Entry 12:

Albert Einstein once said, "Gravity is not the cause of us falling in love". Which I find very true. Being the very insightful person that I am, I'm going to recite another fancy quote by some dead chick. Ann Landers once said, "If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough." Another very true statement. It's very hard to think I love Craig, but then again, it's the simplest thing a person can do. A part of me says go for it, but another part says just let it be. This is why I hate choosing sides so much.

There's something about Craig, that makes you melt, that makes you feel different. I can't describe it. You just have to be the girl; the girl who feels like the only girl in the room with Craig.

Craig made me feel this way and even made me believe that he liked me back. But then Manny takes this away from me. One night she got drunk at a party and ended up flashing her boobs for the camera. As you can tell, she is a very, very smart girl. But anyway, it was sent around the whole entire school and Craig felt sorry for her. They ended up bonding, but I shouldn't care. It's not like I own him, or he's my boyfriend.

The night before this "bonding", Craig got our band a wedding gig. I was quite nervous, I mean it was my first time on stage. Well, I was on stage when I was four as a tree, but that's not the point. I was looking forward to this night, but a barricade was put up to block my bliss.

I dressed up in something girly, which wasn't me and Craig couldn't keep his eye's off me, but Manny arrived to help with the band equipment. It would've been okay, but she arrived wearing a mini skirt that was way too tight and a top that looked like the seams were ripping. Craig's eyes literally popped out of his head. The gloves are coming off.

When we arrived at the gig we were absolutely amazing. By the time of our next song, Manny was onstage dancing like a whore. I was appalled by this. Couldn't it be a little more G-rated? Geeze!

I grew sicker and sicker as I watched this. My emotions got the better of me. I lifted up my left drumstick and threw it at Manny's head. I wanted to freeze this moment and retrieve the drumstick back, but it was too late. I bopped right off her head and landed on the floor. Oh brother, what did I do!

Craig then confronted me. I explained how I felt, but it didn't matter. He wanted to be just friends. Two words that hurt so much when you hear them. They're two words that make your heart shatter and your stomach drop. My eyes welled up with tears, but I closed my eyes quickly trying to remain strong. I ran. I just ran out of there as quickly as I could. I needed to getaway.

When I got outside, I stared out at the stars. Somehow the stars had this way with me that didn't make me feel so lonely. I then remembered a citation by Anais Nin; "Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings." Who knows if that's for sure, but what I do know is that love has screwed me over too many times.