Disclaimer:
Neon Genesis Evangelion is the creative property of GAINAX, who created this wonderful anime/manga series. Anything not attributed to GAINAX belongs to their respective owners, such as references to Rozen Maiden that is the creation of Peach-Pit, Full Metal Panic! is the creation of Shikidouji and Shouji Gatou, Shakugan no SHANA is the creation of Yashichiro Takahashi, The Karas is the creation of Tatsunoko, and vice-versa. This story is written purely just for fun, guys; please for God's sake, don't sue me! I'm just a college student with too much free time on his hands! On the other hand, any specific author created characters I created for this fic (despite how unoriginal they may be at times) are mine. So without further adieu, let's get on with the show!
The Surgeon General's Warning:
Read at your own risk. Multiple pairings inside folks, not to mention some definite parts for Mayumi Yamagishi, Mana Kirishima, and more to come.
Where Infinite Time Stood Still, The World Consumed in Flame
Ore wa jankku ja ne/ I'm not junk!
Chapter 03:
An Uncertain Future
A Super-sized NGE fic by James "Ray" Edwards
Oshiete "tsuyosa" no teigi
Jibun tsuranuku koto kana
Soretomo jibun sae sutete
made mamorubeki mono mamoru koto desu ka?
It was a pretty song for a pretty voice. Of course, her voice was easily better than "pretty" and so was the song: a balanced mezzo-soprano, dainty and warm, embracing the notes, the tempo, and much more despite her own private uncertainty. It was different from Suiguntou's voice, awesome and graceful, bending everything to her will and making it anew. She could a change a song into a dirge for the dead, an aria of sorrow, a lullaby to rock a babe to sleep, or an ode to joy, if she so wished, and that was her beauty.
Shinji was standing in a broad green field, a sea of grass that swayed and billowed in the gentle breeze. The air was strangely refreshing, salty and sweet, the distant sounds of crashing carry over the nearby hilltop. Sunny and bright, there was nary a black cloud in sight to ruin this beautiful day, and for whatever reasons, he was back in his old junior high's school uniform again. It was black from head to toe, save for the white dress shoes and the golden crest sewn into the color, indicating he was a student at Aomori Academy way back in old Kyoto.
This peaceful scenery --- something about it just rubs me the wrong way, thought the young man disinterestedly as he lazed back into an easy swagger, sliding his hands into his pockets. It was difficult leading this double life, but for now, he felt he could relax, or at least, until he reached the top of the hill from where the girl's angelic voice drifted down.
HITO wa arukitsuzukete yuku
Tada ikite yuku tame ni
Fukanzen na DEETA o nurikaenagara susumu
Hajimari no kouya o hitori / Mou arukidashiteru rashii
Boku wa hai ni naru made / Boku de aritsuzeketai
Idly, Shinji pondered what he should do as mounted the gentle ascent. This beautiful song was surely turning into an irritating one. What was the meaning of power? Hah, she was doubting herself. Power was meant to be used for good or ill, and of course, people have been walking since time immemorial just to live. It was one of the most basic drives existing even today.
Tooi mukashi doko kara kita no?
Tooi mirai ni doko e yuku no?
Shiranai mama nagedasare / Kizuku mae ni toki wa owaru no
Hajimari no kouya o hitori / Mou arukidashiteru rashii
Boku wa hai ni naru made / Boku de aritsuzuketai
Okay, this was starting to get seriously pathetic. Shinji already knew all those answers. Where did he come from? Simple. He was born from a state of innocence into sin, fed from a silver spoon, and then drank from the tainted wine in the Holy Grail. What was once taken, cannot be given back: the words spoken to him once long ago.
The future was headed in one course and one course only, dictated by the power that flowed through his veins. There would be only one King, one Emperor, one God to rule the future to come, and everything would finally belong to him:
Ikari Shinji.
No one would ever take anything away from him again. No one would ever abandon him again. No one would ever call him junk again. The answer was simple because everything belonged to him, and everyone would rightfully love him and only him. This was the perfect world to come!
Boku wa boku no koto ga shiritai
What? She wants to know more about herself? he thought incredulously as he arrived at the hilltop, sheltered under the wide overreaching branches of a great tree. He knew everything about himself from the power that flowed through his veins to that insatiable desire to possess everything in sight, a tireless effort to fill the gaping void in his soul. How stupid. How utterly stupid. What else could there be to kno-!
There she stood, a girl around his own age, just beyond the edge of the shadowed shade with her back to him. Long raven hair dark as night, like locks of silk, but even on the darkest of nights, there was still the moon and the stars, turning the "black" sky into a vast ocean of dark blue. Yes, this was her true color. The picture of youthful innocence clad in a white sleeveless sundress, her shoulders bare, as her long matching scarf billowed out behind her. She was even barefoot, and if he imagined hard enough, he could swear there should have been wings growing out of her back.
But what color would the feathers be? Black? White? Gold? Red?
Shinji had no idea, but one thing was for sure. He felt that familiar howl erupt from inside the void, as searing flames flooded his veins, making his heart race, his trembling hands clenching and unclenching with barely restrained wanting. Yes, there was no mistake about it. He wanted this girl, and here she was right before him with no one around to stop him, perfect for the taking.
An ugly smirk twisted across his face, blue eyes emptying in blackness, but before he could stop himself, he stepped forward, carelessly snapping a twig underfoot. Suddenly, an unnatural cold fear seized his raging heart, stopping him dead cold in his tracks with a gasp as the angelic girl that he coveted so turned about to face him. All of his cool, the malevolently instinctive desire to take what was his evaporated into screaming panic in an instant.
What was he going to do? What would her reaction be when she saw the monster he was? Would she scream frightfully in horror and take flight? Would she hate him, detest him, be revolted by the grotesque sight of him? Oh, this was new to him. Where were all these foolish fears coming from? Even if she ran, he could still catch her...
...right?
Please, don't run away. Please, don't run away, Shinji repeated the mantra desperately, trying to compose himself into semblance of the harmless, spineless child he pretended to be in reality. Please, don't run away. Please, don't run away!
All of his control was gone. He sweated underneath her curious gaze, her blue eyes the same shade as his own, breathing in muffled gasps. She scrutinized every inch of him, tapping a finger thoughtfully against her cheeks. Oh, she was pretty --- no --- gorgeous, not like Suiguntou. If his dear little black angel was the Moon, then this girl with deep blue eyes like the ocean was the Sun.
"Anou, do I know you from somewhere, Uchuujin-san?" she asked him sheepishly with a giggle.
Pause.
Shinji blinked hard.
The girl blessed him a radiant smile, completely unfazed by the absurdity of her statement. Did she honestly think he was a "Space Alien"? She could not be serious, could she?
For the first time in his long career, the human boy turned Karas did not know what to say. Should he try to reply in a manner fitting with his false character, or should he just be himself, the real Ikari Shinji? The former option was not completely out of the question. With a little smooth acting, he could likely convince her that --- oh, who was he trying to fool? Himself? Get out of here!
"...Are you for real?" Shinji blurted out tersely, his cheeks flushing red in embarrassment.
As soon as the words left his mouth, "Angel" burst into a fit of wild laughter, clutching helplessly at her sides. She hopped from foot to foot, flitting here and there almost as if in a dance, twirling about like a fairy. Her dark blue hair seemed to glitter and twinkle in the sunlight, flowing and twisting on the wind to the rhythm of her body, and he could not help but be mesmerized by it all.
Somehow, watching her "dance" soothed the void within his soul, and for a moment, he was even tempted to laugh and join her infectious joy. He felt good, more whole than he had in a long while, not even killing that supposed Messenger of God yesterday could compare. It was like the first time he finally found Suiguntou.
Suddenly, Shinji felt a pair of lithe arms embrace him and found the dark-haired snuggling up against him with a elfin giggle. The enervating scent of sweet mint and the saltine ocean combined with the warmth of her body instantly melted all resistance on his part. Euphoria blasted his higher senses into oblivion, and before he knew it, his hands sought her out, encircling her slim waist and holding her gently to which he was rewarded with a blissful squeal.
"I knew it. I knew it. I knew it all along!" she spoke excitedly to him. "Definitely. Definitely. Definitely. Some day --- some day, you would come for me. Always. Always! Waiting. Always waiting... Alone. All alone. I've been waiting for you, and you've finally came, Shinji-kun!"
The Ikari boy could not believe his ears. "You've --- you've been waiting --- for me?"
"Uuun-unn! Always. For a long time, as long as I can remember, always waiting just for you."
"Is this a...dream?" This can't be real, can it? Someone --- another had been waiting for me all this time? I didn't think there'd be anyone else besides Suiguntou. She was the only one, but now...
She laughed jovially even as she cried, the tears soaking straight through the flimsy material of his blazer. "Silly, don't I feel real to you, Shinji-kun? This body. Warm. The ocean. The wind against your face. The cool shade underneath Mori-san's arms. The grass underneath your feet. It's real, isn't it?"
"Well, I..."
"Oh, I see. You want more proof, don't you, Ecchi-kun?"
Before he knew what hit him, Angel had risen to her tiptoes and planted a brief chaste kiss on his lips. His brain overloaded, the electrifying sensation left him breathless along with a growing awareness of the --- intimate closeness between them, the shared warmth. He felt hot and heavy, his dazed blue eyes unable to part with hers, lost in the Siren's spell of this angel. Oh, Shinji knew how helpless he had become, weak and vulnerable, and at her complete mercy, like clay to be shaped and molded at her will.
She giggled mellifluously, her cheeks tinged with pink as she pressed a delicate finger on his lips. "Ecchi-Ecchi! Shinji-kun has a bad boy inside him, just like I dreamed."
"...Really...now?"
"Uunn, and he's so kawaii too!"
Cute, huh? He had certainly been called many things...but cute? Never.
"So, are you going to ask me, Shinji-kun?"
"A...Ask you?" Ask her what? Her three sizes? Shoot, I'd say she's an Eighty-Four, Fifty-Four, Eighty --- in centimeters, of course, and as far as I'm concerned, she fits to me like a glove.
"Mou, Shin-JI-kun! Don't play so hard to get..."
"...Really?"
"Your goofy smile says it all, Shin-ji-chan."
"Hmm...I think I like the sound of that," laughed Shinji while Angel pouted cutely in reply.
"Mou, Shinji-kun! Ask me already... I know you want to...I can see it written all over your face."
"Ask you what, Monsherii?"
"Sh-Shinji-kun!" the dark-haired girl blushed in surprise. Apparently, she had not been expecting him to be so forward, but soon she gathered her resolve, puffing up her cheeks hotly. "Mou, you need to be more serious, and I bet you say that to all the girls you like."
"Well, there's one other..."
"Shinji! That's not fair. You're supposed to say that I'm the only one you say it to, and --- and I want to play with you too, you know. Mou, boys can be so insensitive to girls."
"Oh, really?"
"Please, please! Onegai-desu! Shin-chan, can you ask me, pretty please? It's right on the tip of your tongue and you know it too."
Right on the tip of his tongue, huh? Well, this was easier said than done. In spite of his own --- faults, Shinji felt he could believe what he experiencing right now was real. He had a million things he wanted to ask her, but where would he start?
Ask her who she is, bakamono, echoed a hollow whisper acidly at the back of his mind.
The Ikari boy smiled, not the slightest bit perturbed by the intrusion. He had long since gotten used to the voices that sometimes spoke to him, screamed at him, crying and wailing at him, and occasionally, they would even show him their faces. It was all in his head, of course, a sneak peak at all the madness and suffering in the world.
"Okay, who are you, Shiroi Tenshi-san?"
Angel beamed approvingly with a smile. "Pin-pon, and young Ikari Shinji-kun's finally on the right track, although the more important question is: who do you think I am?"
"Well, I don't know. That's why I'm asking, aren't I?"
"Hnnn, how about you think about it this way, Shinji-kun?"
"'This way'? What do you mean by that?"
"The Sun and the Moon. Yin and Yang. Male and Female. Black and White. Being and Nonbeing. Life and Death. Past and Future. Good and Evil. Mind and Body. The Head dividing the Heart. Light and Dark. Active and Passive. Motion and Stillness. Aizen-ji: to love oneself and Aizen-ta: to love others. What do they all have in common?"
"...What?"
"You are You. I am I. Two becomes one, becomes four. Who am I?"
"You..."
"Who am I, Ikari Shinji?"
"Th-That's --- that's impossible! Y-You can't-"
"Who am I, Ikari Shinji?"
"You're...you're..."
This was not happening. What the hell was going on? The Angel's core! Could this all be some kind of-! No. No. No! She's smiling. She's smiling at me. No. NO! I can hear them again. All those little voices whispering in me head, like little knives sharpening themselves, rasping against steel. Blood, so much blood everywhere... Father... Mother! No, Kaa-chan, please don't go! I promise --- I promise I'll be best the boy... Agh! No. NO. This is all wrong. This is not happening to me. Make it stop; please, somebody make it stop!
"I am Ikari Shinji. I am you, and you are I, the one you were meant to be. It's nice finally to meet you, Shin... Iie. No. That's wrong. After all, that's not who you really are anymore is it --- Kokuyou no Kimi?"
The Obsidian Lord.
With a shout, Shinji bolted upright out from underneath the cover of the white blankets. A sheen sweat coated his feverish body as his trembling eyes roamed wildly about the room, searching for something he could not find in the dim light of evening. Hungrily, he gobbled up the sanitized air with its lemony scent, breathing in sharply to let himself no that he had --- escaped, somehow. He did not know from where he had come from, but he had fled, and now, he was --- where was he?
"Are you well, Third Child?" asked an emotionless voice, feminine but with none of the --- what? What was wrong with him? He felt like he had forgotten something; something very important. What?
When he did not respond, lost in his own thoughts apparently, the feminine presence prodded him once more, "Third Child, are you well?"
There was no response, of course. Shinji was lost. He was drowing in his own thoughts, trying desperately to remember, grasping at the silvery threads of his memory that eluded his hands, dissolving into nothingness as he drew nearer. The outside world came to him in bits and pieces, like impressions:
Lemon scented sanitized air.
The ambient hum of air conditioning flowing through the vents.
An unfamiliar ceiling.
The distant lights flooding into the dimly lit room through the windows.
The pure white linens of the bed he was in.
His nakedness with only the white blanket for modesty.
That's right. I must be in a hospital, thought the young Ikari with a shaken nod, as he felt the fiery tension in his body ebbing away. They --- they launched me up in an Evangelion, one of Father's ridiculous toys, to fight the Angel. I beat it and got my prize, but after that... How did I get here?
"Pilot Ikari, please respond verbally."
Suddenly, Shinji was aware that he was not alone in this room. Glancing up, he saw an eerily familiar sight that he thought he would never see again, a figment of his imagination brought to life with astounding substance: snow white skin, azure blue hair, and red eyes. It was the same girl from earlier this morning, clad in a seifuku that he supposed belonged to his new school, except she seemed to have been an accident. Bandages had been wrapped around her head, concealing some of her face and covering the left eye, while her right arm hung in a sling, broken apparently, judging by the cast that encased it.
He felt --- uncomfortable around her, something about her just rubbed him the wrong way, and in rare move where his true self actually followed his false character, the boy blushed and drew his blankets closer around him. His nakedness had turned into a glaring vulnerability in this mysterious girl's presence, and he cursed the doctors for stripping him of the protection of his clothes. They did not even have the decency to give a hospital gown!
"Um, uh..." Shinji stuttered timidly in reply.
The red --- no, crimson like blood --- crimson-eyed girl nodded her affirmation towards him, "That will suffice, Third Child."
"Wh-Who are you? Where-Where am I? And --- and, uh, what happened to my clothes?" Why can't I meet her eyes? She's just a girl! Well --- albino to be more precise, but still-!
"I am the First Child, Ayanami Rei. This is Room Three-Zero-One of NERV's I.C.U. ward. Your clothes were removed so that the physicians and nurses could provide better medical attention for your needs."
"The Intensive Care Unit ward? But --- but what happened to me? The --- the Angel! What about the Angel?"
"We won."
To Be Continued...
Author's Notes:
Well, here it is my hip-hip-hurrah! for New Years Eve --- episode three; Infinite Time back for another performance by demand. This chapter probably would not arrived as soon without your input, so thank you very much reviewers. Now, what can I say? Are we getting echoes of RahXephon here or what? Shinji is not Shinji anymore? There is another Shinji --- a girl no less? What is this about an Obsidian Lord? Are we getting another reference here? What the heck happened in that gap of time Shinji was unconscious?
Well, we'll just have to wait and see, eh?
For those of you who have tuned in, I'd like to thank you all very much for your patronage, and I always encourage each and everyone of you to feel free to comment, review, and/or discuss the story. Your comments can really make a difference, I assure you, and if you're up to it, feel free to ring me up on AIM, or even send me an e-mail (although you really don't need to boost my ego too often).
Well, that wraps it up, folks, so until the next time we meet in 2006: A happy New Year to y'all
P.S. The "Dream Girl" pretty much looks like Yuuki Kusakabe from To Heart 2. Hmmmm...
Tsudzuku!
