

Mokuba: If you were going to make-out with Joey on the ground, couldn't you have at least gone into a closet or something that wasn't in the middle of the house where everyone was?

This was followed by a loud thud.

Thud was, of course, self collapsing into a horrified coma.

OooOOOooO

OOOOO

OOOOO

D/N: Oh, gravyness... I've got a lot of work ahead of me if I hope to catch up with today's date... Anyway, I'm sorry about the horribly... horribly... horribly long delay. I do hope you'll find it in your massively large hearts to forgive me. Now if you'll excuse me, I must begin work on - finally! - Valentine's Day. Ooooooh, I hope it turns into a big hit around Feb. 14th!