Seeds of Dawn
by Lady
Onuk
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
First of all I wish to thank all the reviewers that helped me improve the last chapter: Cari-Akira, Rukia, ANONYMOUS-gsd, and Aikomidori (couldn't have asked for better reviewers) without you guys I would have kept referring to Cagalli as "Athna"… and having many other mistakes (not that I won't make them any more. --U)
This next part would fit in between the end of Destiny and the last 20 minutes or so of the Final Phase OVA.
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"Of Evil Dragons and Wizards"Will you go, or run away? It's your choice
Will it be happiness, or sorrow? (Neo Melodramatic)
You will bloom, but your despair will be which is picked
It is just the time we live in? (Neo Melodramatic)
"Neo Melodramatic" by Porno Graffitti (Translation taken from "The Cherryblossom Garden")
-.-.-.-.-.-
Her gaze wandered at the dim-lighted ceiling of the restaurant before she could even think about it. The lights from both the city and the passing cars formed a few crooked forms that danced for a couple of seconds before disappearing. She shook her head fervently, trying to dispel the memories that threatened to resurface.
Almost half a year ago it would not have been so unusual. At that time she really welcomed them. She would stay up until late just watching the play of shadows and light in the confines of her room, thinking back on those happy times of her childhood. The fond memories would drag her away from the unstable atmosphere of the battlefield, away form the uncertainty of what the next day may bring, away from the thoughts that any military would feel at wartimes, 'Would I live to see tomorrow?'.
She would always remember those times when she would listen enraptured at the stories told by one of her parents before going to bed. She loved those stories, they were full of princess captured by evil dragons and wizards, that eventually would be saved once the Prince Charming came and fell in love with the princess. In the end it was always a Happily-Ever-After, and her heart truly believed that she would one day be given her own with a handsome man who would love her unconditionally.
Right now, just the mere thought disgusted her. Prince Charming? Ha! She would have laughed out loud if it wasn't for the place she was.
Who would have thought it would turn out that way? It had all started quite well in fact, and there had been a time in which Meyrin would have thought she was living her own fairy-tale. Well, maybe not exactly as she had envisioned, as she was the one saving her 'Prince' before almost being blown to oblivion (something for what Shinn had repeatedly tried to make her up to), but it was quite close. She had ran away with Athrun Zala, for Goddess sake! The man even her sister, the one with the good looks and great piloting skills, had had a crush on! Of course she had to desert ZAFT forces in the process, joining a faction that was basically going against both ZAFT and the Earth Alliance and also had to help them with the communications on board but… well, at least she got to know the great -and real- Lacus Clyne, a woman who was not just stunningly beautiful, but also a strong leader.
Up until that point and once the hostilities ceased, her fairy-tale was a success. Athrun stayed by her side (and Shinn's and Lunamaría's, for that matter) helping them gather around their own bearings, settling their priorities straight and, generally, giving moral support -just as a real prince would!-.
But after that, the illusion shattered. Well, sort of, because it was not something so sudden; in fact it was quite gradual.
She had made the best of efforts to try and get to know the pilot of the Infinite Justice, and, to a certain point, he was opening up to her. They even started to go out like any normal couple would (of course it was not 'official' but it worked the same, right?), usually hanging around with Lunamaria and Shinn in a double date.
But as much as she tried he still seemed distant.
The waiter finally came with their desserts and, with an unnecessary flourish, gave the finishing touch to the crêpe-thingy Athrun had recommended. She sighed as the waiter went on his merry way to juggle with other diner's crêpes, hopping Athrun would return soon from the bathroom.
This was one of the very rare times in which they had gone out together without her sister and her 'fiancé', and that would have been enough to make her heart flutter uncontrollably in her chest, had it not been for the fact that she REALLY felt uneasy.
'Well, not really uneasy', she corrected herself, 'more like… resigned'. The blue haired pilot had insisted on taking her to this secluded restaurant that served international cuisine, and she had accepted without a second thought; she imagined all the romanticism that would come out of this, but as the dinner progressed, she found that it was not what she had thought it would be.
Athrun had been incredibly polite and gentlemanly throughout their dinner, explaining her about this or the other dish she couldn't even pronounce correctly, and that, when she tried, would elicit a good hearted laugh from the green eyed coordinator. And God knew she just loved to hear him laugh.
But he did so very infrequently. Most of the time he would get lost in his thoughts, until she brought up a subject that called him back to Earth. Most of the time Meyrin could just not even begin to guess what went on in her date's mind, and that truthfully pained her.
Athrun returned at their table and asked for a refill on their wine, something the girl had to decline. She eyed warily her own half drunk glass of red wine and would have sighed, had Athrun not been there. She didn't like red wine at all. She preferred white or even pink, but the strong taste of the red one seemed to best suit the pilot. He had once told her that when he was first introduced to the delicacies of the wine world by his tutor back in PLANT he had gotten so drunk with white wine that he had spent the next day with a royal hangover, and once his father noticed this, he made his young heir train double than what he would normally do, insisting that he was awfully weak if he got so drunk with just wine. Obviously after that he had never been able to stomach more than one glass of the thing.
"Did you like the dinner?" he asked in that tone that resembled more that of a learned formula reserved for social events, than a valid question.
"Yes, it was pretty good. Thank you." She couldn't keep from using the same tone in her answer.
And it had all been like that. The whole dinner had basically gone like an arranged set of 'safe' questions and set answers, with the eventual mix of a fun anecdote here and there. Had not been for the menu reading stuff she might have had to catalogue this as one of the most boring dinners in her life; even more than that military one to which Lunamaria had invited her to go, after being appointed as a Red Vest a few years ago.
'Face it, Meyrin!' she mentally noted, 'he might have had all the pointers to be a great prince, but he seems to be losing the battle with his inner evil dragon and those pesky little wizards.'
And it was a fact that Athrun Zala had been fighting an inner battle with his feelings and memories for quite some time.
Since the time in which he had been 'rattled awake' by Lacus words back in the PLANTs and when he had finally been able to talk to Kira again after all those battles, he had begun to wonder as to the purpose of his life.
The vast majority of his existence had been meticulously planed for him, from the military training he had gone through on his father's orders to the arranged marriage with Lacus; everything had been scheduled in such a precise and exact order that he had been unwilling to even question the reasons behind it, fearing that, if only once, the limits were broken and the boundaries sidestepped, chaos would ensue.
There was no point on questioning anyway. He was Athrun Zala, and as a son of Patrick Zala, high things were expected from him. Model warrior amongst the troops, going for a Red Vest at an early age, a fast thinker and a great strategist… someone who would have made any parent proud. But HIS father always expected more. He wanted absolute obedience, absolute respect.
And Athrun always provided so.
The young man had lived like that and believed it was the best way to exist, fulfilling his father's expectations. But then things changed.
War against someone once he considered his greatest (and probably only) friend. Kira Yamato had allied himself with the hated Naturals. That filth his father wanted eradicated before they could kill again so many innocents like in the "Bloody Valentine". So many innocents like his mother.
But he was still his friend, right? They must have been manipulating good old Kira; after all he had always been a good hearted boy, with no malice whatsoever. He had to convince him to join again with his true people.
But Kira was not fighting for Earth and would not fight for the PLANTs, he was fighting for his friends.
Just then fate decided to throw him around like a rag doll. He met a girl on an abandoned island that he should, as his training obliged, have killed without a second thought, but he refrained from doing so. And that might have been the turning point for him.
Later that same girl would question him about his motives, and he would find he had none he truly believed in. 'To kill and then be killed' became his answer after Nicol's death (and apparently Kira's), but he had the misfortune of living.
Enter Lacus. For years he had seen this girl grow up, thinking of her as the only woman that would be, ever, by his side. But he really didn't know her, did he? Of course not. Because when he finally returned to her, she had become an enemy. Not HIS enemy, but his father's.
That's when he became troubled with all he knew and held true. He doubted, he hesitated… he sought an answer. He fought again, but this time trying to protect. His enemies became those who desperately wished to bring death to humanity; and amongst those there was his own father.
In the end, Patrick Zala died, and his son mourned, not because of his death, but because he had not been able to save him from his own darkness.
It was laughable, really, because if he himself couldn't handle his own shadows how could he pretend to save his father from his?
Another war came, and he kept seeking for the answers. He made more mistakes, but was finally able to understand exactly what he fought for. But once this other war ended, he discovered something he had not contemplated. Once there was no war to fight, no people to protect with his Infinite Justice, he felt empty, alone, and lost.
But he was not alone. Another one was going more or less through the same he had once experienced and, as expected, he tried his best to help him.
Shinn Asuka started his way towards recovering, but what was now Athrun Zala supposed to do? It became painfully obvious he didn't know how to live for his own reasons. He was too atoned at fulfilling everyone's expectations, to follow orders; but now that he didn't have any more purpose he wondered exactly what should he do.
He had spent the last six months trying to sort out those feelings, searching for his purpose and trying to move on. He tried… HARD.
And, luckily, Meyrin Hawke had been there for him. Athrun had always wondered why she kept at his side, but never questioned his good star. She provided a certain space for him to regain his peace, keeping always a close eye on him without being obtrusive. For that, he was grateful.
But he could not return the affection the way she wished. It was just his way of being.
At the other side of the room, he could hear the piano being played. A young woman sang with it with a certain melancholy that made the song resonate in his heart. It slowly, grew in tempo.
"This rose is our destiny, torn apart
Our two hands were separating
Even when I sleep, embracing a dream of you,
I reach! to the Ends of the World"
He really had wanted to be the very best for Meyrin, to thank her for all the things she had been forced to do for his sake, and maybe, return her feelings. Maybe…
Zala had never been very good at the socializing part, he lacked experience and had too much stoicism to make other people feel comfortable in his presence. Thus his circle of friends was reduced to a bunch of military-related people who spoke more or less in the same way he did, and that would respect his need for solitude. Except for one person.
"At times, a strong love wounds our hearts, but
It gives us dreams. In the midst of courage
A light will always shine forth with a single power..."
A bossy girl that had tried to shot him more than once (and in fact did the first time he met her) and had ended as his prisoner for a time. He sometimes wondered if it really had not been the other way around.
But she was out of his reach. She had compromises; she had an enormous amount of responsibilities she could not run from and he knew it. He could not love her freely.
As things were, even if she returned his feelings, he would have to watch from afar in order not to be a hindrance for her. He didn't have to like it but things were that way.
"This rose is our destiny, guided
We now meet once more
Whatever time we made that promise,
Don't forget it! At last we've come so far"
Of course, he did what, at that time, thought was best for both: he went away. Athrun Zala was indeed hiding from the truth, his truth. Trying to be chivalrously selfless, he took the decision not to follow and place on her shoulders more problems than she already had. And God, had he been so wrong!
The green eyed pilot could not, just as easily, forget her. She was a constant part of his being. She was like the piece of the puzzle that, once placed, revealed the whole picture, his whole picture.
He unconsciously reached for the small stone that still dangled from his neck. The cord had long ago been replaced for a new one, but the protecting stone was still there, bright as the day she gave it to him. 'It's a Haumea's protecting stone. It will take care of you.'
He smiled. In the end he came to a conclusion, he wanted to be selfish just one time.
"At times, a noble love pierces our hearts to claim them
Protected by the one who protects you,
A light will always shine forth in a single power"
At that gesture Meyrin finally sighed. As hard as it was for her to know what went on in the pilot's head she was certain of one thing, Athrun Zala had finally made his choice.
A sax played in.
"Look, Athrun," she said tiredly, "I am incredibly honored to have been invited to this fancy restaurant with you, but you have really been so out of it. Just tell me what is on your mind."
He wanted to protest, but by looking at her eyes he found it was useless. "I'm going back to Orb."
What she said next caught him off guard. "Ok." She shook her head at his confused expression.
"At times, a strong love wounds our hearts, but
It gives us dreams. In the midst of courage a light will always shine
Love is strong, it causes our hearts to move
Therefore the two of us are together to change the world, surely,
And everything will become a single power."
"Please Athrun, spare me." She said taking a sip from her glass of wine. If she was going to do this, she better do it with at least a small bit of alcohol in her system, and sadly, red wine was her only option right then and there. "I have known you for enough time to know that you have left unconcluded business there, and that it is eating you from the inside." Another sip. "The only thing I wish to know is…" 'Why wasn't it me?'
He thought he heard her whisper something, but not even with his enhanced hearing could he really tell.
"Why did it took you such a long time?" she finally uttered; the glass of wine finally empty.
Athrun had to chuckle lightly at that. "Because I have just realized that I will never be able to get my hands on what I wish just by sitting around waiting for the time to be right. I have to openly fight for that which was once mine." He had let her walk away from his life, he would not let that happen again.
There are a few things in life that one just can't stop watching, like the restless coming and going of the waves, or the dance of the fire. Meyrin had to add one thing more to that list: the burning fire in the eyes of a resolute man.
With the final notes of the song fading into silence the redheaded coordinator was finally able to say the words that she had once dreaded, but now felt oddly reassuring and comforting. "Just remember that you will always have a friend in me, ok?"
He smiled.
A few days latter four coordinators went to visit Orb's memorial, and as luck may have it that same day Kira Yamato and Lacus Clyne went also. It was an interesting meeting for the pilots of both the Freedom and the Destiny to say the least.
For her part, Meyrin was happy to see that Shinn was cooping pretty well with the situation. That meant there was still hope for humanity, wasn't it?
Once Lacus and Kira left, Athrun offered to escort her to her hotel, while her sister and Shinn took a few more moments alone in front of the memorial.
The youngest of the Hawke sisters fell a couple of steps behind Athrun and found herself smiling at his back. This meeting might have been something he had planed beforehand (she couldn't put it past him), but it mattered little, as it accomplished it's objective: to bring a close to their hate.
Now it was Zala's turn to bring a close to himself. Tomorrow they would leave for the PLANTs and Athrun would stay trying to recover his lost princess.
They walked up the steps leading to his car, both lost in thought. There was something about the blue haired pilot…
It took Meyrin some time to notice what it was. The back of the young man walking ahead from her was not the back of a prince; it was the back of a knight, a warrior who was about to fight his most important battle, and she knew he would not lose it this time.
And she felt truly happy for him.
-.-.-.-.-.-
Will you go, or run away? It's your choice
Will it be happiness, or sorrow? (Neo Melodramatic)
You will bloom, but your despair will be which is picked
It is just the time we live in? (Neo Melodramatic)
Your "I love" and my "Help me"
will certainly be heard
-.-.-.-.-.-
First draft finished: February 28, 2006.
I had not planed to write this chapter, but after reading a thread by indychan in the Asucaga LJ community this insisted on being written. I couldn't refuse. My only concern right now is Meyrin's characterization. As she is not one of my favorite characters I had a hard time placing her on paper (more like virtual paper), hope I grasped her more or less correctly.
First, the song's translations used come from two VERY different songs. The first one is "Neo Melodramatic" by Porno Graffity (translation taken from "The Cherryblossom Garden"), a very upbeat song that really gets you moving. The second one is "Toki ni Ai wa" - "At times, love is..."from the Shoujo Kakumei Utena Movie (translation by Verthandi), which is one of my favorites songs from that series, and believe me, I just LOVE the music from that thing! "Toki ni Ai wa…" is romantic and not-too-slow paced, with a beautiful use of the piano that begged me to use in that scene. Go and listen to them if you have the opportunity. I really hope this doesn't violate any FFnet policies.
As last time: PLEASE constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated. If anyone wants to beta-read this, please contact me either via mail or LiveJournal. This story can also be found at my LiveJournal (link on my profile).
