It's simply not a proper Ranma fic without crazy romances. It's a fact of nature. Like gravity, or toothpaste. Once you accept this balance of nature, you are truly at peace. (Hums like a monk while sitting cross-legged and holding my middle fingers and thumbs in circles.)

FIANCEE (DUH!)

"Oh crap! She found me!" Iikiba yelled, looking up at Mascara.

"What? Who is sh- GAH!" Iikiba grabbed Makoto's arm and started running away through the forest.

"Iikiba! Come back!" Mascara yelled and jumped after them.

Iikiba pulled Makoto along as quickly as he could but Mascara was quickly catching up. "What's going on?" Makoto asked as they ran.

"What does it look like? She's an Amazon that's trying to kill me!" Iikiba yelled.

"Please wait!" Mascara called.

Makoto looked back at her then tried to stand her ground, slowing Iikiba down. "I think I can take her!"

"No! She's crazy!" Iikiba pulled on Makoto's arm but they were now completely stopped.

Just then Mascara jumped forward, pushing Makoto away, and hugged Iikiba. "I was beginning to think I would not find you!" She cried.

"Uh…Mascara?" Iikiba stared stupidly at her.

Makoto glared at them. "So she's trying to kill you, huh?"

"She was before!"

"Oh Iikiba!" Mascara took his hands in hers. "I am sorry it took so long to find you. But I was so excited that I had to run home to tell everyone!"

"Er…"

"It is Amazon law! You see, when you defeated me in combat we became engaged to marry! Is that not wonderful!" She smiled happily.

"MARRY?" Iikiba screeched.

"IIKIBA!" Makoto yelled. She was practically shaking with rage. "You knew that Amazon law! Why the hell did you defeat her?"

"I… I forgot!" Iikiba yelled truthfully, on the verge of panic.

"It does not matter! We will be married soon anyway!" Mascara lunged forward and kissed him straight on the lips.

About a millisecond later Makoto pulled Mascara away from him by the end of her hair. "That's my boyfriend you're kissing!" She yelled.

"But I am his fiancée!" Mascara said pulling away from her.

"I don't care what you think you are! He's in love with me! Right Iikiba?" She turned back to the man in question.

"You tried to kiss him before! I will not allow you to force yourself on him you…hussy!" Mascara yelled.

"EXCUSE ME?"

"But he did not want to kiss you! Right Iikiba?"

Iikiba stood frozen, like a deer caught in the headlights. Marriage? Love? Kissing? He couldn't deal with this…he didn't want to deal with this! He didn't want to be here! There had to be a way out! Suddenly something in his head snapped.

"I…I DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED!" Iikiba turned tail and ran like a bat out of Hades, leaving the two girls in his dust.

A second later Makoto managed to say something. "See?" She coughed. "He doesn't want to marry you!"

"He left you behind too you know!" Mascara and Makoto took off running after him.

But Iikiba was already so far ahead. How did he get so fast all of a sudden? Makoto wondered. Then she turned back to the other girl. "Mascara, right? Look, just stay away from Iikiba! He's not going to marry you! Get it?"

"I promised the council I would bring back my future husband! And that is what I am going to do!" Mascara threw several daggers at Makoto.

Makoto stopped short as the daggers hit a tree, inches away from her face. "Oh! So that's how you want it!" She ran after Mascara and jumped in the air and came down for a kick. But Mascara jumped out of the way, wielding her weapons.

"I will not allow you to come between us!" Mascara swung her sword.

Makoto kicked up her foot and knocked the sword out of Mascara's hand. "Those are dangerous!"

But Mascara just pulled out her other sword and continued attacking. Makoto managed to dodge around her attacks; however she knew that Iikiba was getting further and further ahead every minute. Eventually she found an opening and kicked Mascara away. "To bad for you!" Makoto made a face at her as ran after Iikiba.

Just then Iikiba ran by about ten feet to the left, running in the opposite direction as Makoto. His sense of direction was leading him again. He was still screaming like he was being chased by a horrible monster.

Makoto faltered but quickly changed course and ran after him. "Iikiba! Wait for me!"

If anything, he sped up. She glared after him then picked up a rock and threw it at his head. "I said wait!" Iikiba hit the ground with a fresh knot on his head.

"What did you do?" Mascara ran forward and shook Iikiba. "Honey! Are you okay!"

"Don't call him honey!" Makoto pushed Mascara away and took her place next to Iikiba. "Are you okay?"

"You're the one who did it!" Iikiba yelled.

Makoto sighed in relief. "Good, you were pretty freaked out for a minute there."

Mascara pushed Makoto away. "Do not push me! Iikiba, are you okay?"

"Uh…"

"You are seriously asking for it!" Makoto yelled at Mascara.

Mascara hugged Iikiba closely and glared at Makoto. "You could have injured him! And the night before his wedding day no less!"

Iikiba made a noise halfway between a sputter and a gag. "TOMORROW?"

"Of course."

"No! I can't! This is to do- duh-ah! I don't! Can't!" He was shaking uncontrollably; his face was pale and sweaty and contorted in terror. "It's- to- don't make! ARRH!" Iikiba made a desperate vie for freedom but Mascara had a grip on his shirt.

"What's the matter with you?" Makoto rushed forward and grabbed Iikiba by the collar. He looked like he was about to throw up.

"He is not taking this gracefully." Mascara observed.

"He's just disgusted at the thought of marrying you." Makoto said happily.

"No, he is just nervous!"

Iikiba wasn't sure what was wrong with him. The logical side of his brain knew that he should be ecstatic that a beautiful girl like Mascara wanted to marry him. But the other, much louder, part of his brain was screaming for him to run! Run while he still had the chance!

"I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!" Iikiba broke free and ran away at lightening speed.

"Get back here!" Makoto called after him. She and Mascara chased after him but he was running much faster than them. "What has gotten into him?"

Suddenly Mascara punched Makoto into a patch of bushes. "So long!" She laughed as she ran on.

"Damn it! You stupid- OW!" Makoto tried to pull herself free but the bush had thorns and her clothes were stuck in it. "That is it Mascara! You are going down! …I mean…you're!" She tugged at the bush and heard her clothes ripping. When she looked back up both Iikiba and Mascara were out of sight. "Damn it!"

Further ahead Iikiba was still running like the devil was at his heels. It felt like he had been running for a long time. He chanced a look back and saw that no one was following him. He sighed in relief. "That was close."

Just then Mascara jumped out in front of him. "AAIIIEEE!" He screamed like a little girl. "How did you-?"

"You went in a big circle." She took a large stick and whacked him over the head with it. "OW!" Iikiba fell to the ground.

"I am sorry! But you gave me no choice!" She grabbed hold of his shirt and started dragging him along through the forest.


What? Don't you feel at ease with the world? (Hum)