[A/N] I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to read my story. I am speechless at the numbers of "reads" that the story has racked up. In answer to the question about Sergei, and to clarify the notes leading into Chapter 1: Harm and Mac returned from Russia at the start of season four, and Sergei didn't materialize until the start of season 6. That is a two year time gap. As far as how that eventuality would be handled: I will admit that I have a story in to cover it.
Chapter 4
A Mother's Love
Saturday, 10 October, 1998
2015 PDT
Burnett Residence
La Jolla, CA
Dinner on the patio had been wonderful. Mac, who had had no family life to speak of, enjoyed sitting around the table and talking. Harm had opened up and shared some of his memories of growing up in La Jolla where he had attended La Jolla High School. Harm had been captain of his school's baseball and basketball teams, as well as being a member of the National Honor Society and student body president.
By the time the table had been cleared the sun had long since set. While Trish and Mac loaded the dishwasher, Frank and Harm attended to the grill, which Frank insisted be kept spotless.
With the barbecue cleaned and put away, Frank lit the fire ring on the patio to ward off the evening chill.
"Care for another drink, Harm?" asked Frank, who could hardly believe that the once skinny kid had become such a fine looking man.
"Please," and Harm accepted the martini.
"Harm, I can read a face and you'd be a lousy poker player. I know that something happened in Russia that you're not telling your mother about"
Harm's silence spoke volumes.
My god. Frank knows.
"Harm, is your dad alive?" Frank asked.
"No, Frank. My father is dead."
"I spent my life working in the auto industry so I know a thing or two about keeping secrets. If you are holding something back, the chances are that someone already knows the truth, whatever it is."
"My father is dead," was all that Harm would say.
"Alright, son. We'll leave it at that." Frank drained his glass. "Your mother has a special showing at the gallery tomorrow. You're welcome to join me in a round of golf with Doctor Shapiro."
"Mac and I may head into San Diego tomorrow."
"That sounds like fun." Frank wanted to ask Harm more about his relationship with Mac, but he remembered Trish's hands-off policy. When it came to her son, Trish's word was law.
Harm spoke up. "Frank, I need to talk to you."
"Tell me whatever is on your mind, son."
"I want to pay back the cash that I lost in Russia. I'll need a few months to get the money together."
Frank shook his head. "I gave that money to you. I never expected to get it back. Besides, when your mother and I leave this world everything that we have is yours. Consider that money as a head start."
Harm blurted out, "Frank, I'm sorry for the way I treated you for so many years. You deserved my respect, and I didn't give it to you."
"Harm, you were never disrespectful to me. Not even once. When I married your mother I knew that in your eyes I'd never measure up to your father. I just wanted to be there if you needed me."
"You have always been there for me. I could kick myself for letting so many years with you slip away."
"I'm not dead yet! No matter what my doctor says, I plan to be around for a while longer."
"Good, because from now on you'll get better from me."
"I'm just happy that you and Mac are here with us. Mac is a wonderful girl."
"Yes, she is," Harm admitted.
Frank rubbed his hands together. "Even with the fire it's getting too cold out here for an old man like myself. I'm going to call it a night and head inside. Good night, son."
Both men got to their feet and shared an embrace. As much as Harmon Rabb wanted to do so, he couldn't bring himself to address his stepfather as "dad".
After Frank had gone inside, Harm walked out to the car and retrieved his briefcase. After setting it on the bar he removed his mother's copy of his father's DoD file.
Harm didn't bother to open the file- by now he knew it word for word. Although the file was a CIA fabrication, Killed In Action in North Vietnam would have been a far better fate than falling into the clutches of the KGB.
He couldn't have been more than 40 years old, but in the photo Parlovski gave to me my dad looked 70. What did they do to him?
Harm took the file to the fire ring and dropped it into the flames. When it had burned to ash he shut off the gas and then sat alone on the darkened patio.
Harm's mind drifted back to the first family vacation that he and his mother had taken with Frank.
They had gone to the to the Grand Canyon with Harm seated in the backseat of Frank's Chrysler Imperial and maintaining absolute silence. When they stayed overnight in Williams, Arizona, Harm had an adjoining room which he never left, not even to eat dinner. When they drove to the South Rim the next morning, Harm didn't get out of the car.
To this day, Harm hadn't seen the canyon itself.
If Harm had said ten words during the drive to the Grand Canyon he made up for it by saying only five during the long drive back home.
And that was one of our better trips, Harm thought.
Trish walked into the study carrying clean linens and watched as Mac unfolded the sofa bed.
"I always had trouble unfolding that thing," Trish said.
"It's no more difficult than field stripping an M4 carbine," the Marine answered.
"You're a special woman, Mac." Trish paused. "Rather than Mac, may I call you Sarah?"
"Of course you can." Mac lifted the edges of the mattress so that Trish could put on the fitted sheet.
"I'm having a private showing at the gallery tomorrow. I'd be thrilled if you would come with me," said Trish.
"I haven't spoken with Harm about our plans, but I'm sure that he won't object. I'd love to attended."
"Wonderful. It will be dressy-casual, and a luncheon will be served. I'm looking forward to spending the day with you."
Mac wonder how many afternoons Trish spent with Diane Schonke? "Trish, this may be out of line, but what can you tell me about Diane Schonke?"
"Diane was a friendly girl, but she was pushy. During their Summer break, when Harm invited his Academy classmates to stay with us, Bruce Carmichael, Jack Keeter, Luke Pendry, Sturgis Turner, were wonderful. They were fine young men who are always welcome in my home."
"What about Diane?" Mac asked.
"Diane quickly fashioned herself as the queen bee. It was something which I didn't appreciate."
Mac understood that in this house there could only be one dominate female, and it was Patricia Rabb Burnett.
"How did Harm feel about Diane?" asked Mac.
"My son didn't date much in high school, so Diane was his first love. I suppose that Harm was a bit old fashioned."
Which is why he is sleeping here in the study, while I'm alone in the guest room.
Trish continued. "I felt that Diane was wrong for Harm. Their personalities were opposite, and opposites don't necessarily attract. Had they maintained a serious relationship I believe that they would have split up sooner rather than later."
"I appreciate your candor."
"Then allow me to be blunt. After Harm's crash, and when he was told that he wouldn't be returning to active flight status, Harm's friends were there for him, all except for Diane. When my son needed her the most, Diane Schonke was no where to be found. Even though Diane is dead, I will never forgive her for that," said Trish, who began focusing on making the bed.
Well, this is an interesting development, Mac thought.
"Trish, I know that I'm prying into your personal life, but I'm curious to know how you and Harm Senior met," Mac asked.
Trish broke into a smile. "You're not prying in the least. My girlfriend Victoria introduced us. Vicki is married to Bill Ross."
"Captain Ross? the skipper of the Seahawk?"
"That's right. When Bill and Harm were nuggets (newly winged naval aviators), Vicki arranged our blind date."
"What did you think when you first saw Harm Sr.?"
Trish's eyes went wide. "My god! Harmon Rabb was the most handsome man I had ever seen- although I didn't care for his mustache."
"Where did you go on your date?" Mac asked.
"We went to see The Longest Day. It wasn't the best choice of films for a date, but Harm enjoyed it. I have to say that Harm was nothing at all like the high school boys I had dated. He was the perfect gentleman."
"How did the rest of the evening go?"
"After the movie the two of us went out for ice cream. As we sat together, I discovered that Harm wasn't much of a conversationalist. When he did talk it involved flying, which I knew nothing about. I just sat quietly and listened, and I occasionally nodded in agreement."
Mac raised her eyebrows. "How did the evening end?"
"From the moment I had met Harm, I had been looking forward to getting a goodnight kiss."
"And?" Mac asked anxiously.
"Instead of a kiss, Harm gently squeezed my hand and then requested permission to take me out on a second date. I thought it strange that such a good looking man had a boyish shyness about him, but I said yes to another date."
"What happened on your second date?" Mac asked.
"Harm asked me to marry him."
Mac was shocked. "On your second date!"
"I admit to being surprised. Poor Harm. He was so flustered that I wasn't sure if he was proposing to me, or apologizing."
"But you said yes."
"Of course I said yes. Every girl dreams of finding Prince Charming, and I had found mine. Harmon Rabb swept me off my feet, and for as long as the two of us were together my toes never touched the ground. It was like a fairytale come true.
"It all sounds so romantic."
"I had imagined that it would be, but Harm had already received orders to report to NAS North Island in San Diego. Our wedding was small, and our honeymoon was nothing more than a short weekend."
"How did you like being a Navy wife?"
"Everything about the Navy was new and exciting. I got involved in the usual base activities, and I did the expected charitable work. What I enjoyed most were the formal affairs. Harm was a marvelous dancer. He was 6-5, but for such a tall man he moved around the dance floor with a surprising grace. Besides that, Harm looked so handsome in his dress whites that I enjoyed showing him off to the wives of the other officers." Trish broke into a smile. "All of them were jealous. I know that sounds childish, but I was barely out of high school."
"It's not childish at all," said Mac, who pictured Harmon and Patricia Rabb as a young couple.
Trish's pretty blue eyes were now glowing with the memory of her first year of marriage. "When I learned that I was pregnant, I was overjoyed. I was married to the man that I loved, and now I was carrying his child. Honestly, what more could a young wife want?" Trish looked at Mac. "That must sound strange to a career woman like yourself."
"Not at all. I just can't imagine feeling so complete."
"Do you want children, Sarah?"
"Very much. At JAG, Harriet Roberts is expecting her first child in May. Harriet is married to a sweet man, and I have to admit that I'm jealous of her." Mac quickly got back on point. "How did Harm take the news about the baby?"
"Harm was thrilled by the prospect of becoming a father. He doted on me. Harm even stopped smoking cigars around the house, which I thought was wonderful." Trish sighed. "I was finally learning what being a Navy wife was really like. Harm's squadron deployed early in my second trimester, so he missed the birth."
I'm sorry," said Mac.
Trish shook her head slowly. "Harm's next deployment was in the Spring of 1964. At that time, war in Vietnam seemed imminent, and everyone was on edge. Even so, Harm and Tom and Bill were going to shoot down every MiG that Uncle Ho sent up."
"How did you feel about Harm deploying?"
"I was scared to death. Suddenly, I was no longer a little girl living in a fairytale: I was 19 year old mother of a small child whose husband was 8,000 miles away who flying combat missions every day. I had to grow up, and I had to do it god damned fast, if you'll pardon my language."
"There's no need to apologize." Mac wondered how she'd deal with Harm being deployed while she was left behind with a small child to wait for him? "Trish, I can't begin to imagine how stressful all of this must have been for you."
"Before Harm deployed I gave him a tape recorder. At that time there was widespread belief that the war would be over quickly, so Harm and Tom spent a lot of time on those tapes just joking and kidding around. Honestly, this was the first time I ever heard the words Yankee Station. Even so, Tom was quite the prankster, and he was always getting into trouble."
"I've heard some of those tapes. Harm treasures them."
"When Harm returned home and applied to the Blue Angels Flight Demonstration team, and I was thrilled when he was accepted. The Blue Angels are based at Pensacola, but during the off season they are stationed at NAS El Central, so that Harm came home nearly every evening."
"I'm sure it gave him the chance to get to know his son."
Trish smiled. "Harm was a wonderful father. I used to laugh at the sight of that big man rolling around on the living room floor while he played with his son, and Harm was always patient. I never heard him utter a cross word at Little Harm, and that boy was always up to some sort of mischief."
"It sounds like a wonderful period of your life."
Trish gave a heavy sigh. "It didn't last. A normal tour with the Blue Angels was three years, but after his second year with the team, Harm became restless. The air war in Vietnam was in full swing and the members of Harm's old squadron were racking up hundreds of combat hours. Being a Blue Angel was an honor, but Harm was a career naval officer and he needed combat time."
"That must have been difficult for you to accept."
"I was upset. But, being a good Navy wife, I never said a word- or not too many words."
"You're a strong woman, Trish."
"Before leaving the Blue Angels, Harm was offered the chance to become a flight instructor at Pensacola. I wanted him to stay stateside, but he insisted on going back into the fleet."
"Instructor is an excellent billet. I'm a bit surprised that he didn't accept."
"Harm's old squadron was going to transition from the F-8 Crusader to the F-4 Phantom, which was the Navy's most advanced fighter. Tom Boone and Bill Ross, along with Al Cherry and Gary Grissom, were deploying again. Harm had sat out two deployments and he felt a sense of duty to be with his friends. Harm requested immediate assignment to a combat squadron."
Mac had gone to Russia with Harm for the same reasons. "As a Marine, I can understand that type of loyalty."
"Flight training in the F-4 took place at Yuma. Harm and Tom would drive into San Diego on Friday afternoons and then drive back to Yuma on Sunday nights. On Friday nights I literally waited for Harm at the front door, then, on Sunday nights I cried myself to sleep in an empty bed."
"I can't imagine how painful that must have been for you."
"Sarah, I've never told this to anyone, not even to my own son. Harm's deployment aboard the Ticonderoga in the Summer of 1969 was the worst for me. By that time the pilots had become frustrated by the rules of engagement and with the way that the air war in Vietnam was being run. Worse still was that the North Vietnamese had received sophisticated SAM missiles and modern fighters. Hundreds of Navy and Air Force pilots had been shot down and were being held as prisoners of war under appalling conditions. I was terrified at the prospect of Harm deploying under those circumstances."
"Trish, you don't have to say anything more."
"No, it's past time that someone hears the story. Harm had promised me that when he returned home he would accept the instructor position at Pensacola. Even so, as Little Harm and I stood on the dock and waved goodbye to the Ticonderoga, I had a premonition that something horrible was going to happen to Harm during that deployment."
Mac was at a loss for words. She had come to San Diego especially to be with Trish, but the story was becoming too painful to listen to.
"The news of the shootdown on Christmas Eve was devastating. I tried to shield Little Harm from as much of it as I could, but he understood what had happened. I decided that any news I heard about his father I would pass along as quickly as I could."
"I think that was best," admitted Mac, who couldn't imagine the pain that a young wife and mother would feel being told husband was MIA.
Thank god that Harm can never fly again.
"The first test of my resolve came quickly. The Air Force had recovered Howard Gibson's body from the crash site. I barely knew 'Hoot', but his funeral service was held at Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery here in San Diego, and I was expected to attend. The Gibson's were an older couple and Hoot was their only child. Despite their loss, the Gibson's told me that they would pray every night that Harm would be found alive and return home safely. I found that touching."
"I'm glad that you had so much support."
"Naval aviation is a close knit community. I had support from the Navy, and from the members of Harm's squadron. When Tom Boone was stationed at Miramar he'd drop by and lend a hand around the house. On the weekends, Tom would take Little Harm to San Diego Padres baseball games."
"I'm sorry, but I've met Captain Boone. It's hard for me to picture him as being so...considerate," said Mac.
"Tom changed after Harm was shot down. He became cynical. Tom blames himself for the shoot down, although I never understood why."
"I can't imagine what you went through raising a small child by yourself."
"The first years were difficult, but I held out hope that Harm was alive. After our involvement in Vietnam ended and Harm was still missing, I knew that it was pointless to imagine he'd ever come home. When I took the first step and declared Big Harm dead, my son was boiling with anger. When I married Frank, it only got worse. This sounds horrible but now that Big Harm has been officially declared KIA, all of us can finally move forward with our lives."
"Trish, no one has earned the right to judge you. Not after all you've been through," said Mac.
"Harm's grandmother went through worse. Sarah Harmon Rabb lost her husband, and her son."
Mac was anxious to lighten the mood. "She's the famous Sweet Sarah."
Trish smiled. "I see that you're familiar with that name."
"I know that Harm Senior's Phantom was named Sweet Sarah, and I've been up in Harm's Stearman, which is named Sarah."
"Big Harm had suggested naming his Phantom Trish The Dish, but I didn't like that name at all. Instead, he named his plane after his mother. Why not? The Rabb men love their aircraft more than they love their ladies," admitted Trish, who began stuffing pillows into the pillow cases.
Mac thought back to their JAG investigations aboard carriers and how quickly Harm became distracted by aviation activities. "You're exaggerating, but not by much." Mac looked around the study and declared, "I think we have this room squared away."
"Please sit down, dear," and Mac sat on the bed next to Trish. "My years with Big Harm were magic, but they were cut short. Although he's gone, when I look at my son I sometimes think that Big Harm has never left me."
Based on everything you have told me, Harm and his father are so much alike that it's scary.
"When my son wanted to go to Vietnam to search for his father, I helped to arrange the necessary paperwork. When he sought a nomination to Annapolis, I contacted every naval officer who I thought might be able to help him and obtained letters of recommendation. Anything that my son wanted, if it was in my power to give, he received."
"You've been a wonderful mother," Mac said.
Trish put her arms around Mac. "I once swore to never get involved in my son's personal life, but I want you to know that there is a special place in my family for another Sweet Sarah."
Mac had come to San Diego to offer her support to Trish, but instead of consoling her, Mac found herself sobbing while in Trish's arms.
