The Media Moves Fast to Bring You News

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.

D/N: Hmm... This has taken an awful long time to get up, hasn't it? Damn you, Neopets! Damn you and your damn role-playing! Stop distracting me! Gah! Anyway, I'm glad to see you're all taking pleasure in dear Kaiba's pain. Keep reading! I've got to go... continue revising Of Dogs and Men. I've done the first chapter. Great. Only fifteen more to go... Also, I believe I have given up any and all hopes of keeping up with today's date. I'm a month behind, and I frankly don't update that fast. :P Let's just call it jetlag.

Insert Catchy Title to Review Responses Here:

Goddess of the Madhouse: Bwuahahaha! I've rendered you unable to type with my amazing writing! Always a good compliment.

Growing Pain: Yeah, there's nothing I like more than bringing a little bag to pure innocents like Mokuba. Thanks for the review! Here, have a cookie!

Anaraz: :D Thanks, 'raz! I appreciate it, as always!

Errant of the Violet Shockers: Y? What 'y'? I don't see a 'y'. Why is there no 'y'? ... Thanks for the review! Sorry, I'm a bit tired today. And hey, you play the trombone? I play the bassoon:D

Otaku Sage of Llamas: Yeah, I might - if I ever decided to end this story, which depends greatly on if I ever update this quickly - follow this thing up with a 'Joey's Diary' thing. Probably 'Dear Tom' or something like that... Anyway, thanks for the review!

Hazel-Beka: Yeah, I know you two would get pleasure outta that! And yeah, even Kaiba isn't capable of 'staying in the closet' after this hits the wide world. Yay! Exposed exposure! The best kind, ain't it? Oh, if you do find a picture of them getting married, be sure to let me know. Bwuahaha, yes! I've been elevated to Baited Breath status!

Kate Ryou: Thanks! I thought so too. Hope you like this chapter!

Landi McClellan: Wow. A penname that actually wasn't underline by those squiggly, 'THOSE AREN'T REAL WORDS, DAMMIT!' lines. Anyway, thanks for the review! Yeah, Kaiba's evil, ain't he?

Lady-Ai 14: o.O Oh no! I've killed someone! I'm actually good enough to kill someone now! ... /silently cheers at greatness of ego, but mourns death, even though is temporary/ Thanks a bunch, Yami Ai! Sorry if I took too long to update... I took a really long time to update. O.o Hey, sorry about killing your hikari like that too... hehehe... whoops.

Bluemoon4Sphinx: Man, I take forever to update, don't I? Darn. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it enough to actually press the keys:D Keep readin'!

OooOOOooO

Wednesday, January 4, 2006

Days Left Until Return to School: 4, but am unsure if willing to show face just yet.

Days Left Until Return to Psychiatrist: Hahaha... Like am going back after this.

Current Time: 11:51am

Am now in... well... public eye. Not like wasn't in public eye before, but New Year's actions are now in larger public eye and are being refreshed to those previously too drunk and/or traumatised to remember. Simply put, everyone knows now.

Came down this morning to have breakfast. Was alone, obviously, since did not want to be around damn cook who is now fired just because am dying for someone to fire and because Mokuba is still barricaded in room. Had no idea brother was such homophobe. At least will keep him intent on girls. Not like self, apparently...

Anyway, found first mention of incident in 'Domino Today', that trashy crap newspaper for the town. Naturally, was on front page. Am just very happy there were no pictures. Cannot deal with pictures right now.

Current Time: 3:24pm

It seems that even though Domino Today has no pictures, Sizzle Street News certainly does. In colour. Damn bastards have pictures in colour. How in hell does a paper worse than Domino Today get pictures in colour? How? How is that possible? What cruel God decided to make that possible? Is face not sexy enough to be on front page of a relatively good newspaper? If am trashed, can it at least be with style and not followed by an article about if cheating on husband - irony! - with alien still counts as adultery?

Oh, the inhumanity of it all! Of course it counts!

Am sure self has just made a witty pun.

Am also quite doomed, to say the least.

Current Time: 4:23pm

Have just realised that all papers have face on it. Every newspaper in this bloody country has a full-length article about New Year's. Am quite pleased that have merited enough credit to be acknowledged by everything - even a few news shows - but am quite angry with the fact that people cannot drop it. So sexy self made out with the dog on ground. Is it really that big? Does it really merit that large an audience? Does it really require a carnival of media parked on lawn, and who won't stop trampling on my petunias?

Yes, I garden! Why is that so surprising? Made out with dog and all anyone can harp on about is how self putters, around playing with flowers? Shut-up, Bob!

Thursday, January 5, 2006

Days Left Until Return to School: 3

Days Left Until Media Runs Out of Steam: N/A

Current Time: 12:08pm

Alright. Have come to a decision. As long as media is outside waiting for self to leave so self can be bombarded with various attacks on sexuality, they will not leave. Therefore, have decided to just get it over with and walk outside. Will talk to people. Will smile and wave. Will kiss babies if need be.

... Well, have just realised kissing babies might make things worse, so will not do that.

Anyway, will now go and get rid of media circus.

Current Time: 2:28pm

Anytime now.

Current Time: 3:56pm

Alright. Went outside for whole three seconds before running back into house. Has to amount to something, right? They got what they wanted, so they aren't going to stay out there for much longer, right?

Right?

For an inanimate object, Bob, you're not very reassuring.

Friday, January 6, 2006

Days Until Return to School: Never. Am not going back.

Days Until Media Runs Out of Steam: N/A has only gotten longer.

Is possible will just stay inside house for rest of life. Media now thinks am a coward, and have filled up many hours on the News Networks. It's fine, though. Have life planned out, anyway:

Will make Mokuba run to store to buy groceries for self and will work from home. Will get nice and fat to create excuse of being too blubbery to make it outside. In this way, will not only avoid every person coexisting on planet, media, Wheeler and his little friends, but will also lose any concerns over the tabloids that have been pouring out onto table because will not really be in world where am affected by what they say.

Who knows? May even get unique nickname.

Seto Kaiba - The Fat, Round, Gay, Hermit CEO! How many people can call themselves that?

... Is maybe too soon to begin calling self 'gay'.

... Is also maybe too soon to even begin typing word.

Very well. Will now forevermore substitute 'chipper' with previous word. This, however, does not mean am chipper - By chipper, of course, the previous word is meant - but simply... on the verge... somehow... or something. Whatever. May as well be getting used to calling self the previous word to lighten blow when someone else uses it.

I am chipper.

There, that wasn't so hard.

Am well aware purpose has been defeated. Shut up.

Sunday, January 8, 2006

Days Until Return to School: Could quite possibly be one.

Days Until Media Runs Out of Steam: ...

Current Time: 5:56pm

It appears as though media-circus is still waiting for an appearance after last time. In fact, they've set up tents and have propped up cameras on tripods.

Damn. Am beginning to loathe being rich and famous.

At any rate, can no longer make trips to psychiatrist, as am being blocked off by various forms of the reporters and technical equipment. Mokuba still won't talk to me, either, but has not further dragged name through mud by staying over at a friend's. Am slightly convinced that is because little brother's reputation is also somewhat tarnished and cannot show face to anyone either. In the end, am completely alone, as have passed time by generally firing most of servants.

Like they weren't put up for interviews seconds later.

It's a strangely discomforting thought, but comforting in the same sense, how thoughts have found ways to continually turn towards the one who started the whole thing - Wheeler. Have been wondering how idiot dog has been coping. Am also wondering whether or not it would be a good idea to communicate with Wheeler in some shape or form.

... Am also wondering if have not 'communicated' with him enough.

Well, seeing as how there is not much hope for today, will simply go to bed. No one judges people there.

Current Time: 8:47pm

Woke up staring at spy camera in corner of room. Have now officially been bugged.

Am sleeping in basement.

Current Time: 8:56pm

Have just remembered that self had installed camera in case anyone had broken into manor and decided to barricade themselves in self's room.

Have gone back to bed.

Current Time: 11:07pm

After a very interesting turn of events, am slightly calmer than before. Woke up to a vicious shaking, more than willing to beat someone in the face. Luckily - and to ward off any social workers - had trained self to wait and check for a moment, just to make sure person wasn't Mokuba explaining that house was on fire.

Was happy for that, because visitor turned out to be none other than Wheeler.

Was not happy that self smelled less than rose-like.

Wheeler didn't seem to mind or seem too uncomfortable. In fact, dog seemed more frazzled (Am quite fond of that word.) by the amount of effort it took to get into house undetected by security cameras, guard dogs, trip wires, trip lasers, alarms, booby traps, cages, pits, dead ends, the media, the ridiculous amount of locks attached to each door, and then the maze that is mansion.

Here at Kaiba Headquarters, we promote safety measures, which, apparently, can be avoided by mongrels.

Anyway, Wheeler and self had a fairly peaceful, very necessary conversation:

Me: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?

Dog: ... I wanted to talk.

Me: Oh. Alright. About what?

Dog: Uhm... New Year's, I guess. We can start there.

Me: Start? How long are you planning on staying?

Dog: A while. We've gotta get some things figured out, Kaiba.

Me: ... You remember what happened that night?

Dog: Yes.

Me: Good. Because I don't.

Dog: Yeah, you were pretty drunk.

Me: And apparently uninhibited, much to my and the media and Mokuba and the rest of the world's surprise.

Dog: Yeah... About that... That's sort of why I came.

Me: Yes, you already said that.

Dog: Oh. Yeah, I did. Well... Alright, basically what I wanted to say was... I'm sorry.

Me: ... Uh... You're forgiven? (Was in a very forgiving mood. Besides, was too happy to see someone that did not feel like beating him out of room.)

Dog: No, no... You don't know what I'm sayin' sorry for.

Me: ... ... Care to tell me?

Dog: Huh? Oh... yeah. Uh... Well, basically... I'm sorry I kissed you.

Me: ... ... ... ... ... ... ... You... kissed me... did you?

Dog: Yeah.

Me: ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Can I ask why?

Dog: Well... 'cause you were cryin' on my shoulder! What else was I supposed to do?

Me: Push me off! What the hell was I crying for?

Dog: Uh... something about Mokuba havin' to go live with foster parents after you were admitted to an asylum... Something along those lines.

Me: Oh, damn. I remember writing that, too.

Dog: Huh?

Me: Nothing! Nothing, just... Of all the things you could've done... That?

Dog: Yeah, well... You sort of... attached yourself to my arm and wouldn't leave me alone.

Me: ... ... ... ... I need stronger medication.

Dog: Mm-hmm... Well, I just thought we oughta clear that up.

Me: Wait! You're just... going to go?

Dog: ... Yes.

Me: I have an entire news station parked on my front lawn, my face is in every tabloid in the country, my brother won't talk to me when he gets out of his barricaded room to go to the bathroom, I haven't checked on KaibaCorp this entire time, I'm all alone in this crap house and to top it off, I fired almost all of my servants for something to do! This is all your fault for actually doing listening to me like an obedient idiot!

Dog: ... So... what? You want me to stay?

As of now, Dog is sleeping on ground next to bed. Will have to find spare clothes. Task may not be too difficult, as have not changed out of current clothes for nearly a week.

Note to Self: Despite poor choice of company, it is essential that self must be presented... de-stinkified. Take shower.

Monday, January 9, 2006

Hours Until will Have to Call in Sick: 4.

Hours Until will Have Decided that do not Want to Go Back: 4.0000000000000000000001. Case closed.

Current Time: 3:04am

Have woken several minutes ago after outfitting you, dear Bob, with various passwords and security measures. The last thing needed is for Dog to start rummaging through computer and stumble upon self's personal thoughts.

The Dog in question (Gave Dog a nice capital 'D'. Am too generous.) is currently lying spread-eagle on back, with half of blanket kicked off. To further elaborate on situation, Dog got ready for bed by removing pants and shirt - in a totally non-stripping way. Therefore, am currently sharing room with a Dog lying spread-eagle on his back, shirtless and pantless, fat mouth hanging open and cascades of drool oozing out of it and onto precious carpet, which probably costs more than his childhood.

Am pleased with fact that am not, in fact, turned on in any sense by image. (At least not consciously.)

Am wondering just how desperate a situation self was in on New Year's - and how drunk - to have clung onto... that.

Am also wondering whether or not to cut out that piece of carpet and set it on fire, as will never be able to step on that piece of fabric ever again.

At any rate, have decided against getting up and taking a shower. While am perfectly aware that sound of Dog's snoring plus thickness of bathroom walls will block out any sound, do not need Dog waking up in morning to find that have gotten considerably cleaner from time of arrival to time of awakening. Second last thing needed is Dog becoming flattered at 'effort in hygiene' during his presence.

... However, do not want to smell worse than him, and considering how hard a task that is, am growing increasingly concerned.

Well, Dog doesn't smell that bad.

Those were probably the thoughts that got self into this situation in first place.

Well, am simply too indifferent towards the whole decision to make any real choice. Besides, bed is comfy. Comfy bed. I like bed. Chances of marrying bed would be unaccountably high if not for the fact that marriages between supposedly chipper CEO's and inanimate objects are frowned upon in most churches, as most supposedly chipper CEO's and inanimate objects would be unable to procreate like marriages are supposed to accomplish.

We could always try. Am quite sure self would not mind. Bed... is inanimate, so that's a go-ahead as well.

Besides, chances of meeting some lovely princess while barricading self in room (So, that's where he learned it from... ) are slim to none, so may end up marrying bed anyway. Dog, as he will have no one to love him unless Mokuba decides to join us - God help us all - will undoubtedly be the one to marry us. So, I will have bed, bed will have me, Joey will have no one factoring in my reaction to Mokuba's 'coming out', which will be a negative one as we do not need two chipper people carrying on the Kaiba name, and we will live in my bedroom and all grow fat together and maybe even start a house band using instruments lying on my desk and sending the music out through the windows.

Am well aware that a slightly more approved relationship would be one with Dog and self, but he'll be so busy marrying people and being a hermit and playing the desk-drums and substituting as bedroom pet that there will be no time for a relationship.

Am also well aware that am deliriously tired, which is the main cause of my temporary insanity. Or maybe that New Year's party's just kicking in.

Hey, come to think of it, if self were to marry bed, the only real way we'd be together is if self were to lie in the bed at all times, therefore I would be in the bed at all times. Eww... Yes, and when bed decides to get mad, bed will give out sores and I will have to sleep on ground since there is no couch in bedroom.

Am going to sleep.

OooOOOooO

OOOOO

OOOOO

D/N: I'm soooo sorry, everyone. I've been really distracted with other things lately, like pointless projects - Oh, God... I forgot to hand the one that was due last Monday in... - and other random events. But here it is! Here at last! Finally posted and ready! Now I have to get back to writing the next chapter of J.t.N.Q.K.L.o.D and editing O.D.a.M. Maybe I'll even get that V-Day chapter unblocked and posted. That'd be a nice idea...