Author's Note - This chapter has been cut to fit into FFN's restrictions. For those old enough, the full version can be found on livejournal under colorific
Chapter Two
Whiskey burned. If someone were to distill his essence, Mustang knew he'd be whiskey; smoky, fiery, dangerous. Roy nearly knocked his glass over with numb fingers reaching for it. He had finally made his way to the home he kept in Central. It was a little garden cottage kept for him by the widower of an alchemist Roy had once trained with under Cinzia's direction. The old man kept the cottage for Roy without Mustang's name being on the books anywhere. Roy hadn't wanted to look presumptuous about his chances at being recalled to Central. Mr. Hill hadn't wanted any payment for keeping the house for Mustang, but Roy supplied some any how.
He drew all the curtains and turned on the radio to his favorite station. Roy had torn off his uniform, uncustomarily leaving it on the bedroom floor and pulled on old worn pants. He didn't even pull on a shirt over his undershirt. Without even bothering to light a fire to take the chill out of the living room, he had collapsed in his chair and started drinking. Roy felt so much like his father at that moment, it sickened him. What did it matter that he drank expensive whiskey instead of cheap corn mash or that his radio station was tuned to symphonies rather than the insipid shows his father liked? Right now, slowly getting drunk off his ass, he was more like a Mustang than he had ever been.
Someone knocked on the front door. Roy tried to ignore it but the person wasn't going to allow that. He pretty much could guess who it would be. Very few people knew he kept this cottage and most of them wouldn't attempt to come here. It was probably Mr. Hill checking up on him, knowing about the funeral. Roy managed to get up and padded barefoot in an uneven arc across the cold wood flooring. For a moment, he had no idea who the woman was on his door step with her long dark hair sticking out from under her hood. It wasn't until the third blurry look that he realized it was Riza.
"What are you doing here?" She never came to his home or he to hers. They didn't dare get caught fraternizing. More often than not back when they had been in Central, they'd meet at Hughes' place under the pretense of mutual friendship with the Hugheses. Gracia and Maes were well aware of each and every tryst. It was a little embarrassing but at least it didn't feel cheap like the low rent hotels out East. His best friend had been a bridge to his lover; yet another hole left inside of him.
"What do you think?" She pushed past him. Her voice was softer than her stance.
"You shouldn't be here," he growled, afraid for her, afraid for him. Why did love have to be so hard?
"Forget the military for a minute, Roy. I don't care if someone knows I'm here," she lied, pulling off the dark wig. "You shouldn't be alone. I don't want to be either. I cared about Hughes, too." Riza's voice shook as she reached for Roy.
He locked the door behind her, skirting away from her hands. "You shouldn't see me like this," he growled, shaking his head. His face flushed in embarrassment at her seeing him this sloppy.
"I've seen you drunk before. You need me tonight." Riza caught his hand but he skinned away.
"Not like this. I feel...so dangerous, Riza. I don't want you to see this side of me." Shame dragged his head down.
"I love you. I can handle all sides." Riza grabbed his arm firmly and guided him over the patterned floor to the other room. If one peeled back the throw rugs, they'd see the arrays Roy had painted on his flooring. His home was a weapon. She forced him down on the red leather couch and sat next to him. She barely had time to toss her arms around him before a heart rending sob tore free of Roy. Riza tucked her chin against his soft hair. "You don't have to keep it in any more. Just let it go." She stroked his back.
Roy dissolved against her, crying until his throat was raw, his face wet with tears and snot. Roy sat back, covering his face. "You shouldn't see me like this."
Riza wiped her own eyes then reached into his pocket to pull out his handkerchief. She pressed it into his hand.
Roy blotted his face. "Thanks," he muttered. "I'm sorry."
"For what? Being human? Missing your friend?" She brushed his hair back. "You never have to be embarrassed with me."
He met her big eyes. "That's not what you said in New River."
"Being overly male and stupid is excluded from the above statement." She kissed him.
"I had to call Maes to come rescue me." Roy smiled faintly at the memory.
"Damn straight. You knew better than to call me." Riza tapped his nose. "Whatever made you think you could taken on three women at once...you deserved to be handcuffed to the bed and robbed."
"I'm just impressed I was able to drag the bed to the phone." Roy choked back a laugh then broke down again. "Oh damn, I'm going to miss him so much."
"So will I." She nestled her cheek against his chest. "I know how much Maes meant to you. I know how he saved you from yourself time and again."
Roy gasped for breath, pushing her away just a bit. "You knew that he..."
"Kept you from trying human transformation years ago?" She brushed his hair back then stroked his cheek. "Yes. That he picked you up after every time you tried to hurt yourself, to punish yourself for your past? Yes. He told me that, too." Riza might not like that he sometimes turned to anonymous lovers, that he used them to hurt himself but she could forgive him, knowing the demons inside his head.
Roy wiped his eyes. "I didn't want..." He swallowed hard. His throat ached. "You shouldn't..."
"He wanted me to know. Maes knew how I love you, that I'd do anything for you." She brushed his hair back off his forehead again. "He wanted to be sure there was someone to watch over you."
"I don't deserve either of you," he whimpered.
Riza embraced him even more tightly, pressing her lips to his wet cheek. "Never say that. You are a good man, Roy. Just look at how you take care of your men or how you try to look out for the brothers, even if Edward makes that hard. I know he doesn't appreciate it but he's just a child. He doesn't understand yet."
"I know," Roy said, weakly.
She pressed back against the buttery leather of the couch, pulling him against her. "I would not love you against all reason if you were not a good person. I do not suffer fools lightly."
Roy sighed. "I've never understood why you'd want to break the rules to be with me."
"I'm in your orbit. I couldn't break free if I wanted to, which I don't." She leaned against his shoulder, snuggling her cheek into the crook of his neck.
He caressed her hand. "I need you so much."
Hawkeye hugged him tighter. He knew she had never heard him so needy, so demonstrative with his feelings. They had to be so careful, so reserved and he was just drunk enough to not care. His pride was gone, washed away in the whiskey. He didn't need to hide from Riza. She was the one person who he could be himself with. There were days that he wished he could have the bravery of the Crystal Alchemist and go into hiding, doing something good with his alchemy. Forget the military, forget his ambition. Be there for the people, marry Riza, raise a little family. It was a pleasant daydream. Then reality always crashed in. The alchemy he was best at was destructive. He and Hawkeye knew they had important roles to play right where they were. They weren't going anywhere.
"I need you so much. I'm lost, love, I'm lost," he mewled.
Riza wrapped herself around him, petting him, kissing him, feeling him relaxing against her in small measures. His desperation and sorrow seemed to ebb, replaced with raw need. His warmth bled through his clothing, igniting Riza's own needs. She rocked against him, crawling into his lap. Roy fought with her clothing, too distraught to get anywhere. His cock ached between his legs. He needed to be in her.
He held onto her back as he stood. Riza wrapped her legs around him as he carried her to the bedroom. She was surprised when he tossed her on the bed rather unceremoniously. She almost bounced into one of the ornate posts. He was on top of her fast, shoving her shirt up. Her bra barely stopped him as he yanked on it. There was no passion here. For the first time ever, he made her nervous.
"Roy, slow down," she said, trying to get her bra off before it cut into her flesh.
He grunted, tearing at his belt. He roughly opened it and yanked his pants down, Roy snared his fingers in her belt loops, ripping her pants down over her hips. He swarmed on top of her.
"Roy, you know better." She pointed to the night stand. "Sheepskin!"
Roy rolled away from her and yanked the drawer open so hard it nearly pulled out of the stand.
"Roy, you're in such a mood. Maybe we shouldn't," she said, as he sheathed himself in one jerky motion. Before she knew what he was doing, Roy flipped her on her belly. "Roy! Stop! You're hurting me." She elbowed him in the chest. "Roy!"
At the sharpness of her voice, his face changed, horror shining from his eyes. He got off her with a strangled cry. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." The words barely made it past his tight throat. He propelled himself off the bed and she knew he was going to run.
She caught his arm, pulling him back onto the black and cinnabar patterned bedspread. "Roy, it's okay, baby. I know you're a mess."
He flopped back, crossing his arms over his face. A ragged moan tore out of him. "I didn't know...he's in me! I never thought he could be."
"He who?" She rubbed his chest. "Your father? Oh, no Roy, you're not like him. You're nothing like that. You're a good man. You just drank too much and you're in so much pain tonight."
He flinched away from her, his voice sharper than broken glass. "No excuses! I don't want to be him. I never wanted to hurt you."
Riza peeled his arms away from his face and kissed him. "You're not your father, Roy. I know your heart. You've never done anything like tonight before. It's not you. It's the grief." She pressed her lips against the hollow of his neck. She didn't know why she was so forgiving other than she knew that Roy wasn't a violent man, had never been, not with her. "I forgive you this time."
Roy's eyes screwed shut, tears leaking down his face. She gathered him up in her arms, pillowing him against her.
Roy wept softly for a little while then murmured, "How can I still have tears?
"Just let it all out." Riza stroked his soft hair. "You don't want to suppress all of this."
His arms constricted around her. "You're too good to me."
"Didn't we already have this conversation? I love you and you deserve it," Riza said, fluttering kisses over his face.
Roy settled, falling silent, no tears, no words. She just rocked him until his eyes began to shut. Riza slid a hand up his thigh.
"Riza," he murmured, his eyes opening in surprise.
"Yes?" She smiled softly.
"You shouldn't..."
"Your razor's edge is gone," she interrupted. "I need you as much as you need me tonight.".His mouth found hers. This was the man she knew best, not the angry creature from earlier.
Roy sighed against the skin of her shoulder. No matter what she said she was too good to him. He loved her more than he knew how to tell her. She was the only bright spot left in his life. He kissed his way down to the soft skin of her chest.
X X X
Someone pounding on the door dragged Roy and Riza out of their deep slumber. Roy rubbed his eyes, his hair in his face.
"Who in the hell could this be?" His deep voice grated, rough with sleep.
"Sounds like someone desperate. Better get out there before the door comes down." Riza kissed his shoulder blade as he sat up, then she rolled over.
Roy didn't have to look back to know she was getting the gun out of his bed stand. He fumbled around and found his boxers; silk. He might have to wear wool pants all day but he'd be damned if he'd wear scratchy regulation underpants unless out on a mission. He didn't try to find his robe. It was nearly three in the morning. Whoever it was could just live with the fact that he was almost naked and half asleep.
Mustang was so stunned to see Armstrong standing there when he opened the door that he couldn't speak for a moment. "Alex Louis? What's wrong?" Roy managed to rasp out, regretting now his choice to forgo pants.
"There's something you need to know, Colonel, something that has to remain just between us and the people in there." Armstrong stepped aside and pointed to the ambulance parked on the street. If the other alchemist noticed Roy was nearly naked, he gave no sign.
"What's going on?" Roy eyed the ambulance in surprise.
Armstrong's eyes swept the darkened street and he determined it still wasn't covert enough. "We'll talk inside the vehicle."
Mustang gave him a sour look then padded barefoot to the ambulance. Armstrong opened the back to reveal Maria Ross sitting next to a gurney, her gun out and trained on the door. She holstered it seeing Armstrong. Denny Brosh glanced back at them from the driver's seat. Mustang blushed a bit, not ready for half his men to see him like this. Roy's eyes canted toward the gurney and the dark-haired man lying on it. Oxygen tubing ran from his nose to the tank at the head of the gurney. IV's hung from a tree, the fluids contained in their glassy depths seeming ominous in the pale dome light of the ambulance.
The man's skin was so pale Roy could see threads of blue cutting through it. The glasses were missing but Roy knew who this was, even if it was impossible, and the realization nearly took his legs out from under him. Roy felt Armstrong's huge hand on his back, steadying him. He sprang inside the vehicle and Maria gave up her seat next to the gurney. Roy fell into it, scrambling for the man's icy hand. "Maes," he said before all conscious thought left him.
"You look..." Hughes wet his cracked lips. "Like hell."
"I buried my best friend today." Tears leaked out of the corners of Roy's eyes. His emotions were going too many directions at once. "I'm allowed."
"And you...smell...whiskey." Hughes managed a smile, panting a little for breath.
"Yeah well, I got a little drunk. You save your breath." Roy looked over at Armstrong, trying to regain his control. He could barely think. How could this be happening?. "What the hell is going on?" He rubbed Hughes' hand trying to warm it.
"It happened almost like the official report, sir only..." Armstrong waved a hand at Hughes.
"I saw Lieutenant Colonel Hughes running from the building bleeding and I followed him only to see myself catch up to him at a phone booth. I was too stunned to do anything...then I watched myself change..." Maria shuddered.
"Into Gracia," Hughes said, his eyes screwing shut.
Roy tucked the cool hand he had grabbed back under the blanket then touched Hughes' shoulder. "What?"
"Homuculus," Hughes replied, his citrine eyes opening again.
Roy shook his head. It was too much. Homunculi, fake funerals and seeing Hughes here. "That's not possible. They're myth."
"Lab Five." Hughes broke off, struggling to breathe.
"The Elrics encountered the homunculi in Lab Five," Armstrong took up the tale since Hughes was in no condition for long explanations. "It appears they are not myth and at least this one can look like anyone it wants."
"And you knew this." Roy looked between the two men, feeling his temper getting the better of him. "Damn it, why didn't anyone tell me?"
"Because you were...East," Hughes said, sweat starting to bead on his upper lip as the effort wore on him.
"The Lieutenant Colonel was trying to keep it under wraps until we had more time to investigate what was happening," Armstrong replied. "And you were out East and there would have been nothing you could have done to keep the Elrics safe from there."
"Still should have told me," Roy growled, wondering how things had spun so far out of control.
"More to tell you," Hughes said. "When I'm stronger..."
"Does Armstrong know?" Roy glanced between them again. He didn't want to wait on information. Hughes wasn't out of the woods yet. What if something happened to him?
"No one..." Hughes' eyes fluttered shut.
"We'll take good care of him," Maria promised, her dark eyes sad. "When I went to help him, the Lieutenant Colonel told me he didn't trust military hospitals. I got him to the closet private one. Major Armstrong helped."
"That's one good thing about having a long family line, isn't Alex Louis? Lots of connections but to let us think he was dead..." Roy shuddered, memories of the funeral bubbling back up.
"Had to," Hughes said. "They need to think...I'm gone. You can't tell anyone."
"Does Gracia know?" Roy asked, eyes huge at the image of her trauma when this all came out.
"Can't tell her, Roy, promise." Hughes tried to take Roy's hand but couldn't get his out from under the covers.
"I...hate this but yes, of course. You're dead. If you think the military is behind this and you do, don't you?" Roy asked and Hughes nodded. "Then you need to stay dead. What happens now?"
"Second Lieutenant Ross and Brosh and I are transporting the Lieutenant Colonel out of town so he can recuperate without anyone knowing that he survived his wounds," Armstrong said.
"Where?" Roy asked, still unable to process it all.
"Can't say yet," Hughes said. "Will tell you new name and location...later. Best I deal with Armstrong...they'll be watching you." He shut his eyes wearily. He shivered violently. Roy knew the pain and blood loss were catching up to his friend.
"Yes, they will. I'll make sure of it. I'll draw the fire away from Armstrong. I'll investigate your death even if I've been told to back off. They'll be expecting it," Roy replied, looking around the ambulance frantically. He wanted to pace, to let the nervous energy out and he couldn't. "Do you need to take him now?"
"We should get going," Maria said, looking up at Denny, who nodded and turned over the engine.
"You take care, Maes. I've buried you once. I won't make it through doing it again," Roy said, trying to smile.
Hughes tried to catch his hand again so Roy met him half way. "She's here, isn't she?"
"Who?" Roy asked, his eyes canting over to Maria and Armstrong who probably could guess he had an illicit lover but he wasn't sure of it. Brosh probably could see that too from his obstructed-view seat behind the wheel.
"She left...her mark on your chest." Hughes managed a grin.
"What?" Roy glanced down and saw the love bite just above his left nipple. "Oh, damn. Yes, she's here."
Hughes' face went grim. "Can't tell her."
"I won't...going to have to make up a lie for right now but I can handle it." Roy squeezed Hughes' hand then stood up. "I can't say...I wanted to try and bring you back."
"Stupid, freak." Hughes shook his head. "Glad you came outside...properly dressed."
"You woke me up. We're all lucky I'm wearing anything," Roy grumbled, very self conscious now that the shock had worn off.
"We're...grateful." Hughes made a soft sound that might have been a laugh before it dissolved into pain. His hand went to his chest.
Roy could only imagine what the wounds looked like. His friend might still die from complications but he refused to think on it. "Goodbye, Maes. I'll watch over your family for you."
"I know." The relief was evidence in Hughes' voice.
Roy jumped out of the ambulance before he started crying again and staggered up the walk. Armstrong followed him. "Take care of him, Armstrong."
"Of course." Armstrong swept Roy up in a tight embrace, much to the smaller man's chagrin. "I know he would have done this if he had the strength."
Roy decided instantly he liked Armstrong's demonstrative nature when it was directed at people who weren't him. He wiggled free. "Yeah." It was then he heard a noise and looked over to see old Mrs. Brown standing outside with her little dog on a leash doing its business. He smiled at her, too embarrassed to do anything else, like dart for cover. "Out late, aren't you, Mrs. Brown?"
Her eyes just flicked to his mostly naked state and then to Armstrong and the old woman said nothing. Roy just kept on smiling like an idiot as he left Armstrong on the sidewalk and stalked back into his house. Riza was on the porch, gun in hand.
"Why was Armstrong hugging you?" she asked, backing up.
"He's still upset after the funeral. You know how emotional he is," Roy said, locking his front door. "But on the upside my neighbors think my illicit lover is Alex Louis."
Riza choked back a laugh. "Sorry, that's not funny, I know, but that has to be like getting buggered by a draft horse!"
"Riza!" Roy stared at her incredulously, trying very hard not to picture that scenario.
She sobered. "But what did he want at this hour? And what's with the ambulance?"
"He's undercover for Investigations. I didn't press him on it. Sorry. And I couldn't let him know you were here, of course," Roy said, trying to push past her. "I'd like to not talk about it, Riza."
She gave him a curious look. "I know you aren't telling me everything."
"I've told you what I can. You know what Investigations is like, all secrecy. Please...you'll have to leave soon. I just want to go back to bed," Roy said, too weary to think any more.
She took his hand and dragged him back into the bedroom. "I have tomorrow off. I'm staying all day. Almost no one knows where you even live and those who do don't care if I'm here. Let's just stay in."
"I..." He pulled her to him, feeling the butt of her gun digging into his shoulder as she embraced him. "Don't leave me."
"I won't." Riza set the gun aside and led him back into bed. Tired as he was, sleep was the last thing on Roy's mind.
